Monday, July 28, 2014

Power of attention and boundaries

I notice several posts with either attacking or repeated comments/images popping up here and there, as in the person(s) demanding attention, or making comments that do not make sense, derailing the conversation in many forums, groups, and comments under articles. 
Two things to keep in mind, when talking with people-
1)  There will be a lot of different opinions- you can't herd all people to go one way.
2) If the person is not familiar to you (not a friend or relative to you), s/he does not have much power over you- so why obsess about him/her?

This is for folks who look to push your buttons- when you get angry or upset, you're telling them that they exist in your life- like flies going around your head, pestering you.  You need to figure- are they that important to you, or to swat them away??

This is something one really needs to think about-  what other folks think of you, it is NOT your business.  They can think what they want to think, however is it truth? NOPE.. Only you know the truth about who you are, and so what other folks think of you, it is all opinion, not fact.

"In order for you..."-  For one to LET you insult him, he'd have to take that your opinion is important to him.  Think on that.

"Try not to take things..." is referring to folks judging about you, what they say about you- really what they say is really defining them, not you.   What they describe about you, is truly describing THEMSELVES.  It's pretty much projection (defense mechanism, putting their own unacceptable feelings, their own undesired thoughts on someone else.)

When you argue with someone, stay to the argument.  When you start to insult, you're losing the argument already-  it shows that you're running out of points backing up your view.  At least, agree to disagree.    Respect that each person has their own opinions, even if it is opposite of what you think.

And another one for arguments-

You do not have to participate in every argument you see-  if it is not related to you, stay out of it.    If you're doing it "just for fun", that's drama-seeking behavior.

and last one,
For things out of your control... LET GO.  It does not mean you are giving up on things.  It means you're NOT giving power to the things that try to control you.  More you fight to control things, you think you're in power?  NOPE- that means you're being controlled and negative folks know that- and you're letting them get under your skin.

So, the bottom line is- As long as the folks are still seeking to continue the argument, insulting, stalking, harassing, they are attention-seekers, thinking they are powerful in your life- AS LONG AS YOU ALLOW THEM.   So, take a deep breath and let go of things.

And by the by, boundaries?  That's what I just described up there.