Journey to Deaf Identity

Three bean chili (recipe and photos)

2011-09-03T19:02:00.000-06:00

I was just cleaning out my cupboard, and didnt want to get rid of those that I had just found, of pinto beans, black beans and kidney beans, as well as vegetable broth. I was like "Oh right, I did buy them when I thought I'd go vegetarian!" That didn't happen, thro. I like chicken and lamb too much....
Nevertheless, I thought maybe I can make chili with all that... vegetarian, that is. :)
1/4 cup virgin olive oil
2 green bell peppers, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoon chili powder
1 can, pinto beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can, black beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can (4 oz) green chiles, drained.
3 cans of stewed tomatoes
3/4 cup vegetable broth

Put in a large pot (soup size), the virgin oil in medium-high heat over the stove. Add peppers, onion and garlic- stir in. Heat for five minutes, or until softened.

Meanwhile while the peppers and onion are cooking, drain and rinse the beans. The colors are beautiful!

Add the chili powder, mix with the vegetables, for a minute. Lower the heat to medium. Add tomatoes, beans, chiles and broth. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes.

12 servings. You can freeze it, good up to six months.
I tend to add some shredded cheddar or colby jack to the chili in my bowl.

Enjoy!

Updated bucket list for 2011

2011-08-28T15:21:00.006-06:00

So far, not so bad checking off the bucket list. I'll update furthermore, when some are completed, and which to be removed (if it's not feasible), and added.. After all, all this is not for 2011 alone. If you see anything that I should do, feel free to toss suggestions my way!

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center ( Completed in May 2011)
Writing/publishing a book. (In process- a nonfiction)
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (January 2011)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths. (So far, six so far, in IN, LA, KY, DC, MD)

Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself. (In process)
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple (March, 2011)
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day. (3 times so far this year)
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.

Books
The Happy Book (In process)
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique (April, 2011)
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk (Will do in September!)
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three. (Done!)

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again. (so far, 11 paintings!)

Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards

Health
Exercise 2-3 times a week.
Go to the park with the dogs once-twice a week.
Make healthy dishes from scratch

Charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park (July 2011)
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor. (No luck!)
Drop off clothes at Goodwill (two times so far)
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center (May 2011)
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence (February 2011)
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11, almond milk 2/11, eel sushi 3/11, olives 4/11, cow's tongue 5/11, dill pickles 6/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August (August, 2011)
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos! (In process)
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.)(January 2011)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 trips in 2011. (Wisconsin, 1/11 and 6/11, and Louisiana 3/11- so far)

Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center (February 2011)
Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

2012- end is near!

2011-08-26T14:32:00.012-06:00

After having a funny idea of a comic strip, on how it'd go:
1) there is a small group of folks waving signs, in slight distance away but you can see some signs saying "Endtimes" and "2012 is coming!", and there is a man upfront, pointing a thumb at 'em, smiling, "Look at those crazies!"

2) "Why they are crazy? Let me count- earthquakes increasing, in DC, no less, hurricanes, more floodings, dustbowls in the southwest, more nuclear missles in middle east, China becoming more powerful, more people ready to grab a gun and shoot the president than before, worsening economy, food and gas prices coming up, increased violence and less civil manners, and Palin and Bachmann running for the 2012 presidency--" while counting off his fingers

2) The man's eyes widen, a drop of sweat coming down on his forehead, while frozen with counting off his fingers, went "..........!!!"

4 and last panel) shows him walking toward the group and calling out, "anyone have an extra sign I can use?"

So folks liked that idea- and a close friend, Ashley, offered to draw the strip. Whoohoo!!!!! So- she just completed this strip, stretching it to 8 panels, instead of 4- it came out beautifully!!! Hope you'd enjoy this as I did!

2010

Drawn by A.N.R. Many thanks, a hundred times more! :)

Sweet, sweet Steampunk, Roar!

2011-08-23T21:43:00.008-06:00

After talking with a wonderful friend who brought up liking a movie "Mutant Chronicles", about how she liked the styles and looks of the movie, I realized she was referring to steampunk. I encouraged her to look at costumes/styles- now and then you'd see someone wear a bit of steampunk, but people might misunderstand it for goth, Victorian or post-modern (40's). So, hey...I'll find steampunk movies so you can get an idea (and collect 'em if you want!). :)
Oh...before I go on....WHAT is

steampunk???

To put it short and simple, it means retro-futuristic class of fiction/fantasy/sci-fic all mixed together, with bizarre inventions and anachronistic technology.
For example, a robot in steampunk theme would look like this:

http://gadgetsin.com/steampunk-robot-dog-with-an-old-camera-eye.htm

Steampunk movies

Golden Compass
Hellboy
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Prestige
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The City Of Lost Children
Wild Wild West
Rocketeer
Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow
9
Tin Man (Syfy)
Alice (Syfy)
Metropolis
Van Helsing
Mutant Chronicles
Sherlock Holmes
The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
Sanctuary
20,000 leagues under the sea
Around the world in 80 days
From Hell
Jonah Hex
The Brothers Grimm
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Sleepy Hollow
The Time Machine
The Illusionist
Mirror Mask
Young Einstein
Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events
Vidocq
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Perfect Creature
Time After Time

Now I'm not going to add year of publication. I will put in sources, so if you're curious about those movies, you can look 'em up yourself. :) I only gave the list that I'm familiar with...there's more steampunk movies out there that I hadn't seen, thro I intend to!

http://www.squidoo.com/steampunk-movies#module12743205

http://brassgoggles.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=13126.0

http://etheremporium.pbworks.com/w/page/10454249/Steampunk%20Essentials

http://www.ranker.com/list/steampunk-movies-and-films/reference?page=2&format=GRID&sortby=&sortdir=

Steampunk lady: http://www.robotvsbadger.com/images/steampunk-girls-2-fashion-photography/

The Story of Beautiful Girl

2011-07-07T19:29:00.000-06:00

The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The teaser in the cover had attracted my eyes, especially with a deaf charater, a character with a developmental disability, an old woman content in her life; all became chaotics with a newborn baby. The reading would keep you hanging in there, wanting to know what happens next; it's not easy to put aside to sleep or work. Heartfelt, thought-provoking, and despite the despair, you find glimpses of hope and determination to live for the baby and love. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT- if you have ten books to read for the year, I beg you to include this book on the list!

View all my reviews

Life and death of a human and a dog.

2011-07-06T18:16:00.002-06:00

Driving up the one-way 22nd street on way to the highway that’d lead me home, it was beautiful outside despite the heat. There were a few cars ahead of me, following the speed limit. Suddenly, a gray blur came out into the road from between parked cars, ahead of a red truck. My breath caught in my throat. The gray blur was hit and then swung into the air onto the other lane, at the same time I experienced an electronic jolt throughout my body as I had a physical flashback of being hit by a car in the dark. My heart seized, breath stolen, muscles tense in remembered pain, as I slowed the car down. I begged that it is a ball, a shopping bag, or a raggedy piece of shirt. Please let it be anything but life.

It was a miniature Schnauzer, pepper and salt.

I looked quickly ahead to see if the red truck was going to stop…it wasn’t. It continued going its way, as I pulled to the opposite side of the road. Tears were already spilling on my face as I came out of the car, remembering the confusion, the pain, the fear I don’t want to die. The car behind me had slow down, and then passed me. I pulled up a hand to stop the traffic, unthinking, I need to get to the dog. The dog needs help. Cars stopped.

It was laying there still on the hot pavement. Closer I came; I saw the eyes were blinking in its old man face. I didn’t want to move him in fear of causing harm furthermore, but it was in more danger lying in the other lane, risk of being hit by more cars. I looked around quickly in hopes of seeing anyone coming to claim the dog. Two children had curious looks, as an adult sat there on the porch two houses away, but no one stood or ran in distress. Nothing. The dog looked well-groomed, very healthy, yet still in its body. Slight breathing, blinking in confusion, but no movement. I gently picked the dog up, knowing the dog could bite in pain. The dog made a whimper as I put it in a one-arm cradle, as I opened the back passenger door. The dog stared at me with trust, licking my hand when I checked the muzzle to check for blood. There was a blue collar, turquoise. Everything became sharp clear, the stillness of the air, the cars cautious slowing by, the children inching closer to stare over the opposite door, as I reached for the tags of the collar. No name or location for the dog, but a rabies vaccination tag and a veterinarian tag with number. Grabbed the blackberry pager to look up the address of the vet, hoping feverishly that the vet is nearby- it was. I looked at the dog, no movement but for eyes slowly blinking, gray fur against the black passenger seat.

I jumped into my seat, putting the address on my GPS- not familiar with the area despite that I have been going here for two years for my therapy job. It was closer than I hoped for. I looked back at the dog, and touched the nose to check for breathing, and got my finger licked again as the eyes deep in black looked at me. I wiped the tears away, firmly taking a deep breath and told myself, “You can do it.” I drove with one hand, as I kept the other hand on the dog’s face, feeling the need to make sure that the dog knows somehow that I’m there. Silly, I know, but that’s what was needed when I woke up in the hospital after the hit and run; I was not alone.

I had to use both hands to make a turn onto the veterinary office’s parking lot, withdrawing my hand away from the dog to do so. I parked and dashed into the office, tears building up in my eyes again. I saw a woman behind the front desk, and I said, “Car hit dog- he’s in my car.’ The woman stood up quickly and called for someone else, as she followed me to the parking lot. I opened the passenger car. The eyes were staring blankly at me. The woman softly pushed me aside, as she checked the dog. I could feel my heart straining in pain, as tears falling on my cheeks. The woman stood up out of the car, and looked at me, “I’m sorry.” I knew already before she said that.

A tech removed the dog gently out of the car. The woman gestured at me to come with her- she asked, “Yours?” I shook my head- I said, “Saw car hit him, and car left.” She nodded, as she spoke to the tech carrying the dog to the back. She gave me a tissue box, as I gave my information on paper. The tech came back and spoke something to the woman. She wrote “His name was Yuppie- his owner is on her way. Do you want to tell her something?” I shook my head, eyes nearly dry, tears drying on my face, and I paused. I wrote “please tell her that someone was with him- he didn’t die alone. I kept my hand on him all the way here, so he was not alone.” She read it and nodded, tears filling in her eyes.

I’m home, I had just returned from walking Lola and Hairy. I stared at Hairy as he did his number two dance, in numbness. Lola jumped around, running in lively joy, as I held on to the leash, thinking, “Life goes on” with a lump of grief in my heart. Yuppie did not die alone- but that’s cold comfort for me. I lived but he did not. That’s not fair.

Rip Van Winkle moment

2011-06-13T17:33:00.005-06:00

Goggling through news, it drew upon me that I had not written in my blog for AGES. I could identify a lot of reasons, including work, facebook and exhaustion- but that'd be excuses. I have found a lot of stories that I had thought readers would be interested, but I placed 'em on Facebook. I had remarkable experiences, and I determined no one would want to hear them. The truly fear here is that I compare myself to other bloggers and detrmine myself less than them; they write often, if not daily and still have something to tell the next day. I am afraid to hear that I'm "boring" and "you talk too much," never you mind that I have experienced more things more than the majority could experience..and I'm not bragging. Who else could experience a intellectual disabled client that could drive you up a wall, yet state, "I love you" a few months later? Who could state their experience of being in a hospital with two broken legs, and you GOTTA go..but no nurse would come because you can't hear their question of what is needed. Who'd get to brag about walking so many labyrinths yet, even less walking a dog on one? Raise your hand if you have read the 'Divine Comedy' by Dante and got it?
I had promised myself that I would write more often in my blog in a previous post,and I'm saying that, I need to catch up. I just would like to know HOW one can write all that and not sound boring? That's my fear....
You know what? Screw it. I'm not here to entertain y'all. I'm here to write down what I had memorized, after all, who knows in ten years or twenty-five years later, I might look back and say, "damn, did I do that?" with a grin.
It may be that I find myself preferring to paint my labyrinths, or that I like to read paranormal romances, or to take off my sandals and walk around barefoot, than to write the blog- but you know what? That's okay. I'm human. I'm not perfect, and I never had claimed I am. It's fine that I can sleep and wake up twenty years later and realize I had missed moments, but does that mean I should look back and say "damn I missed those!"..nope...it means I look forward to time I have now, new experiences, and new friends.

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 1

2011-02-07T20:48:00.002-07:00

I had thought long about writing on healthy marriage. Now with four friends who are getting married this year, I thought I’d write them and brides in general, advice that I hope, will be heeded especially in contributions to their marriage’s success. It’s for y’all, lil’ gals!

*Note: It is long so I’m going to break it up into three pieces.

The characteristics of a successful marriage

Now, I hadn’t been married, *gasp! How dare she to make presumptions on how marriages can be successful? * Now, before you go and switch to the WoW link, I dare you to read on and determine if you have the courage…. Or not to preserve your marriage and sanity.

First point:
You’re dating your boyfriend for three months then… *gasp*…you had run out of conversation! That’s when one quickly offers, “Let’s get married!” Now that’s a BAD idea… trust me on that. I can count off all of my fingers and toes and some, on how many weddings had started that way and…ended up in divorces, except for one- that’s the exception. they manage to keep the marriage going on by having the marriage open (If you don’t know what that means, I’m not going to volunteer that information.)

This idea goes the same for having children- now don’t presume I hate children- I do love them….but I find it disturbing when the couple are sitting there figuring out the table placements for the wedding guests, with the wedding coming up in a month (the bride, really, the groom wouldn’t care much in general- he’s fine with the deaf brother sitting next to a teenager who lives for guttural Goth music), and she then realizes, “what could we talk about after the wedding??!” and the groom picks up on the tension…. and the words come out, “We should have a baby right away.”

Now if the couple had been together for more than a year; their relationship secure and stable, high confidence in each other, valuing each other’s personal space when needed, and having the capability to make long-term plans, then they can go ahead and talk about babies!

It’s those couples who are planning a wedding because their older sister is getting wedded. Maybe it is that they don’t want to be left behind when everyone else are getting married. Suddenly, they are running out of conversation, and to include children…that’s a red flag.

I cannot tell you how often I work with children who are unhappy in the family because the parents didn’t get to know each other, and they started to loathe the other. In a hasty decision to “save” the marriage, children were born which, I guarantee, leaves the children to deal with life-long therapy! The point would be: get to know each other, learn flaws and quirks; adapt to each other’s routines and behavior (even his tendency to read Sundays newspaper from front page to sports on the toilet), and be willing to acknowledge if the relationship won’t work out.

There’s no shame in ending the relationship BEFORE considering marriage- only to get married to ‘save’ the relationship is not the solution, period. If you insist on wanting to get married because your mother wants you to get married before you hit the 30’s, then it is necessary to have couple therapy/martial therapy and learn how to ensure that the relationship will be maintained well through 30-50 years, instead of 6 months to 20 years (standard these days).

Second Point:
Don’t compare your wedding to others’ weddings. Your wedding is yours alone, and I don’t give a shit whether you spent 40,000 or 1,000 dollars on it…it’s still YOURS. The wedding is when you and your husband’s personality will be shining out there.

I’ll tell you what stands out the most in my mind. I remember the ceremony at the waterfall, monarch butterflies released at the end of the ceremony, the colorful sunflowers and wheat centerpieces, among the Native American museum antiques, and the bride’s crown of sunflowers and her simple dress that she made from a 1940’s pattern, than so many brides’ weddings that seem to be all alike-- fancy churches, stiff fancy flowers, bows behind chairs, silver/gray gifts, formal bridesmaid gowns, and whatever food they have. I had gone to about :::counting::::: 37 weddings. And I’ll tell you…I only remember two out of 37 weddings I’ve attended.
Why did I only remember 2 out of 37 weddings? The weddings were very simple; the bride and husband’s personalities STOOD OUT among the decorations, the food and the joy among themselves, the unique quirks in the wedding such as mead, the broom wrapped in flowers and feathers, the husband bending his knee and asking his bride for her permission to be her knight… How could one NOT forget all that?

Now, before you presume I’m criticizing your wedding, perhaps I AM….in a way, if your wedding is similar to other weddings. Oh- everyone have the same colors, the same gown, the same marching music, the same songs, the same food, the same dances--perhaps it WILL be forgotten, but all this will stand in your and your future husband’s memory. Maybe you’ll remember every single detail of your wedding... then more power to you. But your guests won’t remember.

That’s a fact. Unfortunately, I had talked to many friends who had gone to weddings AND the friends who had gotten wedded; either regretting or fondly recalling….and they’ll say… they can’t remember the cake’s flavor, what was so funny at the ceremony, what’s so cute about the flower girl.

So you have to dare yourself and FIND something unique! Don’t go for ice sculptures, don’t go for 6-tier cakes, and don’t go for pink-black bridesmaid gowns… (I can’t tell you how often I had seen that!) do something UNIQUE. Keep this in mind….when you scoff at another bride’s ideas for her bohemian wedding, her simple dress, her idea of having a 1940’s trolley bus for transportation, homemade cupcakes of red velvet and carrot cake with frosting in sunflower shape, or having belly-dancers at her wedding…all that will be a guarantee that the guests will remember her $1,000 wedding instead of your $35,000 wedding consisting of ice decorations, matching bridesmaid gowns, the ceiling-tall flower centerpieces, and the white glittery cake with the chocolate flavor. And to add, to expect the groom to remember the first dance song, don’t carry a grudge that he doesn’t! The wedding does not shape the marriage; it is the relationship that shapes the marriage. Yes, the wedding planning can be a challenge to the relationship, but that’s a good way to test whether the relationship can handle the roller coaster of the temporary obstacle of the wedding!

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 2

2011-02-07T20:43:00.002-07:00

Third Point:
I know a good friend- her marriage is ongoing for, oh 27 years… dang, how do they do that?! Easily done! They got to know each other for about three years before deciding on the chain-and-ball tradition. Then they decided to explore the world together. They tasted distinctive fare, they spent so much time with each other, re-learning each other and became a true couple; they talked and listened to each other, compromised on things, agreed to disagree on things, and went to bed not angry.

They did not see each other as a handicap…if she wanted to hang out with her girlfriends, she did. He wanted to attend a chess club every Monday, he did. They had an enduring Wednesday date, spending time together, going to the movies, eating out, caving, and making an ice igloo in their backyard. AND then they decided to have children, and they were all ready to have the children. They viewed having children was an enhancement to their family; they had reached all their goals/dreams and they were set for children. And so they did….they have two handsome and smart sons who were happy with the family. The sons have profited from the parents’ experiences and exposure to the enriching cultures around the world; the older son is an exchange student in Finland, and the younger son is speaking three languages at age of 11. The best part? The family is going on strong for 27 years.

Now what am I talking about?? I’m using this example to compare with many people either I know and/or observed, who had gotten wedded and then planned to have a child-- thinking they could still strive for their dreams of becoming an attorney or be rich by late 20’s or 30’s. Unfortunately, more than 75% had given up on their dreams/goals because they couldn’t-- the children demanded more than the parents expected, and the light in the eyes had gone out, and then resentment grew toward the children. “If not for you, I would have been a doctor!” “I could have been a model but no, having you had ruined my shape!” “You’re selfish, you should be thankful that I gave up school for you” I had heard it all from friends or children/adolescents of families that did not make long-term plans, determine resources available to them, and realize obstacles that may face them.

Now on the other hand, I do know some friends who are determined- both parents are in college, while juggling with two children, employment, bills and assignments. They go to bed exhausted, and they wonder “where could I find energy tomorrow morning?” It does help that they had considered the obstacles, they decided how to face the challenge of balance of school and children, by making compromises, finding resources (campus daycare or sister willing to watch children after school) and making time for the family itself- it’s not easy…they tend to wait until holidays to seize the chance to spend time together. It has been tough, very tough, that one might think the father or mother would have thrown in the towel- but they haven’t…. the couple made a promise to each other to support each other, take turns in giving each other well-deserved breaks and love each other despite the children’s messes on the floor and take-out food in the fridge. Yes, I’ll get to the point…. The couple needs to learn how to compromise, to support each other, and not practice “My way or the highway!”

Fourth Point:
There are lies; gray lies and white lies. No lies around that, serious. I have seen marriages end because of lies, and secrets. I have seen the spouse struggle with discovery of the lies that had been wrapped around the relationship. I have witnessed the other spouse feeling terrible for not coming out with the truth in the beginning. I knew a friend who had lied to her family and that she had graduated from school but hadn’t luck finding a job for the ‘major’ she had graduated in. She married a guy who loved her- he even offered to work two jobs so she can stay home and take care of their children. She didn’t want that- she insisted on doing a part-time job “to keep out of the house” and didn’t want the husband to come visit her at work due to the “company policy.” Only when he got a call that she was killed in a head-on car accident (her fault), did he find out that she was not working where she claimed working at, she was working at UPS, she had no life insurance, and she had piles of bills hidden in her own car, all unpaid for years, collectors chasing after her, and due to her putting down fake phone numbers, they could not call at the house. She could be at home to get the mail and hide them before the husband would come home. He ended up with $78,000 dollars of bills, on top of a lawsuit by the other driver who had been severely hurt. He told me something that I’d never forget, “If I had known all this, would I have married her? No. She lied, and that is a lie of our own family and marriage, it was all fake. I thought I knew her, and turned out she had been a stranger all along.”

So, I’ll tell you- Don’t lie. If you want to hide number of your lovers in the past, go ahead…. But if an ex-girlfriend shows up with a 7 years old child at the door, don’t expect the pregnant wife to turn the other cheek and welcome the fact that you had lied to her about not having any children before. If you have a warrant for your arrest, and you lie about never being in court, and then for the new bride to find out this at the airport, which you cannot go to Italy for the honeymoon, you’re SO in trouble…she’ll definitely tell EVERYONE on Twitter and everyone will wonder “I thought I knew him….” Keep things mysterious, sure, for fun, but to keep secrets that you know can bite you back, you’re just opening a door you thought, had been bricked up- It hadn’t…not with the weak mortar of the lies.

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 3

2011-02-07T20:30:00.003-07:00

Fifth Point:
Last, I promise you, now you’re married... Congratulations! You think your relationship work is all done, now that you both are stuck with each other? Think again! That’s when the challenge comes in! You need to maintain the relationship, learn how to make compromises (yes, if that means he wants two or three framed pictures of the ship Queen Mary, you ought to let that be- better that two or three pictures than 300 framed pictures he has already in his collection!), practice communication skills, especially with “I-statements”, “I feel what I see” statements, and avoid presumptions and guilt statements (“I know you eyed the pretty woman!” and “If you do love me, you would have done this for me.”
Manipulation and taking charge of the relationship is a sure-shoot for failure. To control finances, to raise a fist, or to threaten is domestic violence, no matter how you may avoid saying it…and yes, even women are not the only victims here- I have a good guy friend, who married a woman he thought he was in love with. She was sweet and thoughtful ‘til after the wedding. And then, she went Mrs. Hyde. She controlled the money- she criticized and belittled him daily, she’d shove and hit him and dare him “Hit me and I’ll call cops on you, they won’t believe you, six-feet tall and muscular against me, sweet and little!” Many times I had seen her slap and throw things at him, enough to leave bruises and he won’t even lift a finger to harm her. I did ask him why not, I could understand if he wanted to tell her to stop it as in restraining her, he said “Who would believe me? They’d laugh at the idea of me a man stuck in domestic violence.” After some years, he finally left her, but with emotional scars within him, especially with the judge giving the full custody of their children to the mother.
Trust me, when you want it all your way; you’re being insecure, childish, and immature, and…that’s what I’m telling you…. The spouses have the right to be themselves; they have the right to their own money, their own friends, access to internet and information, and to be equal partners in the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable in an unhappy marriage, either thinking one day, he will change- (why for? He already has you, so why should he change?) or I deserve what happens to me- (That’s not true, it is not your fault that she manipulates or hurt you- that’s WHO she is, you do not deserve the treatment!)

The undisputable failures for marriage are: quick marriages without getting to know each other; presumption that an expensive wedding ensures a successful wedding more appropriately for the spotlight, no the relationship; unrealistic expectations for the marriage, especially with children and long-term goals; lies and secrets; and control of the relationship- just make sure that you have a number of a divorce lawyer in your wallet/purse.

Marriages that live long: be confident in your own relationship and determine if marriage is a gift for you, instead of a ‘lifesaver’; knowing that the wedding is only a temporary ‘bump’ in your relationship and you’re marrying each other and that’s the important part; compromise, compromise and compromise, and having a good communication trade of talking and listening won’t hurt; if you feel that there are lies that would backfire on you, be honest and talk it out; the other needs to hear and make a decision to take a risk on you and the relationship- the relationship will improve from there if s/he chooses to stay; respect and valuing the identity/personality separate from you is a must, it is the individual in each that makes the relationship bloom.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m still single- I hadn’t yet found someone who have met all that I’m hoping for, but I’m not worried. One day, he’ll be there and I’ll be saying ‘Oh, you have been here all along.’

End of January Days

2011-02-01T18:23:00.015-07:00

One month down, since I had set up the bucket list (for first-time readers, be reassured, I'm NOT dying..I just like the sound of the name, instead of "do things").... The month mostly had been good except for one or two sick days and a snowstorm, which I think was more fun than an hassle, especially with the dogs sticking their heads into the snow and folicking around.

All right, we need to figure out what I had completed or started in process...

Learning:
I had registered for the ghost-hunting 101 at the Delphi center, which will start on April 20th- I do look forward to attending the class- that is if the class won't be cancelled. It had been cancelled last year due to not sufficent individuals registering for it. :::fingers crossed::: I do hear that one trip with ghost-hunting will include Waverly Hill Sanatorium- I do HOPE so!

Another learning goal- tube drums! Oh yes.... I had gotten the instructions off the internet, and with a friend's help, worked on making a tube drum last weekend. Here I was, cutting the tube (4 feet long, 12 circle tube) in half, so we'd have two 2" tubes- two drums in total.

With the friend, we had to stretch the moleskin (and I'm telling you, it's NOT easy to find pack cloth or skin for the drum here in Louisville!)

And here is the completed tube drum! I have to say, it came out much better than I expected, and I do plan to make two-three more drums, with different fabrics, including Mexican Day of the Dead skulls. :D

Now, I hadn't done anything for the self-care list, and that's what I need to work on this month, which I think, more fitting, since I do need to learn to love those aspects of myself, that I'm not comfortable with, and to appreciate myself, as people do, and believe them.

Books:
I am currently working on the Happy Book by Rachel Kempster and Meg Leder. I love a lot of stuff in that book; finding my favorite stickers and stick 'em in the book, or to list favorite movies, or get ideas like the postcrossing (where I could send a postcard to someone on the other side of the world, and receive postcards from strangers- I just think that nifty!).

I'm also reading the Feminine Mystique. It doesn't help that the book is a bit dry, so easier for me to get distracted ..... Bad Lola, bad Lola, drop that doll! Sorry.. Lola is my dog, and she does get herself in trouble these days...anyway, back to this book- I am reading much books as I can on feminism..why? I feel that I need to learn more about the cultural aspects of womenhood and how it applies to me, especially with practices and norms around here, and how I can adapt feminism to myself, and not apologize for it.

Community:
I was planning to go to New Orleans in March, but due to the finances, I'm starting to think I won't make it, and that means I might not be able to do the volunteering Habitats for Humanity. That isnt the end of the world, although, since I can also volunteer at the same organization here in Louisville or another state this summer. I'm working on finding more information about Vaginia Monologues and how to bring it here to Louisville, especially for the Deaf Community.

Art:
I have gotten four canvas frames, and paints- I look at the canvas frames and I feel somewhat anxious yet excited. I somewhat can see what I am going to create, yet I'm afraid that my perfection tendency might interfere with the attempt, especially that I had stopped painting some years ago. I'm picturing doing labyrinths on those canvas, and I'm thinking...am I overachieving...? There is this canvas frame, with a labyrinth already pencilled in, awaiting for the painting, and that is what terrifies me.

