Unleashing the Labyrinth

Disney World. Why would I bring up Disney World, writing about my experiences with the labyrinth? Have you ever read Mark Twain’s book about Tom Sawyer, where he and his sweetheart got lost looking for an exit out of the caves that felt like a maze? Disney World had those types of caves on the Finn Huck Island beside the steamboat and the log roller coaster. I remember when I was twelve, I was darting through those caves with dimmed lights. At a dare by a friend, I entered the dark cave (with no lights), so I had to feel walls of the stony tunnel, hoping to find a way out. Out of the dark, someone grabbed and scratched at my ankle; in panic, I ran and bam! Slammed my face onto the cave wall. Someone used a cigarette lighter to see what was going on. In the distance I saw the exit and ran out. I remember looking down at my ankle and found it bleeding from scratches. A friend’s parent saw me, waving at me, smiling but the smile disappeared. She came quicker and took out a tissue to wipe at my nose; it turned out I had a nosebleed from slamming my face. I remember thinking that the ugly hands grabbed at me in the dark and because of that, I could not trust the darkness anymore after that experience. That included the darkness within me.


Now, it has been many years since when I was lost in the caves. I am a practicing shaman for almost twelve years. I have also been working and studying human services/mental health counseling. As a studying shaman, I feel more closer to two counseling theories, which is Existential (in which focuses on freedom of choice, responsibility, awareness of death, connection, finding meaning in life, and living experience) and Mind-body counseling (becoming aware of our own body’s messages, connecting our spirit/emotions/bodies), which can be applied to many aspects of shamanism in which is attunement of body, spirit and mind, which then is connected to nature. I found myself attracted to walking labyrinths for years without understanding my fascination. I remember my excitement when I would find several labyrinths in and out of London, as well as in Colorado, California, Maryland, New York, Hawaii, Pennsylvania and Utah. It helped that some wise elders encouraged me to look into using labyrinths as self-care and a de-stressor. Ironically, I found that walking the labyrinth is a walking meditation! When I would try to meditate in one place, I couldn’t do it. I discovered that when I walked labyrinths, I could go inside myself; and discover hidden aspects of me through exploring the fears and learn how to work with myself.


I went to Gallaudet University for an interview with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis for graduate school the week of homecoming 2005. The night after, I was a victim of a hit & run in Washington, DC. I had been left behind with two broken legs, torn leg tendons, a broken neck vertebra and a torn neck artery. While in the hospital for weeks, I had experienced a vivid dream while sleeping. In that dream, I was walking a labyrinth made of glowing bricks on the streets of Duport Circle, and more I walked, I was escorted by someone unseen with gentle touches upon my arms. Once I got to the center, I looked down and realized I was in space, looking down at Earth. The planet was beautiful. I got the feeling that it was time for me to return, and I did so- I woke up much re-energized. The doctors were surprised when I learned to walk again in March, when they felt I would walk again by summer (though with wheelchair, motorized scooter, the crutches and then cane.)


Despite doctors’ asking me to slow down, I returned to school full-time. I was more determined to finish the last year of undergraduate school and go on to graduate school. Now, if you don’t know what the Denver campus look like, let me explain- we have three campuses in one area- Community College of Denver, Metropolitan State College of Denver and the University of Colorado in Denver. It is quite a huge campus for an able person, even more for one relying on a wheelchair, crutches or cane! Being deaf was challenging, even with having interpreters and access to education. With leg injuries, I became invisible. It was like everyone went ‘blind’ pretending that they didn’t see me as I struggled in my wheelchair uphill to a class or fought to open a door while using the crutches. I was at eye-level with people relying on wheelchairs or crutches (CP, paralysis, or other physical disabilities) and it greatly humbled me; I was honored to learn their world, and I discovered they are more human than able people, with such compassion and understanding. With that knowledge, I was fervently determined to ensure that people, who have right to education, to communication, and to being treated as human beings, are HEARD. I learned from the school of tough knocks and from academics, and I did finish with a B.S degree in Human Services, concentrating in mental health.


