Lagging behind, who cares?

Things have been a lot of stressful for me since September to the point that I'm starting to wonder when it'd really HIT me big time.  Probably that minute I realize what would be missing after I wake up from surgery this month and for months and months, according to people who had experienced this, and psychologists (including my own). 

And I have to admit, it is harder for me to talk about anything without thinking, "I tried to be positive, and I'm frankly tired of being strong."  People tell me, "you'll feel better!" "You'll be happy when you don't have to deal with your periods anymore!"  "It's not the end of the world! Smile!"  or worse of all, "You can adopt!"

I did think about addressing this on this blog, and then decided against it.  Why?   Just my decision.    when I can, I will write about whateverso in this blog, and when I feel flunky or sad, pissed or confused, determined or 'you-screw-me, I-screw-you", I'll do that on the other blog that I'm working. So far I had written a surprising numbers of posts, which are still in draft, since I decided I will not publish them all right away- one post per week is sufficent, especially with me writing and then determining how/what to put in the post then.  Beside I'd need one post up when I'm gone away in the hospital for a week, anyway. 

That reminds me, I need to change my password for this blog(s) since it's old.  I don't want tweaking while I'm not around. 

So you're welcome to check the new blog.  Baptism by Fire 

Three bean chili (recipe and photos)

I was just cleaning out my cupboard, and didnt want to get rid of those that I had just found, of pinto beans, black beans and kidney beans, as well as vegetable broth. I was like "Oh right, I did buy them when I thought I'd go vegetarian!" That didn't happen, thro. I like chicken and lamb too much....
Nevertheless, I thought maybe I can make chili with all that... vegetarian, that is. :)
1/4 cup virgin olive oil
2 green bell peppers, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoon chili powder
1 can, pinto beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can, black beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can (4 oz) green chiles, drained.
3 cans of stewed tomatoes
3/4 cup vegetable broth

Put in a large pot (soup size), the virgin oil in medium-high heat over the stove. Add peppers, onion and garlic- stir in. Heat for five minutes, or until softened.





Meanwhile while the peppers and onion are cooking, drain and rinse the beans. The colors are beautiful!

Add the chili powder, mix with the vegetables, for a minute. Lower the heat to medium. Add tomatoes, beans, chiles and broth. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes.

12 servings. You can freeze it, good up to six months.
I tend to add some shredded cheddar or colby jack to the chili in my bowl.

Enjoy!

Updated bucket list for 2011

So far, not so bad checking off the bucket list. I'll update furthermore, when some are completed, and which to be removed (if it's not feasible), and added.. After all, all this is not for 2011 alone. If you see anything that I should do, feel free to toss suggestions my way!

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center ( Completed in May 2011)
Writing/publishing a book. (In process- a nonfiction)
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (January 2011)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths. (So far, six so far, in IN, LA, KY, DC, MD)


Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself. (In process)
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple (March, 2011)
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day. (3 times so far this year)
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book (In process)
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique (April, 2011)
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk (Will do in September!)
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three. (Done!)

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again. (so far, 11 paintings!)


Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Exercise 2-3 times a week.
Go to the park with the dogs once-twice a week.
Make healthy dishes from scratch


Charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park (July 2011)
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor. (No luck!)
Drop off clothes at Goodwill (two times so far)
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center (May 2011)
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence (February 2011)
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11, almond milk 2/11, eel sushi 3/11, olives 4/11, cow's tongue 5/11, dill pickles 6/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August (August, 2011)
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos! (In process)
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.)(January 2011)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 trips in 2011. (Wisconsin, 1/11 and 6/11, and Louisiana 3/11- so far)


Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center (February 2011)
Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

2012- end is near!

After having a funny idea of a comic strip, on how it'd go:
1) there is a small group of folks waving signs, in slight distance away but you can see some signs saying "Endtimes" and "2012 is coming!", and there is a man upfront, pointing a thumb at 'em, smiling, "Look at those crazies!"