Health:
I try to attend the gym 2-3 times every week, although there had been a week that I skipped- and I could make excuses, but why bother lying? I do know that that it IS easier to go, if I have a gym friend to hang out- however we have different schedules which contributes to the complications. :P
I had attended the January month healthy seminiar about appropriate eating, and I had determined to meet with a dietician to set up a healthy food routine. I have religiously followed the routine, although it is tough- protein every time I eat, with smaller portions six times a day?! I do know that I had lost some weight, and that's a plus. :)

Charity:
I had donated clothes and stuff to the Good will, and I'm starting to think that I need to get rid of more stuff, while I'm doing this. Being 40 years old here, and I'm thinkng, "do I truly need all this?" Not the 60% of stuff, I suspect. I'm also looking into freecycling so people can get stuff what they need, and I'd not have to worry about transportation especially with furniture!

Just for the fun of it....
Oh! :D I had sent out a postcard to a random stranger on the other side of the world, Postcrossing, in which you can check out for yourself- would be keen to get postcards from everywhere in the world. I can't wait to see my first postcard. :D

I played with playdoh! I know it can be childish, but I found it relaxing and enjoyable; a fun de-stressor that helps relax muscles and become mindful about yourself...

Take my "gnome" Erif, the fire horse and take photos of Erif in strange places as we travel... I had done that with Erif on our trip to Wisconsin visiting a dear close friend, Ash! One photo is already added to the Bucket list post- you can check it out. :D

Trips:

I had gone to Wisconsin to visit Ash, for a weekend, and it was worth the 16 hours round way road trip! I had seen amazing things, including a drowned hydrant deep in snow, snowman cheese, the IceBox, and a weirdo comic shop that could pass for a frat for geeks if there was one.

I do plan to go up to Wisconsin in June, this time for Ash's wedding, and to explore the Doors county, the Evensong spa (http://www.evensongspa.com/evensong_spa_facilities.htm )with its labyrinth (after all, it's one of Bucket List goal for me to walk 25 labyrinths this year), and Circle Sanctuary cemetery (http://www.circlesanctuary.org/cemetery/), the first Pagan green Burial Ground in the United States.

I have to add one thing, with having the bucket list, I do notice that I have more motivation to do things and to seize the opportunity to experience things. I suspect if not for this, I would have gotten deeper into depression- aye, I have been experiencing depression lately, and to have the list had helped providing me the motivation and aspiration to complete what I can.

and..it's FUN!

Bucket list... Goals....."Things to do"..... for 2011

2011-01-09T18:02:00.012-07:00

First of all, I'm reassuring you..I'm not dying, nor with any intention to end myself by end of this year...I just like the sound of the "Bucket List"! :D

After skimming through the book "The Happy Book" (Here is the link to the book), I was thinking..and noticed a friend doing her list- I was like 'Doh! that's what I had been thinking for a long while, but needed someone to smack me in the head first!" That's what I had been wanting to do, a list- since I had been noticing that my list grows, grows and grows as older I get, and I don't get to do much of 'em..perhaps that's why I'm very much "down' these days... this would help with keeping me busy, and motivated for this year...I'll worry about 2012..heck, they say that's when everything ends.. the perfect quote.."I have goosebumps, people."

So here is the list...I will add if I desire..and if in process, the goal will be showed this way, and when the goal is accomplished, the goal will be marked.

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center
Writing/publishing a book.
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (1/11)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths.
Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself.
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day.
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.

Books
The Happy Book
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three.

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again.
Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards

Health
Go to the gym 3 times a week.
Attend monthly health seminars at the gym
Do Wii Fit at home 1-2 times a week.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're getting there" and smile at yourself.
Lose 25 pounds.

charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor.
Drop off clothes at Goodwill
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos!

Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.) (1/11)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 Road trips in 2011 (Wisconsin, 1/11)

Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)

Waverly Hills Sanatorium

Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center

The Good, The Bad, the Cuddly- toys at Frazier International Historical Museum

Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

Ah, Midsummer Night's Dream....Jules' spirit enmeshed.

2010-12-06T15:29:00.018-07:00

That Shakespeare play has always been my favorite of all his plays....

Bottom: "Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar,
that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
let him roar again.'

Fairy: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he
That frights the maidens of the villagery;
Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
Are not you he?

Helena: Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,
That I did never, no, nor never can,
Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,
But you must flout my insufficiency?
Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
In such disdainful manner me to woo.
But fare you well: perforce I must confess
I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
O, that a lady, of one man refused.
Should of another therefore be abused!

Puck: I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,
Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:
Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

Titania: My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.

Theseus: More strange than true: I never may believe
These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!

Pyramus: "O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot!
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stand'st between her father's ground and mine!
Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!

and my favorite quotes from the play itself...

Puck: If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Bless his heart, that Shakespeare had seen into the Otherworld and attempted to show us the world...and methinks..he did it well. Bravo, the poet of comedy and love, the writer of drama and sorrow, the sorcerer of grace and magick, Shakespeare!

Beef and pork recipes tried and loved!

2010-12-06T15:20:00.006-07:00

Sloppy Joe Nachos
1 pound ground beef
1 can (15 ½ oz) sloppy joe sauce
1 package (12 oz) tortilla chips
¾ cup shredded cheddar cheese
In a large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add sloppy joe sauce; cook, uncovered for 5 minutes or until heated through.
Arrange tortilla chips on a serving plate. Top with meat mixture and cheese. 6 servings.

Beef-Stuffed Zucchini
4 medium zucchini
1 pound ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 egg
¾ cup marinara or spaghetti sauce
¼ cup seasoned bread crumbs
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 cup (4 oz) shredded Monterey jack cheese, divided
Additional marinara or spaghetti sauce
Cut zucchini in half lengthwise; cut a thin slice from the bottom of each with the sharp knife to allow zucchini to sit flat. Scoop out pulp, leaving ¼ inch shell
Place shells in an ungreased 13x9x2 microwave-safe dish. Turn off microwave turntable setting. Cover and microwave on high for 3 minutes or until crisp-tender; drain and set aside.
Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook beef and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Remove from the heat; stir in the egg, marinara sauce, bread crumbs, salt, pepper and ½ cup cheese.
Spoon about ¼ cup into each shell. Microwave, uncovered, on high for 4 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Microwave 3-4 minutes longer or zucchinis are tender. Serve with additional marinara sauce. 4 servings.

Apple Juice Pork with Squash and Golden Raisins
4 1-inch-thick boneless pork loin chops
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 cup apple juice
½ butternut squash –peeled, seeded and cut into 1-inch pieces
½ cup golden raisins
3 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees. Season the pork chops with salt and pepper. In a large, heavy skillet, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil over medium-high heat. Working in 2 batches, add the pork chops and 1 more tablespoon oil between batches. Cook until browned, about 5 minutes on each side. Transfer to an overproof dish and tent with foil; place in the oven.
Add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook for 2 minutes, scraping up any browned bits. Stir in the apple juice, squash, raisins and sage; season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook until the squash is tender, about 10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the squash mixture to a bowl. Cook the remaining liquid until syrupy, about 5 minutes. Serve the pork with the squash and pan sauce.

Pumpkin and Sausage Penne
¾ cup uncooked penne pasta
2 Italian sausage links, casings removed
½ cup chopped sweet onion
1 garlic clove, minced
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/3 cup white wine or chicken broth
1 bay leaf
¾ cup chicken broth
1/3 cup canned pumpkin
3 teaspoons minced fresh sage, divided
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Dash ground nutmeg
3 tablespoons half-and-half cream
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons shredded Romano cheese
Cook pasta according to package instructions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook sausage over medium heat until no longer pink. Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels; drain, reserving 1 teaspoon drippings.
In same skillet, sauté onion and garlic in oil and reserved drippings until tender. Add wine and bay leaf. Bring to a boil; cook until liquid is reduced by half. Stir in the broth, pumpkin, 1 ½ teaspoon sage, cinnamon and nutmeg; cook 1 minute longer.
Add the sausage, cream, salt and pepper; heat thoroughly. Drain pasta; place in a serving bowl. Add the mixture; toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese and remaining sage.

Fluctuating Days of October

2010-10-12T13:39:00.004-06:00

How much I love the month of October; the beauty of red, orange and yellow coloring the world, the crispy taste of cold mornings, the leaf-dancing breezes, the chilling joy of Samhain (Halloween to y'all non pagans) and the mystery of night ever alive in this Hunter's Moon. Opportunties to taste pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, pork and squash; to gut a pumpkin and see the face light up in night; and to walk among the leaves and music of the trees preparing to sleep.

Yet..I hate October. Of all months, October is tough to me. A discovery of a murdered woman among the fallen leaves; most forgotten by everyone except for her family and I, although the name is starting to fade from memory. A relative's death by suicide; common in my family, it seems, just like leaves falling one by one. A car hitting me, leaving me with my own struggle, one foot in the summerlands and one foot in the world here, and not knowing if I would survive, but to survive paralyzed or whole. Masks discharged, revealing true or false friendships in the true environment of the hospital. Power struggles during the vulnerable moment of the hour.

I'm reminded gently by the Goddess, that October is of balance. Dark and Light. Whispers in the silent darkness, foretelling new beginnings. Mystery of Life and Death. Samhain is a time of introspection, of emptying the false from the mind, heart, and soul. Dawn and Twilight. Two sides of the coin. Cannot have one without the other. The only choice I have is how I live walking the path of the labyrinth, among the fallen fire-colored leaves.

Yoga and Christianity, they don't mix?

2010-09-22T20:58:00.033-06:00

I was quite flabbergasted after I read the article “Yoga can be dangerous to Christians’ faith” says Louisville’s Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler, on his blog, http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/09/20/the-subtle-body-should-christians-practice-yoga/ I want to respectfully discuss his concern about Yoga and its ‘effects’ on Christianity.

“ Syman describes yoga as a varied practice, but she makes clear that yoga cannot be fully extricated from its spiritual roots in Hinduism and Buddhism. She is also straightforward in explaining the role of sexual energy in virtually all forms of yoga and of ritualized sex in some yoga traditions” Mohler was quoted in his blog. He then stressed on how he was concerned about how yoga practices include physical and spiritual exercises, in the goal to connect with the Divine as well as wellness. He responded, “Believers are called to meditate upon the Word of God — an external Word that comes to us by divine revelation — not to meditate by means of incomprehensible syllables.”

Now I have to wonder about that….. After all… praying, meditation and connecting with the Divine can be richly varied in Christianity as well as Buddhism, Islam, Hindu, Paganism, and other religions that could fill up more pages than I could, but you get my meaning. Shall we see what I mean by that?

In process of praying-meditation…. Candles are used in yoga to help focus and become aware of the divine, and so do many religions.

Woman lighting candles at a church in Tbilis, Georgia

Jewish woman says the blessing upon lighting the sabbath candles (2)

A Muslim woman lights a candle at a shrine dedicated to the prophet Elijah (3)

Praying to get closer to the Divine, as Yoga encourages becoming aware of Divine in both physical and spiritual.

Kenyans praying (4)

Christian woman praying (5)

Muslim man praying (6)

A Kneeling Hindu Balinese Woman Prays and Gives Offerings at Sunset (7)

Pagan praying (8)

Meditating on problems/concerns. Yoga does that, to help clear the mind and process the problem… and we seek answers from the Divine, as well, don't we?

Christian meditating (9)

Woman of Sikh (10)

Tools that contribute to meditation/praying…..

Walking the Labyrinth in Chartres Cathedral (11)

Woman meditating- origins of labyrinths come out with 4000 years, from lands such as Egyptian, Indian, Native American, Greek and Northern Europe. (12)

Rosary beads in a Catholic Christian‘s hands- in which types of beads are used by Christians and Muslims (13)

A monk holds prayer beads in McLeod Ganj, India. (14)

Prayers Stones (15)

Scents to help us think of the Divine, as well as at yoga- after all, didn’t Jesus receive frankincense as a gift for one example?

Incense- which can be found in churches, as well as in temples and locations of prayers and residences. (16)

Praying to the Buddha (17)

We can’t go without music in prayer…and yoga

Harp music in church (18)

Signing with Deaf and Deaf/Blind in both preaching and singing in silence (19)

Drumming with shamans (20)

Choir of Southern Baptist Church Praise and Worship Center (21)

Now…. With all that we had seen, how can yoga NOT be a tool for Christians to get closer to the Divine? Meditation can be so different for each of us, but we share the common goal- to get intimate with the Divine in many names that we follow. We also can use meditation for mindfulness, wellness, holistic health and exercise.

After all, I confess to meditating while vaccuming and I do consider feeling closer to Her after the house is clean.

Resources

(1) http://kevinkoski.com/Hobbies%20and%20Interests/Bicycle%20Touring/rtw/photos.html

(2) http://religion.info/english/articles/article_470.shtml
(3) http://www.daylife.com/photo/0eoWf779ETeJg

(4) http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/2008/01/steps-to-end-the-suffering-and-violence-in-kenya/
(5) www.joyfullyliving.blogspot.com
(6) http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/islam-prayer/
(7) http://www.digitalhit.com/posters/p/4901480
(8) http://witchywonderland.blogspot.com/2010/05/pagan-prayer.html
(9) http://www.spiritrax.com/subcategory.php?id=13
(10) http://www.sikhnet.com/news/naam-japo-meditation-prayer-and-its-purpose
(11) http://yourworldreligions.blogspot.com/2007/06/prayer-of-heart-christian-meditation.html
(12) http://naradashaktisolutions.wordpress.com/2010/05/19/labyrinths-the-upside-of-walking-around-in-circles/
(13) http://www.freshmeditation.com/blog/easy-step-meditation/rosary-meditation/
(14) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/asia/india/739176/India-holy-cows-and-fine-shrines.html
(15) http://prayerfullife.com/2010/05/principle4/
(16) http://stjev.org/prayer-and-a-pint
(17) http://www.thaiworldview.com/bouddha/ceremo15.htm
(18) http://transfigurations.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html
(19) http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/chronicle/6406132.html
(20) http://www.dreamingshaman.com/ongoing_events.htm
(21) http://www.1800gospel.com/2008/10/gospel-music-news-how-sweet-the-sound/

Mirror, Mirror, who are you?

2010-09-20T17:41:00.010-06:00

Throughout childhood to young adulthood, I had to struggle with self blame and self loathe. Any success I experienced, I doubt that it was really me; it was because the teacher, the judge, the group felt sorry for me. I tended to stay to the wall, to stay invisible and to avoid eye contact- why? To survive.
No matter how many A's I could get through schools, no matter how much recognition through fund-raisers and awareness of causes I raised, no matter how often I could meet the expectations, even beyond the unrealistic expectations, I was always considered a failure. I BELIEVED I was a failure.
It was through the fourth therapist, I was asked, "WHO are you, really?" No one had really asked me that before. I couldn't answer that. No, I was TERRIFIED to find out the truth.
I looked at the face in the mirror and wondered, "who is she?" I didn't want to say "me" because after all if I dared to say "me" or "I", I'd end up skinned raw by the scalding venom of her. It was always her, ALWAYS her, it's her clothes, her style, her opinions, her perspectives, her personality, HER. No such as Julie- it was just a clone of HER. To dare thinking different, I felt I was betraying her.
It took me a long time, almost twenty years before I realized- I didn't know who I was, if anyone asked me, I mimicked HER views, never mine since I didn't have any opinions. I then knew that to save any part of myself, I had to escape. I did so, putting a thousand and more miles between us. I felt like a newborn baby- scared witless in the new world; I wanted so badly to return back to her.
I forced myself to stay where I was. I explored with baby steps, such as going to a department store by myself and picking out a pair of sneakers was a tremendous step for me at age of 26! I had to sample a variety of food before I would realize that I like BBQ ribs so much and I dislike busset sprouts- at age of 27. How little people could imagine on how personality can develop from tasting food and trying on clothes in the beginning!
With more learning I gathered, more I realized how much I had missed; I didn't get to jump on the bed, I didn't play dress-up; I didn't have the chance to climb a tree. I never had a healthy childhood. I had to take care of her; to make her happy, I had to predict her moods and take care of her needs even before she thought of them. I ignored my own needs to take care of her need for attention and demands. Due to trying to please her, I was a people pleaser. I could not say no to anything, even to unreasonable queries. I would offer to do errands for people out of my way, just to get them to like me. I experienced a burn out, and I realized as I recovered.. No one was there for me It was a cruel awakening! At encouragement, I read "How to say no without feeling guilty" and walk the walk. I practiced saying "no" and not to experience "did I just SCREW myself up? They are angry at me! Have to do it to keep everything fine!" The world didn't end as I thought it would.
I started to be very angry, I felt she OWES me for so many things I had missed out, about thinking about herself, not me, even at age of six, ten and sixteen. I became bitter. I started to tear into people, pouring venom on people, and manipulating them; finding their weaknesses and using to get them to do what I wanted them to. A friend went, "Why are you becoming like her??!" That rattled my soul! I didn't want to be her, I wanted to be ME.
It took another ten years before I discovered myself, ironically after the hit and run where I had to learn to feed myself, to dress myself, to sit down on the toilet and to write again. I started to see the child within me, and I realized I did not want to lose her again.
After years of re-discovery, challenges, pushing beyond my own limits and dangers, I know who I am, and you know what....I like who I am, and I am not like her at all. I find joy in seeing simple things, giving of love without expecting something back, laughing and crying without worrying about being caught, and being myself. I like wolves. I love to walk labyrinths. I enjoy reading comic books. I prefer baggy jeans and sandals, barefoot if I can! I find joy in radical feminism and being outspoken about HIV/AIDS education for Deaf. I let tears fall due to natural disasters and New Orleans without being ashamed. I am me.
And her? She is my mother, I love her, but I do not have to be like her, I do not owe her anything. I AM WHO I AM.

Canvas Labyrinth

2010-07-01T18:07:00.004-06:00

I had applied for a mini-grant in a goal to get a canvas labyrinth. Why a canvas labyrinth? It is mobile. I can take it out and unwrap it to have it available for clients or staff. I can bring it to workshops and presentations at conferences to show the benefits of using labyrinths for both therapeutic usage and de-stressing. When it is not needed, I can fold it and put it in a bin to put away 'til it's needed. I don't have to worry about finances in building a permanent labyrinth, or of figuring where to set up a temporary labyrinth. Don't get me wrong- I enjoyed doing that chalk labyrinth! It is just that they can't expect me to up and make one when someone needs it! The cement'd need to be cleaned, ropes and measurement tapes'd be needed to set up, and hour of back-bending labor- it can be exhausting!
Now I had found out that I had been approved to get a canvas labyrinth- so I'm SO thrilled, beyond imagination!!! It is like it is destiny of mine to introduce the labyrinth's poetic beauty and serene environment. I'm so excited to order the labyrinth! This is what I plan to order from The Labyrinth Company.

I'll do a labyrinth presentation at SERID this fall, as well as at the Deafestival in Kentucky. ::dancing around:::

Chalk labyrinth at where I work!

2010-06-04T21:02:00.011-06:00

It had rained last night and the cement was damp at the Behavioral Health playground. That did not stop Jeremy K. and me from creating the chalk labyrinth we had planned for 3 weeks. The goal of making the labyrinth was to provide a therapeutic tool for the clients to explore to see whether it would benefit them. Staff and co-workers weren’t forgotten- they can use the labyrinth as well, for relaxation/de-stressing.

What is the word, “labyrinth?” According to the dictionary, labyrinths are places constructed with intricate passageways. The obvious difference between labyrinths and mazes is that mazes have dead ends and confusing passages, while one enters the labyrinth in one entrance and leave in the very same doorway. By walking the maze, one might experience confusion, frustration and anxiety, trouble trusting the surroundings, and the ultimate goal is to “Get out of this environment.” With the labyrinth, it is a safe environment, awakening the right side of the brain which leads to self exploration, finding the quiet in the mind, problem-solving and at least but important, meditation and relaxation skills.

Labyrinths had been used for children with ADHD, grief/loss groups, survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, corporate teams for brainstorming, college students before final exams, recovering addicts from substance abuse, families with someone in the hospice/nursing homes, and individuals struggling with terminal diseases.

Labyrinths can be created with anything. Ropes, painting, grass, wildflowers, bricks, stones and spotlights have been used. Labyrinths can be permanent (stones or grass), or can be temporary (spotlights and chalk). One can even have a mobile labyrinth by using a canvas and bring it to workshops, clients at other locations when it is not possible for the clients to come to a permanent location. With all this knowledge I have, I decided that we will create a labyrinth at work. Using chalk to create the labyrinth is decided due to reasons: a) temporary on the basketball court, b) can be washed away by rain and c) cheaper to do than using other kind of materials.

We started with measuring the starting points, then starting with a rope in making circles for the labyrinth with the chalk. Upon completion of lines, we filled in with thicker chalk marks, to make it easier for people to walk the path. Having the variety of chalk makes it more fun for us as well! The creation of the labyrinth was bigger than we expected. I first estimated it to take 3-4 hours to complete, but with Jeremy working with me, we completed it in an hour and half!

I introduced some clients to the labyrinth during the week. One client who was struggling with domestic violence walked the labyrinth, and held a rock saying “love”. She hoped for an answer to whether her husband can learn to love her. After the walk, she said, “when walking, I was thinking about the abuse; I got to the center (of the labyrinth), I realized something: I need to learn to love myself; without that, how can I learn to love healthily?” A client with impulsive/anger issues had thought walking the labyrinth “silly” when he saw it, but chose to walk it to “see how it’d work.” While he was walking, I observed he was walking fast toward the center, and then he started to slow down. When he started to walk back- he walked much slower, very much like an older man. He was not ready to talk about the walk. He agreed to think about what he had experienced and see me next week. I saw him yesterday; he displayed a clear-eyed calmness and he was ready to talk. He said he could not help but recalls obstacles he experienced through his hard life, and turning corners on the labyrinth reminded him of those. When thinking he was about to get close to the center, he found himself on the longer path instead. He then realized, “When I look for short-cuts, I fall into holes. I have to take the long way, to learn and help myself.”
I’m not saying that the labyrinths are a cure-all, or that it is good for everyone. It won’t work with people with severe psychosis or major depression. What is the purpose of a labyrinth, then? A meditative tool. A safe place to pray and to ‘slow down.’ A physical walk to slow the over-thinking and increase listening mindfully. A client-therapist connection; the therapist to be the guardian at the gate where the client walks in and explore herself. A path that leads you to where you subconsciously need to be at that time, peace within yourself and perhaps something that you are ready to hear or not.

Sandtray and labyrinths

2010-06-04T20:46:00.005-06:00

I like to say that labyrinths can be created with anything.
On the other hand, sand tray is a wonderful therapuetic tool to express one's story without verbalizing anything.
This is an example

decorated with a variety of stuff- marbles, glass, hearts, shamrocks, rocks, etc.

and there's another one...more simpler

This world is screwed when it comes to religion and sex.

2010-06-04T20:31:00.005-06:00

"Priest molested 200 boys in Wisconsin" "Irish Priest was not charged for molestions reported by victims" "Church apologizes but not take action in preventing future molestions." So many articles throughout the recent years.
Mind you, I am not writing to attack the church. I am questioning on how this could happen.

Let's look at the education system. Despite the criminal records, referrals, background checks and policies set up to protect students, there are teachers still arrested for inappropriate touching, sextexting, having sex with students. The latest report is of a middle school teacher arrested for molesting a student in a closet, according to this article on June 2, 2010: http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/06/former_denville_teacher_admits.html.

Now, let's eye the Correctional system. We all know that there is a rate of criminals in jails: rapists, child molestors, guys who take pictures of naked children in sexual poses and sell pictures, or in the worst case, children. What is disturbing is that police has to ensure that there is no loophole for the lawyers defending the predators to avoid going to jail. Even if they end up in the jail for, let's say, 20-25 years, so many could get out with "good behavior" or agreeing to be monitored with an electronic ankle bracelet tracking his movements. (And I do wonder, how much are monitors paid for doing that?) Sex Offender Registration with cities\counties\state is good, but that still is a question mark on whether it really works. After all, recall Chelsea of California, recently, who was killed by a registered sex offender. (http://www.livesecure.org/san-diego-teen-chelsea-king-murdered-registered-sex-offender-held-for-her-death-update/)

And unfortunately, we see too many monsters that hadn't been in jail or even in psychiatric hospitals, like that Garrido who had kidnapped a young girl and kept her as a sex slave over fifteen years, who gave birth to two daughters (and forbid the thought on whether THEY experienced sex abuse too). And not even police could get away with "protect and serve;" after all a Scarmento Sheriff's deputy was recently arrested for kidnapping and molesting a 13 years old girl, on March 2, 2010. (http://auburnjournal.com/detail/143638.html)

Not even Europe or other counties are spared. Too many girls, women and babies are raped in some areas of Africa, being the claim that taking a virgin is a cure for HIV\AIDS. Let's not forget the Austrian father, Fritzl had hidden his own daughter in a basement and fathering several children on her for 24 years.

We TRY to keep track of sex offenders; we take action to make sure, at LEAST to prevent molestors from doing it again, although it is not fool-proof. Education and prevention is especially important in protecting children and adults alike- not even seniors are spared the terror of rape and sexual abuse. An excellent example: a parent or two reports to a school about a PE teacher touching male students under 13 years old, and taking them out in his car, the school and\or parents takes action and report to the police who then comes arresting the teacher and taking him\her to court (jail is potential, among with fines, losing teaching licensure, put on probation and sex offender registration.) THEN the school and parents work on getting crisis counseling for students, providing psycho-educational workshops for fellow parents and teaching kids how to protect themselves. Furthermore, the school strengthens their policies and procedures to ensure that it won't happen; being more strict with background checks, monitoring teachers and students, and systematically review teachers and staff that work at schools (bus-drivers, nurses, principals, janitors, etc). The city where the school is based in, then reviews their own laws and see how they'd reduce the risks for potential harm in the future; perhaps increasing decrees for molestors such as jail for life, death penalty (Louisiana wanted to do that) or banning absolutely from all schools. The bottom line is: the school and city TAKES *responsibility* of ensuring the children's safety and PUT on themselves the responsibility to prevent potential harm of children.

Now, what does it have to do with the Church and the molesting priests? Nothing, really. Well, but for one thing. A powerful religious organization tries to sweep it under the rug, and refuse to deflock priests that have a history of molestion but for very FEW individuals?. Do you know that only 3% get deflocked? The church apologizes, ask us to pray and forgive them, and hope that it'd not happen again. Very, very few takes action in preventation. That's the difference.
As according to this article, they are getting away, so far. (http://abovethelaw.com/2010/05/u-s-government-weighs-in-on-vatican-sex-abuse-siding-with-the-vatican/)

Animals using the labyrinth, what has come to the world?

2010-03-22T16:39:00.009-06:00

Walking the labyrinth is a wonderful tool for a variety of purposes; healing, letting go, de-stressing, forgiving, meditating, creating and transforming, and discovering the relationship between humanity and the universe. Throughout years I had walked many labyrinths, either by myself or with groups at many locations. District of Columbia, Colorado, California, Hawaii, Great Britain, Maryland, Canada, and Utah are a few examples. However, I never had walked the labyrinth with animals before.

What could one mean by walking the labyrinth with animals? Good question. I had not even heard about it until I started reading “The Way of Labyrinth: A Powerful Meditation for Everyday Life” by Helen Curry. This statement caught my attention,

“Horses have been observed walking a labyrinth on their own when one is left in the field.”

That intrigued me. Could labyrinths be used by animals? I know that there is not much differences between us and animals, and that I feel what may be of good to us may be beneficial for the animals. I did more search for labyrinths and animals, and I found this newsletter printed by ‘The Spirit of Veriditas: Voices from the Labyrinth’, Spring 2009, focusing on animals and labyrinths.

The Founder of Veriditas, Lauren Artress reported being told by a women group in New Jersey of an experience with a deer. What happened is that they had a priest telling a myth of Diana (Roman Goddess of the hunt and wildlife) When they were preparing to create a labyrinth, they heard unusual noise in another area of the church. They went investigating and lo! They found a scared deer, that had wandered into the church and then walked across the wet painting of the labyrinth, leaving behind hooves printed upon the labyrinth. The women encouraged the deer to leave, and they decided to leave the footprints alone, to remind themselves, “things come to what we focus upon.”

There are articles about dogs and cats using the labyrinth, as well as photos of dogs, horses and birds walking the labyrinths.