I had gotten accepted into the mental health counseling graduate program at Gallaudet University in the fall of 2007, and I was excited! I felt a passion within my heart to continue my studies in mental health, but I still had questions: How can I include labyrinths in therapy? Is it possible to use labyrinths as a therapy technique? Can Deaf people consider labyrinths as a viable asset in helping themselves?


In the orientation to mental health course, Ms. Kendra Smith handed out several old American Counseling Association newspapers, encouraging us to take one for each of us. I saw one handout was on Hurricane Katrina and mental health (everyone who knows me, know I have a great interest in natural disasters and effects on mental health), so I chose that. That night, I opened it to read, and on the sixth page, I was astonished to find an article on using labyrinths as an alternative counseling technique. That finally answered my questions on whether labyrinths can be used in counseling! This discovery encouraged me to pursue the inspiration of using the labyrinth as an alternative technique. To add, my professors encouraged me profoundly to consider using the labyrinth as a tool in counseling once they found out about my interest.



I knew how to use the labyrinth, since I have done labyrinth walks for years but I wasn’t sure how to use it FOR OTHERS. I decided to look into whether there are trainings or workshops. I found that Veriditas, the Worldwide Labyrinth Project, provides trainings, which are called Labyrinth Facilitating. You could not imagine my excitement! I contacted the staff at the project to find out that the trainings were very expensive, nothing to cough at! I was discouraged since I knew I couldn’t afford the training. I talked with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, the director for the mental health counseling graduate program, and he persuaded me to take the training since there was a grant that can help finance the training. After all, it would enrich my learning and benefit the Deaf community in the long run. After dealing with several obstacles for almost a year and attending internship in KY, I finally got accepted for Labyrinth facilitating training in Boulder, Colorado back in March, 2009. Only one last obstacle was finding interpreters! Due to the organization being a non-profit, they could not afford ASL interpreters, especially with the training located at the church. My VR counselor removed that obstacle, knowing as well as Dr. Lewis, that it will be a valuable tool for me and the Deaf community; we got interpreters arranged for the three-days of intensive training! Nevertheless, it did make me wonder how hard it is for Deaf individuals to get interpreters for non-profit trainings.


The trainings were both reflective and stimulating. The teachers learned from me about the Deaf community, the norms and how to socialize with Deaf community, for either communication or providing labyrinth trainings/presentations. I learned how to use the labyrinth in its variety of textiles (visual and physical) and interacting with people, individually and in groups. I learned that it is very different walking the labyrinth singularly (much focusing on oneself and finding peace within) and in groups (being aware of other people, overlapping the path, and becoming aware of the world within ourselves.)


Interpreters and I taught the teachers and fellow students, indirectly as the students discovered even if I may “sign short”, ASL means more, and that takes interpreters longer to talk (imagine me signing, and then waiting for the interpreter to catch up and finish!) It was a challenge to include interpreters in the physical area of the labyrinth training- some interpreters walked the labyrinth in the beginning. In the end after efforts and errors, we all figured when I was walking the labyrinth- the interpreters were to stay silent and stay out of the labyrinth, so I can focus on the activity fully among the fellow students. I became closer with the teacher, Jo Ann Mast, and Lauren Artress, the founder of the Worldwide Labyrinth Project. We brainstormed on how the labyrinth could enhance Deaf people who may be interested, including deaf-blind. We also discussed about using other ways to enrich the experience with colors, candles, drumming and/or crystal toning bowls since I realized I couldn’t hear the harp that was used for one labyrinth walk, or the bells that were shaken at another walk.


I was saddened that I wouldn’t work with the Jo Ann Mast, the Labyrinth teacher anymore, but I also knew she will be there by email if I need- she has a big heart and she showed it all through the trainings! They told me that I was the first deaf person to take the training; I felt both thrilled and overwhelmed by that fact! I was thrilled to know that I have been given the opportunity to be a representative of the Deaf community to the organization. I was scared that I could screw it up for the Deaf community, and that I was biting off more than I could handle!



One thing I learned during the training stuck in my mind and I use it often for many other things; “There is no right or wrong way to use the labyrinth” and I interpreted it personally for myself, “I follow my gut; whatever decisions I make, it’s right for me, even if it leads to a disaster- I learn from it.” That can apply to everyone, using the labyrinth, and in their lives. After the trainings, we received a small gift, which was a coin-sized labyrinth in one could put in the pocket. I touch it often for inner strength and support.