2) "Why they are crazy? Let me count- earthquakes increasing, in DC, no less, hurricanes, more floodings, dustbowls in the southwest, more nuclear missles in middle east, China becoming more powerful, more people ready to grab a gun and shoot the president than before, worsening economy, food and gas prices coming up, increased violence and less civil manners, and Palin and Bachmann running for the 2012 presidency--" while counting off his fingers

2) The man's eyes widen, a drop of sweat coming down on his forehead, while frozen with counting off his fingers, went "..........!!!"

4 and last panel) shows him walking toward the group and calling out, "anyone have an extra sign I can use?"

So folks liked that idea- and a close friend, Ashley, offered to draw the strip. Whoohoo!!!!! So- she just completed this strip, stretching it to 8 panels, instead of 4- it came out beautifully!!! Hope you'd enjoy this as I did!


2010




Drawn by A.N.R. Many thanks, a hundred times more! :)

Sweet, sweet Steampunk, Roar!

After talking with a wonderful friend who brought up liking a movie "Mutant Chronicles", about how she liked the styles and looks of the movie, I realized she was referring to steampunk. I encouraged her to look at costumes/styles- now and then you'd see someone wear a bit of steampunk, but people might misunderstand it for goth, Victorian or post-modern (40's). So, hey...I'll find steampunk movies so you can get an idea (and collect 'em if you want!). :)
Oh...before I go on....WHAT is

steampunk???



To put it short and simple, it means retro-futuristic class of fiction/fantasy/sci-fic all mixed together, with bizarre inventions and anachronistic technology.
For example, a robot in steampunk theme would look like this:

http://gadgetsin.com/steampunk-robot-dog-with-an-old-camera-eye.htm








Steampunk movies

Golden Compass
Hellboy
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Prestige
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The City Of Lost Children
Wild Wild West
Rocketeer
Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow
9
Tin Man (Syfy)
Alice (Syfy)
Metropolis
Van Helsing
Mutant Chronicles
Sherlock Holmes
The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
Sanctuary
20,000 leagues under the sea
Around the world in 80 days
From Hell
Jonah Hex
The Brothers Grimm
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Sleepy Hollow
The Time Machine
The Illusionist
Mirror Mask
Young Einstein
Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events
Vidocq
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Perfect Creature
Time After Time

Now I'm not going to add year of publication. I will put in sources, so if you're curious about those movies, you can look 'em up yourself. :) I only gave the list that I'm familiar with...there's more steampunk movies out there that I hadn't seen, thro I intend to!



http://www.squidoo.com/steampunk-movies#module12743205

http://brassgoggles.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=13126.0

http://etheremporium.pbworks.com/w/page/10454249/Steampunk%20Essentials

http://www.ranker.com/list/steampunk-movies-and-films/reference?page=2&format=GRID&sortby=&sortdir=

Steampunk lady: http://www.robotvsbadger.com/images/steampunk-girls-2-fashion-photography/

The Story of Beautiful Girl

The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


The teaser in the cover had attracted my eyes, especially with a deaf charater, a character with a developmental disability, an old woman content in her life; all became chaotics with a newborn baby. The reading would keep you hanging in there, wanting to know what happens next; it's not easy to put aside to sleep or work. Heartfelt, thought-provoking, and despite the despair, you find glimpses of hope and determination to live for the baby and love. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT- if you have ten books to read for the year, I beg you to include this book on the list!



View all my reviews

Life and death of a human and a dog.

Driving up the one-way 22nd street on way to the highway that’d lead me home, it was beautiful outside despite the heat. There were a few cars ahead of me, following the speed limit. Suddenly, a gray blur came out into the road from between parked cars, ahead of a red truck. My breath caught in my throat. The gray blur was hit and then swung into the air onto the other lane, at the same time I experienced an electronic jolt throughout my body as I had a physical flashback of being hit by a car in the dark. My heart seized, breath stolen, muscles tense in remembered pain, as I slowed the car down. I begged that it is a ball, a shopping bag, or a raggedy piece of shirt. Please let it be anything but life.