Jonathan Rudinger, founder of Permassage training for canine bodywork, located in Ohio, observed as he encouraged owners to walk the labyrinths with their dogs,

“This labyrinth is very different. It celebrates two entities and two parts of our personality just like the two drops of water merging. Walking this pattern is about working together as one partnership.”

I wanted to experience that firsthand. Lola, the almost 1 years old Peke-pom mix was my first choice, since she is hyper. I figured it would be good for her to learn how to slow down with me. I took her to the labyrinth at Louisville Presbyterian Seminary today. She was very restless at the start of the labyrinth, that I picked her up and carried her all through the labyrinth- she was tense at the beginning. I observed that I felt she was heavy, and I realized- I’m learning a lesson myself…I had seen her as a burden, to clean up after and to discipline. I had lost the sight of what Lola was meant to be, a puppy, and that she is young; that it is not her ‘job’ to mess up my life. I chose to see it that way, and I acknowledged my wrong. As I carried her, I smelled her fur, hugged her and observed what she observed in my arms, the squirrel looking for nuts, a robin under the bushes and the swaying daffodils nearby. At the center, she was relaxed and I felt more lightened in spirit.

I chose to see her as a dog to be loved and eager to learn, not a human being in fur to scold or teach properly. She is a ripple in my life and that is what we need of each other; to love and accept.

She was ready to walk the labyrinth with me, and after a few encouragements and pets, she walked the labyrinth for the first time- she walked close and slowed down. At every corner to be turned, I’d bend down and scratch her head, “good girl!” It was cool to see Lola explore the labyrinth, the new spring flowers, the moss growing over the bricks; and to see the grace of us both walking the labyrinth.

Lola walked the path and I look forward to walk the labyrinth often with her!

Unleashing the Labyrinth

2009-11-09T18:00:00.010-07:00

Disney World. Why would I bring up Disney World, writing about my experiences with the labyrinth? Have you ever read Mark Twain’s book about Tom Sawyer, where he and his sweetheart got lost looking for an exit out of the caves that felt like a maze? Disney World had those types of caves on the Finn Huck Island beside the steamboat and the log roller coaster. I remember when I was twelve, I was darting through those caves with dimmed lights. At a dare by a friend, I entered the dark cave (with no lights), so I had to feel walls of the stony tunnel, hoping to find a way out. Out of the dark, someone grabbed and scratched at my ankle; in panic, I ran and bam! Slammed my face onto the cave wall. Someone used a cigarette lighter to see what was going on. In the distance I saw the exit and ran out. I remember looking down at my ankle and found it bleeding from scratches. A friend’s parent saw me, waving at me, smiling but the smile disappeared. She came quicker and took out a tissue to wipe at my nose; it turned out I had a nosebleed from slamming my face. I remember thinking that the ugly hands grabbed at me in the dark and because of that, I could not trust the darkness anymore after that experience. That included the darkness within me.

Now, it has been many years since when I was lost in the caves. I am a practicing shaman for almost twelve years. I have also been working and studying human services/mental health counseling. As a studying shaman, I feel more closer to two counseling theories, which is Existential (in which focuses on freedom of choice, responsibility, awareness of death, connection, finding meaning in life, and living experience) and Mind-body counseling (becoming aware of our own body’s messages, connecting our spirit/emotions/bodies), which can be applied to many aspects of shamanism in which is attunement of body, spirit and mind, which then is connected to nature. I found myself attracted to walking labyrinths for years without understanding my fascination. I remember my excitement when I would find several labyrinths in and out of London, as well as in Colorado, California, Maryland, New York, Hawaii, Pennsylvania and Utah. It helped that some wise elders encouraged me to look into using labyrinths as self-care and a de-stressor. Ironically, I found that walking the labyrinth is a walking meditation! When I would try to meditate in one place, I couldn’t do it. I discovered that when I walked labyrinths, I could go inside myself; and discover hidden aspects of me through exploring the fears and learn how to work with myself.

I went to Gallaudet University for an interview with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis for graduate school the week of homecoming 2005. The night after, I was a victim of a hit & run in Washington, DC. I had been left behind with two broken legs, torn leg tendons, a broken neck vertebra and a torn neck artery. While in the hospital for weeks, I had experienced a vivid dream while sleeping. In that dream, I was walking a labyrinth made of glowing bricks on the streets of Duport Circle, and more I walked, I was escorted by someone unseen with gentle touches upon my arms. Once I got to the center, I looked down and realized I was in space, looking down at Earth. The planet was beautiful. I got the feeling that it was time for me to return, and I did so- I woke up much re-energized. The doctors were surprised when I learned to walk again in March, when they felt I would walk again by summer (though with wheelchair, motorized scooter, the crutches and then cane.)

Despite doctors’ asking me to slow down, I returned to school full-time. I was more determined to finish the last year of undergraduate school and go on to graduate school. Now, if you don’t know what the Denver campus look like, let me explain- we have three campuses in one area- Community College of Denver, Metropolitan State College of Denver and the University of Colorado in Denver. It is quite a huge campus for an able person, even more for one relying on a wheelchair, crutches or cane! Being deaf was challenging, even with having interpreters and access to education. With leg injuries, I became invisible. It was like everyone went ‘blind’ pretending that they didn’t see me as I struggled in my wheelchair uphill to a class or fought to open a door while using the crutches. I was at eye-level with people relying on wheelchairs or crutches (CP, paralysis, or other physical disabilities) and it greatly humbled me; I was honored to learn their world, and I discovered they are more human than able people, with such compassion and understanding. With that knowledge, I was fervently determined to ensure that people, who have right to education, to communication, and to being treated as human beings, are HEARD. I learned from the school of tough knocks and from academics, and I did finish with a B.S degree in Human Services, concentrating in mental health.

I had gotten accepted into the mental health counseling graduate program at Gallaudet University in the fall of 2007, and I was excited! I felt a passion within my heart to continue my studies in mental health, but I still had questions: How can I include labyrinths in therapy? Is it possible to use labyrinths as a therapy technique? Can Deaf people consider labyrinths as a viable asset in helping themselves?

In the orientation to mental health course, Ms. Kendra Smith handed out several old American Counseling Association newspapers, encouraging us to take one for each of us. I saw one handout was on Hurricane Katrina and mental health (everyone who knows me, know I have a great interest in natural disasters and effects on mental health), so I chose that. That night, I opened it to read, and on the sixth page, I was astonished to find an article on using labyrinths as an alternative counseling technique. That finally answered my questions on whether labyrinths can be used in counseling! This discovery encouraged me to pursue the inspiration of using the labyrinth as an alternative technique. To add, my professors encouraged me profoundly to consider using the labyrinth as a tool in counseling once they found out about my interest.

I knew how to use the labyrinth, since I have done labyrinth walks for years but I wasn’t sure how to use it FOR OTHERS. I decided to look into whether there are trainings or workshops. I found that Veriditas, the Worldwide Labyrinth Project, provides trainings, which are called Labyrinth Facilitating. You could not imagine my excitement! I contacted the staff at the project to find out that the trainings were very expensive, nothing to cough at! I was discouraged since I knew I couldn’t afford the training. I talked with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, the director for the mental health counseling graduate program, and he persuaded me to take the training since there was a grant that can help finance the training. After all, it would enrich my learning and benefit the Deaf community in the long run. After dealing with several obstacles for almost a year and attending internship in KY, I finally got accepted for Labyrinth facilitating training in Boulder, Colorado back in March, 2009. Only one last obstacle was finding interpreters! Due to the organization being a non-profit, they could not afford ASL interpreters, especially with the training located at the church. My VR counselor removed that obstacle, knowing as well as Dr. Lewis, that it will be a valuable tool for me and the Deaf community; we got interpreters arranged for the three-days of intensive training! Nevertheless, it did make me wonder how hard it is for Deaf individuals to get interpreters for non-profit trainings.

The trainings were both reflective and stimulating. The teachers learned from me about the Deaf community, the norms and how to socialize with Deaf community, for either communication or providing labyrinth trainings/presentations. I learned how to use the labyrinth in its variety of textiles (visual and physical) and interacting with people, individually and in groups. I learned that it is very different walking the labyrinth singularly (much focusing on oneself and finding peace within) and in groups (being aware of other people, overlapping the path, and becoming aware of the world within ourselves.)

Interpreters and I taught the teachers and fellow students, indirectly as the students discovered even if I may “sign short”, ASL means more, and that takes interpreters longer to talk (imagine me signing, and then waiting for the interpreter to catch up and finish!) It was a challenge to include interpreters in the physical area of the labyrinth training- some interpreters walked the labyrinth in the beginning. In the end after efforts and errors, we all figured when I was walking the labyrinth- the interpreters were to stay silent and stay out of the labyrinth, so I can focus on the activity fully among the fellow students. I became closer with the teacher, Jo Ann Mast, and Lauren Artress, the founder of the Worldwide Labyrinth Project. We brainstormed on how the labyrinth could enhance Deaf people who may be interested, including deaf-blind. We also discussed about using other ways to enrich the experience with colors, candles, drumming and/or crystal toning bowls since I realized I couldn’t hear the harp that was used for one labyrinth walk, or the bells that were shaken at another walk.

I was saddened that I wouldn’t work with the Jo Ann Mast, the Labyrinth teacher anymore, but I also knew she will be there by email if I need- she has a big heart and she showed it all through the trainings! They told me that I was the first deaf person to take the training; I felt both thrilled and overwhelmed by that fact! I was thrilled to know that I have been given the opportunity to be a representative of the Deaf community to the organization. I was scared that I could screw it up for the Deaf community, and that I was biting off more than I could handle!

One thing I learned during the training stuck in my mind and I use it often for many other things; “There is no right or wrong way to use the labyrinth” and I interpreted it personally for myself, “I follow my gut; whatever decisions I make, it’s right for me, even if it leads to a disaster- I learn from it.” That can apply to everyone, using the labyrinth, and in their lives. After the trainings, we received a small gift, which was a coin-sized labyrinth in one could put in the pocket. I touch it often for inner strength and support.

I needed to do three presentations so I can become certified as a Veriditas labyrinth facilitator. I returned to my internship, thinking “I need to introduce the labyrinth to the Deaf community, but where to start?” I swear Dr. Lewis read my mind because after discussing with him about my training, he asked me to give a presentation on using the labyrinth as an alternative technique and self-care to first year mental health graduate students at Gallaudet a few days before my graduation. I was bowled over by the opportunity, to do my first presentation at the Gallaudet where all my interest in labyrinths had grown in leaps during my graduate studies! Sure enough, I gave a PowerPoint on labyrinth walking and working with clients, as well as for students/professionals for self-care and de-stressing. I ended the presentation with the students walking the labyrinth at a church near Chinatown. The students reported enjoying the walk profoundly- finding it both peacefully and thought-provoking. Some were still “thinking” after the activity at lunch, which is not surprising, since labyrinth walks can cause catharsis and thinking for a long while on what is going on in their lives. I encouraged journaling and using the labyrinth for the second year students, especially with them attending graduate school. Some students report to me that they have walked some labyrinths several times after the presentation, and that is exactly what I wanted to hear; the deaf individuals finding the labyrinth a visual meditation and relaxation for themselves, enriching their lives and becoming better counselors for Deaf for when they graduate. Currently, I’m working on finding two more opportunities to provide labyrinth presentations for certification.

Now I’m a mental health therapist in KY, working with deaf and hard-of-hearing community from individual counseling to providing workshops. I keep on introducing the labyrinth to Deaf people much as I can, and my path that had been introduced to me in both trauma and growth, is continuing with passion and determination. I no longer fear the darkness within me, because I learned that for some people like me, labyrinths can lead to the dark and introduce me to hidden strengths and answers that I was not ready back then, but now I welcome. I learned how to use the darkness in me as a line to walk to a spiritual and mental balance within me. I believe that using the labyrinth is walking a line between sound and silence, in which one learn to quiet the noisy thinking and to heed the silence within oneself, to find the potential and the soul ‘s music that had been neglected for a long time.
To conclude , when one is determined to walk his path, even with obstacles, the reward in the long run will be enriching, not in monetary nor in number of friends, but in self-growth and teaching. I could not help but find the irony within us. There is a body piece within us all; there is a labyrinth within us all! It is the labyrinth, one part of our ears- the inner ear, made of hearing and balance components. We could walk the outside labyrinth in meditation with our feet, and we already have inner labyrinths within our ears. We learn how to balance ourselves, juggling the job, the family, the finances and social life, and our ears help keep us balanced. How fitting is the Deaf community walking a variety of paths, yet all comes together of a path of humanity, inside and outside?

Volunteering from Deaf hearts: Deaf, We are One and Many.

2009-01-21T19:15:00.029-07:00

"Ask not what your Deaf Community can do for you; ask what you can do for your Deaf Community."

Reading the request of Mishka Zena's about what one have done for the Deaf community, I was thinking, 'that's a splendid idea! To show how much we have done for the community, instead of pulling each other down." I had thought long and hard, and I did not want to sound I was bragging or to put the spotlight on each individual. What I would like to do is to show individuals, not just me, doing much for the community.

1) When the hurricane Katrina hit, many of us, I'm sure, had been wondering how the New Orleans Deaf community were doing and if they were all right. The Baton Rogue school for the deaf had promptly opened their rooms for families with and without children. Local interpreters of Texas and Louisiana fought to put out awareness of what the deaf community had gone through, especially with lack of communication. I still vividly remember when someone had sent out a false list of who had died- I contacted the correct contact working with Red Cross to find out and gave out the proper list of who had survived and where they had ended up at. Gallaudet had fought in convincing the Red Cross that the deaf community needed mental health help. The university finally got the permission to send mental health counselors, social workers and child psychologists who can sign. I alerted the Colorado Deaf community (and others who had forwarded the request list to other friends out of state) about donations of necessities to deaf survivors who had lost everything, such as dishes, books, TTYs, children clothes, children toys, sheets, kitchen needs, and so on, in which so many had donated, including from a school program with deaf students donating books, a NJ family sending a TTY, a CA individual sending a check, several interpreters with kitchen needs, a comic book store donating comics for children. And all those individuals I listed, had volunteered, and did it from their hearts and belief in the Deaf community.

2) Many of us have done volunteer advocates for deaf programs dealing with domestic violence. Several of us had known the risks of meeting survivors, knowing there was a chance of encountering the abuser or seeing things that we couldn't easily forget. We worked with survivors on developing self esteem and motivation to escape the chains of physical, verbal, sexual and/or emotional abuse. To protect the safety of deaf survivors and the volunteer advocates, one could not identify the deaf volunteers, but one cannot deny that the volunteers did all that with determination and perseverance with the belief that the Deaf women and children have the right to be safe as well as the hearing community.

3) Due to limited access and/or limited funds, much of the Deaf community had not gotten appropriate information to HIV/AIDS and STDS (sexually transmitted diseases). In past, there had been several programs working with the Deaf community- unfortunately either due to mistreatment of finances or the assumption that "others" can help out, programs had closed down. There are so few, several on both coasts and one or two in the Midwest- that's not enough, not even close. As an unpaid volunteer, I had attended trainings provided by the Technical Assistance and Training Program of Colorado department of public health along with a friend who too wanted to provide educational tools for the Deaf community. I had worked with clients living with HIV+. I had worked with groups discussing about safe sex and how to protect themselves, and that's not even close to what programs have done for the Deaf community. DeafHope, GLAD (with HIV Prevention and HIV Interpreting program), Chicago Foundation for Deaf and other programs had fought to keep their programs running. We all believe that the Deaf community have the right to information, and the right to decide how to handle their health, with full awareness.

4) For me, I have been doing a blog in goal of helping the Deaf community get information that may be of benefit. I know that I do not write much often as other bloggers. My education demands a lot of me at this time, however I try to make time to ensure that if there is a need for information, I will put it out.

5) And oh yeah, I am working on becoming a mental health counselor, to work with Deaf and hh individuals, families and groups, who can then create the tools they need to handle their own lives and develop confidence. Before returning to school, I had worked with deaf individuals at groups, in their goals of becoming independent, getting and keeping a job, raising children properly and safely, advocating for their rights to access and communication, and encouraging the public to respect the person's right to decision-making instead of taking over their lives. I speak for myself- I don't believe in leading one by the hand, doing things myself. I believe that individuals can be successful by themselves once they learn how to help themselves and the families/friends around them.

I could go on and on, but I bet that the folks can speak up for themselves on what they have done and are still doing for the Deaf community. What about you? I want to end this with:

"Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist." - Barack Obama

Golly Gee! Time to catch up.

2009-01-11T19:24:00.003-07:00

It had been almost an half year since I last wrote on this blog. Graduate school had kept me busy for the semester before the last. Now I'm here in another state during my internship (last semester) before I could graduate this upcoming May. I'm pretty excited about the internship in somewhere I never had been before. You know me, I like to try different states that I had not been in the past. 17 states left to explore!

I have found some labyrinths around here, and I hope to continue studying the labyrinths to be used as therapy for the deaf community, since I feel the walking meditation can be a visual tool. Many deaf people use ASL, which is a visual language, and so I was thinking, "why not labyrinths?" So I am hoping to pursue this, by taking the facilitator training which is in March. I am also looking into taking Red Cross Mental Health Crisis Intervention training, (whew, what a mouthful/handful to say!)

I couldn't say much more than that since I'm starting to gather much privacy as I can for myself, more I become a therapist. There is a clear need to keep personal boundaries for deaf therapists; being visual advocates for the Deaf community, they also need to keep their private lives separate. It is quite confusing for friends to look at me and go "are you talking as a friend or a therapist?" or looking to me to see if I could help them and I wonder if they are seeing me as a friend or therapist? That's where dangers of boundaries show up, and that's when we need to become more aware. Drawing boundaries are not easy as I had experienced in previous jobs, but it is very possible to be clear where the lines are and expect respect for privacy.

New Orleans and Hurricane Gustav

2008-08-31T11:28:00.005-06:00

I'm worried, especially with what is going on in New Orleans at this moment- So far from what I could read of articles from NOLA news and CNN news, most of folks are evacating from New Orleans, in steady flows with public transportation (buses, vans, trains and planes), which includes helping elderly and disabled getting out of the city. The last plane leaves at 6pm tonight from NOLA airport. At some pickp-up locations, the last bus leaves at 2pm from what I understand.

On the other hand, I read an article just a few minutes ago, that some are still unable to leave, such as two brothers trying to get a van to come pick their handicapped cousin, but the van did not show up (don't know if the van had yet showed up so far...), several workers saying that they don't have the funds for where they could stay if they do get out of New Orleans, a woman not leaving due to her two Rottweilers (and who could blame her? Pets are very much part of our families) and so on. ("Strapped for cash, some in New Orleans stay and hope" - CNN news)

There is an article on NOLA news about Shari Bernius of Deaf Action Center ensuring that there is access to communcation for the deaf community in New Orleans, as in being the interpreter at emergency announcements (on television since usually emergency announcements don't include closed captioning.) Shari said in the article that due to limited access, several deaf had died related to the hurricane/flooding, and several had suffered in confusion afterwards, as I would recall from some conversations with some LA teachers for the deaf and some evacuees in Houston. I am hoping that the Deaf community has better access to evacuation and services on where they could go and where they could stay during the evacation. I'm hoping to get a hold of Red Cross to find out about what they are doing for the Deaf community this time.

For whoever you are in New Orleans, Deaf or hearing, African-American or white, get out if you can, and for who could not get out for any reasons, try to get to a higher floor and stay alive. We'll pray for you.

Being stronger than bullies

2008-08-07T14:39:00.004-06:00

It has been more than 25 years ago when I had been bullied, throughout elementary to high school. Just to think that it had been that long ago, yet we still have bullies skulking in hallways of schools even in 2008, looking for prey which would be children/adolescents who could not protect themselves, or be protected by friendships or authority.

Just to think about what I had gone through as a victim of bullying, I still could see scars from within myself as well as on my skin. It took me a long while and a therapist in high school to realize that it was not my fault, or that I did not deserve to be hurt this way. I still remember when I was shoved through a bathroom, my face pushed into a mirror, while they took my books out of my bag. I still remember when I was shoved into mud during recess, in my dress on the photograph day. I still remember how a group of girls would threaten to hate/hurt me, unless I exposed myself, in the back of the bus. I still remember how I brought my hamster for show-and-tell, and to find that someone had smothered the hamster while I was away for lunch. I still remember how I woke up from a nap during a school field trip to find that someone had put gum in my hair, and that a teacher had to cut my hair to remove the gum. I still remember no matter how much the teachers would favor me (teacher's pet), the attention of teachers would never protect me from the bullies. It was a tough time for me when at 11-12, I was moved to a sign language program from an oral program, in which students would do me harm, just because I could not sign well as they could. Boys may be mean when hurting me, but it were the girls who could be the most cruel. Whatever I was, of being skinny, being clumsy, not knowing sign language, being deaf, being a girl, being the teacher's pet, being the 'model student', you name it, I might had been bullied just for that 'excuse.' In high school, it did not matter to a bully that I could not understand what she was saying, (hearing bully); she tried to push me down stairs that could end three floors down, if not that I grabbed her arm and the rail on the wall. It cost me a black eye, but better that than broken bones. It did not matter to a bully that I was poor, that the jacket that my grandmother made for me, could keep me warm; she had to take it after school off my back and claim that she did not take it when the teachers confronted her the next day. It did not matter if I loved books more than to hurt other weaker students, the bullies would not give up on hurting me; even if I started to cry, they would call me "crybaby". There was never a win-win situation in any of those times. Even when I became proficient in sign language, I could find myself hurt by hearing bullies. So it did not matter if the bullies were white or African-American, deaf or hearing, girl or boy, using sign language or not, they were ALL bullies alike in that they used violence to harm someone intentionally, knowing that they could get away with it. That is the very wrong we need to address when it comes to bully prevention programs in schools.

I had learned when I finished school, and then went into college, that no matter how one may try to protect oneself, it would have to be from the inner strength from oneself, as well as the awareness and motivation of society to say 'Bullying is NOT okay. We will not STAND for it." There are so many bully awareness and prevention programs in numerous schools. I had observed how often students would stand up for themselves in extreme situations, in the point that they would shoot bullies, as I see in countless articles throughout years. I had been told so many from other victims of bullies, that sometimes they can be protected by the prevention programs especially when bullies are counseled, as well as the victims. Bullies, you see, could be from dysfunctional families, in which they may lash out in school, or that they may not have gotten appropriate discipline or support from families. Recently, I found out that one of my middle school bullies had been sexually abused by her father, and so she had projected her anger and frustrations upon other students, since it was very much easier to do that to peers, than to an adult that could overcome a child repeatedly with his strength. With that awareness of what had happened to her, I confess that I had trouble figuring out whether I wanted to forgive her actions toward me when we were kids, or to understand her history. I could say that due to being Scottish, I could carry a grudge long as I want, but I don't see any point in that. There is no sense in being angry at what had happened to me when I was a child. What I am angry about is that so many children are victims themselves, and that in protecting themselves, or to release anger from within, they harm each other. This vicious cycle could continue as long as children experience trauma and violence from within their own families, and then bring it to school to harm other children.

From my own experiences of being bullied, I learned that it is harder for me to make friends, in fear that I could be betrayed or harmed, even in adulthood. Thankfully so many friends proved me wrong; I have so many friends that love me and support me. In that realization, I learned that I did not have to be a victim anymore. I can be an advocate and push for prevention programs of many unhealthy situations, such as bullying, substance abuse, family violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, neglect of children and vulnerable adults alike. We need to push for bully prevention programs in all schools, including residental schools, private, public, and mainstreamed schools, especially for children who are deaf, or have disabilities such as blindness, mental retardation, CP, or from other countries (immigrants, transit families, and of other cultures). Everyone need to realize that this CAN be prevented. No one deserves to be bullied, be they children or vulnerable adults.

Gratification, gotta get it now or later.

2008-07-11T17:02:00.006-06:00

I have so much things to do this coming fall! And all for the good.
I go see Sherrilyn Kenyon when she's in DC in August- that reminds me, I need to call the book store to ensure that there is an interpreter for when she do the reading and autograph signing. Waiting for the book, Archeron to come out (24 days left), and knowing that the author will stop in DC/VA on the book tour is a reward in itself, in which I am doing for passing my comps in mental health graduate program..and the comps was tough!

Then there is the Dragon-Con in Atlanta, GA, which is during the Labor Day weekend, in which I hope to see Laurell K. Hamilton, Anne McCaffrey, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Susan Sizemore, Margaret Weis, Joseph Michael Linsner, Robert Englund, Linda Blair (yeah, of Exorcist), and so on. Just let us hope that there'd be no assignments for me to do during THAT weekend or I'll do it on the road! Planning all the travelling, stays, activities/events to see (including checking out the Atlanta aquarium and the Dawn look-like contest at the Dragon con) is rewarding in itself, abetting the joy of seeing it all happening in the end.

Then there is the exercising. I had put it up on the shelves due to the track repairs, so I couldn't do fast walking. Soon the track will be complete and so I'll exercise again. I look forward to lose some more pounds. In weeks if not months, I'd get to lose some more weight that will end up making it easier for me to walk without stressing my legs out, and reducing asthma attacks.

I hit my toe on the doorway today and I hit the doorway in retribution. I knew the doorway didn't get in my way, but in anger and pain, I didn't think. It was gratifying to 'hit back' anyway, right away, now.

There are some classes I look forward for the fall semester, such as grief and loss, advanced therapy skills and assessment. Then I'll be off for internship in the spring semester. One thing I'll say about attending classes during summer, it means getting to the degree sooner than later! I have been working so hard, busting my ass (pardon my French), doing assignments, doing research (loved it), helping each other, knowing that in the long run, we all will be rewarded with degrees presented to us at the graduation of May 2009.

I had eaten some chocolate with chili in it today, to get the bite that I was in mood. I wanted to eat chocolate right away because I felt like chocolate would save my sanity right away.

Now that's the difference between instant gratification and reaping what had been planned for weeks if not months. I have issues with people wanting things now and they mean it..NOW, right away, immediately, at this minute if not earlier, yesterday, you get the idea. I observe how people would get frustrated when they are told that "the loveseat will not come in until next week", "it will take three-five months before you can see obvious changes in your body", or "It will take some days before we can get this part for your car so we can't do repairs now." I have seen people going ugly when they are told that there are things they HAVE to wait on. I feel that the society is over-depending on instant gratification. Fast food, you have it. Instant customer service, you have it. Kids wanting this or that, parents get those for them immediately. It is not the younger generation alone, I had seen people my age fretting if they don't get their Starbucks coffee right away!

It seems to me that some people have trouble understanding that setting up long goals, planning in the long run, it is very rewarding in itself. You can see how plans grow, domino-like, affecting oneself mentally, physically and emotionally. Putting money in a saving account for a goal of having a vacation in Ireland can be enriching in itself, knowing, that the money is growing and closer the vacation comes to reality. Seeing a child building a tree house by himself, without parents helping out, can help the child learn that if he does things himself, will increase his self-esteem and confidence in completing things. I had seen a friend putting pennies, dimes, quarters, and nickels in a huge bottle, saying that he wants to visit Germany. I thought "wow- a long way to go, it's impossible!" But she proved me wrong, after three years of saving all pennies, dimes, nickels and quarters, she had gone to Germany and had a wonderous trip there for three weeks. It is taking me two years to go through the mental health graduate program, with sweat, frustrations, tears, laughter and flares of temper, I am seeing how much I had gone through, and I am so much closer to my degree that I could actually 'feel' it in my hands. So, I would say that the longer the gratification is, more rewarding it is, compard to instant gratification. Don't you agree?

P.S.

Some friends say that they write a lot for their blogs and wonder why I don't write much. I have to admit that I don't write much because I had been told that some people are uncomfortable with what I write, exposing what "should be" hidden, and that there are people concerned that if I continue writing, it may endanger my chances as a future mental health therapist, on basis of confidentality and ethics. As it is, there are a lot of things I would like to write about, but I have to decide if I'm willing to take the risk of damaging the potential reputation that I would as a counselor later on, even if information is not related to therapy or counseling at all.
I hadn't yet decided if I will continue writing or stay on 'the surface' because I am still testing the water with my toe, trying to decide if I want to do a 'bomb-dive' or go into the murky water of risk, slowly a bit by bit. So we'll see.