I needed to do three presentations so I can become certified as a Veriditas labyrinth facilitator. I returned to my internship, thinking “I need to introduce the labyrinth to the Deaf community, but where to start?” I swear Dr. Lewis read my mind because after discussing with him about my training, he asked me to give a presentation on using the labyrinth as an alternative technique and self-care to first year mental health graduate students at Gallaudet a few days before my graduation. I was bowled over by the opportunity, to do my first presentation at the Gallaudet where all my interest in labyrinths had grown in leaps during my graduate studies! Sure enough, I gave a PowerPoint on labyrinth walking and working with clients, as well as for students/professionals for self-care and de-stressing. I ended the presentation with the students walking the labyrinth at a church near Chinatown. The students reported enjoying the walk profoundly- finding it both peacefully and thought-provoking. Some were still “thinking” after the activity at lunch, which is not surprising, since labyrinth walks can cause catharsis and thinking for a long while on what is going on in their lives. I encouraged journaling and using the labyrinth for the second year students, especially with them attending graduate school. Some students report to me that they have walked some labyrinths several times after the presentation, and that is exactly what I wanted to hear; the deaf individuals finding the labyrinth a visual meditation and relaxation for themselves, enriching their lives and becoming better counselors for Deaf for when they graduate. Currently, I’m working on finding two more opportunities to provide labyrinth presentations for certification.


Now I’m a mental health therapist in KY, working with deaf and hard-of-hearing community from individual counseling to providing workshops. I keep on introducing the labyrinth to Deaf people much as I can, and my path that had been introduced to me in both trauma and growth, is continuing with passion and determination. I no longer fear the darkness within me, because I learned that for some people like me, labyrinths can lead to the dark and introduce me to hidden strengths and answers that I was not ready back then, but now I welcome. I learned how to use the darkness in me as a line to walk to a spiritual and mental balance within me. I believe that using the labyrinth is walking a line between sound and silence, in which one learn to quiet the noisy thinking and to heed the silence within oneself, to find the potential and the soul ‘s music that had been neglected for a long time.
To conclude , when one is determined to walk his path, even with obstacles, the reward in the long run will be enriching, not in monetary nor in number of friends, but in self-growth and teaching. I could not help but find the irony within us. There is a body piece within us all; there is a labyrinth within us all! It is the labyrinth, one part of our ears- the inner ear, made of hearing and balance components. We could walk the outside labyrinth in meditation with our feet, and we already have inner labyrinths within our ears. We learn how to balance ourselves, juggling the job, the family, the finances and social life, and our ears help keep us balanced. How fitting is the Deaf community walking a variety of paths, yet all comes together of a path of humanity, inside and outside?

Volunteering from Deaf hearts: Deaf, We are One and Many.

"Ask not what your Deaf Community can do for you; ask what you can do for your Deaf Community."


Reading the request of Mishka Zena's about what one have done for the Deaf community, I was thinking, 'that's a splendid idea! To show how much we have done for the community, instead of pulling each other down." I had thought long and hard, and I did not want to sound I was bragging or to put the spotlight on each individual. What I would like to do is to show individuals, not just me, doing much for the community.


1) When the hurricane Katrina hit, many of us, I'm sure, had been wondering how the New Orleans Deaf community were doing and if they were all right. The Baton Rogue school for the deaf had promptly opened their rooms for families with and without children. Local interpreters of Texas and Louisiana fought to put out awareness of what the deaf community had gone through, especially with lack of communication. I still vividly remember when someone had sent out a false list of who had died- I contacted the correct contact working with Red Cross to find out and gave out the proper list of who had survived and where they had ended up at. Gallaudet had fought in convincing the Red Cross that the deaf community needed mental health help. The university finally got the permission to send mental health counselors, social workers and child psychologists who can sign. I alerted the Colorado Deaf community (and others who had forwarded the request list to other friends out of state) about donations of necessities to deaf survivors who had lost everything, such as dishes, books, TTYs, children clothes, children toys, sheets, kitchen needs, and so on, in which so many had donated, including from a school program with deaf students donating books, a NJ family sending a TTY, a CA individual sending a check, several interpreters with kitchen needs, a comic book store donating comics for children. And all those individuals I listed, had volunteered, and did it from their hearts and belief in the Deaf community.

