Power of attention and boundaries

I notice several posts with either attacking or repeated comments/images popping up here and there, as in the person(s) demanding attention, or making comments that do not make sense, derailing the conversation in many forums, groups, and comments under articles. 

Two things to keep in mind, when talking with people-

1)  There will be a lot of different opinions- you can't herd all people to go one way.

2) If the person is not familiar to you (not a friend or relative to you), s/he does not have much power over you- so why obsess about him/her?

This is for folks who look to push your buttons- when you get angry or upset, you're telling them that they exist in your life- like flies going around your head, pestering you.  You need to figure- are they that important to you, or to swat them away??

This is something one really needs to think about-  what other folks think of you, it is NOT your business.  They can think what they want to think, however is it truth? NOPE.. Only you know the truth about who you are, and so what other folks think of you, it is all opinion, not fact.

"In order for you..."-  For one to LET you insult him, he'd have to take that your opinion is important to him.  Think on that.

"Try not to take things..." is referring to folks judging about you, what they say about you- really what they say is really defining them, not you.   What they describe about you, is truly describing THEMSELVES.  It's pretty much projection (defense mechanism, putting their own unacceptable feelings, their own undesired thoughts on someone else.)

When you argue with someone, stay to the argument.  When you start to insult, you're losing the argument already-  it shows that you're running out of points backing up your view.  At least, agree to disagree.    Respect that each person has their own opinions, even if it is opposite of what you think.

And another one for arguments-

You do not have to participate in every argument you see-  if it is not related to you, stay out of it.    If you're doing it "just for fun", that's drama-seeking behavior.

and last one,

For things out of your control... LET GO.  It does not mean you are giving up on things.  It means you're NOT giving power to the things that try to control you.  More you fight to control things, you think you're in power?  NOPE- that means you're being controlled and negative folks know that- and you're letting them get under your skin.

So, the bottom line is- As long as the folks are still seeking to continue the argument, insulting, stalking, harassing, they are attention-seekers, thinking they are powerful in your life- AS LONG AS YOU ALLOW THEM.   So, take a deep breath and let go of things.

And by the by, boundaries?  That's what I just described up there.

And yes.

I'm back online.    


Doing four blogs right now, so I'm busy.  I will do an article here when I feel like it.      Don't wait upon me.

Mindfulness

This is one of my favorite techniques to practice in the field I work in, so I'd like to share with y'all.

Mindfulness:  connection between body (physical), feelings (mental) and thoughts (spiritual).  A theory in which it is believed if connections are developed between the body, feelings and thoughts (finding balance among all), awareness and balance is restored.  That can include improving health of body, increasing self confidence, learning to love oneself, and letting go of negative energy (including self sabotage, self-defeating thinking and hanging out with negative people).

Benefits can include reducing stress, improve heart health, reduce blood pressure, peace within self, healthy relationships, improve sleep, reduce anxiety and depression, and improve assertiveness and clear thinking.

What can one do to become mindful?

Learn to sit quiet and listen to your body, focusing on your breathing, in and out.

Think that easy? Nope, it isn't.   One'd end up thinking "what do I have to do tomorrow?" "Do I need to write a note for my son's class?" "Do I have milk in my fridge?" or other thoughts that keep popping up while sitting quietly!

First of all when sitting quiet-  1) find a time where there will be no interruptions, it is important that the place is YOURS, a safe place, your space.  Make sure you put a time aside for this ONLY (including telling yourself not to think of anything but staying in the present).  2) focus on your breathing.    Notice how you take in air, and how you release your breath.  Focus on the breathing itself.    If that is hard to do, get a lit candle-  and put it front of you.  Focus on the flame of the candle, seeing how your breath affects the movement of flame.    In and out.  In and out.

It don't happen in the first time-  it takes PRACTICE...  practice, practice, and practice.   You'll start noticing focusing on breathing is to staying in the now,  not thinking of past or future.    That's the mindfulness' goal.   Living in the present.  Not being haunted by the past, nor worried about the future.