So far, so good

2008-06-26T08:04:00.003-06:00

I'm doing well in graduate school, although a bit amused with teenagers here for 'summer camps' running around on campus (and pulling fire alarms- no difference between hearing and deaf kids when it comes to pulling fire alarms!) I'm officially a second-year graduate student, since I passed the quals (or if one prefers, comps), as I found out this week. I'm staying on campus due to attending practicum (full summer) and a class (A&O- and I have to admit- I LOVE it!) It just feels odd to me that the campus is almost empty, and so I get the sensation of being in the eye of a hurricane, waiting for things to slap me in the face sooner or later.

For the articles going on about cochlear implants and sign language, I'm staying out of it because I have to admit, I am not in mood for bashing for giving my personal opinion. I'd rather deal with that in person, so we can discuss it, putting all our cards out on the table, instead of arguing one piece by another piece.

I had gone to DC Pride two weekends ago, and I had a blast of fun there, meeting some nifty people, and getting two good leads on potential internships! I was thinking about how far we had gone in many years, in getting awareness of gay/lesbian community, available resources and supportive organizations. I did not even know that there is this organization "Out in the work" as in being openly gay/lesbian/bisexual/straight at work; Out in work, from what I understand, is a good resource for people having trouble at work, providing information about internships (I asked mostly about that.) I would have more information, but alas, I lost everything I gathered from that organization as well as other organizations (including stickers, buttons, magnets) at the subway on way home! *sigh* So I need to remind myself to check that organization online soon when I'm not distracted by class and practicum.

Soon, that class A&O will end, and so some of us are planning to go to Assateague Island, and Blue Mountains, a weekend each for camping. Boston, New York City and Philadelphia are on the list of sightseeing for historical stops and I gotta go back to Brooklyn for another taste of that deliciousmarvelous fudge cake at The Chocolate Room!

written by Jules

Cabs in NYC

2008-03-22T10:26:00.003-06:00

I gotta ask y'all something related to the taxis in New York City. Recently, I went to NYC for a weekend. I know I had a week for spring break, but dang it..assignments and papers for graduate classes. So, a weekend it was. Anyway- several times throughout the weekend, we tried to hail for a cab after exhausting walks/late night-not-want-to-use-subway-in-wee-hours. Once cabs realized we were deaf, they'd speed off. At the late hours of the first night in NYC, a cab stopped, I showed him the note with address and voiced, "Can you take us?" He looked at me and then sped off. When that happened, I shrugged it away "guess, he couldn't read the note." When it happened second time with a second cab, I went "hmmm.. another driver who can't read?" The third time was the charm, "WTF? They don't want to drive me around because I am deaf?!"
It wasn't unique- it happened on the second day, too and even the third day as well. A friend who lives in NYC, said it is not unique; that's when she'd try to get the cab driver's name and license to report him. (Although I do wonder how that could work if the cab driver flee before you get the full information?)
Have anyone else experienced this too?

A-to-Z story; Deaf storytelling.

2008-03-08T21:59:00.004-07:00

I went to "Deaf World Odyssey" a play, written/directed by Angela V. Farrand last Thursday with friends/classmate at Galluadet University. Due to growing up in the hearing world, I hadn't really understood much of Deaf culture, even when I was right smack in the Deaf world (working and studying among Deaf people) for years. This play helped so profoundly that at the end of the play, I had a better concept of what Deaf Culture is, with its language, its history, and its art. Especially the art of the wondrous culture! I had heard about A-to-Z and 1-10 stories but I never understood what they could look like. It is impossible to describe; one has to SEE stories in person or video to get an idea what ASL storytelling is! A classmate and I are working on creating an A-to-Z ASL story, using a ghost theme, and let me tell you, so much of fun doing practicing, using body language, facial expression and using letters to create visual art in the air, as telling the story. I am told that the play will go to other schools to help educate about Deaf culture, and I have to raise my hands in air to applaud the terrific idea! An excellent method of teaching majority of students, pulling them into the 'pool' of Deaf culture (smiling at the pun, since there is a boat in the play.) Sadly, it's just for this weekend on campus.
http://news.gallaudet.edu/?id=12853

How to help deaf children protect themselves from abuse.

2008-01-11T19:39:00.001-07:00

I just read another article- how many articles are there now- probably in thousands if not in millions- of a child dead by abuse. A lot of you know that I strongly encourage awareness of domestic violence and child abuse.

What I found of Child Abuse Statistics and it's very frightening and should be a concern to many. PER WEEK, child protective services agencies in US get over 50,000 reports of suspected child abuse or neglect. 67% of those reports had prompted an investigation, resulting in findings of children being victims of abuse or neglect which came up to average of 2450 children PER day. Do the math... 2450 children PER day for a year- that would be less than 90,000 a year.

Now- think about deaths of children by abuse. According to this site, " An average of nearly four children die every day as a result of child abuse or neglect (1,400 in 2002)." I shudder to think how many died last year (2007).

You know, I have been reading "Mental Health and Deafness" edited by Peter Hindley and Nick Hitson. There is a chapter there about physical and sexual abuse of deaf children. It says that in general, due to less/lack of communication/understanding between the deaf children and parents/caregivers, abuse have been 'silent'; in other words, limited education was given to children how to recognize abuse or how to protect themselves. Also, from the program "The Center for Abuse Prevention and Education for deaf/hard of hearing children" CAPE-DHH was set up after research showed, "The incidence of sexual abuse of deaf/hard of hearing children is estimated to be about 65% to 90% as compared to 10% for hearing boys and 25% for hearing girls."

Also from "Facts on Trauma and Deaf Children" one will find that children with communication disorders are more likely to be harmed/neglected compared to children without those disorders. Facts on Trauma and deaf Children

Not to despair- there IS help for deaf children if one looks. A lot of agencies that work with domestic violence survivors also have resources for children of child abuse and neglect. I found some agencies- there may be more out there that I don't know about. If one knows other agencies- feel free to add the info about them in the comments. DOVE in CO, Advocacy Council for Abused Deaf Children (Los Angeles, CA), Rochester, New York Advocacy Services for Abused Deaf Victims (NY), Oregon's Deaf and Hard of Hearing Services, Family & Children Services (San Jose,CA), Utah Community Center of Deaf and Hard of Hearing, and so on.

I found this site, in which I hope to order a copy. There is a DVD in sign language in which brave children tell of their experiences of physical or sexual abuse and the interventions to take them out of the danger. Here is the link, Kids against child abuse . The DVD title is "Do? Tell! Kids against child abuse" Kudos to Aetna Foundation Children’s Center, the Children’s Advocacy Center in Hartford, Connecticut!

Again- child abuse is not something to dismiss. It can happen anywhere. Keep it in mind that only a little percentage of predators are strangers; that means main numbers of predators/abusers are within the family (father, mother, sibling, aunt/uncle, grandparents, partners, cousins) and caregivers/school (teachers, busdrivers, teacher assistants, residental houseparents). I am not saying all this to scare you off; I am doing this to help you become aware of the risks that deaf children may encounter as they grow through their childhood. Let us preserve their childhood and innocence.

Samhain

2007-10-29T14:09:00.001-06:00

In two days, I will be able to celebrate Samhain, which in Celtic holidays, is a new year for us pagans. It is the most important holiday. That is when the gates between the world and the otherworld is weaker, and so we will have spirits, fey creatures and sprites coming out. This is when we put out dishes of food to respect the ancestors, to remember who had died and to find joy in honoring who we loved and will always love, hence trick-or-tricking originated from this practice.
"The pagan Samhain is not, and never was, associated with evil or negativity. It has always been a time to reaffirm our belief in the oneness of all spirits, and in our firm resolution that physical death is not the final act of existence. Though death is very much a part of Samhain's symbolism, this Sabbat also celebrates the triumph of life over death."
Jack o' lanterns came from when the ancient celts carved out turnips and so and put in lights, to put in 'new lights' to celebrate a new year and to keep 'evil' away.
Around this time, there would be pagans cooking wondrous feasts of pork, squashes, apples, pumpkins, nuts, all that of the late harvest.
Actually, Halloween is an American holiday developed around the time of Irish immigrants coming to the United States, fleeing the potato famine (the first wave in 1847.)
For people who are not sure or have misunderstanding about Halloween or Samhain:
FACTS:
1. There is no such as "Lord Samhain." That is from a movie. (gotta love Hollywood...not)
2. Male witches are called witches, not warlocks. Warlocks are traitors, betrayers, outcast out of covens.
3. Pagans do not kill black cats (or in other colors) or children. Heck, we have a lot of animals that we rescue or help raise to release back into wildlife.
4. We do not worship Satan; which is a Christian belief. For us to believe in that, we would have to be Christians. Think on that. We do love satin sheets, thro!
5. Whatever one may think of the movie, "Craft", nothing out of it is true except for that what one may cause, will experience it threefold back, according to the Wiccan way. (In other words, don't do evil or you'll have evil bite your ass off.) If one want to get hair color changed, get a hair dye. Different eye colors, get lenses.
6. Even thro that the Catholic Church tried to repress this Celtic holiday, it wasn't successful. They 'renamed' it Eve of All-Saints Day, to make the 'heathens' happy. It is one of the holiest days for Catholic Christians. 'Day of the Dead" as in Mexico is another example.

I hope you enjoyed learning something today. I am off to drum and drink some honey
mead!

(Artwork by Charles Vess)

New journey today and Homecoming at Gallaudet.

2007-10-21T17:33:00.001-06:00

I was looking for something different to do but hadn't decided how different.I just needed a break from Gallaudet University and all the hours of studying. My new motto is "Take breaks or you will break." Many people offered ideas such as the Native American Museum at the Mall, Georgetown tattoo parlors (unique 'til you find you don't have sufficient money to get a new one), this small-known garden behind the capitol where one can peer in to see the waterfall, and other ideas. I just wanted to do something that hadn't been published. Some people know my passion for labyrinths and so one suggested one in the Dupont Circle. I went "what labyrinth in Dupont circle?" Before I go on, I am sure, readers, you are asking "what is this word labyrinth??" It is a one-way path puzzle. A classical labyrinth looks like this:
It is very much a spiritual tool, when one wants to look inward to find where they are in the path of life. It can be used as a meditation tool. Both pagans and christians use it. There is even a Greek myth about it; Theseus went into the labyrinth to kill the minotaur, with Ariadne's assistance. There are older labyrinths about 5000 years. Several churches recognize that labyrinths are useful as located at Grace Cathedral (San Franciso), Notre-dame de Chartres Cathedral (France), Christ Church Labyrinth in Alexandria, VA and so on. I will include some links at the end of this article if you are interested.
Well, I looked alllll over the internet for this labyrinth in Dupont Circle and found NOTHING. A friend gave me directions to it and la da I found it today! Here are photos:

http://www.historicchristchurch.org/spirituality/labyrinth.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth
http://labyrinth-enterprises.com/12reasons.pdf

For people who are asking me how I am hanging in there at Gallaudet, thanks for checking on me! I am doing okay. Just tired these days, studying, doing projects due here and there, studying for exams coming up soon. Yeah, Homecoming was fun, thro there was a bomb threat at the football field (from what I understand, I could be wrong) and then a fire alarm at Hall Memorial Building (HMB) that sent alumni to SAC (Student Academic Center). I noticed it because I was getting out of SAC while alumni were pouring in, and I asked what was going on. An elderly lady latched to me and poured her frustrations on me (I wondered if I had my "counselor-in-training" t-shirt on..J/K) about the fire alarm and bomb threat. I could see why she was upset and an elderly man spoke up, "with all this, we don't need Gallaudet to look more worse than it is right now, so those guys who pulled the fire alarm or bomb threats need to grow up and think of consquences that makes Gallaudet looks bad." AMEN to what he said! It wasn't all bad news, the Gallaudet football team won the homecoming game against Williamson Trade, 40-26! So did the Bison women soccer vs. Gettysburg College team. I did get to see some friends that I didn't expect to see, almost 20 years last time I saw them- how much OLDER I feel!!!! So it was a nice weekend in all, the labyrinth walk and homecoming catch-up with old friends.

Gallaudet practicing Deafhood?

2007-10-02T22:25:00.000-06:00

The reason I ask this question is what I had seen since I came here in August and still see often if not daily is greatly disturbing me. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'd be happy to be told I'm wrong, trust me on this.. Deafhood values EVERYONE who are deaf, whether they wear cochlear implants, hearing aids, or none; speaks, signs, or uses both; being comfortable in both deaf and hearing worlds; being proud of being deaf yet NOT being hostile toward deaf people who are not involved in deaf community or aware of deaf culture; is all that correct? If not, clarify deafhood for me, please. There are some deaf students here that feel alienated even here on campus all because other deaf folks look down at them....all because those students grew up in mainstreamed programs (blame the parents, NOT the children), feel comfortable in the hearing world but willing to learn the deaf world, and they sign (believe it or not, I have met many deaf here that speak better than mainstreamed students here). Yet they are racked through the hot coals. You know that sign "hearing" to forehead, as in a negative perspective toward deaf people who are COMFORTABLE in the hearing world- how the hell can anyone want to join the Deaf community if the community itself REJECTS them? I had to hold a student while she was crying on my shoulder earlier today all because they were very cruel to her. I could expect it from undergraduate students, but from GRADUATE students? I would PRESUME that graduate students are more mature than this. I reminded her to remember that militant deaf are a few but they are louder than the quieter majority who accept everyone, from both deaf and hear families, who wear cochlear implants or hearing aids, who speaks or signs. She was encouraged to think- she might counsel future clients who may go through this very same experience, being rejected in the deaf community just because they LOOK hearing (and that's another issue I have with here, but I will not do it in this post). With this experience behind her, she can use this to strengthen her belief in herself and grow. I can't say the same for the ones who belittled her, or others who look down at ones who dare to speak, who wear cochlear implants, or are from hearing families. I have always have faith in the deaf community and the university but this incident had shaken my faith and I would LIKE to see that the faith be restored. I keep telling myself that there are MORE deaf folks out there that accept everyone as equal while seeing the student with tears running down her face. Convince me that there are folks out there that DO accept people like us equally.

**CLARIFICATION** Those are friends of mine. None of those are clients. I published this blog entry with friends' permission.

Just found out about A.G Bell in Colorado

2007-09-29T10:27:00.001-06:00

Reading some blogs on Deafread.com, I was startled to find that there is an A.G Bell conference in Colorado right now. Too bad I'm over here in Washington D.C, or I'd be marching around at the hotel. Harumph... I looked up who are sponsors or would be there at the conference, and I wasn't surprised to find Carson Elementary as well as Marion Downs Hearing Center on the conference information.
I was a student at Carson Elementary. Two things I'll say about Carson Elementary is: 1) they kept us SO sheltered, SO ignorant that we didn't even know about sign language, or existence of deaf culture; which led me to freak out when I was put in a manual program later, thinking the deaf signing students WEIRDOs when it was really me who was the freak. Sad, eh? And 2) despite not experiencing any kind of physical punishment as discussed by other people who tried to sign in oral programs, I had a lot of anxiety attacks because I'd never know when I'd be put up in the front of class to repeat and repeat saying the word over and over until I get it right and that was very humilating. I had met too many people who grew up from Caron Elementary to find that they are more comfortable using ASL, and pissed that they didn't find the Deaf culture until WAY LATER. I DO understand that the school thinks it is best for deaf children to be involved in the hearing world, but on the other hand, to tell us, "it's your fault if you don't speak or hear. your parents don't do good work, you, you, you, yours, yours," not taking responsbility on THEMSELVES; the teachers, the speech therapists, the audiologist in the school. I had seen too many students disappear from school, and have the teachers tell us "see, if you don't do good, you're out of here." Wait a frigging minute! If that is how they imply it, I'd RATHER go somewhere where we can be a team, instead of a group vs one, ..Oh wait. I already left.

Slang, secret words

2007-09-21T10:43:00.001-06:00

I know there is so many slangs and code words that one need to catch up on! While on facebook, there is this nifty "Superpoke" application where I can "checkmate," "slap," "trout slap"..waitaminute...WHAT the hell is "trout slap!?" So, after I bugged a friend in defining some of those 'code words', he found me this nifty site. So I thought you can all learn and know what people talk about (and even catch them if they try to call you something and you'd KNOW what it means, instead of going "huh?") Here is the site, urbandictionary.

Thanks, Adam!

Nice surprise at Starbucks!

2007-09-12T06:04:00.000-06:00

Mind you, I hadn't even gotten a sip of my coffee (must have coffee in morning or I'd be a goblin, mind you, not nice like those ones in "Lords of the Ring" movies) when I thought I recognized someone. So after he got his coffee, (nice to know I'm not the only one in wee hours of morning, needing coffee to wake up) I waved to get his attention and asked, "Are you Gary Brooks"? Yup, it is him! After we chatted for a bit, I have to say that he's such a wonderful guy to talk with! In his part, I have to say that he is an excellent advocate when it comes to speaking up. If he isn't afraid to speak up, neither should anyone else! I agree with him that the students ought to stand up and speak up for themselves (and others) if they have issues with professors' opinions or views as well as issues in general (like gay-religious contervsary for one example.) I realize that it is very much an issue that is common in the Deaf community when one thinks about it. There are passive individuals and assertive individuals but passive people are common when you think about it(if you ADMIT it) Blame it on being raised mostly dependent on others and not having enough self-esteem and confidence in oneself. I still remember last night when there was a meeting and two students wouldn't speak up for themselves that they needed to sit closer to see (visual problems). I spoke up, "they need to sit closer" and encouraged other students to move back, so those students could sit front. I hope the students can learn if -I- can speak up, so can they! And so can anyone in the Deaf community. No one should be AFRAID to stand up and say "wait a minute. What's wrong with this picture? Let's talk about it!"

I am honest to acknowledge that I am somewhat hesistant to speak up because I hadn't yet learned how to intepret whether it is constructive criticism or something to take personally, basically. After talking with him, I am starting to have some thinking about how I approach issues and how I bring issues up for the public to discuss (or argue) about. Perhaps I should look into taking public speeching or acting, to confront my anxiety about speaking up in public (and on the blog as well) A good time to think about, especially with me being in graduate school here! Wonderful, thought-invoking talk, Gary!

Several things I learned so far at Gallaudet

2007-09-06T18:17:00.001-06:00

It has been three weeks now (ALREADY??!!) since I came here to Gallaudet University as a graduate student for the mental health graduate program. *****Whew***** Before I came here, I thought I was well prepared. How little I know! Here are ten items I found out, or learned from other fellow graduates.

10. Even when the car was packed to the ceiling, I didn't get to fill every single drawer or the closet. That tells me either I have a SMALL car or they know how much stuff students bring to dorms so they have those LARGE drawers and closets.

9. 'TME' means "Too many eyes" especially when you don't want anyone else to see what you're talking about, in the cafeteria (gossiping in other words.)

8. One television in each lounge isn't EVEN enough. (Especially for students who hadn't brought a TV.)

7. Better find a roommate immediately if the other is watching television all the night and you need your beauty sleep. Don't expect that it'd stop after you ASK him/her to stop that!

6. When you think you have an handle on your studying (rolling on floor laughing), think again. As it is, I had lost count of what chapters I need to read in which books for which classes on which days due for which assignments.... and trying to catch up. (Thank gods for the schedulebook/planner!) *note for future students: GET a damned planner!*

5. If you don't know what you're talking about in class, you're in trouble and the professors know it. In other words, READ. READ what is required and know what to talk about. Copying other students' comments are NOT so cool.

4. It's pretty nifty to see everyone sign where you look; however it's distracting esp if you are seeing someone telling a FANTASTIC story and not watching where you walk. So far I had bumped into two students and one staff. More than that, one could give me the nickname "Bumper Fender."

3. Even with two microwave cookbooks, I'm already tired of microwave food. The cafeteria food isn't so bad but... ::waving hands as in "you-know-what-I-mean":::::

2. You DO pick up on ASL. In just two weeks (really, three), my signing had been changing from PSE to ASL (as I noticed as a friend and I reviewed the video she took of me.) Good to pick up on signs in a deaf environment!

1. STUDY. There's several graduate students going out partying or hanging out so I even wonder when they EVER get to study or read books for classes! Yup, I do go out but not EVERY NIGHT. Make time to put your nose in the books! It's GRADUATE SCHOOL, you know!

Sherrilyn Kenyon!!!!

2007-08-12T20:23:00.000-06:00

I'm still rechecking the book "Devil May Cry" over and over to look at the writing/signing that Sherrilyn Kenyon did for me. It was wonderful to see her at the Borders the bookstore, and it was MUCH better with an interpreter. I cannot stress how much the staff helped ensure that I could have access at the reading and also at the signing. Stacy of Borders (at 104th and I-25 here in Northglenn) was very helpful. They reserved two chairs for me and the interpreter(Val in the white dress in one photo), and ensured that the interpreter would have a spot to sign while Sherrilyn Kenyon spoke and did a questions-and-answers section. At no point, did I feel left out. Sherrilyn Kenyon did look at me when she realized that I was deaf and so we talked a bit about sign language; that she couldn't sign much due to her hand being broken in the past. I did tell her that if she ever comes to DC, I'd be too happy to teach her sign language! I hope that bookstores can read this and realize how accessible (and simple)it can be for deaf readers/customers to participate in any signing/readings of amazing authors. Heck, even during the reading of tickets on who'd win stuff, the interpreter notified them of my number, and even when I went to the coffee section to get away from crowds (I confess, I feel uneasy in crowds), the wonderful assistant went down to give me a poster I won! They didn't HAVE to, but they did.

I cannot stress hard enough how I REALLY appreciated being an active participant in this event thatI will never forget! Here is the photos!

Shared Reading Project

2007-08-01T23:41:00.000-06:00

As I said it in a comment at one blog tonight, there IS a program where hearing parents can interact with their deaf children and it will also help literacy. So I thought, why not write about it here on my blog? So... this program is provided by Laurent Clerc National Deaf Education Center at Gallaudet University- It's called Shared Reading Project. How it works is that mentors who are usually deaf and know ASL, will be sent to work with hearing families once a week or two. The goal for the mentors are to use children books, and teach parents how to sign from the books that would attract the deaf child, helping the deaf child developing the connection between printed word and sign..and ta da, we have LITERACY. It also will help the family develop a closer relationship with the deaf child(ren) as well. Here is the link:

http://clerccenter.gallaudet.edu/Literacy/srp/index.html

It's not limited to Washington DC. It is at many states from what I understand, including Colorado where I found out about this program.

Another idea for hearing parents on interacting with their deaf children.

"That They Shall speak"

2007-07-29T19:55:00.000-06:00

A relative found this among junk in her attic and thought I'd want it back. I was puzzled since I never saw this before, a yellowed poster. So I unrolled it and went *gasp!* I tried to get more information about this, where this was developed and what organization this was to represent but the family relatives clammed up. Keep it in mind, no one in the family WANTS to talk about the "failure." The failure as they see is the years and years of speech therapy, hearing aids, intensive tests and experimental surgery, etc yet I chose to sign in the end. So... I can't really blame 'em for feeling bitter, you know? I took photos of this poster with my SK2 so it's not in great shape. I'll spell out what the words are presented:

"Communication..... The One Priceless Gift
Coordinated program to meet physical, social, and emotional needs

..... That they shall speak."

Yeah, you see right, that kid is ME...as four or five years old, more than 30 years ago. When I realized it was ME, I asked myself, "And I was a spokesperson (child) for THIS organization that tells everyone that I can speak?" :::palm slapping my forehead:::

Another flashback

2007-07-29T19:43:00.000-06:00

Today, reading about the demonstration at AGB convention, the comments left in several blogs, I had another flashback. *again?* Not this time about deaf children. It was about two deaf adults I know personally. One friend and one relative. Both ‘hard of hearing’ (they said so) with hearing aids and CI. Names had been changed to protect their identities, so I respect their privacy.

I would LOVE to get to know my second cousin, Christine- I do. But sometimes I wonder if family relatives have manipulated her against me, in fear of any “potential bad influence from me due to being “DEAF.” You see, she fell ill as a very young child and became deaf. I didn’t even know about her until I met her at a family reunion. I was then seventeen and she was eleven. Even at that meeting, once we met in person, there were adults hovering around and once I would raise my hands to sign, they would either herd Christine away or tell me “TALK with your voice! Not your hands!” I did notice that she was very curious about my signing but we never got a chance to communicate together without anyone interfering.
Next time we got together, it was this May. I was invited to her bridal shower. I was even surprised that she would remember me. I think it was because I was in California at that time and I was visiting my aunt who was also her aunt, so to invite her without me would be a RUDE move. So….. I was invited. I went, and I then noticed that she had a CI. She speaks but how good, I don’t know. I did notice she didn’t speak much as her mother and fiancé. This time I didn’t sign because I didn’t want to make a scene. I was afraid that if I start to sign and anyone slaps or shoves on my hands, I WOULD make a scene, so I kept mute. When we finally hugged each other, I was surprised when she signed rusty, “Good to see you!” Her mother actually looked like she just ate something bad! Before the end of the bridal shower, Christine slipped a paper note into my hands. After I got into the car, I looked and it was an email address and note, “Please email me! I want to know you. I would like to know about what it is like to be deaf.”

At this time, I hadn’t yet emailed her. I honestly don’t know what to say. How can one describe being deaf in printed WORDS? How can one explain what it’s like to be deaf? There are so many different perceptions and my perception is only one. Sure I could refer her to vlogs but from that rusty signing, I would suspect she wouldn’t catch even 30% of what someone signs. There is very few blogs out that that *really* describes being deaf, if you get my meaning. I could suggest some books, but if her mother and fiancé had those looks, I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble as well. I DON’T want to be furthermore alienated from family as I am already because I refuse to speak or hear.

About 10-15 years ago, I was living in New Jersey. A friend of mine and I were invited to an annual award ceremony for another deaf friend and so we agreed to go. “Bobby” and I went to this old school, and everyone was speaking. I was experiencing unease because I thought I saw a poster welcoming visitors to NJ AGB meeting. I went “Alexander Graham Bell organization?” and I found myself curious. I had heard a lot about AGBAD but never had attended any kind of meetings or truly interacted with people that are involved in AGB. I found that most of the folks attending the award meeting that day were mostly parents and their children in ages of kindergarten to post-college.

My friend, Wayne was to receive an award for being successful, having a B.A degree and accomplishing a job as a manager in business. Bobby told me before we got into the building “don’t sign- they aren’t comfortable with anyone signing.” I shot back, “how then do I talk?’ How do I communicate?” with a disgusted look. Okay, I CAN speak and lip-read, but not that great. In other words, I could speak and lip-read great among my family but with the public, forget it. I can understand “How are you?” “Can I help you?” “Need gas?” common comments out there. Bobby gave me this pleading look and so I said “okay, I’ll just keep quiet. It’s Wayne’s day.”

After the award ceremony, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. Why? I felt it was all smoke and mirrors. It was very much “SEE! PROOF THAT DEAF ADULTS CAN SPEAK AND HEAR LIKE US!” Never mind that there was only ONE deaf adult at that award ceremony. There were many children there at the meeting, and I was thinking “when they get to his age, how many will be at the award ceremony to show that “deaf children can become hearing”? Maybe one or two. I looked at Wayne and I felt both pride and sympathy for him. Why pride? Despite all this obstacles thrown into his way (speech therapy, learning to identify sounds, fighting to be like hearing to please society, he managed to get a BA degree in business.) Sympathy because he was very alone. He didn’t have many friends. He was basically a loner, not knowing where he belongs. When he signs, he always has this uneasy look as if someone’s jump out of the closest and go “AH! YOU SIGN! NO! NO! THAT’S WRONG! BAD BOY” When he speaks, he looks uneasy as well, unsure if he was speaking clearly or not. So you can see.. I feel proud and sorry for him. I remember when he was invited to Six Flag for Deaf Awareness Day, he accepted with delight. You could see his face lighting up. However when we got there, he would feel awkward, not knowing what to do. He stayed close to me and Bobby while watching other deaf groups chatting. I could see envy in his eyes; couldn’t anyone see that he would LIKE to be treated equally for who he is, not someone that is expected to be someone else by society?