2) Many of us have done volunteer advocates for deaf programs dealing with domestic violence. Several of us had known the risks of meeting survivors, knowing there was a chance of encountering the abuser or seeing things that we couldn't easily forget. We worked with survivors on developing self esteem and motivation to escape the chains of physical, verbal, sexual and/or emotional abuse. To protect the safety of deaf survivors and the volunteer advocates, one could not identify the deaf volunteers, but one cannot deny that the volunteers did all that with determination and perseverance with the belief that the Deaf women and children have the right to be safe as well as the hearing community.

3) Due to limited access and/or limited funds, much of the Deaf community had not gotten appropriate information to HIV/AIDS and STDS (sexually transmitted diseases). In past, there had been several programs working with the Deaf community- unfortunately either due to mistreatment of finances or the assumption that "others" can help out, programs had closed down. There are so few, several on both coasts and one or two in the Midwest- that's not enough, not even close. As an unpaid volunteer, I had attended trainings provided by the Technical Assistance and Training Program of Colorado department of public health along with a friend who too wanted to provide educational tools for the Deaf community. I had worked with clients living with HIV+. I had worked with groups discussing about safe sex and how to protect themselves, and that's not even close to what programs have done for the Deaf community. DeafHope, GLAD (with HIV Prevention and HIV Interpreting program), Chicago Foundation for Deaf and other programs had fought to keep their programs running. We all believe that the Deaf community have the right to information, and the right to decide how to handle their health, with full awareness.

4) For me, I have been doing a blog in goal of helping the Deaf community get information that may be of benefit. I know that I do not write much often as other bloggers. My education demands a lot of me at this time, however I try to make time to ensure that if there is a need for information, I will put it out.

5) And oh yeah, I am working on becoming a mental health counselor, to work with Deaf and hh individuals, families and groups, who can then create the tools they need to handle their own lives and develop confidence. Before returning to school, I had worked with deaf individuals at groups, in their goals of becoming independent, getting and keeping a job, raising children properly and safely, advocating for their rights to access and communication, and encouraging the public to respect the person's right to decision-making instead of taking over their lives. I speak for myself- I don't believe in leading one by the hand, doing things myself. I believe that individuals can be successful by themselves once they learn how to help themselves and the families/friends around them.


I could go on and on, but I bet that the folks can speak up for themselves on what they have done and are still doing for the Deaf community. What about you? I want to end this with:


"Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist." - Barack Obama

Golly Gee! Time to catch up.

It had been almost an half year since I last wrote on this blog. Graduate school had kept me busy for the semester before the last. Now I'm here in another state during my internship (last semester) before I could graduate this upcoming May. I'm pretty excited about the internship in somewhere I never had been before. You know me, I like to try different states that I had not been in the past. 17 states left to explore!

I have found some labyrinths around here, and I hope to continue studying the labyrinths to be used as therapy for the deaf community, since I feel the walking meditation can be a visual tool. Many deaf people use ASL, which is a visual language, and so I was thinking, "why not labyrinths?" So I am hoping to pursue this, by taking the facilitator training which is in March. I am also looking into taking Red Cross Mental Health Crisis Intervention training, (whew, what a mouthful/handful to say!)

I couldn't say much more than that since I'm starting to gather much privacy as I can for myself, more I become a therapist. There is a clear need to keep personal boundaries for deaf therapists; being visual advocates for the Deaf community, they also need to keep their private lives separate. It is quite confusing for friends to look at me and go "are you talking as a friend or a therapist?" or looking to me to see if I could help them and I wonder if they are seeing me as a friend or therapist? That's where dangers of boundaries show up, and that's when we need to become more aware. Drawing boundaries are not easy as I had experienced in previous jobs, but it is very possible to be clear where the lines are and expect respect for privacy.