It was a miniature Schnauzer, pepper and salt.

I looked quickly ahead to see if the red truck was going to stop…it wasn’t. It continued going its way, as I pulled to the opposite side of the road. Tears were already spilling on my face as I came out of the car, remembering the confusion, the pain, the fear I don’t want to die. The car behind me had slow down, and then passed me. I pulled up a hand to stop the traffic, unthinking, I need to get to the dog. The dog needs help. Cars stopped.

It was laying there still on the hot pavement. Closer I came; I saw the eyes were blinking in its old man face. I didn’t want to move him in fear of causing harm furthermore, but it was in more danger lying in the other lane, risk of being hit by more cars. I looked around quickly in hopes of seeing anyone coming to claim the dog. Two children had curious looks, as an adult sat there on the porch two houses away, but no one stood or ran in distress. Nothing. The dog looked well-groomed, very healthy, yet still in its body. Slight breathing, blinking in confusion, but no movement. I gently picked the dog up, knowing the dog could bite in pain. The dog made a whimper as I put it in a one-arm cradle, as I opened the back passenger door. The dog stared at me with trust, licking my hand when I checked the muzzle to check for blood. There was a blue collar, turquoise. Everything became sharp clear, the stillness of the air, the cars cautious slowing by, the children inching closer to stare over the opposite door, as I reached for the tags of the collar. No name or location for the dog, but a rabies vaccination tag and a veterinarian tag with number. Grabbed the blackberry pager to look up the address of the vet, hoping feverishly that the vet is nearby- it was. I looked at the dog, no movement but for eyes slowly blinking, gray fur against the black passenger seat.

I jumped into my seat, putting the address on my GPS- not familiar with the area despite that I have been going here for two years for my therapy job. It was closer than I hoped for. I looked back at the dog, and touched the nose to check for breathing, and got my finger licked again as the eyes deep in black looked at me. I wiped the tears away, firmly taking a deep breath and told myself, “You can do it.” I drove with one hand, as I kept the other hand on the dog’s face, feeling the need to make sure that the dog knows somehow that I’m there. Silly, I know, but that’s what was needed when I woke up in the hospital after the hit and run; I was not alone.

I had to use both hands to make a turn onto the veterinary office’s parking lot, withdrawing my hand away from the dog to do so. I parked and dashed into the office, tears building up in my eyes again. I saw a woman behind the front desk, and I said, “Car hit dog- he’s in my car.’ The woman stood up quickly and called for someone else, as she followed me to the parking lot. I opened the passenger car. The eyes were staring blankly at me. The woman softly pushed me aside, as she checked the dog. I could feel my heart straining in pain, as tears falling on my cheeks. The woman stood up out of the car, and looked at me, “I’m sorry.” I knew already before she said that.

A tech removed the dog gently out of the car. The woman gestured at me to come with her- she asked, “Yours?” I shook my head- I said, “Saw car hit him, and car left.” She nodded, as she spoke to the tech carrying the dog to the back. She gave me a tissue box, as I gave my information on paper. The tech came back and spoke something to the woman. She wrote “His name was Yuppie- his owner is on her way. Do you want to tell her something?” I shook my head, eyes nearly dry, tears drying on my face, and I paused. I wrote “please tell her that someone was with him- he didn’t die alone. I kept my hand on him all the way here, so he was not alone.” She read it and nodded, tears filling in her eyes.

I’m home, I had just returned from walking Lola and Hairy. I stared at Hairy as he did his number two dance, in numbness. Lola jumped around, running in lively joy, as I held on to the leash, thinking, “Life goes on” with a lump of grief in my heart. Yuppie did not die alone- but that’s cold comfort for me. I lived but he did not. That’s not fair.