So, knowing those adults who had been influenced by John Tracy Clinic, AGBAD, speech therapists, “professionals” who claims they know what deaf children need, and the hostile environment around them, I am actually curious about the children with cochlear implants these days now. How many children would be curious about the deaf community but afraid to ask or learn because of the people around them? How many children would become adults being awarded for being “successful” but truly alone?

Positive Exposure

2007-07-26T16:15:00.000-06:00

Reading several blogs about ASL vs AGB, I couldn't help remembering two unique encounters I had with children with CIs.

There was a cute little girl, a friend and I met at a candy store last year as well as a toddler boy 6 at an airport six years ago. I need to point out the differenes of those encounters. There were children with CIs, true and they are raised by parents who hope for the best for their children. Who can really blame them? It is the parents how the child is rasied, and frankly, we cannot force them "because we say so!" One suggestion is: be present in public, be accessible, and be willing to meet them in the middle way. I will expand on that.

Six years ago, I was at an airport during a stopover, taking it easy in the waiting area. I was watching an haggled mother with two very young boys coming up and sitting across from me. The children obviously looked cranky. Who'd really blame the mother for being befrazzled herself, especially in a busy airport (O'Hara) AND two 3-4 years old boys by herself. Anyway, I suddenly spotted that part of CI on one boy's side of his head, at the same time I noticed the mother trying to tell the very same boy to sit down repeatedly with her voice. The other boy was already sitting down and playing with his car toy. The deaf boy was looking around,I'd say, relying on his visual reception. I winced then when the mother grabbed the boy by the arm and shoved him onto a row chair. The boy was starting to wiggle out of the chair while the mother was looking into her bag. I discreetly signed "sit, stay" with a smile. The boy saw that and sat back in the chair, and started at me
with a mesmerized look. "Airplane there. Look" I signed more then stopped. I couldn't sign more because I didn't know how the mother could react, esp with that befrazzled mood she was in. I had always wondered about that boy now and then. I wondered if he would remember a woman who signed, among the distracting noises and sounds that might be very unrecognizeable. (especially in the airport.)

Very unlike the other encounter with a little girl with a CI last year. I took a friend visiting from out of state, to Boulder. We walked the 16th Street area; such a beautiful area to visit and shops to see. We stopped by Rocky Mountains Chocolates, to see what fudge and candies they have. We were chatting when we noticed a little girl (about 6-7 years old) watching us. We paid no attention until her father actually came up to us and attempted to sign. I was pleasantly surprised, more so when he said "my daughter has a CI. We are teaching her how to speak AND sign" I looked at the girl and sure enuff, she has a CI under the long hair. She looked as if it was the first time for her to see deaf adults signing. I introduced myself and my friend by signing and speaking at same time and the father looked delighted and for some reasons unknown to me, relieved. My friend asked him how he is signing. I think he was thinking why the parent was signing when children with CIs tend to be taught how to speak and hear. The father said that the family wants the girl to know BOTH the worlds, the best offered from each world. What he said next, stunned me. I hope, readers, you'd remember this:

"You are the first deaf adults we have seen in public."

And that made me realize he probably is right. I haven't seen much deaf folks out in public either myself. How CAN we expect the world to know about the deaf community if we stay home, go to deaf events only and not go out much in public? Maybe there have been deaf people out shopping, eating, enjoying events or activities but I haven't SEEN them sign. It made me wonder a while, as the friend and I talked more with the father and the girl; we spoke about having jobs as a teacher and a counselor, attending universities, the love of books. The father told the girl, "see, they love to read like you!" How can the girl learn about the deaf world if there isn't much deaf folks to socialize? Hell, *I* hadn't seen my first
deaf adult until I was seventeen!

The friend and I went home and talked about that over coffee- yeah, coffee at 2am, very smart, yeah right! We both agree that it would be nice for deaf people to be seen in public. It helped that he and I love to go out and have fun, sightseeing, eating at resturants, checking museums out, etc. I have seen children and adults both watching me and friends signing in public. So what? That's positive EXPOSURE, let the public know about us. I emailed some friends and asked them if they go out and if not, why not? Main reason, I was told, is because they dislike to be watched or treated as freaks. I can SEE their point of view, but on the other hand, HOW CAN THE PUBLIC LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH US IF THEY DON'T GET PRACTICE OR EXPOSURE?

I could then understand the reactions of the father of the daughter with CI; to him, WE were the mysterious myth; one would never know when to catch sight of us in person. How can the children know about us if WE aren't out in public much? Sure, the parents "could take them to deaf events" but if parents are uncomfortable in numbers of deaf people (think this way, how many of you would feel awkward showing up at a convention for Little People for one example?), who'd really blame them? One or two deaf adults and children would be more approachable at a time. Keep it in mind, I applaud the father for being willing to teach his daughter both the worlds and trusting that she will still love her hearing family in 15-20 years.

On the other hand, the restless toddler. However I CANNOT presume that the mother is cruel to her son all the time. It may be that she was by herself, having TWO toddlers AND at a busy airport; who'd really blame her for being a bit testy? CAN you say the same if you had two kindergaten-aged kids at a busy airport by yourself? Perhaps being a very young child AND being in a noisy airport, how could he pay attention to the speaking mother? I don't know if the child was having speech therapy, or if his device was even turned on. Who knows? So, I'd rather refrain from making a judgemental call.

The bottom line, from my view, is we need to go out much in public as possible. Let us BE visual to the public daily, not at deaf events only. Don't be afraid to sign in public. If some folks gawk, let them. They gawk at the Amish too! In response, the Amish community ignore them with dignity and interact with the public when asked about their practices, food, activities. That's POSTIVE exposure. It caused the public to pay more attention to them and to respect them much better because they weren't "private" (considering to the public.) So we need to be public without shoving it down people's throats. Anyone have a public relations guy who can speak up for Deafhood and the deaf community? That's not even easier especially with folks arguing so many issues (CIs, AVT, ASL, schools for deaf vs mainstreamed programs, hearing parents vs deaf parents, etc.) So just being public and accessible would be MORE helpful, in my opinion, for hearing parents to approach us without us shouting and waving signs "Audism kills" or "Speech Therapy is Abuse." You know? Use positive exposure.

Perils of interpreters through family!

2007-07-18T11:39:00.000-06:00

I want to talk about two incidents I went through. They may be considered hilarious, sad or frustrating, depending on your interpretation! Take your pick!

It was more than fifteen years ago when my grandpa died of heart complications. I was relieved when the family said, "don't worry. We got an interpreter for the memorial\funeral." Whewww! At the church, I was waiting for the memorial's start. Mother rushed up to me with a stranger in which she introduced, "This is Lisa, who will interpret." (It isn't her real name, I don't remember anymore.) The memorial was to start in a few minutes. Lisa and I sized each other up and I signed, "hello. How are you?" She went "slow-slow!" Uh oh..... Red flag!

I then voiced as I signed, "Do-you-know-how-to-sign?" She brightened up and said, "yes, I am learning how to sign! I interpret at a church!" Another red flag. I grimaced mentally while smiling at her politely. I knew if I made a scene, the family'd NEVER let me live it down, especially on the day of the family pateriach's funeral! Oh joy...... During the memorial, the 'interpreter' signed much as she can, with a LOT of fingerspelling that caused exhaustion for me, trying to figure what she was saying! Another red flag....

It was a cousin behind me who felt sorry that he gave me a written transcript, oh THANK YOU!!! I remember when the minister was leading in prayers when the interpreter signed something I NEVER had ever SEEN in my life and I'd hope I'd never see again! Thankfully I am somewhat a good lipreader so I know what she was saying with that sign. This sign goes this way (sorry, I don't even have high-speed so I can't do a vlog): a stabbing on one hand, then stabbing on another hand forcefully! She said "Jesus Christ" and I was wincing at the visual, violent stabbing of hands......OUCH. I decided not to go for the burial memorial because I didn't want more "scenes" by this interpreter. I managed to convince the interpreter that I am fine by myself so she'd go away. After cousins came back from the burial memorial, most said, "did you even understand her? I didn't!" I said, "neither did I except for that sign...." And someone said "that I understand right, she meant crufication of Jesus Christ? We didn't talk about it at the memorial!" Some older relatives overheard and told mother. Naturally she said to me, "you should have told me!" I said, "oh yeah, right as the memorial started?" with a sarcastic expression.

Three years ago, my other grandpa was killed by a truck. So I went for the memorial\funeral. Before I went, I said to family, "I want a certificated interpreter. Not someone who is just learning to sign!" So I was reassured that it won't happen again. Harumph.... I'll believe that when I see it!

We went to the church. A young woman was already waving at me. (Guess someone told her it was me before I got through the door.) She introduced herself, and I thought, "hmmmm, not so bad."
I signed and then she said, "can you use your voice too? I don't know those signs." I was like "........ Not again" mentally. I voiced as I signed bluntly, "where do you sign? Do you interpret? Do you work with deaf? How did you know about this memorial?" What she signed, I then immediately knew..... SEE! Signed Exact English. I hadn't seen SEE for two decades! She explained she works with deaf children, for an oral program with SEE if absolutely necessary. She is the next door neighbor's son's girlfriend's cousin..... Figures. Of course, I only caught 20% of what she signed and I was pissed.

After the memorial, I was asked if I wanted to go to the burial, and I said no thanks. I convinced this 'interpreter' to go (didn't I do this before?) A few minutes later, before mother and family left, she wanted to introduce me to a nurse that worked with an ill uncle. The nurse signed! BEAUTIFUL ASL, very native-signing! I was like "WTF! I could have had her for interpreting!" The nurse said that she did offer, but they felt the young woman needed the pay and to be close to her boyfriend, the next door neighbor's son who came to the funeral.... I couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh hysterically.

I learned three things from those:
1) find certificated interpreting services and have family stick to that for funerals (and weddings);
2) be firm with family, don't go for "next door neighbor\third cousin\friend's friend's friend\grandniece's daughter's" interpreters, no matter how cheap they are!
And
3) SEE and ASL aren't the same, ladies and gentlemen!

What do Victim Advocates do?

2007-06-29T00:33:00.001-06:00

What do Victim Advocates (VAs) do, especially for agencies working with deaf victims of domestic violence and sexual assault? I thought to give you an unique perception into what one can experience. I had been a VA in the past and I thought, "why not let people know what it's like, and maybe there'd be more volunteers for the agencies?" That'd be wonderful!

Mind you, I will not tell you where I volunteered, where the agency was located at, nor giving you identificating characteristics of who I worked with (both staff and victims.) This is for the purpose of protecting the agency's staff and volunteers as well as the victims they work with. Also, keep it in mind that each volunteer advocate will encounter a variety of experiences, none alike. For one VA, it may be a quiet week with some calls asking for information about services for deaf children living in a shelter. Another VA may encounter a challenging time of working with a victim who escaped from an abusive husband, and may remind the cops to get an interpreter for the interview. One other VA could go with another VA to a hospital to give support for a college student who experienced a date rape. At the office, a VA may be busy talking with a victim about making a safe plan. You see?

Now I would like to give you some of some VA's as well as my experiences; both devasting and rewarding.
Usually there are two-three VAs on call every week or other week. Yes there is agency staff and supervisor but hey, they need their sleep and a break. Do you truly expect them to be available 24/7/365? If so, they'd be dead on their feet! Hence, that's why there are volunteer advocates! It could be busy sometimes and quiet other times.

One time there was a call into requesting information about activities for deaf children living with a mother in a shelter, since they were isolated and want to play with other deaf children as well as getting an intpreter for the parent at group support. The shelter was provided information such as after-school programs, weekend camping and children workshops. There were good feelings, knowing that that shelter really cared for the children and the mother enough to ask for help and be willing to go out of their way to give extra support!

Another time, a self-esteem workshop for survivors of domestic violence was provided. That workshop's goals were to give the survivors tools to build up their self-esteem that had been serevely damaged by the abusive spouse. Learning to look inward, to recognize symptoms of degrading behaviors that can harm self-esteem, practicing how to say "no" without feeling guilty, and also learning to laugh and enjoy themeselves are very valuable tools! Seeing the survivors with hope and a spark growing in their eyes, as they leave the workshop can leave the instructor feel she did her job!

One night, there was a call from an hospital for a sexual assult. I came to find that there was a deaf female who experienced a sexual assault. I was surprised to find that there was no interpreter at the police interview. I reminded the hospital staff that the victim had the right to an interpreter and so they got one right away. I talked with the victim and it helped her profoundly knowing that there was a deaf victim advocate, able to talk with her in HER language (ASL) and to give empathy with her as she wasn't able to get from police and hospital. With that interpreter there, the victim was more able to participate in what was necessary in gathering evidence from that sexual assault, so they can prove in court that the person who sexually abused her, was indeed the predator! I empowered her by telling her often it's HER decision on what's going to happen to her body, HER decision on who can stay in the room with her or not, HER decision on if she wants to press charges, no one else cannot tell her otherwise! More she got to understand what happened, I encouraged the victim to consider a second interview with the police with an interpreter if she felt comfortable. She went home, feeling much better knowing she have support from this agency and can expect furthermore support about legal and medical advocacy as well as counseling if necessary.

One other day, research was done on local services available to the agency; setting up networking with other agencies and services, such as food stamps, shelters, food banks, clothes banks; Each organization was checked upon whether they had access to a TDD and if they are willing to work with this non-profit organization working with deaf women and children.

Another time, training was provided to the local sheriff and staff on how to work with deaf individuals,such as learning how to use a TDD and how to accept VRS or HOVRS calls; learning basic signs such as "help you?" "need interpreter?" or "calm down"; and how to interact with deaf victims such as eye contact and asking them how they prefer to communicate.

So as you can see, there are a variety of experiences and encounters. Never the same for each victim advocate. Like I said, it can be quiet for some victim advocates... Hell, I'd have to be honest with you and say that not many VAs would get the call to a location where police called for help working with deaf victim who just got beaten up by an abusive spouse! It's rare that one would get a call to a hospital for a deaf victim! It's very much quiet most of the time, but it's also good to be prepared! I enjoyed working as a volunteer victim advocate. What lessons I learned from volunteer will help me profoundly when I become a mental health counselor. Oh! Before I go on, there are a variety of people who volunteer! Some can be teachers, some can be self-employed, some can be mechanics, some can be college students. So volunteer advocates are not required to be in mental health or social work professions. As long as they are able to empathize with the victim, be willing to help out and be available. Knowledge in deaf culture and ASL is very important, however we do work with hard-of-hearing and deaf/blind victims as well.

Before I finish this article, I would stress that working as a victim advocate can be rewarding; we give the victims HOPE and MOTIVATION.

Child Abuse? Part 2

2007-06-03T20:59:00.000-06:00

Part 2:

I have encountered a deaf woman that I will never forget; she used her SSI to buy cigarettes, drugs and comic books, while neglecting her 4 children. I had seen her house and what it’s like inside. It’s very much a dump, with dirty clothes here and there in piles, cats using them as litter boxes. Cigarette butts all over the coffee table, floor and everything that could hold an ashtray or a dirty plate. I had to take away a cig butt from the 4-year old boy who was puffing on it. I caught the 9 year old boy going through my purse and was pocketing a twenty when I busted him. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was hungry. I took the children out and got them something to eat. They ate so quickly as if they were afraid that the food would be taken from them. What was I supposed to do? I called human services and they sent a social worker. But guess what? The parent managed to keep her children. The social worker DID NOT BRING AN ASL INTERPRETER and hence the judge said due to THAT, they cannot take the children from the mother. OY VEY!!! I told human service to BRING an interpreter and they didn’t heed me! It took the next-door neighbor to report the mother and the children, AND THEN the social worker brought an interpreter. At this time, the children are taken care of by a relative. The mother can only see her children under supervision of the social worker. From what I understand, she will never get them back because she made no effort to attend parenting and drug recovery classes. She does not show up for the supervised visits much.

I am sorry but this issue is important for everyone, not just you or me. EVERYONE. Too often there are fuck-ups with human services and social work when it comes to deaf children experiencing abuse or deaf parents abusing their children. (Mind you, I’m NOT saying that *all* deaf parents are abusive or that *all* deaf children experience abuse.) According to the report I found, “Facts on Trauma and Deaf Children” from NCTSN (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network), there are statistical information about what deaf children may encounter: (more facts in report but I chose three for the entry.)

1) Deaf children are more vulnerable to neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse than children in the general population.

2) 50% of deaf girls have been sexually abused as compared to 25% of hearing girls.

3) 54% of deaf boys have been sexually abused as compared to 10% of hearing boys.

Why is that? The barriers concurring to the report: (there are more barriers in the report but I chose three most likely.)

1) Difficulty in teaching deaf children about safety.

2) Assumptions by perpetrators that deaf children are less able to report abuse.

3) Less understanding of the limitations of healthy/safe touching.

You see? I cannot identify the agency or deaf clients that I worked with but I can tell you that 80% of the clients experienced sexual or physical abuse as children. One client told me that he was forced by fellow students to perform certain sexual activities in a residental school and the house counselor knew about it but took no action. That house counselor JOINED sometimes. Another client said that as a child, she learned to show how she loves people; she’d sit on their laps and play with herself. (I changed behaviors to protect her identify.) As an adult, she had to learn from counselors that that she was abused sexually. I can speak from personal experience, when I was sexually abused, I didn’t know it was WRONG. No one told me about saying no and that touching in private areas was not permitted and that I could report to a trusted adult. It was later on when I was a teenager when I learned about sexual abuse brought up in a social studies class. I broke down and cried. I felt horrible but at the same time, relieved knowing that it wasn’t MY FAULT. Now I could tell someone and I did but not at that time of my life. It took 20 years later for me to open up and tell someone. At that point, I found then that there is NO status of limitation on when child abusers/molesters can be arrested in the state I reside in. I gave the information of who the person was and fortunately for me, her past address. After the agency did research, I was told that she was killed in an automobile accident long ago. All I can hope is that she is suffering in hell. ‘Nuff to say.

What solutions, one may ask, could be offered to protect children AND ensure that it is child abuse truly? Good question… The report by NCTSN have some suggestions for counselors as in providing certified interpreters, reviewing background (educational background and school setting), supports as well as having consultants who know deaf culture and deaf norms. The writers acknowledge “although the ideal best practice for serving the Deaf community involves specialized service interventions that are staffed by sign-fluent and/or Deaf clinicians, the current reality in many communities is that these types of programs are often unavailable.” For schools, I would suggest, as according to some clients who experienced sexual abuse in school; have teachers learn about sexual abuse AND teach the students about boundaries and reporting any kind of abuse to trusted adults, as well as having teachers, staff and drivers be checked for criminal records in the state they reside as well as in other states. Gods know there are a number of teachers (as reported in news) that would move to other states to teach even after they get reported as a child molester in the original state. I got some silver strands in my hair after I read that. Parents would need to be responsible as well, teaching their children. Just don’t be overprotective! An anxiety-ridden friend of mine stressed over, OVER and OVER that if anyone touches or talk to her daughter, that girl was to tell her. Many times the friend complains to me that the girl cries every time someone just pats her head, or she’d scream bloodletting if an old lady bends down to say “you’re cute!”

Why I’m bringing child abuse up? It is because I see those articles about CI and I was thinking “okay, CI could be considered child abuse, granted but sexual and physical abuse is MORE common.” There’s not enough articles about sexual and physical abuse among deaf children. There is one report online as I said, from NCTSN (www.NCTSNet.org) and some articles written in journals such as Journal of Sexuality and Disability, Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education, and American Annals of the Deaf . Not much for resources, why is that? “Speak no evil, see no evil and hear no evil” and “Don’t ask, don’t tell” comes to my mind. When it comes to CI implants for children, I’m not crazy about that idea. I’m honest about that, but honestly….. To call it child abuse? You have ABSOLUTELY no idea. That’s damn overuse of the term “child abuse.” To MY interpretation, it is not child abuse. It is IGNORANCE. The parents of deaf children are IGNORANT about the Deaf community and what it can offer to the deaf child The medical administration and education division ENCOURAGE the parents to depend on their “truths.” Who do the parents see when they find out the child is deaf? The doctors are right there here and now to give all options to the parents. Where is the deaf representative to speak up for the deaf community? Nowhere. How would the hearing parents KNOW about the deaf community? You tell me that. Very few have access to the community if any, and so it’s ignorance, not child abuse. It’d be NICE if the hearing parents would have access to resources like internet and deaf organizations- but sadly, that’s not enough. NOT enough.

So, to end this, please stop using the term “child abuse” when it comes to cochlear implants for children. Ignorance is more appropiate in my opinion. If you really want to help pervent child abuse, support human services and deaf organizations that need to have better access and resources to protect deaf children from REAL child abuse.

Child Abuse? Part 1

2007-06-03T20:48:00.000-06:00

I realize that I may have stepped on a fireant hill by writing this article but I HAD TO. I wrote it a "tad too long" so I'm going to break it into two pieces. It is about child abuse in the deaf community. I wrote about it because of the issue of considering CIs for children as "child abuse." You're welcome to disagree with me; you have that right. Here we go.

Reading articles in newspapers and magazines and watching news on television yesterday, I was thinking, ‘Damn, is it me or are there an increase in child abuse (physical and/or sexual)?” There was a teacher sentenced to jail for molesting an 11 year old student. Also there was news about parents taken to trial for starving their 9-year old daughter. Foster parents putting their developmentally disabled children in cages. You get the idea. AND then reading entries by bloggers on Deafread about the hot topic of CI for children. I talked with two friends about the topic of child abuse today at lunch. We brought up three theories. Mind you, they are NOT facts, just theories we created.

A) Media pay more attention to reports of child abuse hence news. “MOM JAILED FOR HOMICIDE OF 4 CHILDREN” would get the reporter’s name noticed as well as the issue, than an article about pollution of a local river, methinks.

B) Child abuse is easier to recognize now. In other words, teachers, police, social workers, neighbors and relatives have sharper eyes than before, due to media that reports on child abuse and working with organizations that protect children.

C) Family issues weren’t much talked about in the past generations. Too many adults tell me that they didn’t talk to anyone else about the physical or sexual abuse they received from parents, siblings, relatives or caretakers not related to them. Why not? If no one talked about it, what were the children in 50’s to 80’s supposed to think? “We don’t talk about it, so you cannot bring it up.” is the main interpretation. Hence- now we have television commercials about child abuse as well as teachers and social workers talking with children “if anyone touch you without your permission, tell him NO. Inform us right away.” So there are more children willing to tell although not many. Many children feel that if they inform someone else, the family will be torn apart and the child will potentially feel it’s his fault then. (I know and you know that it wouldn’t be his fault, but that’s HOW the average child thinks.)

Now, looking at those three theories, I realized there are a connection between the theories A, B and C. Due to media reporting on child abuse, there is more attention to child abuse and the need to protect the children, THEN that’s when social workers, teachers and parents come in, especially if there are survivors among social workers, teachers and parents. Due to what children experienced in past generations, those adult survivors are being loud and putting the spotlight on child abuse, hence the media comes in…

However, there is a concern about overabuse (no pun on that word) of using the term “Child abuse.” A bruise on a child’s arm would be a red flag for child abuse; never mind that the child had gotten that bruise from playing football- and isn’t football tough? Often than not, due to certain health conditions, bones can be easily broken, there would be bruises from just a light touch and there can be also mental disorders such as a child banging her head on the wall for stimulation, or a teenager cutting herself to FEEL. Understandably there is SIB (Self injurious behavior), in which the child/adolescent/adult (more likely a female teenager) will hurt themselves on purpose to experience feelings or a release from feelings they encounter. SIB can be also a red flag because often than not, SIB occurs due to sexual abuse.

Sorry for going off the topic, the point is that there is a concern about overreacting to ‘possibility of child abuse.” One child of a friend I know had told her substitute teacher that her dad hit her. The school called for a social worker and cops! Guess what? There was no father in the picture. (Her dad died before she was born.) The child admitted to lying because she was angry that her mother won’t get her a pony for her birthday. You see? On the other hand, there was a child coming to school with bruises all over. The teachers paid no attention after he said that he got them all from falling down the stairs. He’d come to school with bruises now and then and no one took action. It was a new teacher coming in winter that asked him explicit questions such as “How did you get this bruise? When? Do you have stairs at home? How many steps?” and she stressed over and over that he is NOT in trouble and that she has his safety in mind. That’s when he opened up and admitted that it was his mother using a belt. So, to me, the quote “damned if you don’t, damned if you do” applies to the topic of child abuse.

Too many children out there are returned to parents that promise they won’t lay a hand on the child and then the child end up dead or furthermore injured either mentally or physically. There are also too many children taken away from parents who TRULY love them and wouldn’t dream of hurting them; the social workers don’t do their homework fully or the judge overreacts.
Thus ends the first part.

My favorite blogs

2007-06-03T01:07:00.001-06:00

Hello! I am back from California. Just finished the scapebook about the trip to California. A lot of sights were exhausting for me to deal with! In other words, that tour at Castle Hearst exhausted me to the point that I even elected to stay in for one day! 300 steps, not counting the long walk through the gardens (hilly), guesthouse and the main house...and me with a cane. So for now, I will write about blogs that I enjoy reading and will always check daily to see if there is a new entry.

I like a variety of blogs; political, sarcastic, blunt-but-true, funny, heartwretching, informative and resourceful. There are some blogs that can be two at same time; informative and sarcastic, could be funny and heartwretching; horrific and political. So I thought, "why not let other people learn about those blogs?" After all, it is the readers who inform OTHER readers and hence the blog gets more readers.

I like Violent Arces because the woman here is very blunt- love her for that, yet she is not cruel. She will say what is off her chest.
http://www.violentacres.com/

I enjoy reading Mishka Zena's blog. I can depend on the fact that she will do all her best to get facts and provide them to the readers. If she makes a mistake, she will admit it. You can tell how much she loves the Deaf community and see her passion to ensure that the deaf people have better treatment and best resources one could find. While other bloggers may be more passionate, she keeps her mind and tell from her perceptive neutrally as possible, letting the readers decide for themselves. That's how much I appreciate it.
http://blog.deafread.com/mishkazena

I rode in the Tube when I was in London. What is the Tube? It's their word for the subways. The articles there are quirky; sometimes can be serious, sometimes with tongue in the cheek.
http://london-underground.blogspot.com/

Due to having a parent with NPD (Narcisstic personality disorder), I found this blog recently and I check it daily. From one perception, she may look bitter and blunt; but who could blame her with the upraising she had as a child and a teenager? On the other hand, I feel she is very strong and not afraid to show her vulnerability. That is her strength.
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

I love to read Postsecret. You could never know what postcards would come in for the writer to post on his blog. Folks expose themselves to reveal their secrets yet stay anonymous. I beleive one deafread article was about this blog, especially with one postcard showing CI pamphets, hearing aids information, etc and a human baby. You can somewhat feel the angst from the parent from that postcard. Emotions are varied for each postcard and it depends on HOW the reader interprets it and if that emotions are exactly what the writers/artists desire.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

I read this blog "The Gods are Bored" like one would stare at a car accident. You couldn't predict WHAT the writer would write and I believe that's the attraction. For me, I can't help but think "........." at a loss for words when I read articles yet I come off that blog with a grin on my face. Hands up in the air!
http://godsrbored.blogspot.com/

As y'all know that I am interested in mental health counseling. By the way, I'm off to Gallaudet University this fall for graduate school. WHEE! Anyway- one of my interests is DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, which in past was called "Multiple Personality Disorder.) I have always hoped one day I'd work with deaf people with DID. So far there is one deaf individual that I now and then trade emails with (hope she'd get in hold with me soon- hint, hint!) This is a blog, however the writer converses with her commenters now and then that I read with interest. I find this blog an excellent resource from someone who EXPERIENCES the disorder herself.
http://www.aspenleafhosting.com/cat/?page_id=13

All right, that's it for now. I have more blogs on my blogroll but enough! I hope you, readers will find the blogs either entertaining or challenging your own views.