New Orleans and Hurricane Gustav

I'm worried, especially with what is going on in New Orleans at this moment- So far from what I could read of articles from NOLA news and CNN news, most of folks are evacating from New Orleans, in steady flows with public transportation (buses, vans, trains and planes), which includes helping elderly and disabled getting out of the city. The last plane leaves at 6pm tonight from NOLA airport. At some pickp-up locations, the last bus leaves at 2pm from what I understand.

On the other hand, I read an article just a few minutes ago, that some are still unable to leave, such as two brothers trying to get a van to come pick their handicapped cousin, but the van did not show up (don't know if the van had yet showed up so far...), several workers saying that they don't have the funds for where they could stay if they do get out of New Orleans, a woman not leaving due to her two Rottweilers (and who could blame her? Pets are very much part of our families) and so on. ("Strapped for cash, some in New Orleans stay and hope" - CNN news)

There is an article on NOLA news about Shari Bernius of Deaf Action Center ensuring that there is access to communcation for the deaf community in New Orleans, as in being the interpreter at emergency announcements (on television since usually emergency announcements don't include closed captioning.) Shari said in the article that due to limited access, several deaf had died related to the hurricane/flooding, and several had suffered in confusion afterwards, as I would recall from some conversations with some LA teachers for the deaf and some evacuees in Houston. I am hoping that the Deaf community has better access to evacuation and services on where they could go and where they could stay during the evacation. I'm hoping to get a hold of Red Cross to find out about what they are doing for the Deaf community this time.

For whoever you are in New Orleans, Deaf or hearing, African-American or white, get out if you can, and for who could not get out for any reasons, try to get to a higher floor and stay alive. We'll pray for you.

Being stronger than bullies

It has been more than 25 years ago when I had been bullied, throughout elementary to high school. Just to think that it had been that long ago, yet we still have bullies skulking in hallways of schools even in 2008, looking for prey which would be children/adolescents who could not protect themselves, or be protected by friendships or authority.

Just to think about what I had gone through as a victim of bullying, I still could see scars from within myself as well as on my skin. It took me a long while and a therapist in high school to realize that it was not my fault, or that I did not deserve to be hurt this way. I still remember when I was shoved through a bathroom, my face pushed into a mirror, while they took my books out of my bag. I still remember when I was shoved into mud during recess, in my dress on the photograph day. I still remember how a group of girls would threaten to hate/hurt me, unless I exposed myself, in the back of the bus. I still remember how I brought my hamster for show-and-tell, and to find that someone had smothered the hamster while I was away for lunch. I still remember how I woke up from a nap during a school field trip to find that someone had put gum in my hair, and that a teacher had to cut my hair to remove the gum. I still remember no matter how much the teachers would favor me (teacher's pet), the attention of teachers would never protect me from the bullies. It was a tough time for me when at 11-12, I was moved to a sign language program from an oral program, in which students would do me harm, just because I could not sign well as they could. Boys may be mean when hurting me, but it were the girls who could be the most cruel. Whatever I was, of being skinny, being clumsy, not knowing sign language, being deaf, being a girl, being the teacher's pet, being the 'model student', you name it, I might had been bullied just for that 'excuse.' In high school, it did not matter to a bully that I could not understand what she was saying, (hearing bully); she tried to push me down stairs that could end three floors down, if not that I grabbed her arm and the rail on the wall. It cost me a black eye, but better that than broken bones. It did not matter to a bully that I was poor, that the jacket that my grandmother made for me, could keep me warm; she had to take it after school off my back and claim that she did not take it when the teachers confronted her the next day. It did not matter if I loved books more than to hurt other weaker students, the bullies would not give up on hurting me; even if I started to cry, they would call me "crybaby". There was never a win-win situation in any of those times. Even when I became proficient in sign language, I could find myself hurt by hearing bullies. So it did not matter if the bullies were white or African-American, deaf or hearing, girl or boy, using sign language or not, they were ALL bullies alike in that they used violence to harm someone intentionally, knowing that they could get away with it. That is the very wrong we need to address when it comes to bully prevention programs in schools.