Second:  While sitting and breathing,  notice your body's sensations.   Itches.   The movement of your chest as you breath in and out.   Tingles in your legs.    Just notice them.  Don't judge them.  Acknowledge your body's messages, and pass them on.  Start from your head to your toes.  Explore what your body is telling you, even when your stomach growls of hunger-  acknowledge it, then move on.    This is the body part in developing mindfulness.

Third:  Look around, and see what you see.  Smell what you smell.  Taste what you taste.  Hear what you hear (that can include vibrations).  Touch what you touch.   See the colors. Name them 'sight', 'touch', 'smell', 'taste', or 'sound' without judgment.  No interpreting what you experience.  Explore your sensations and move on.   This is the part where the body is transferring to feelings.

Fourth:   Let emotions (feelings) be here now.   Do not judge them.  Allow yourself to feel without feeling the need to defend, criticize or censure yourself.    Relax, while you name the emotions:   "joy", "frustration", "anger", "sorrow" etc.   This can be a challenge too, if you are under stress or anxiety.  Keep making sure that you are in a safe place.   Weep if you want.  Laugh if you feel.  Smile.  Experience the feelings, and do not judge yourself.

With body now connected to feelings, it is time to focus on thoughts.    Guess what?  You have already started working on thoughts - how?  Learning to explore your body's sensations without judging.  Learning to explore your feelings without judging.   Judging is a PART of thinking!   Now, it is time to pay attention to your thoughts.  The challenge is to NOT latch to something, applying your judgment on it.  You can explore your reaction to the item, but not to apply it UPON you.  Feel without chaining it to you.  Think without taking it personally.    Instead you watch what comes and goes in your mind, and discover which mental habits produce a feeling of well-being or suffering.   Even in sorrow or anger, stay with it.  Don't taste it and then toss it; do not pretend it doesn't happen.  IT DID happen-  stay with the feelings, and see it as part of you, and make peace with it. Growing is embracing the good and bad parts of you.  This is how you develop self-awareness.

A key of mindfulness is acceptance.  That involves learning to accept whatever appears in your awareness (body, feelings and thoughts), in each moment.  Stay in the present.   Do not let the past knock at your door.  Do not put out the welcome mat for the future.  STAY in the now.  That also includes being kind and forgiving toward yourself.

And that is mindfulness, simple as it is.    As Yoda said,  'You must unlearn what you have learned', which is the best advice ever, to reconnect with your body, thoughts and feelings as Luke discovered.  And no, I can't guarantee that you'd learn how to lift a stone with your mind after practices!  Nevertheless, you'll find yourself peaceful with yourself, even when folks are angry or trying to pull you down to their level.    You can be a warrior, that is... a peaceful warrior.

Something I will do in a future post, about being a peaceful warrior.

Update

I'm alive.  No worries on that.    Just that I don't have much time for this blog; I'm focusing on myself, with using  tools for self care (emotional, physically and mentally).   Funny, I find it very therapeutic to blog, just not with this one, but on one other blog.

I have learned a lot through this new struggle, including finding new vulnerabilities (hence recognizing triggers and developing boundaries), realizing how it is easily for some folks to judge without knowing the full truth (or not wanting to know, because, who knows...who'd really want to find out that they're wrong, after all?), and finding new strengths especially with real friends believing in her.  I'm still learning the new reality.

With that in mind, I'm taking a 'mini-vacation' from this blog.  When I feel more myself, I'll be returning.

Lagging behind, who cares?

Things have been a lot of stressful for me since September to the point that I'm starting to wonder when it'd really HIT me big time.  Probably that minute I realize what would be missing after I wake up from surgery this month and for months and months, according to people who had experienced this, and psychologists (including my own). 

And I have to admit, it is harder for me to talk about anything without thinking, "I tried to be positive, and I'm frankly tired of being strong."  People tell me, "you'll feel better!" "You'll be happy when you don't have to deal with your periods anymore!"  "It's not the end of the world! Smile!"  or worse of all, "You can adopt!"