ASL and Deaf training for Police in Denver

2007-05-25T16:11:00.000-06:00

I was pleased to read the article presented in an internet newsletter today that I had to ask permission from Lorrie Kosinski, who is a certified sign language interpreter for Denver Commision for People with Disabilities to reprint her article here. I feel this is an excellent example why police CAN be trained to work with the Deaf community! We only need to have motivated deaf instructors (in this article, Bonita Adair and Tammy Rydstrom) and agencies (the Denver Commission, the Denver Police Academy, ASL Essence and DOVE) determined to educate the law enforcement about the Deaf community and how to communicate with them. Other states CAN do that as well, if they have eager deaf teachers and agencies willing to work with each other! Here is Lorrie's article:

Denver City Employees & Police are Learning Sign Language
Denver City employees are excited about learning sign language and being able to interact directly with Deaf people who may come into their office. The Denver Commission for People with Disabilities has once again been offering American Sign Language (ASL) I-III classes which will run through May 23. Participants are learning basic signs, the ABC’s, and a little bit about the Deaf person’s world.

The Denver Commission, in conjunction with the Denver Police Academy, is also offering ASL I, II, and III classes for police officers, April-June, 2007. These classes focus on terminology and protocol for communicating with people who are Deaf within the law enforcement setting, and offer CEUs to officers taking the classes.

Big thanks to Bonita Adaire, a certified sign language instructor who is Deaf, for teaching all of the classes for City employees and Denver Police officers. Bonita runs her own business, ASL Essence, and has been teaching sign language classes for the City of Denver for the past four years. Prior to Bonita, several other dedicated members of the Deaf community have given of their time to teach the sign language classes.

Thank you also to Tammy Rydstrom of Dove for presenting to the officers during our ASL II class, and to the many Deaf people who have taken the time to meet the ASL participants through the City classes. Your involvement is so valuable to the City of Denver in helping it to become more accessible to people who are Deaf or hard of hearing.

Now this is not a one-time occurance! This is on-going for 3 years (from my knowledge but could be more than 3 years.) You see, it proves that if agencies and individuals are VERY determined, the law enforcement CAN learn to work with Deaf community!

Missions, Bays and graduate school, oh my!

2007-05-10T23:27:00.000-06:00

Have been busy so far in California! Had gone to Morro Bay, Cambria, Elephant Seal Vista. I cannot describe what I have seen of the seals. So many seals! A lot of seals starting to molt, so it's very much seeing st. bernard dogs having chunks of fur missing, crumps of overgrown matted hair here and there! I saw a couple of male elephant seals fighting so it was very much a boxing fight! I could see far into the ocean but not the ocean horizon due to fog. Morro Bay was quite nifty. I am going kayaking there next week, so it should be interesting. Yes I had kayaked in a river before but in a bay, never had done! At this time, I'm trying to figure how to put pictures here- I forgot again. I'm using my laptop so I don't have the program in which I could transfer pictures to internet to edit into the article. Sorry! One of you'd have to feel sorry and send me the program again. *crackle*
I also saw two missions today. No, no, not "Mission Impossible" things! It's Spanish 'churches' from when Spain owned California and other states before they were even named or even owned by United States! They were very impressive to the point that I could see how important they were for the Spanish community back then, a day's journey between each mission. They represented "civilization" as well as a stable routine where one could have expected assistance with birth baptisms, weddings, funerals, last rites, politics, history, education and even teaching how to raise crops. The missions I went, had raised olives, grapes (one mission still have the original grape tree from 1779), avocades, etc. I may not be a christian but I can see how the missions were very important back then.

Oh yeah, before I complete this entry- I wish to announce- I got accepted for graduate school (Mental Health Counseling)!!! I will start this fall semester. So I'm looking forward to it! As one of my professors said after I informed her, "Now the hard work begins but you will be successful." You know what? I can't wait!

California

2007-05-05T21:17:00.000-06:00

Starting tomorrow, I won't be around. I'm off to California. That national park where redwoods grow tall almost to touch the sky. The beaches where seals sunbath and gulls snatch food up. Winchester Mystery House, oh my! San Luis Obiga, San Francisco, Los Angeles. I hadn't been back in California since I was ohhh.....maybe ten years old. Oh gods, that was more than 20 years ago! Oh wait... As one friend reader would remind me..I was there recently but when was that, Dave? ten years ago? So, I don't know if I'd have time to check my email, even less my blog. I will try, but I cannot promise. My aunt has this OLD computer that I don't even know if it can even hook up on internet since it still is all green words on black background..yeah THAT old!!! If there is a internet cafe around, I'll grab the opportunity to do so. Have fun without me around!

Cops- no difference!

2007-05-04T14:21:00.000-06:00

According to some bloggers, cops are very nasty to deaf individuals. I take that with a grain of salt because we don't know the other side of the stories. One deaf guy could be on drugs and show attitude to a cop that comes to check on a call that someone is being hostile at a club, hence that deaf guy may say that the cop targeted him; never mind that he SHOWED an hostile and uncooperative attitude. That's one example. On the other hand, there may be a cooperative deaf driver but he was stopped for speeding; the cop may flash his flashlight into the guy's face, preventing him from lipreading. (Happened to one of my friends.) There are articles that there are deaf folks cooperating with cops and there have been no problems, as well as articles that deaf folks not cooperating or that cops didn't work with them (communicative-wise.) I like to play the devil's advocate (wearing someone else's shoes, not mine- as in an idiom.) Now, before anyone think that cops "target" deaf people- look up statistics that cops focus on African-american, hispanic, etc. African-Americans even developed a term for it: "BWD" (Black While driving.) A good article: "It's Not Just In New Jersey" by Tammerlin Drummond.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,26426,00.html?iid=chix-sphere

Now I see there is an article about a cop using excessive force on a white woman who sped to be with her dad who was in process of having a heart attack. Guess what? She is NOT deaf. So... it is not only Deaf, African-American, Hispanic, white men, etc... even white women can get mistreated.
http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/florida-deputy-suspended-over-rough/20070504085809990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

I rest my case here.

Miracle Ear commerical

2007-04-30T15:32:00.000-06:00

I happened to walk into the den, when I saw someone gesturing on television. I looked up and saw it was a child- she signed, "Hello, My name is Alana. I was born deaf." I was pleasantly surprised but then what she said then, sunk my stomach. She said that she asked her mother why deaf people don't wear hearing aids. "They don't like how a hearing aid looks on them." She ended it by "I would do anything to hear better." (If I'm wrong in parts of those, please let me know, but I got the whole message.) I may sound I'm "touchy" about this issue, but to say that deaf folks don't wear hearing aids because they are embarrassed to wear hearing aids??!! I was so speechless when I worked it out in my mind and then I got furious. If they had an elderly woman/man saying that, okay, I can handle that because a majority of eldery lose hearing as they get older. A lot of eldery do tell me that they don't like to wear hearing aids because it make them look different. BUT a child that SIGNS ASL says this??!!! I know there are deaf people out there that wear hearing aids and not, but this commerical is very very misleading. It is giving an impression that we are EMBARRASSED to be deaf, hence EMBARRASSED to wear hearing aids.
I grew up in mainstreamed schools, I am very comfortable in both hearing and deaf worlds and I help both communities. I can write and type very well with hearing people as well as sign excellently with deaf people. Before you ask, I stopped wearing hearing aids because I kept getting ear infections frequently and I realized that even with hearing aids, I wasn't able to identify sounds at all. NOTHING about embarrassment. NOTHING about being 'vain.' NOTHING about fear of being identified as a deaf individual!
Or maybe I'm overreacting to the commerical. What do you think?

Favorable results for Deaf?

2007-04-29T11:17:00.000-06:00

When I read C's comment on Mishka Zena's blog about his challenge about court cases involving deaf people and whether or not they got favorable results, I can think of one. I wrote a paper about him- Donald Lang. It's difficult to get information, but I was fortunate to find an out-of-print copy of "Dummy"(non-fiction) by Ernest Tidyman who did research about Donald Lang and the trial. Donald Lang is African-American, deaf, and mental retarded. He was taken out of school at 2 1/2 years old,and never returned to school. He was kept at home 'til his mom died. The book also provided much background, court appointments/trials and what happened to him in the aftermath. From what I remember, Donald Lang was a suspect in a murder of a woman (due to finding blood on some of his clothes left in his closet) However, due to him not knowing how to speak or even sign or write/read, they couldn't really "talk" with him. He DID gesture about stabbing someone, but the question begged, ...did he SEE someone stabbing the woman or did he stab the woman himself? The lawyer was even deaf, Lowell Myers. He managed to convince the judge to send Donald Lang to a mental hospital in hopes that he would learn sign language. That would help them then try him in trial. He didn't learn much sign language- they felt that his age (20 years old) was too late to learn any type of communication. After six years, they let him go. In a year or so, I believe, there was a murdered woman near where Donald Lang worked. At one time when detectives tried to "interview" Donald Lang- he did his best as I'll read you the paragraph (page 182-183)

"Again, Bertucci(detective) read Donald his rights and again, Donald stared blankly at him. Bertucci then took out his pen and wrote several questions on a piece of paper in large, block letters:
DO YOU READ AND WRITE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?

Donald grabbed the pen from Bertucci's hand, picked up a blank piece of paper from a table and drew a picture with quick strokes of the pen. It was a curious drawing- crude yet somehow terribly expressive. He drew a jagged line in a shape of a stick and a stick figure. After finishing the stick figure, he pointed to himself, indiciating that he was that figure. at the opposite end of the first jagged line, he drew another stick figure with a curly mass of lines at the top to indicate hair. He made a gesture with his cupped hands to pantomime breasts. The drawing was clear to the policemen. A man and a woman- Donald Lang and "Jane Doe." Donald then drew a jagged, steplike line toward the top of the page, perpendicular to the first line. At the top of these "stairs", he drew a big X. He paused for a moment, looked at the men around him, held up three figures, pointed at the figure of the woman and then crossed the woman out with another large X.
It was an eerie experience. The officers stared at the drawing, not quite knowing what to make of it. They had the feeling that they were looking at the story of a crime, but how to interpret it? Was it a confession? What was the significance of the three fingers Donald had held up? Ther was no answer. The men placed their initials on the drawing..."

A detective took the drawing in for inventoried, as another detective noticed there was some brown strains on one of Donald's socks. When they came back to look, the strain wasn't visible.

I'd like to read you this part in the book that made me nod in agreement. After Donald Lang was found guilty, they had a sentencing then.

"State's Attorney Kavanaugh rose and turned to the Bench. "Your Honor, the defendant, Donald Lang, stands here before this court, tried by twelve jurors. He has been found guilty of the crime of murder, the most serious crime known to man.
There has been much comment and conversation in this case concerning Donald Lang's condition, and that Donald Lang is to be looked upon with pity and mercy because of his affliction. Indeed, any rational human being thinks about his affliction with a sense of pity. However, we often neglect to think about the suffering of the victims of crime, in this case; Earline Brown. No comment is usually made about the murdered dead, since they are not around to tell us of the anguish and suffering which occurred to the at the time their life was being taken from them. Earline Brown had a right to live, as much as anybody in this courtroom. And, for that death, which the defendant has been found guilty of beyond a reasonable doubt, the State would recommend to this court a period of incarceration in the Illinois State Penitentiary for no less than 40 nor more than 80 years."

Donald's lawyer said, "We are not asking for pity or mercy from this court because of Donald's condition. The State attempted to show motive for this alleged murder, that Donald Lang hired the services of a prostitute, that he went to the Viceroy Hotel with her and that she attempted to "rip him off" either to take his money without the service, to perhaps demand more money, or to steal any money Donald might have had on him. This is the motive the State presented to the jury. Now, they are asking this court to send him away for forty to eighty years because perhaps he was defending himself.
"Now, here is a man that has been diagnosed all of his life- he has never been really treated, he has just been diagnosed. If he had as much treatment as he had diagnosis, perhaps he wouldn't be here today, perhaps he could have gotten up on the stand and explained what did occur in that room, perhaps it would have amounted to justifiable homicide, or perhaps manslaughter. We don't know. We are asking the court to take his inability to defend himself into consideration. Not for mercy, not for pity; he has had too much pity. We are asking the court to give him the benefit of the doubt... that he went up there...that he was about to be ripped off...and that he was defending himself. He could not yell for help. Perhaps it was self-defense and he had to defend himself. He had nowhere to yell to, no one to yell to, no way to yell.
"This man may be trainable. We have met in chambers with officials of the Illinois Department of Corrections, and we know that they will set up a program where Donald may be trained. It may well be that he will never be trained. Everyone who has diagnosed his condition has said that he is untrainable; yet we know that he can hold a job, we know that this man is so "untrainable" has learned to live in society, in the ghetto, for twenty-five years and hold a year, even though he is totally illiterate. We are dealing with a capable man, we are dealing with a man who must return to society before he is an old man. We are dealing with a man that must be given a chance to live and die in society, not in prison. I humbly urge this court to impose a minimum sentence of 14 years and a maximum sentence of 16 years. Thank you."

In the end, they figured that it would be cruel to him to put him in jail. They had him taken to Joilet Reception Diagnostic and Special Center to stay for between 14-25 years. At this time, he is released from that mental institution and now lives in a mental institution where he is allowed to work (seems he LOVES to work and be useful) as well as have some freedoms. In this case, I believe he had gotten favorable results due to his deafness, mental retardation and limited communications if any. AND this happened in 1972. Yes there were interpreters in court, there was several psychologists and mental health counselors speaking up about his diagnosis and what they found about Donald's mental, physical and emotional abilities. I don't know about you, but to me, wow... 1972 and they tried to be fair with the guy, because of his inability to speak up for himself (while Daphne Wright was ABLE to speak up for herself if she desired), they tried to help him by giving him opportunities to learn how to learn sign language or at least give him access (while Daphne was able to communicate with interpreters.)

In my perception, they didn't use the "deaf card" or "pity card"..they UNDERSTOOD his inability to understand right and wrong, his incapability to communicate either by speaking, signing or writing and his limitations in what he can do and what he can't, especially with growing up in an hostile neighborhood (ghetto), he survived by having a full-time job (and very helpful and useful as his employers reported at court) and not having ANY method of communication, being the only deaf and mental retarded African-American man at that time and in that neighborhood (that had been popular with rapes, drug abuse, robbery, mugging and murders.)

In some ways, I have to admire that he managed to survive all through that before the murder of the women, and for me to be amazed that Chicago courts actually went out of their way to ensure that the trial was "fair as possible." Did I say that it happened in 1972?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

2007-04-23T16:24:00.000-06:00

Yeah, that's what Morgan Pozgar, 13, typed in fifteen seconds to win $25,000 dollars on her sidekick (from the photo I could tell.) I have to wonder if there were any deaf participants in that contest! She said that she send out more than 8000 text messages to her family and friends- in which when I read that, I was thinking, "what is the average numbers of messages a deaf person would send out in a month? Do anyone in the deaf community use sidekick or blackberry pagers THAT much? I know I get and send about 500 messages a month, myself.

Check the link for yourself. :)

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/ptech/04/22/top.texter.ap/index.html

Black Mood

2007-04-19T01:13:00.000-06:00

Warning: It's not a political rant..it's one of the days I talk what I want off my chest and if you don't like it, you don't have to read this blog. I have been in a black mood for weeks. Nothing related to what had happened this week or last week. And ah, don't run to cops thinking I was going to grab guns and shoot someone. I don't EVEN have guns in the first place, not even a weapon unless you mean this cute keyboard where I could use words as weapons to hurt someone. Frankly I am not in mood to hurt ANYONE but to lash out in general. I can sympathize with the families of students and faculty who were killed in Virginia Tech, however I have to remind people- those are not the only ones who died. There are thousands of people in United States who die from any type of cancers daily, ones who die in auto accidents, women who die in domestic violence, children killed in neglect and abuse..the list goes on. School and business shootings are actually rare. It's the damn media who makes the hype of all this- making the people hysterical thinking that EVERY college have somene trigger-happy to shoot their precious children. The students are MORE likely to die from achohol overdoses, auto accidents, drug abuse, depression(suicide)and domestic violence more than they'd experience a shooting on capmus. GET REAL! Campuses ARE still safe compared to many cities out there. It is the damned media who are overblowing all this, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
I get some emails from friends who say they are going to VT to sign on that VT poster to show their sympathies, and I had to bite my lips before I'd ask "Would you go to the hospital here and help reading a book to children sickened by lukemnia? Would you go to a church and work with an elderly woman who had lost her daughter to domestic violence? Will you go to a rehab hospital to work with a father who has to relearn how to walk and he lost his wife and daughter to a drunk driver?" Those are tragedies. Guess what? Media ignore what are very common and pretend that rare events (like VT massacre, Oklahoma bombing, etc) are the MAJOR DISASTERS, to PANIC and PREVENT incidents like that from happening again. Now, why can't we do that with drunk drivers? Regulating drug trafficking? Educating high school students about drug abuse and taking them to a house about to fall around their ears, mice and roaches everywhere, seeing addicts lying in their own filth, begging for another hit- to show that it's not ALL "fine". I could go on and on..but hey, it's my blog and I'm not up for oversensitive people who may think that I'm belittling the VT disaster. I'm not. I'm just TIRED of the damn media who makes all this hype, setting it up that EVERY school and EVERY campus has an insane guy with a hundred rifles ready to shoot.. GET REAL.
You know what? When they said, "be careful, you could be hit by a car someday if you don't pay attention" Guess what? I paid attention and I got hit by a car anyway and ended up with severe injuries.. What are the odds of that, hmm? I'd say less than domestic violence numbers but much much HIGHER than campus shootings. Do your damned math!
Blah... have been in a bad mood for a long while especially with someone doing remodeling in the house. Being told "you're doing nothing, lazy bum" despite I had even washed the floors on my hands and knees, washing the kitchen sink and counters with bleach and special brush for 3-4 hours and to be told that I am a "lazy brat"??!! Helping painting the walls and being told "you don't help around the house." I'm tired of coming to help people and being told "I forgot that you come in today.."(finding the door locked and no one in the office to let me in, never mind that I had driven 30 miles to go in for work) I'm tired of the damned dramas in the deaf community here- "did you hear what she did last week??! yes way!" "You'd not believe what I heard!" I'm tired of the community trying to pull each other down to high school-level. Tired of people whining to me about not being able to find jobs, never mind that THEY hadn't done anything- no resumes, not willing to develop experience, not willing to get off their asses to get a job. TIRED of all this! And to have some friends telling me "We will pray for those students who died." was the last straw for me. Why would they pray for the students when they'd not pray for the children who have seen their dads beat up their moms? Why wouldn't they pray for people who are dying of cancer, AIDS, diseases and other conditions that will lead to death? Why aren't they demanding for more protection from drunk drivers? Why is it that people act they are immortal, thinking nothing will happen and act as if they are betrayed when they get slammed with a cream pie that reads "Get REAL!"
I'm going off. I have an headache.

Disability Soapbox

2007-03-29T17:38:00.000-06:00

I don't know if this would apply to the deaf community but I would hope that it will give some of you some enlightment how to work with disabled people who may be deaf or hearing.
Now at some requests due to legal issues, I am not going to tell about what happened to me and what caused my permanent/temporary disabilities. When I get the ok, I will write it in a future article but not now. What I would like to talk about what I experienced AFTER I got out of the Spalding rehabitilational hospital.
I had two casts on broken legs (yeah, both), a neck collar and a neck artery clot. Spalding was wonderful. They provided interpreters for physical therapy or meetings with doctors or advocates.

What I WANT to talk about is what I have experienced as a dual disabled person, being deaf AND temporarily disabled in other words, I wasn't able to walk for a long long time. Even now I am using a cane. The injuries left too much damage that one cannot heal "just in a year or less." I found that I had to rely on people to help me go to bathroom, just for a piss or for a sponge bath, to help me get dressed and/or to help me get things I needed (such as food, books, DVDs, stuff to keep me busy.) Now if you think that sounds "relaxing and wonderfully lazy," I am telling you now, it WASN'T. By just a month, I was going nuts. I was bored out of my mind. I don't know but maybe it was because I don't LIKE watching television, I don't LIKE sitting around and doing nothing. Before the accident, I was very active in the community and in my personal life. I went back to college earlier than what folks expected. Yes, it meant that I had to go around in a wheelchair on the campus. I didn't mind that. Little I knew what was waiting for me!

Going around in a wheelchair was more challenging physically, mentally AND emotionally. I discovered personally that folks in wheelchairs are MORE invisible than I imagined. It's like the folks out there are saying to themselves, "don't see that woman in the wheelchair, let me get out of that way, I don't want her to brush by me." "If I don't meet her eyes, she'd not ask me for help." "Oh, how awful for her! She is miserable, I know!" I could go on but you get the idea.... There were a lot of folks that'd not even look at me even when I wheeled by; there were a lot of folks who'd LOOK at me as if I was a freak. Sometimes there were folks who thought to help me WITHOUT asking me if I needed help. I got furious with a man who tried to push me (in my wheelchair); it startled me so bad because I was pushing myself, and suddenly the wheelchair picked up speed than I was used to so I immediately knew someone was behind me, pushing me. I slammed down the brakes and he almost flipped over my chair/body. I had to twist my upper body to tell him "thanks, but no thanks!" Mind you, I wouldn't MIND getting help but I feel that one SHOULD ask "do you need help?"

I spoke with many folks in wheelchairs on campus (since now I were at "their eye levels") and they expressed that same thought; to ASK them, instead of pushing help upon them! I also found out that being in a wheelchair can be also hazardous. Twice I had fallen out of the wheelchair because I was too close to the curb (because some students wouldn't make space for me.) One basement classroom was moved to the main floor right away once the professor found out that I was in a wheelchair. Seems that if there was a fire, there'd be no chance for me to get out of the building timely!

Then I got a motorized scooter. The interpeters started to joke that the cops should ticket me for speeding! (20mph isn't so bad but hey, better that than going slow!) Once or twice, I did almost run over someone at the corner because we didn't see each other coming up the corner! But the motorized scooter was much BIGGER than the wheelchair and it caused obstacles, such as not fitting even in HANDICAPPED restrooms or classroom doors! I had to ask for an interpreter or a student to help me hobble into a toilet section or the classroom, leaving the scooter out in the hall (thankfully it was a scooter that can be locked up, like a car.) But it also made me realize two things:

1) Me being deaf AND using a scooter/wheelchair, if there's no interpreter, how could I go down stairs in fire emergencies?

2) Same thing, what if I got stuck somewhere if the handicap van doesn't show up? How do I call someone for help? (that time I didn't have a pager.)

I had encountered both situations and it was very scary. In the fire situation, two guys were nice enough to help carry me down but I had to leave the scooter up there in the third floor. Twice, the handicap van didn't show up at 9pm as it were supposed to come. The first one, the buildings were all closed. The last evening class professor noticed I was stuck, he was nice enough to call the handicap van for me and stayed with me 'til the van showed up. The second time, I didn't have that luck! I had to wait in anxiety and had tears in my eyes 'til a janitor showed up at 945pm and spotted me. He called cops and called the handicap van. Finally a van showed up at 1030pm.

By the time I got to use the crutches, I had gotten used to the "invisibility" of being a disabled person. Now I found out that one using crutches are more dangerous than I expected! There are a lot of things out there that can easily trip someone with crutches! An excited dog, some students playing frisbee, someone pushing a chair out and not seeing me coming, the "rush hour" of students between classes as well as puddles in restrooms, ice on sidewalks and mud in the parking lots. Dangers! It was only when I get to sit, I'd release a long and exhausted sigh in relief that I'm safe until it's time to encounter the obstacles again an hour or so later!
Now I am using a cane and it's not so bad, thro I do have to deal with an excited dog, ice on sidewalks or extreme winds now and then. I am even thankful that I graduated last semester so I'd not have to deal with extra obstacles!

Nevertheless, all that experiences had taught me many things. I have better respect for people in wheelchairs- they have to deal with obstacles, even in areas that are NOT handicapped-accessed. They prefer that we see them as people, not "things". I have even got LOOKS from parents with kids as "don't come close, I don't want my kid to get what you get!"
I learned that disabled people don't WANT pity or even sympathy. We deserve dignity and respect. If I could have a dime for everytime I heard "I'm so sorry!" "Must be awful for you!" "You have the right to be sad!" "I know exactly how you feel," trust me, I'd be a multibillionaire by now! DON'T PRESUME to KNOW how we feel, think or experience!!! If you want to know how to interact with disabled folks, ASK them, talk with them NORMALLY and don't treat them "differently."

So, the bottom line is.... it doesn't matter if you're deaf or hearing- just please...Treat the folks in wheelchairs, crutches, canes or having physical or mental disabilities as if you'd WANT to be treated. Respect them as you'd WANT to be respected. ASK them, instead of presuming they need help!
okay..now I'd need help getting off the soapbox here, please?

"An Ordinary Man"

2007-03-18T10:10:00.001-06:00

I finished reading this book, "An Ordinary Man" written by Paul Rusesabagina last night. It left me with a lot of things whirring through my mind. Disgust and hope, shock and determination, despair and survival were just words as Rusesabagina said and I saw what he meant by that. Words can be nothing and everything. Words can be weapons and safety. He used words to save more than a thousand Rwanda victims in his hotel (in which he inspired the movie "Hotel Rwanda" which is mostly true as event occured.) He described how words can cause massacres (on radios and newspapers in Rwanda) and how words can help save people. He said it very well,

"All of these comes down to a failure of words. And this is what I want to tell you: Words are the most affective weapons of death in man's arsenal. But they can also be powerful tools of life. They may be the only ones."

He tried to describe that he wasn't the only hero. Many other folks tried to save people in the madness during the 100 days. April 6 to July 4, 1994, 800,000 folks were killed. 8000 lives a day. More than 5 lives every minute. Imagine that. Yet a priest fought to keep his children (2000) alive in the church and he managed. A man kept two dozen folks hidden in his farm, covering them with dirt and growing plants. There were more than just Paul, yet his story was the most noticed because the location was well known to the diplomats, politicans, UN staff and it was next to the airport. He tried to explain why people tried to save people, not because of money (He didn't accept any money to protect them, figuring they'd NEED that money for themselves trying to get out of the country.) This paragraph says it precisely.

"This is why I say that the individual's most potent weapon is a stubborn belief in the triumph of common decency. It is a simple belief, but it is not at all naive. It is, in fact, the shrewdest attitude possible. It is the best way to sabotage evil."

I highly recommend that you read it. The movie and the book are similiar but that the movie gave more details than the book. But they both can touch you and leave you with a feeling that even in face of evil, hope survives.

What else? Deafness and domestic violence.

2007-03-16T21:30:00.000-06:00

Reading Mishka Zena and Berke Outspoken's blogs about Tallie's death (and domestic violence)I had to say something. I am a volunteer for an agency in which I will not name to protect my identity. (Sure you know my picture but you don't know my real name and that's the main goal.) Anyway, back to the point. I think Berke has it close on why the media jumped on Wright case but not Lambert case; however I think it is because of two things...

1) Lambert is a guy (white) and Tallie was a woman. According to this site, http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html, four women are killed everyday related to domestic violence. The sentence lasts at "the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends." Nothing about same-sex relationships or lesbian relationships. I know there are DV murders of African-american and American-asian women. However, Daphne Wright is a lesbian, an African-american AND deaf hence, the media jumps on the boat.

2) It is in South Dakota. Come on, that's where they tried to ban abortion (all types) and the people had to come to the voting polls last November to say NO. South Dakota isn't like New York, California, Colorado, Illinois or Florida. I am not saying it is backwater, but many people would think that!

Now, I want to talk about domestic violence in the deaf community. I hate to say it but it DOES exist. Not many folks realize it or even WANT to keep their heads in the ground.

I have seen some verbal abuse "You're stupid," "You don't know how to be responsible" "You always run to your mommy," etc. Heck, I had EVEN seen one guy telling his girlfriend front of EVERYONE at Six Flags Elitches two years ago, "Your butt is SO big! How do you fit it through the door." To my shame, no one stood up for that poor woman(I didn't because I think I was too nervous about the guy, he was 6 feet tall and somewhat muscular.) I have always wondered how she is now and if she is all right. (Hey, if you know who I am talking about, leave a comment! The comments don't show up right away, they are private until I review them for moderation. So I don't have to publish your comment if that is your concern.) Many folks say "the deaf community is very outspoken and very blunt, so how would I know if they are just being blunt or practicing verbal abuse??" True... then you need to ASK yourself, would you ACCEPT that verbal abuse? Do you feel hurt by the comments? Do you find yourself afraid to speak back? Do you look away? That are your answers then; it IS verbal and emotional abuse. You know what physical abuse look like so I don't have to expand on that.