I had learned when I finished school, and then went into college, that no matter how one may try to protect oneself, it would have to be from the inner strength from oneself, as well as the awareness and motivation of society to say 'Bullying is NOT okay. We will not STAND for it." There are so many bully awareness and prevention programs in numerous schools. I had observed how often students would stand up for themselves in extreme situations, in the point that they would shoot bullies, as I see in countless articles throughout years. I had been told so many from other victims of bullies, that sometimes they can be protected by the prevention programs especially when bullies are counseled, as well as the victims. Bullies, you see, could be from dysfunctional families, in which they may lash out in school, or that they may not have gotten appropriate discipline or support from families. Recently, I found out that one of my middle school bullies had been sexually abused by her father, and so she had projected her anger and frustrations upon other students, since it was very much easier to do that to peers, than to an adult that could overcome a child repeatedly with his strength. With that awareness of what had happened to her, I confess that I had trouble figuring out whether I wanted to forgive her actions toward me when we were kids, or to understand her history. I could say that due to being Scottish, I could carry a grudge long as I want, but I don't see any point in that. There is no sense in being angry at what had happened to me when I was a child. What I am angry about is that so many children are victims themselves, and that in protecting themselves, or to release anger from within, they harm each other. This vicious cycle could continue as long as children experience trauma and violence from within their own families, and then bring it to school to harm other children.

From my own experiences of being bullied, I learned that it is harder for me to make friends, in fear that I could be betrayed or harmed, even in adulthood. Thankfully so many friends proved me wrong; I have so many friends that love me and support me. In that realization, I learned that I did not have to be a victim anymore. I can be an advocate and push for prevention programs of many unhealthy situations, such as bullying, substance abuse, family violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, neglect of children and vulnerable adults alike. We need to push for bully prevention programs in all schools, including residental schools, private, public, and mainstreamed schools, especially for children who are deaf, or have disabilities such as blindness, mental retardation, CP, or from other countries (immigrants, transit families, and of other cultures). Everyone need to realize that this CAN be prevented. No one deserves to be bullied, be they children or vulnerable adults.

Gratification, gotta get it now or later.

I have so much things to do this coming fall! And all for the good.
I go see Sherrilyn Kenyon when she's in DC in August- that reminds me, I need to call the book store to ensure that there is an interpreter for when she do the reading and autograph signing. Waiting for the book, Archeron to come out (24 days left), and knowing that the author will stop in DC/VA on the book tour is a reward in itself, in which I am doing for passing my comps in mental health graduate program..and the comps was tough!

Then there is the Dragon-Con in Atlanta, GA, which is during the Labor Day weekend, in which I hope to see Laurell K. Hamilton, Anne McCaffrey, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Susan Sizemore, Margaret Weis, Joseph Michael Linsner, Robert Englund, Linda Blair (yeah, of Exorcist), and so on. Just let us hope that there'd be no assignments for me to do during THAT weekend or I'll do it on the road! Planning all the travelling, stays, activities/events to see (including checking out the Atlanta aquarium and the Dawn look-like contest at the Dragon con) is rewarding in itself, abetting the joy of seeing it all happening in the end.

Then there is the exercising. I had put it up on the shelves due to the track repairs, so I couldn't do fast walking. Soon the track will be complete and so I'll exercise again. I look forward to lose some more pounds. In weeks if not months, I'd get to lose some more weight that will end up making it easier for me to walk without stressing my legs out, and reducing asthma attacks.

I hit my toe on the doorway today and I hit the doorway in retribution. I knew the doorway didn't get in my way, but in anger and pain, I didn't think. It was gratifying to 'hit back' anyway, right away, now.

There are some classes I look forward for the fall semester, such as grief and loss, advanced therapy skills and assessment. Then I'll be off for internship in the spring semester. One thing I'll say about attending classes during summer, it means getting to the degree sooner than later! I have been working so hard, busting my ass (pardon my French), doing assignments, doing research (loved it), helping each other, knowing that in the long run, we all will be rewarded with degrees presented to us at the graduation of May 2009.

I had eaten some chocolate with chili in it today, to get the bite that I was in mood. I wanted to eat chocolate right away because I felt like chocolate would save my sanity right away.