I did think about addressing this on this blog, and then decided against it.  Why?   Just my decision.    when I can, I will write about whateverso in this blog, and when I feel flunky or sad, pissed or confused, determined or 'you-screw-me, I-screw-you", I'll do that on the other blog that I'm working. So far I had written a surprising numbers of posts, which are still in draft, since I decided I will not publish them all right away- one post per week is sufficent, especially with me writing and then determining how/what to put in the post then.  Beside I'd need one post up when I'm gone away in the hospital for a week, anyway. 

That reminds me, I need to change my password for this blog(s) since it's old.  I don't want tweaking while I'm not around.

Three bean chili (recipe and photos)

I was just cleaning out my cupboard, and didnt want to get rid of those that I had just found, of pinto beans, black beans and kidney beans, as well as vegetable broth. I was like "Oh right, I did buy them when I thought I'd go vegetarian!" That didn't happen, thro. I like chicken and lamb too much....
Nevertheless, I thought maybe I can make chili with all that... vegetarian, that is. :)
1/4 cup virgin olive oil
2 green bell peppers, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoon chili powder
1 can, pinto beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can, black beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can (4 oz) green chiles, drained.
3 cans of stewed tomatoes
3/4 cup vegetable broth

Put in a large pot (soup size), the virgin oil in medium-high heat over the stove. Add peppers, onion and garlic- stir in. Heat for five minutes, or until softened.





Meanwhile while the peppers and onion are cooking, drain and rinse the beans. The colors are beautiful!

Add the chili powder, mix with the vegetables, for a minute. Lower the heat to medium. Add tomatoes, beans, chiles and broth. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes.

12 servings. You can freeze it, good up to six months.
I tend to add some shredded cheddar or colby jack to the chili in my bowl.

Enjoy!

Updated bucket list for 2011

So far, not so bad checking off the bucket list. I'll update furthermore, when some are completed, and which to be removed (if it's not feasible), and added.. After all, all this is not for 2011 alone. If you see anything that I should do, feel free to toss suggestions my way!

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center ( Completed in May 2011)
Writing/publishing a book. (In process- a nonfiction)
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (January 2011)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths. (So far, six so far, in IN, LA, KY, DC, MD)


Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself. (In process)
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple (March, 2011)
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day. (3 times so far this year)
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book (In process)
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique (April, 2011)
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk (Will do in September!)
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three. (Done!)

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again. (so far, 11 paintings!)


Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Exercise 2-3 times a week.
Go to the park with the dogs once-twice a week.
Make healthy dishes from scratch


Charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park (July 2011)
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor. (No luck!)
Drop off clothes at Goodwill (two times so far)
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center (May 2011)
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence (February 2011)
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11, almond milk 2/11, eel sushi 3/11, olives 4/11, cow's tongue 5/11, dill pickles 6/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11) Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August (August, 2011)
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos! (In process)
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.)(January 2011)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 trips in 2011. (Wisconsin, 1/11 and 6/11, and Louisiana 3/11- so far)


Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center (February 2011)
Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

2012- end is near!

After having a funny idea of a comic strip, on how it'd go:
1) there is a small group of folks waving signs, in slight distance away but you can see some signs saying "Endtimes" and "2012 is coming!", and there is a man upfront, pointing a thumb at 'em, smiling, "Look at those crazies!"

2) "Why they are crazy? Let me count- earthquakes increasing, in DC, no less, hurricanes, more floodings, dustbowls in the southwest, more nuclear missles in middle east, China becoming more powerful, more people ready to grab a gun and shoot the president than before, worsening economy, food and gas prices coming up, increased violence and less civil manners, and Palin and Bachmann running for the 2012 presidency--" while counting off his fingers

2) The man's eyes widen, a drop of sweat coming down on his forehead, while frozen with counting off his fingers, went "..........!!!"

4 and last panel) shows him walking toward the group and calling out, "anyone have an extra sign I can use?"

So folks liked that idea- and a close friend, Ashley, offered to draw the strip. Whoohoo!!!!! So- she just completed this strip, stretching it to 8 panels, instead of 4- it came out beautifully!!! Hope you'd enjoy this as I did!


2010




Drawn by A.N.R. Many thanks, a hundred times more! :)