I have seen some DVDs and videos sent from other agencies what domestic violence could look like and what deaf individuals may encounter (as obstacles as in agencies not knowing how to use TDDS or how to work with deaf victims.) Recently I saw a new DVD sent by Deafhope and I HIGHLY recommend everyone to see it! My memory is "off" at this time, but I think the title says "Til Death do (Domestic violence) we part." It gives ideas what domestic violence LOOKS like (physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse.) What really touched me was the ending where they had photos of deaf women who died at hands of boyfriends or husbands. It made me realize something, while recognizing some individuals in photos, that the Deaf world IS smaller and that we all need to work together on learning how to identify domestic violence and how to prevent it. Miskena already gave info on agencies that DO work with deaf victims. I want to add that there ARE more agencies out there that can work with deaf victims but we need to work with those agencies to teach them HOW to interact and assist deaf victims!

Interpreters and Tattoos

2007-03-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was asked *again* by mother if I'd think about laser removal of my tattoos, and I said "NO" *again*. That reminded me of the day she found out about my tattoo and I had a quirky smile. So I thought to tell you all what happened.

It was planned for mother to stay with me while after gallbladder removal for a few days. So we all enjoyed London, England for two weeks and then she stayed here, instead of flying on to Colorado. Next day we came early to the hospital for pre-surgery preparations, and to my delight, there was an interpreter (I forgot to request one.) Me dressed in a back-open hospital gown, I was getting nervous. The doctor came in with some other staff. With the interpreter there, he was explaining how the surgery will go. Mother was in the back, so she'd not block my view of the interview.

Then the doctor said, "Don't worry,I will not touch your tattoo."

The interpreter pointed over heads, "Your mom asked, "WHAT tattoo?"

I was like "oh shit" mentally. I was preparing to say something when the doctor turned to tell mother, "she has this lovely tiny fox footprint on her stomach. Nothing for you to be upset about."

Interpreter included facial expression and "attitude" of mother, "I don't CARE.. Remove that tattoo in the surgery!"

I thought it hilarious for the doctor and mother to "argue" while the interpreter tried to keep up with them. In the end, mother backed off when I shot, "it's MY body and MY skin. Get over it!" And the interpreter even stressed how I said it!

In the end, the doctor kept his promise, he didn't touch my tattoo while giving me five nice cuts above my stomach!

Silent Rituals

2007-02-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

I learned of silent rituals while attending Emunimon(please correct me, I am suspecting I’m misspelling it) a Maryland Pagan expo/workshops in 1998 or 1999. It was nice enough of the expo to provide ASL interpreters when I asked! I looked through the schedule of workshops and I thought ‘Silent Ritual’ sounded intriguing. I attended the workshop and I immediately knew it was ideal for deaf pagans! This activity includes mime, gesturing, facial expressions and body language. It can be used anywhere, from the private home to public hotels and no one would be the wiser! The ritual does not require any tools but your own imagination.

How does it work? Pagans would know the opening ritual in which one set up a circle. Now, do it without ANY tools. Visualize the tools in your hands, imagine they are in your hands or at your feet. You can visualize the circle developing as you draw it. Elements can be ‘shaped’ with your imagination as you call upon them. I use the sign “Fire” in a musical style for the element fire; gesture crumbles of dirt breaking down and falling from my hands referring to Earth; move as if the wind was dancing with me for Air and visual Water as waves blowing upon me, all as like I am writing a poem in motion. That’s the intention of silent ritual. I know how often pagans could run forth and back trying to find specific candles, certain cauldrons, right herbs, etc for rituals they may have in mind. It can be an headache, especially if you do not have tools right now or that you’re at a place that you feel you couldn’t practice your religion in public. Gods know there are people that get frightened seeing a dagger next to a cauldron and wonder, ‘what is all this for??!” The ritual reduces the potential over-reaction of anyone who may come upon the activity. Don't have to collect this candle, this bowl, that knife, that jewelry...it's just all the body and imagination that is needed for the silent ritual.

I would love to do a video to give examples what silent rituals could look like but I don’t’ know anyone who has a camcorder. Sorry!

Cadbury eggs, your name is LOVE.

2007-02-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have to make a confession. I do have an addiction. If this item is available, I'd grab all I can get and afford. When it's not available, I crawl up the walls and whine. It is.... CADBURY EGGS.

The friends know me too well to the point that if I say I have "some" eggs, it means I have 30-48 eggs somewhere hidden in my place. So I'd NOT have to share 'em. When the Easter season ends, I'd go to stores all over to find last eggs! When all eggs run out, I'd stalk them out on internet at online stores, especially London-located stores (since cadbury eggs are available year-long there!)

According to those friends, they are waiting for me to pop out cadbury bunnies anytime. "Cadbury muncher" "Cadbury lick" "Cadbury Addict" "Eggsucker" are some of the nicknames they have for me especially during Easter time and when I would confess I have eggs.

I found this blog and when I read the article, I went "YES! That's how it is for me too!!!!" http://www.patrickmaloney.net/?p=798 For him/her, it'd come out in Febuary but it's January for me. I'm like "nah, nah, nah!! I got 'em earlier!!
Although I SHOULD admit.... (and if friends read this, they're gonna come here and stalk those poor eggs to remove)..I got a package of 48 eggs from an online store in late December. SHHHHHH.

Before folks wonder "doesn't she gain weight eating those over-dosed sugar-rush eggs??" Weird enough, no. I could eat six eggs a day and not gain an ounce. I believe it is because I walk, use excerise bike and eat healthy meals (beside the candy.) Do I ever get sick of them? Yes. It DOES happen but it also doesn't stop me buying more eggs. It's like as I said...an addiction. Someone compared cadbury eggs to heroin addiction- more you resist, more you crave it.

:::peeling a foil off the egg::: Savoring and munching on the chocolate cover::::licking the white creme::: Wot? I'm not finished! All I can say in my defense is..I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't use drugs. I don't even drink coffee daily. So let me have my vice and it's more healthier! (I think.)

Have a good cadbury creme egg!!

Aspirations encouraged by an encounter with a Deaf teacher.

2007-02-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

When I read the article about Susan Elliot, I wasn't surprised about her accomplishments. She was one of teachers I had while I was in high school. Damned proud of her!

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/news_columnists/article/0,1299,DRMN_86_5319432,00.html

I grew up with the belief that once deaf persons become adults, they are put somewhere or put to sleep. (Odd thought, I know) But that belief was because I NEVER had seen a DEAF ADULT as a child and even in adolescene. So it was all a mystery to me. Susan Elliot was the first deaf adult I had ever encountered. I'm telling you, worlds opened to me when I met her! I asked her about her schooling, colleges, her goals (teaching.) She was a spark of life; you could say she brightened any room she comes in. I was there when she found out she would get the US West teacher award. Reporters came to the high school to talk with her and I realized then there that if she can be successful, so can deaf people! I found hope blooming within me.

I didn't stay with her all day in the deaf classroom because I was too advanced in education. I attended classes with interpreters but I saw her everyday, especially when it was time for homeroom. She was there when I had flashbacks of a childhood trauma; I started seeing a counselor with her encouragementand her pushing my mother to let me see a deaf counselor, no less! Another deaf adult!

I was aspiring to be a teacher like her. Knowing that deaf adults do live and that they can be successful, I joined the drama club, the biology club, the Future Teachers organization and debate club. I set up plans to go to college and I was accepted. It was then when I found out I don't like kids! Hahaha! I do like them but not enuff to teach them! I wasn't sure. It was when I remember the deaf counselor. I admit, it took years before I realized that mental health was right for my career after I worked at two organiations working with deaf clients with mental disorders! What can I say? Better late than never!

Nevertheless, it was Susan Elliot (thro I knew her with a previous last name, what do you expect..she was a Miss, not a Mrs when I met her!) that encouraged me to dare to DREAM. To KNOW that I can be successful. To realize that I can help people (thro in a different path than hers.) Thanks, Susan!

Looks like a busy week.

2007-01-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

Will be off to a two-day HIV training which is Client-Centered 1:1 Interventions starting tomorrow and finishing Wednesday. 9am to 5pm, which would be very tough on my leg. If I sit too long, my leg stiffens up. (Slow recovery from surgery and damage from hit-and-run.) I had taken that training before last year or was that two years ago? I had lost track, but they messed up the certificat, putting down Jules Wolfers instead of my real name! :p They hadn't renewed the certificate so I had to take it again. That's all right since it'd be a nice refresher class for me! I will also take other six classes..can we say BUSY? The classes are Mental Health & HIV Prevention, Effective Referrals, STDS for Non-Clinicians, Cultural Competence Level 1, 2 and 3. And no, I'm not being paid to attend. It's volunteering and I figure taking those trainings will look excellent on my resume especially certificates I can include in the resume. I gotta do all this because it's my dream to be a mental health counselor/case manager for deaf clients with HIV in the future.

Someone asked me WHY I want to work with deaf clients with HIV. "What's wrong with working with mental ill clients, mental retarded clients or clients that may have problems like addictions, domestic violence or having high-risk activities?" Who says I don't want to work with those clients? I didn't say that. I discovered that there is too few counselors who can sign out there in the United States. It's harder to find counselors who may have experiences in this or that.. There are addiction counselors, there are domestic violence counselors, there are clinical psychologists, you get the idea. It is high likely that when one NEEDS help in a certain area of mental health, you won't find a counselor who can sign. For example, if one needs to go to a 12-step AA group, there is a chance there would be no counselor who could sign. At most, there'd be an interpreter (that is if the organization that'd call up one.) So... the bottom line is..counselors who can sign will need to be generalists. What is that? Let me read from the dictionary:

Generalist: : one whose skills, interests, or habits are varied or unspecialized.

It means that in case of mental health, the counselor would need to have basic knowledge of addiction, high risk adolescence, mental disorders, autism, domestic violence, family violence, PTSD, crisis intervention, etc, etc. I had already taken PTSD and Crisis intervention classes. I worked for an organization that focuses on domestic violence. I also worked for a non-profit organization that worked with deaf clients with mental retardation and other disabilities, as well as an organization working with deaf clients with mental disorders. In March, I will take a two-day workshop on addictions. More knowledge the counselor can collect in her repertory, the more resourceful she can be for the clients and herself.

However, HIV/AIDS have been my passion for a long time as I could remember. Rene (name changed to protect his family) took me into the world of HIV/AIDS. I remember as if it happened yesterday, Rene came to me in 1991. He said that he was afraid to go to the doctor to ask for a HIV test. I asked him why he would even think about that. He said a guy told him that he was HIV positive and that since Rene had sex with him, he should go take a test. I agreed to go with him to a doctor for a blood test. I remember two weeks later or so, I remember how our hearts pounded that I could even feel vibrations in my teeth. The doctor was even considerate of getting an interpreter that day. He told him that the test was positive for HIV but encouraged him to come back in six months. We both were stunned. He asked the doctor more about HIV but the interpreter used a lot of medical terms that went over his and my heads. After the appointment, he asked me more about HIV and I have to tell you, readers, I had NO idea but that HIV kills. It was a bogeyman to me. In a few days, we went to the library to look up and there were a lot of medical terms that I had to read forth and back (looking up dictionary, reading book, then back to dictionary). Due to Rene's 4th grade reading level, he couldn't "get it." So I would read and then translate into ASL for him. My heart was broken for him over much that I am even surprised that it's still beating after all this breaking for months. With him, I learned about what HIV/AIDS means, what it does and doesn't, how it affects the immune system and that it wasn't HIV that'd kill. It's complications that comes to a weakned immune system, hence AIDS with complications.
He had died 4 years ago but bless his heart, he refused to let HIV control his life as possible. He went hiking in the Rocky Mountains and surfing in Hawaii all the time when he felt good. I saw how it was very tough for him, not from the deaf community but from the medical community. It was tough to find an interpreter who knows medical and sexual terms and not spell them out! Can you imagine one going "A-N-A-L-S-E-X" instead of signing it??!! Many times he would show up at the doctor's office to find that there would be no intepreter. Often he would write forth and back and then bring notes to me to read and help interpret words/terms he didn't understand. I decided to do more research on HIV/AIDS myself and I find it an amazing 'machine.' It is a destructive program if you will. There are viruses and bacteria out there that would keep their host alive while eating them, yet this HIV virus killing its own host. This virus has no judgement on who gets it. Women, men, kids, adolescenes, hearing, deaf, catholics, jews, pagans, African-american, hispanic, white, it has no racism, no sexism, no audism, nothing against 'em...but that it is all one blood and immune system to that "destructive program." You can say it is akin to a computer virus, when you think about it.

So, that is one of reasons why HIV/AIDS is one of my passions. 'Boyo,' I won't forget you and your favorite saying, "I ain't beat until I am ready!"

Limited Deaf resources on HIV/AIDS and Poll

2007-01-26T17:09:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this for a few days... I am not sure if there have been a poll out there to ask THIS question "Do you think HIV/AIDS exist in the deaf community?" among the deaf community in the United States.

A lot of agencies had services set up for the deaf about HIV prevention then died out in a few years because of low turnout and insufficent numbers of clients or funds. (That's what I have been told by some folks who were there.) So far there is GLADD (Los Angeles) Deaf AIDS Project (in Family Services Foundation- Baltimore), Gay men's health Crisis (New York), AIDS Initiative for Deaf Services Task Force (which is located at AIDS Project Hartford, in Conn) and AIDS Foundation of Chicago (Advocate Metro OutReach Deaf and Hard of Hearing Program in Chicago.) If there are more organizations that provide services (outreach, prevention, one-to-one counseling, support groups, workshops applying to HIV/AIDS and STDS), I'm all "ears!" I am sure there are readers out there that are curious too if there are services where they can go in for testing and counseling (IF confidentiality can be managed.)

Now, I would like to see if folks can answer this poll that I created in mind for the deaf readers and perhaps hearing folks if they work with deaf clients. I would like to get an IDEA at least where one can start! Like that main female character in "Dogma" said, "I have an idea, not a belief of what one can do."

Where are they?

2007-01-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

I have been reading some articles about prostitution out there in the world and yes it includes the United States. For folks who do not understand what the word prostitution means: it means selling your body(intercourse or other sexual behaviors for money or other tangible goals like drugs. There have been statistics on arrest numbers of prostitutes (female and males) and arrests upon johns (people who buy sex) in some states. No one knows the exact number of prostitutes in United States because there has been no tracking. And WHO would want to come up and say "Yeah I'm a prostitute" for even a census survey? Anyway, I was reading this article "how the Dutch protect their prostitutes," "Prostitution in the United States- The Statistics" and even Wikipedia's article on prositution. Only one thing kept popping up in my mind while surveying those articles and others.

Where are the deaf prostitutes?!

DON'T tell me that they don't exist. Don't say "pooh, there are no deaf women or men selling their bodies for money or drugs." I have seen a legless prostitute in a wheelchair (and don't tell me she wasn't a prostitute, she was out there in 20 degrees in an outfit made of only a bra, panties and fishnet dress you can see through) with some other women barely clad. I worked with a mentally ill and deaf client who sold her body for drugs down in a city back in the east coast. What I had learned from her, I could see how it would be easy. I mean, if a deaf woman that barely graduated from high school, living on SSI and craving drugs to forget what she had experienced in childhood (rape by father and then sent into a foster home where she was continuingly raped by someone that should not have even been accepted as a foster parent.)

I read that after communism fell in Russia, many deaf women and men started to sell their bodies in purpose to survive in the chaos. There is noticeable postitution among the deaf population in Africa. HIV/AIDS is very common there in Africa, especially in the vulnerable numbers of women, children and disabled. I am sure some of you have read that men would have sex with children, in the belief that HIV can be "cured"by having intercourse with a virgin child or woman. Hell, I could read articles about deaf women or men going into prostitution in other countries but not here? Is it a taboo to talk about prostitution? Is it something that one shouldn't talk or even think about; the possibility of *gasp* a DEAF person being a prostitute? I read in several reports that disabled children are easier to be taken advantage of by adults for molestion. That goes for drugs... Hell, 1 in 7 deaf uses drugs. 1 in 10 hearing uses drugs. Do math. So, isn't that a potential possbility that there ARE deaf prostitutes out there here in the United States? Are there any services working with those on protecting themselves, STDS prevention, financial management, confidence development and the possibility of leaving prostitution for good? If there are, I would LIKE to know!

I have a deaf friend who is open about herself being a prostitute. She experienced horrible unspeakable incidents throughout her childhood and adolescence, that after she told me of her experiences, I had nightmares for nights afterwards. Not many organizations would take her in because she is not "mental retarded enough", "not mentally ill enough," and/or "not eligible for services." So the vicious cycle continues for her. After I spoke with her about writing this post, she said, "Tell people, don't stick your nose up at us, what are we supposed to do? Slap a happy face on our faces, live in neighborhoods where a woman couldn't walk at night without being assaulted, and survive on ramen noodles rest of our lives? YOU don't know. If you don't know what is going in our lives, then you have NO right to judge us. Screw you all!" What can I say to that? She is right.

You have to love this!

2007-01-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Kurt used his sidekick to take a picture of Boulder and the mountains before we went into Boulder. He was here for his visit with me last October while helping me go through the first anniversity of H&R. Anyway, from this picture you can see how vast the sky is, the beauty of the land and even hint of snow on the ground.

Oh, yeah, I did use my sidekick to take this picture. I have to say sidekicks are a helpful "assistant" especially if you go places and say "oh shoot, I should have brought a camera!" Never worry..the sidekick is there for you. :) Heck, I took pictures of my legs after the October 2005 H&R and even after May 2006 surgery (tendon replacement.)

Oh, if Kurt finds this picture, let me know. Heheheh.

Passion of Mental Health

2007-01-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

I cannot remember not being deaf. I attended mainstreamed programs as I could remember. I did not know that a "deaf world" existed. Upon entering Gallaudet University in Washington DC in 1989, my eyes were opened to possibilities of which I have never dreamed. Exposed to so much potential at Gallaudet, I realized there are deaf football players, doctors, lawyers, and even architects. I discovered pride in being deaf. Realizing that I could do everything empowered me. Being deaf does not prevent me from reaching goals. It actually gives me specialized tools that increase my potential.
Never had I thought that I could help other people. I did not imagine that I could positively impact other people's lives with my life and 'disability' experiences. In Baltimore, Maryland, I worked both with deaf clients with mental retardation at a DDA organization, and with deaf clients with mental illnesses at an agency for MHA clients. I learned that I could make a difference.
I realized that because I am deaf, I empathize better with clients. That deeper empathy and understanding of deaf culture has enabled me to train the hearing staff to better understand and work with the deaf clients.
Being deaf has forced me to become extremely observant. I am more alert to any chance in the clients' behaviors. I notice changes that others often do not. This talent helped me to save several clients' lives (finding a client in a building on fire, detecting episodes of diabetic shock, and anticipating seizures are examples.)
Due to my deafness, I have to work hard on ensure that my communications are clear and concise with both the clients and the other staff. Copying my efforts, the clients and staff also began to work harder to communicate more effectively. Learning about newer technologies that have major impacts on the deaf world, with encouragement, the others learned how to use computers and such devices thereby enlarging their world.
Because I have the same 'disability' they do, I demonstrate to my clients a positive deaf role model, a first for many of them. I have seen my positive behaviors and steadying influences increase my clients' motiviation to improve themselves. My clients succeeded in their new jobs and strive toward the goals of developing independence or staying off drugs because of my encouragement and staff support. Many clients have told me that because of my sense of humor and willing to treat them as adult equals, not as children, they developed confidence in themselves and in other people.
With these experiences behind me, it is now my goal to become a mental health counselor. I want to use my education and knowledge to assist my clients and to protect their dignity and independence. The deaf often feel that the world is against them. I believe that they can learn from me how to work with the hearing world to become a team, instead of "me vs. you." I have the positive confidence that the deaf world and the hearing world will bulid a bridge.

Here, as promised, pictures of Tower of London

2007-01-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

The raven encounter...If you look close to the rail close to the grass, you'll see this big raven. Heheheh

The side of the Tower of the London. Good picture.

The sweetheart beefeater tour guide and me posing for the camera

The beefeater tour guide. He was such a sweetheart because he ensured that I was front in the group so I can see him and the ASL interpreter. Yes! They do provide ASL interpreters if you ask for one a week ahead. My trip to London was wonderful. I will write more about the trip and what it may mean for deaf visitors.

Written by Jules

Communication Access during Disasters and after.

2007-01-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

You know, I had spoken with some interpreters and CODAS after the hurricane Katrina. I thought this may be interesting for y'all.

I have to follow up on ADA requirements to see if that may be actually a hinderance in disasters...

1. Volunteer interpreters came to help the deaf evavuees, however they mostly weren't "certified" considered by FEMA or Red Cross. Never mind that the paid interpreters came LATER..(a week later)

2. Interpreters who volunteered were treated rudely by "certified" interpreters, demanding to see the certificates of the volunteers, never mind that the interpreters had grown up with deaf parents or deaf families, (CODA).

3. During interviews (with FEMA or Red Cross), volunteer interpreters were told that they can't interpret for their deaf relatives or other deaf evacuees, because they weren't "certified." Frankly..... during disasters, the deaf community wants the interpreters NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not two days later..not next week, not two weeks later... and if the volunteer interpreter can sign like a deaf, who are you to tell the deaf community NOT to use that interpreter??!! If there is a certified interpreter there and now, that's great. If there isn't, and if the survivors had to wait another week or two...hell forget it... Hence one basic rule of crisis intervention says 'if the supplies and resources are available now, use them NOW."

An interpreter, Teri, suggests that levels of how skillful the interpreters can be assigned to services, such as very skillful interpreters could be assigned to FEMA interviews, medical assessments, the medium range interpreters could be assigned to medical checkups, social support, and getting necessarities, and low range interpreters could be assigned to handing out food, water, and housing information. I have to agree with Teri... In disasters, both man-made and disasters..if there are accessible services right there right NOW, don't complain that it's not "certified" or "licensed" or "approved." TAKE the services, even if it is a volunteer interpreter who can sign because of his/her deaf family, a guy who knows how to fix a motorized wheelchair but is not licensed in that state the disaster occured, or an RN who can do medical checkups but is deaf, USE THEM... they come to help!

Hence I am concerned about future disasters. FEMA and Red Cross need to think hard and long about interpreters for deaf survivors as well as other disabled individuals. If there are helpers who can assist, let them. Don't wait a week or two weeks.. More the survivors wait after the disaster (and aftermath) to get assistance and that includes communication, you're putting them longer in risk of developing PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Giving of oneself.

2007-01-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

It is really sucking when one works at a place where other friends work as well, because there is the issue of boundaries and the common sense to know to say no and not feel guilty. I have seen this so many times, friends giving in to other friends because they thought that is how friendships work...and disasters occur.

I have seen several friends with severe burnouts(including me) because we thought we were needed, and to give, give, and give, and not think "wait a minute..where is MY share of rewards?" Friendships had been destroyed just because that person or that person is a taker, taking advantage of the friendship in name of "business."

I gave up 80 hours a week to be there for 'friends' at work for months. I hadn't even a day off without my pager going off from work! Even on my only vacation(the vacation in 3 years!), I was called to help with a client out of control because no one else could. After months and years, one day I had a good bawl. I had a good rant. At friends' suggestions, I went to see the doctor to find out I had burnout..so I got a LOA away from work..(and of course, the business went into chaos without me there...)

Now I see it happening to other people. Sometimes I sit down with them and ask them to stop and smell the flowers, and to learn how to say no without feeling guilty, and to stop giving. One needs to think "OKay what is the benefit for me from doing this for a friend?" Mind you, I'm not saying to be selfish, however folks NEED personal times for themselves..if one is gonna do all the 6 programs, 3 papers, and 1 grant for one friend, what is the benefit for THAT person who is doing all that? NOTHING. All this is to the benefit of the taker, period!

So....for you all who give, give, give and give... STOP! Ask yourself this.."I had done this and that for my friend, what have s/he done for me?" If the answer is nothing, that is your answer..you're nothing to HIM/HER but something to use.

Yes, sometimes one feels "satisifed" in helping people. I'm all for that. However if it takes more than 40 hours of yours, intervene with your social life, your family and even sleep, it is time to look at your priorities and decide if it's really worth giving up everything you are. Sometimes you DO have to be selfish. I speak from experience.

Where did 2006 go??!

2007-01-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

Eek! I didn't realize how time flew! One day I was crazy making copies for my notebook to give to the human services program at my college, printing out graduate applications, writing essays and doing research about universities that offers mental health or psychology graduate programs AND work with deaf clients. Next day I know, it's already 2007; I just returned from another state where family resides. I have to wonder how they could stand Kansas and not go insane. Oh wait, some of my relatives did. Never mind! I looked up my old blog and realized an oop. I said I'd make 10-12 blogs after June and I only made four. Can we say, I'm awfully busy? Hehehe. I look forward to volunteering, writing more articles after I do more research and working on my quilts. I hope to write blogs about HIV/AIDS in Deaf community (yes some of Deaf can get HIV/AIDS, thank you,) start a debate about movies that get on folks' nerves (like "Sound and Fury" "Di Vinci Code" and "Harry Potter" series,) I also want to talk about mental illnesses and discuss books that are about real individuals with mental disorders. Very interesting, I'm telling you! I just finished three books while I was visiting family. What else could I do when they all were content watching television all the time??!!! I read "Murphy's Boy" by Torey Hayden, "Sybil" by Flora Rheta Schreiber and "Nobody's Child" by Marie Balter and Richard Katz. Very good. I will write about those books soon. Also I hope to do research about mental illness in the Deaf community (yes, some of Deaf can have mental disorders.) All right, I have to get going and take a shower. I have a LONG day tomorrow. Oh yeah, by the way, I graduated with a B.S degree in Human Services Mental Health Counseling! Whooo!

Written by Jules

An aspect of IDEA for deaf children receiving education

2006-11-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

You'd THINK all we would get along together, especially with Deafhood workshops all over the nation and provided by many Deaf organizations. Sadly, it's still "us vs. them" subconsciously. ASL vs Spoken English. Written English vs. Videophone where folks talk in ASL. Schools for deaf vs. mainstreamed programs. Teachers for deaf that teach by sign vs. Teachers for deaf that teach by oral practices. States sending deaf children to mainstreamed programs instead of schools for Deaf, despite there's evidence that some deaf children may benefit better in schools for Deaf.

Look up IDEA (thanks to someone at work!) which stands for Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, and then look up what IDEA can provide for deaf students. You'd find that a lot of states would send their deaf children to mainstreamed programs, and less and less to schools for the Deaf because it'd benefit the state, NOT the children. We don't think of the children's NEEDS, specially communicational, social and educational needs. NAD (National Association of the Deaf said it well in "Comments to the U.S. Department of Education on the Notice of Request for Comments and Recommendations on Regulatory Issues Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) as amended by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act of 2004, February 28, 2005" (mouthful, I KNOW!)

"300.551 Continuum of alternative placements:
Recommendation: The NAD respectfully requests that the Department, through the regulatory process, monitoring activities, and other actions, vigorously enforce provisions of the statute and regulations pertaining to the continuum of alternative placements. Rationale: The continuum of alternative placements has been a long-standing and essential feature of IDEA. However, the NAD wishes to call attention to what is apparently a reduced commitment on the part of state education agencies to provide continuum of alternative placement options, as required by law. The NAD continues to support the development, maintenance, and use of placements mandated by the continuum of alternative placements regulations of the IDEA. While the regular classroom in the neighborhood school may be the appropriate placement for some deaf and hard-of-hearing students, for many it is not. The NAD is commited to preserving and expanding the use of the continuum of alternative placements provision to ensure that each deaf or hard-of-hearing child receives a quality education in an appropriate environment. As stated by the Congress: The Committee supports the longstanding policy of a continuum of alternative placements designed to meet the unique needs of each child with a disability. Placement options available include instruction in regular classes, special classes, special schools, home instruction and instruction in hospitals and institutions."