Now that's the difference between instant gratification and reaping what had been planned for weeks if not months. I have issues with people wanting things now and they mean it..NOW, right away, immediately, at this minute if not earlier, yesterday, you get the idea. I observe how people would get frustrated when they are told that "the loveseat will not come in until next week", "it will take three-five months before you can see obvious changes in your body", or "It will take some days before we can get this part for your car so we can't do repairs now." I have seen people going ugly when they are told that there are things they HAVE to wait on. I feel that the society is over-depending on instant gratification. Fast food, you have it. Instant customer service, you have it. Kids wanting this or that, parents get those for them immediately. It is not the younger generation alone, I had seen people my age fretting if they don't get their Starbucks coffee right away!

It seems to me that some people have trouble understanding that setting up long goals, planning in the long run, it is very rewarding in itself. You can see how plans grow, domino-like, affecting oneself mentally, physically and emotionally. Putting money in a saving account for a goal of having a vacation in Ireland can be enriching in itself, knowing, that the money is growing and closer the vacation comes to reality. Seeing a child building a tree house by himself, without parents helping out, can help the child learn that if he does things himself, will increase his self-esteem and confidence in completing things. I had seen a friend putting pennies, dimes, quarters, and nickels in a huge bottle, saying that he wants to visit Germany. I thought "wow- a long way to go, it's impossible!" But she proved me wrong, after three years of saving all pennies, dimes, nickels and quarters, she had gone to Germany and had a wonderous trip there for three weeks. It is taking me two years to go through the mental health graduate program, with sweat, frustrations, tears, laughter and flares of temper, I am seeing how much I had gone through, and I am so much closer to my degree that I could actually 'feel' it in my hands. So, I would say that the longer the gratification is, more rewarding it is, compard to instant gratification. Don't you agree?


P.S.

Some friends say that they write a lot for their blogs and wonder why I don't write much. I have to admit that I don't write much because I had been told that some people are uncomfortable with what I write, exposing what "should be" hidden, and that there are people concerned that if I continue writing, it may endanger my chances as a future mental health therapist, on basis of confidentality and ethics. As it is, there are a lot of things I would like to write about, but I have to decide if I'm willing to take the risk of damaging the potential reputation that I would as a counselor later on, even if information is not related to therapy or counseling at all.
I hadn't yet decided if I will continue writing or stay on 'the surface' because I am still testing the water with my toe, trying to decide if I want to do a 'bomb-dive' or go into the murky water of risk, slowly a bit by bit. So we'll see.

So far, so good

I'm doing well in graduate school, although a bit amused with teenagers here for 'summer camps' running around on campus (and pulling fire alarms- no difference between hearing and deaf kids when it comes to pulling fire alarms!) I'm officially a second-year graduate student, since I passed the quals (or if one prefers, comps), as I found out this week. I'm staying on campus due to attending practicum (full summer) and a class (A&O- and I have to admit- I LOVE it!) It just feels odd to me that the campus is almost empty, and so I get the sensation of being in the eye of a hurricane, waiting for things to slap me in the face sooner or later.

For the articles going on about cochlear implants and sign language, I'm staying out of it because I have to admit, I am not in mood for bashing for giving my personal opinion. I'd rather deal with that in person, so we can discuss it, putting all our cards out on the table, instead of arguing one piece by another piece.

I had gone to DC Pride two weekends ago, and I had a blast of fun there, meeting some nifty people, and getting two good leads on potential internships! I was thinking about how far we had gone in many years, in getting awareness of gay/lesbian community, available resources and supportive organizations. I did not even know that there is this organization "Out in the work" as in being openly gay/lesbian/bisexual/straight at work; Out in work, from what I understand, is a good resource for people having trouble at work, providing information about internships (I asked mostly about that.) I would have more information, but alas, I lost everything I gathered from that organization as well as other organizations (including stickers, buttons, magnets) at the subway on way home! *sigh* So I need to remind myself to check that organization online soon when I'm not distracted by class and practicum.

Soon, that class A&O will end, and so some of us are planning to go to Assateague Island, and Blue Mountains, a weekend each for camping. Boston, New York City and Philadelphia are on the list of sightseeing for historical stops and I gotta go back to Brooklyn for another taste of that deliciousmarvelous fudge cake at The Chocolate Room!

written by Jules