So, in the bottom line, it's "us vs. them" even that NAD observes in states/schools abuse of IDEA especially when it comes to Deaf children. Yes there are deaf children that will do well in regular classrooms but to put other deaf children in regular classrooms that do not meet their social, educational and communicational needs, that's balantly abuse. We need to start instructing schools; that will help starting the snowball rolling to reduce the issue "us vs. them" from elementary schools to adulthood. Stop the vicious cycle!

Written by Jules

There's no winners or losers.

2006-10-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday working on finances with friends, a friend stood up, reading her pager and screamed "Fernendes is terminated!" out of the blue (thankfully no one spilled drinks!) The friends jumped up and down, screaming and hugging each other. I looked on and smiled, but I had a lot of questions running through my mind as well.
What happens next?
Who will be the next president?
Will FSSA really walk the talk that they talked about for 4 weeks?
Will students, faculty, staff and alumni work together to stamp out audism, racism and deaf oppression?
Will the deaf community really look at themselves and realize that they even silence and oppress OTHER deaf?
Mind you, I LOVE Gallaudet and I am behind FSSA 110%, however we all need to think carefully what we need to do next. We didn't win the war..we won a major battle- (think it like Gettysburg or Normandy) The war will be only won if Gallaudet have a LOT of changes done (bylaws, procedures, policies, crystal-clear boundaries, duties expected of the president, provost and the BOT; recognizing audism practices within the campus, making it mandotary(correct me if I misspell that) for staff to learn sign language (mind you, I'm not asking for 100% skilled signers but enough to help in basic communication, emergencies and necessary situations) and also recognize racism and deaf oppression within the campus as well as the nationwide deaf community. This morning I got a rude email from a blogger "Stop shooting things out of your mouth, *******!" and added that they are already planning to clean the tent city-( but how would we KNOW that if no one said it in any article last night?) after I sent a comment to his/her blog, giving some advice such as cleaning up the tent city, doing research on other universities' policies and bylaws about the president/provost/board/s responsibilties and duties as well as boundaries, and that all deaf are equal: culturally deaf, oralists, sim-com, blind-deaf, etc, you get the idea. (in other words, I was saying that I hope that deafhood is the first priority in mind.) For saying all that, I got that rude email, and I was thinking, "wow..I got oppressed and silenced just now?" That really saddened me because I meant positive and well by my comment. I could say his/her name but what's the point? Right now there's no sense in finger-pointing and we all need to be mature and to recognize flaws within OURSELVES as well as outward (deaf community, campus, audists, racists, and folks who don't realize they practice any of those I just listed.) And that means you as well, blogger. I realize that s/he may be high on the fifteen minutes of fame, and s/he DESERVES that fame- since s/he did help out greatly in that blog, being there in person and speaking out for the deaf community- however s/he needs to look inward and realize- need to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Don't do double standards, folks! You need to respect 'em as you'd want to be respected.

Written by Jules

Protest at Gallaudet University

2006-05-02T16:45:00.000-06:00

There is a protest at Gallaudet University since yesterday. I was emailed by a friend who works at Gallaudet University about the announcement of new president at 230pm EST, and I am here in Colorado. I was in class when I got the email 'Fez' and I went "WHATTHEFUCK???!!!" I had not lived in Gallaudet while she has been the provost there, but I have already encountered her at a deaf event, in which I will not spill the beans, but I can only say it was negative. What I have in:

1) Through a poll on 'Notwithoutus.org' of gallaudet students, Fernandes only got 13% of students'approval, and 81% of students'disapproval. Mind you, it were on a ballot for undergraduate students to respond to Graduate Students Association and Student Body Government. If you want to know more, you can look up http://notwithoutus.org/node/32

2) Gallaudet University have been performing POORLY as investigated by congress and federal education department. And the current president think that that poor performance can be continued under Fernandes? THINK AGAIN! The deaf students deserve better education and even have the right to better education! Look up laws in education section of federal laws! Http://www.whitehouse.gov/omb/expectmore/summary.10003306.2005.html.

3. There is no love between the students and Fernandes from what I gather from: http://trimmingthefern.blog.com/, and
http://starvingforaccess.blog.com. Mind you, take those with a grain of salt.

4. I have to admit Ridor writes a good blog, http://ridorlive.com, and he's currently writing what's going on the Gallaudet campus, and I envy him. Colorado is quite a distance from Washington D.C!

I have been reading emails of people telling me what's going on campus, and I have concerns.

1) Fire alarms at dorms and SAC.... PLEASE!!! Do not do that..that will only make the protest more a student prank, than a mature and reasonable protest. We the deaf community need to show the world that we can be responsible and protest peacefully and without antics like those. Burning an effigy is powerful than pulling a fire alarm. Having a hunger fast is noticeable than ordering a pizza and eating it front of the media. If you want to have the ear of the world, do what Martin Luther King Jr. did...he had a strong voice, and he marched peacefully and with numbers. More the number of students, faculty, and alumni you have on campus, the BOT and the current administration will listen!

2) "She doesn't say hi".... That left me speechless.. honestly, it does. Bush doesn't say Hi to me either, but do that make me mad at him? OF COURSE NOT! One needs to have ACTIONS that look bad on the individual. I can understand the protest when one says "she had shut down many programs under MSSD- but what kind of programs were they? "She closed some student organizations- Can you tell which organizations and can those ex-members speak up? Bring up the fact that the congress found Gallaudet university ineffective, and point out that it's under IJK administration in which Fernandes is under! GET information and ACCURATE information at that, to show WHY the protest is going on!

3) Deaf-cultural president. That I can understand. But would the hearing world UNDERSTAND that? The leaders and protesters may need to explain to the media. Some friends finally understood when I said "okay, someone moved to Italy..and learned how to speak Italian, but he's NOT Italian... so would you think the population of Italy would accept him as a president to represent Italy?" I hope you understand what I'm talking about!

Written by Jules

Disabled community and Disasters

2006-04-25T13:57:00.000-06:00

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, disabled people found themselves futhermore disabled. A deaf man walked through the flood waters carrying a legless man on his back for hours before they found firm ground. A pair of brothers was found at their uplifted house, not aware of the hurricane or the flooding because they are deaf and blind. Several deaf families seeked help at the Superdome but no one understood them. At the Astrodome in Houston, Texas, a single interpreter was run into exhaustion going forth and back between two buildings where the deaf evacees were placed. Elderly, unable to flee the floodings, died in the nursing homes.

Over and over through time in the United States, people with disabilities have been overlooked in natural or man-made disasters. Several agencies are concerned about this matter, especially after September 11, 2001. The National Council on Disability, the United States Department of Transportation, the President's committee on Employment of People with Disabilities, and Americans with Disabilities advocates are among the agencies that focus on people with disabilities-related concerns, such as employment, physical and mental health and, of course, natural and/or man-made disasters. Those agencies work toward the goal of improving emergency preparedness for individuals with disabilities.

The National Council on Disability and the Anneberg Washington Program studied what is needed for the emergency preparedness of people with disabilities. Mainly the agency found that barriers for disabled people continue because any new information or accessible lessons developed during former disasters are not put into future preparedness and planning. After any disasters, disabled people have limited or no access to emergency centers; the distribution of much needed water and food may be inaccessible to people in wheelchairs, for example. Limited access to communication is often found during and after the disaster, making it harder for the individuals with disabilities, especially with deafness. Interpreters reported that more often than not, evacees staying at the convention center had to listen to the continuous announcements from the public address system while the deaf people had no idea what was going on unless an interpreter was there. The deaf evacees were a week behind in receiving needed services at the Astrodome due to limited communication. During disasters, electricity could be shut down and that can be incapalitating for people relying on respirators, and/or motorized wheelchairs. A woman with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis was carried 68 flights of stairs by two heroic men right after the first plane hit the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 because she could not use her motorized wheelchair or the elevator.

Red Cross and FEMA have been criticized by people with disabilities because those agencies do not consider the disabled people when disasters occur. Often these agencies set up evacuation centers or shelters that are inaccessible to people with disabilities. Interpreters reported that when the hurricane predicted to hit Texas, they volunteered to drive a deaf group to a shelter that was handicapped-accessible, but when they arrived there, the shelter was full. So they were sent to another shelter and another before they finally found a shelter for the deaf group. However, nothing was put aside for them such as cots or food. So the interpreters used their pagers to contact the deaf community for help and the deaf community was very happy to donate air mattresses, food and blankets.

Blanck identified key issues that need to be tackled for the people with disabilities. The key issues are 1) ensure that there are accessible locations and services; 2) that the communication and information is accessible to the victims; 3) assure that information for caregivers is reliable and accessible; 4) working with media; 5) working with the disability community; 6) preparing and training for future disasters; and 7) setting up universal design/access and strategies. To explain further the goals are to ensure that the information is accurate and that the people with disabilities get needed supplies and equipment. First, the shelters, evacuation centers and distribution locations(food, water and services) are to be accessible for the people with disabilities. Second, the disabled victims need access to communication and information. For example, they may need to know if other relatives or friends are safe, or if they are to be put in housing. Third, the rescue and crisis intervention personnel need to know where the people are, in order to ensure that they have appropriate tools (such as an interpreter), and track the people for appropriate treatment. Fourth, involving the media will get more attention for the needs for the people with disabilities. After the flooding killed the elderly, media alerted the public and so there was an investigation into on if the elderly could have been safely evacuated before the hurricane hit. Also FCC is responsible to ensure that information is accessible to people with disabilities, including closed captioning during emergencies. Fifth, the disability organizations need to work with rescue, relief, media and state organizations to educate these agencies about the special needs of the disabled community and work together on setting up preparedness plans. Sixth, the rescue and relief organizations need to know what medical gear they will need and how to use this equipment. An example would be how to set up insulin pumps for diabetic people. Seventh, the federal and state government working with the rescue organizations in setting up universal design. This will greatly help and make activities smoother for the volunteers, doctors, rescue folks, as well for the people with and without disabilities.

After the Northridge earthquake, the San Francisco Independent Living Resource Center set up tips for people with disabilities. They have a website and pamphets that are available for the public to read and use. For the mobile challenged, the list includes storing a battery for the motorized wheelchair and a backup equipment such as a walker, crutches or cane. The deaf individual is advised to install visual smoke alarms, and to have written communication to be used for emergency personnel; as well as storing batteries for the TDD (Telecommunication Device for Deaf.) The agency also suggests that the disabled individuals set up a network for personal support. In that in mind, if an emergency occurs, someone can check upon the individual and provide assistance if wanted. Also suggestions are to have a self-assessment on what the individual is able and unable to do in emergencies (such as a person depending on a wheelchair may be unable to go down the stairs yet able to use the phone to ask for assistance.)

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, programs ensuring safety for disabled people in emergencies is required of the local governments. The guide says that the government needs to work with the disabled community in planning and educating the public how to work with the rescue and relief organizations and in turn the rescue and relief organizations need to learn how to work with the disabled community in how to communicate, provide appropriate equipment, and provide appropriate shelters if needed.

The bottom line is that many improvements are needed to be done for the people with disabilities in case of emergencies, including natural and man-made disasters. If not for the two men, Tina with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis would have died in the World Trade Center. If not for the interpreters at the Astrdome, the deaf evacuees would not have "heard" the announcements for housing, food and registration information. Without the accessible information and volunteers, those individuals would experience a disaster of their own within the natural/man-made disaster.

References:

An ADA guide for Local Government: Making Community Emergency Preparedness and Response Programs Accessible to People with Disabilities.
Http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/ada/emergencyprep.htm

Blanck, Peter David. Disaster Mitigation for People with Disabilities: Fostering a New Dialogue.
Http://www.annenberg.northwestern.edu/pubs/disada/

Lathrop, Douglas. Disaster! If you have a disability, the forces of nature can be meaner to you than anyone else, but you can fight back. Be prepared.
Http://www.accessiblesociety.org/topics/independentliving/disaster.htm

Quigley, Mark. National Council on Disability Calls for Immediate Changes in Emergency Planning for People with Disasters.
Http://www.ncd.gov/newsroom/news/2005/r05-486.htm

Parks, Louis B. and Warren, Karen. Unable to hear, many were left lost.
Http://www.chron.com/disp/story/mpl/front/3348415.html

Earthquake tips for People with Mobility Disablities. Earthquake Tips for Hearing Impaired.
Http://www.preparenow.org/eqtmdis.html and Http://preparenow.org/deaf/html

Written by Jules

Dream.

2006-02-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

Very vivid dream..... I have been mulling on this dream since I woke up this morning. I was hobbling with crutches down a street at night, with street lights lit to show old cars, newspapers there and here, a rat scurrying through trashcans... A man in a old raincoat came up to me, and said, "Name is Mister Djinn" (in this dream I could hear and speak.) I said "interesting name." and was preparing to walk past him when he said, "you know genies could give wishes?" I said, "Yeah, I heard about that." I was about to walk away when he said "If I am a real genie, what wish would you like to have, and it is only ONE wish." I looked at him, and said "any kind of wish?" He said "only one that affects YOU, and do not take from other people. An example would be wishing for money and you'd be rich, but your grandma might have been dead for that." Hmm. I looked at him and said "I'd wish that I hadn't been hit by that car on Oct 21st, 2005." He looked at me steadily and then said quietly, "Before granting that wish, I believe we will walk on the past path." Fog came up and envoloped us both... When fog faded away, I saw that we were in Duport Circle, under a lit street light about 200 feet away from Steve's car. Mister Djinn and I watched as Jessica entered the car in the back, and Steve bent in to clean out his car. I watched myself and Grace walking and chatting up the sidewalk, I was like "is this real?" It felt like I was watching myself... I saw the car coming up, but it missed me, but didn't miss Grace. She was hit hard, and she was thrown into two cars, and Jessica screamed her head off, as Steve and the past Julie rushed to Grace. Grace's eyes were open, and she made no motion. She waved her hand over Grace's face, and Grace did not respond. I watched stunned, as Julie checked Grace's pulse at neck, and Julie's hand withdrew trembling. She looked at Jessica, and said "I can't feel a pulse." The genie and I watched as Steve called 911, and cops and EMTs came. They put Grace in a body bag. It was all silent, the dark street, empty, when I looked at the djinn, and questioned, "Could I withdraw the wish?" He said, "yes." Fog covered us both, and next thing I knew, I was back on the street but by myself. I looked around, and wondered if it was a dream. I woke up, feeling it's an echo of a truth somewhere within me...

Written by Jules

P.T.

2006-01-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

I have a physical therapist that I see Tuesdays and Thursdays. He isn't so bad, thro we write forth and back. He makes me crack up with laughter with some of his facial expressions, very comic, I tell you. :) At this time I have 7 excerises to do daily X2, some doing 10-20 times, and others alternating legs (right, left, right, left.) Also with the increase of comadium(blood thinner for folks who do not know what that medication is for) dosage, it is not possible for me to get the surgery during spring break. Why? It seems that the medication for blood thinning is too dangerous under surgery (something about bleeding to death due to not being able to clot or close skin.) So that is postponed to May right after I finish final exams. Ugh, that means two more months depending on the scooter(if that EVER comes :::muttering to herself::), braces, and crutches. Pain in the ass, if you ask me. :P

Written by Jules

Heard of 'trauma' pills?

2006-01-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

No? I hadn't seen it on CNN, but I could be wrong, mind you. I found it on AOL news some days ago, and it persisted on my mind, thinking a lot of options, possibilities, and also cons. If you hadn't seen the article, here is the link. I hope that will lead you to the link...(trouble with links lately) http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060114130509990001&ncid=NWS000

Anyway...I have mixed feelings about this kind of pills.. I can understand for rape victims or huge trauma, however... if folks are to take pills to shelter themselves over and over, HOW can they adapt to challenges and handle the disasters in the future? For example, it was my childhood that taught me about neglect and violence. That I do not hide, I learned how to adapt, and I compare the experiences to future experiences, and go "this is nothing" compared to what I had experienced. Trauma and disaster can teach human beings HOW to adapt, how to adjust their lives, how to SURVIVE, you see? I know some folks who are VERY VERY sheltered, that when a LITTLE disaster(in one case, falling down the stairs), it was such the end of the world for them, overreacting hugely. I DO have sympathy for them, but they do not need to act like it's ahh, you know.."wah, wah, it's end of my life, I cannot walk anymore!" (in that situation, she only twisted her ankle, and yes I mean you Stacie. Don't grin in that sheepish way.) So you can see why I have mixed feelings about trauma pills.... for rape victims, perhaps, however how can they give EVIDENCE in court when they are asked to tell their experience, and hence there's the chance the rapist could walk out of court, free because the rape victim could not remember details thanks to the trauma pills? So that's a pickle for you.

My dog

2006-01-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Shhhh! Merle is sleeping.
Merle has been with me for 13 years, will be 14 on March 21st... Bless her heart! :)

Uh huh....

2006-01-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Going up and down the stairs aren't so bad thro I often wonder WHEN I would fall. :) The right leg is getting strong but the left leg needs to be strengthened so I can have the brace OFF by January 27th... I use the crutches to walk around, and also for the stairs as well. You know I'm SO looking forward to when I return to school, to give myself a breather from mommy dearest. I am looking forward to when I have Elfquest: Discovery in my hands tonight.. a brand NEW Elfquest story! Finally!!!

Back.

2005-12-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Update for everyone.... So far I'm able to stand on my feet (with braces on of course) for a minute or two without holding on to the walls or someone else (or the walker)..so that's a plus.. the next goal is for me to do the stairs with the crutches...let me tell you I hate the crutches..oh wait..I mean I hate the right knee... due to its torn tendon, it is "loose" furthermore than before, so if I use the crutches and land on that leg first(right leg), the knee shift and down I go! I'm returning to school on January 17th, and re-taking the classes. I had to drop the classes due to the injuries as you know, so I have to finish those classes to meet the requirements. The goal is for me to finish those classes and to do the internship in the summer before I go to DC. I hope to enter Gallaudet Mental Health counseling graduate program next fall. :) I hope to work part time at a group house to keep adding experience to my belt. lol

Bored to tears.

2005-12-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

had been released home from the hospital back on November 22nd. Ever since I have been trying to entertain myself when not working with OT and PT therapists... So...I read books. Titles: Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire- done. Incubus Dreams- done. Butterfly- done. Mental Health and deafness ethics- done. The Postman- done. Night Dreams- done. ArchAngel- done. Shadows and Shades- done. Currently on Dime Store Magic.... :P I had seen too many movies that I'm like watching reruns. lol miss talking with you all.

Darth Vader? NOT!

2005-11-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

me in Spalding Rehab Center.
me with the Darth Vader neck! heheh!

I'm OKAY.

2005-11-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm okay... I'm at Spalding Rehabitational Center here in Aurora, CO. You can email me at Spaldingrehab.com and go to Patient resource box. I will be able to receive emails, but not able to send out emails. SORRY! I try to reply by using my yahoo/aol accounts. . For folks who don't know, I had been hit by a car a bit more than two weeks ago in Washington DC. I got both legs broken, and a cracked vertebra (c-6 if you want to know which), and tears in the neck artery. So I am here at the hospital for OT and PT these days. For folks who knows Kurt, you can email him, and he'll be happy to tell you how to contact me by email or write me a letter. Others who know Kyla, can contact her for the same thing. Miss you all. Take care.

Jules

2005-10-04T15:16:00.000-06:00

While working with deaf clients with mental retardation at a non-profit organization, I observed there were some clients that practice SIBs. What is SIBs?
Self Injurious Behavior- many names: Self-harm, self mutilation, focal suicide, symbolic wounding, cutting, parasuicide, Manchausen syndrome.

What actions would be identified in this disorder? Skin-cutting, burning skin with either lit cigarettes or teapots(or hot objects), applicating chemicals to skin intentionally, head-banging, self-choking, eye gourging, ear jabbing, self-biting, slapping, pinching, scratching, hair pulling; however it MUST be to the self's body, not on other people to be considered self-injurious behavior.

Why does people have SIBs? Reasons can be many but the common standards are childhood trauma, abandonment of one or both parents, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse, anxiety, a communication tool, mental retardation, autism, endorphin levels raising, and taking control over the environment (like institutions.) I have seen pictures on http://www.psyke.org/ of adolescents and adults's wounds; intentionally wounding themselves. The pictures can be VERY disturbing. If you have SIBs, the pictures can be a trigger to wound yourself again, so think again.

I find SIBs interesting because it is not recognized in DSM-IV, yet accepted as a symptom for four recognized disorders in that book. Does that make sense??? :P

Washington DC

2005-10-03T11:44:00.000-06:00

I am flying to Washington DC on October 19th! I will meet the head of the Mental Health graduate program at Gallaudet University, and then visit my old job to catch up with staff and the clients. I know already that the clients will SWAMP me and I don't mind!! :) I can't wait to see the friends. I miss you all terribly! I will flirt with my favorite girls, G and J, hehehehe!!! I plan to stay with Kurt for some nights and a night with G and J! Alas there's one night I hadn't yet found a spot to stay, so... I can't wait to eat seafood again! Maybe at Philips, and that Windsor Inn resturant near where I used to work. I am so looking forward to drinking a mug or two at Carlibou Coffee!! MWAH!! I will have to fly back to CO (ugh) on October 24th.

Dawn

2005-09-27T10:16:00.000-06:00

Dawn re-edited
Thanx to Simona, this is in a better shape!!!! This is what I fell in love with!!! The wild weds with heaven, angel marries the pagan. This is done by Joseph Linsner. He is a wonderous artist- he really SEES into folks' hearts and expose them...:)

New Orleans

2005-09-23T17:41:00.000-06:00

Well- what do you know? New Orleans is flooded again. That is not really surprising because New Orleans had been flooded before many times for three centuries and this is not the first time. The difference is that it is the access of communication all over the nation that reacts to the flooding, not the locals of New Orleans alone. Camilla was pretty bad but expected as well, as the Galveston hurricane back in 1902(correct me if I'm wrong.) It's the human nature that reacts to the natural "disasters" and chooses how to interpret everything. Humans have lived through so many disasters for thousands of years, and they survived. It is only recent that the humans think they are gods and can modify the environment, the surroundings, the science, the medicine, the body, and heck, everything. THAT's when Nature decides to slap them with a cream pie to wake them to the fact that they are not powerful as they like to think. Mind you, I -love- New Orleans; I love its history, its people, its foods, its magic. It's New Orleans that teaches us how to enjoy life short as it may be and it is New Orleans that taught us that we can rebuild as they did after several floodings and a great fire in late 1700's. Big Easy tells us that she may be knocked around but she ain't down!

Crisis Intervention

2005-09-20T22:48:00.000-06:00

I didn't expect to find that in an article online. Deaf Survivors Blog - Where are you? Under "Interpreter updates on deaf survivors" article. An interpreter, Teri Vaughn talked about the deaf evacuees staying in Houston, and asked for donations. I wanted to know EVERYTHING what was needed, and I contacted everyone I could think of, and even had Coloradodeaf.com send out an email. I couldn't SIT on my butt and do nothing..I WANTED to do something for the deaf evacuees.... I can only imagine how it was very difficult for them, especially with losing their homes, everything, and even access to communication! My heart is for everyone who lost their homes, relatives and their possessions...

I told the crisis intervention professor about my project and she said "THAT is crisis intervention- you do not have to be there personally- but you can do what you CAN. And trust me, this is crisis intervention!" So- something new for me to learn- hands can touch each other throughout the miles.

Jules

The 17 Hurricane Deaf deaths- HOAX

2005-09-06T23:53:00.000-06:00

Many folks have gotten the email of 17 Hurricane Deaf deaths but it's a Hoax. A lot of hysterical families called the Red Cross once they heard about the "deaths"

The FACTS:
Gine Ruebush is ALIVE-she is at George R. Brown Convention Center at this point- her family is picking her up tomorrow.

Michel Holmes is alive with his mom- have been with her all the whole time.

Madeline Scott is alive in Houston, currently with friends.

Sterling Everidge was picked up from LSD -yesterday--and he's alive. His family has him now.

Billy Hick IS missing, not dead (not confirmed.)

Monroe Bowens is alive, currently working with post office in Houston.

Jerry Galloway is not dead- but his name is NOT on dead list, so he's not confirmed dead- just missing- his wife is looking for him in the dome.

James Smith- his fate unknown.

Martha Corway- her fate unknown.

Anne Farmer and Fran Hardy- are ALIVE- were last seen at the Astrodome- suspected of being sent out to a state as evacuees.

James Firmin is alive at the Astrodome.

Lenny Kaye- his fate unknown- but Red Cross is following up thinking that he may be at George R. Brown.

Same for Morrell English.

So if you get the hoax email- do NOT forward!!!!

Revelations

2005-08-22T20:29:00.000-06:00

I watched History Channel, "Decoding the Past" tonight, and it was very interesting in how there were perceptions from a variety of people about Revelations (if you don't know what it is, it's predictions of what'd happen at the end of the world, Jesus Christ's return, bad folks going to Hell, the good folks go to Heaven, the God's final judgment, all that hocus pocus. Decoding The Past An interesting thing that I have observed is..... Christianity has all this predictions of "Final judgement" while Judiasm and Islam don't. That makes me go "hmm.. Judaism is the first religion, and the Islam is the third/final religion in all judeo-christian line.

They talked about natural disasters getting worse, of course... we're polluting the world, the HUMANKIND, not God..so we gotta take credit for THAT, not God. If you want to see improvement..simple- stop driving. :-D Stop polluting. Stop using up stuff.. Start recycling.. Use birth control!

The volcanos? Please..... ::rolling eyes:: That's the natural growth of Earth, don't you know that she is YOUNGER than most planets? She is...let us say..a teenager with zits and of course zits need to be popped now and then.

The battles everywhere.. huh? What about Vietnam? The Cold War? WW2? Crusades? The European wars/battles all that centuries? Folks said those were the days of judgement and final days of Christianity and they were proved wrong and we will be proved wrong in this as well. It's researched that a lot of revelations were related to the Roman kingdom and that it was promised that the roman rule will be over with and that bad folks will suffer.. Well... Roman rule had been over for what 1700 years? I'd say that Catholic christianity is already ruling Rome and that...:::bating a breath::: ever think that the Armageddon was already here and that no one noticed it? That'd be a good joke.

The viruses going wild.. waitaminute... if folks think viruses are this bad---they weren't there when influenza, smallpox, yellow fever, black plague, anthrax, all that...these have been here for centuries, it was only RECENTLY that we got smallpox, and yellow fever in control... of course we will find more viruses as more we explore hidden areas of Earth, not yet found by humans... :::nodding::that's how they theorize about the Ebola virus, you know! Same for HIV/AIDS. So don't blame this on gay community- the first guy who died in 1959 from complications with AIDS, wasn't even gay. :P Check, please!

The meteor going to hit the world- well, it won't be the first or even second time that it'd happen. (shrug) There are evidence that meteors had hit Earth in the long past, and we're overdue for it anyway. What do one call that? EVOLUTION. You know that's where the story comes from..The chicken Little crying "The sky is falling!"

So............ Do you know how WHAT would happen? Oh I can't wait to say it!! Should I? Hmm..I don't know..I don't want to stun you all.. Should I? No... Hmmm.. I don't know.. :;putting a fingernail to teeth::: Ymmm.. If I don't tell you, you'd all kill me.. but no..it's delicious.. All right, all right all right!! I'll tell! I'll tell. It's a little bang. That's all. We'd be all gone from Earth by the time Earth dies- humankind probably would have been on other worlds, very evoluted to the point that if we meet a descendent of 3000's, we won't recognize him for a human being. It's researched that longer we live, more taller we become. More we eat healthier food, longer our bones become. More we learn, more our brains get bigger. So...what does that sound like? We'll become E.Ts ourselves.

Me with a new haircut!

2005-08-10T20:52:00.000-06:00

Jules
I look great. If you look close, you can see that I had blond highlights applied to my auburn hair.

Do HIV AIDS exist in the Deaf community?
	Yes!!!
	What is HIV AID??
	No.
	La la la, I'm not listening!

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