"That They Shall speak"

A relative found this among junk in her attic and thought I'd want it back. I was puzzled since I never saw this before, a yellowed poster. So I unrolled it and went *gasp!* I tried to get more information about this, where this was developed and what organization this was to represent but the family relatives clammed up. Keep it in mind, no one in the family WANTS to talk about the "failure." The failure as they see is the years and years of speech therapy, hearing aids, intensive tests and experimental surgery, etc yet I chose to sign in the end. So... I can't really blame 'em for feeling bitter, you know? I took photos of this poster with my SK2 so it's not in great shape. I'll spell out what the words are presented:

"Communication..... The One Priceless Gift
Coordinated program to meet physical, social, and emotional needs

..... That they shall speak."





Yeah, you see right, that kid is ME...as four or five years old, more than 30 years ago. When I realized it was ME, I asked myself, "And I was a spokesperson (child) for THIS organization that tells everyone that I can speak?" :::palm slapping my forehead:::

Another flashback

Today, reading about the demonstration at AGB convention, the comments left in several blogs, I had another flashback. *again?* Not this time about deaf children. It was about two deaf adults I know personally. One friend and one relative. Both ‘hard of hearing’ (they said so) with hearing aids and CI. Names had been changed to protect their identities, so I respect their privacy.

I would LOVE to get to know my second cousin, Christine- I do. But sometimes I wonder if family relatives have manipulated her against me, in fear of any “potential bad influence from me due to being “DEAF.” You see, she fell ill as a very young child and became deaf. I didn’t even know about her until I met her at a family reunion. I was then seventeen and she was eleven. Even at that meeting, once we met in person, there were adults hovering around and once I would raise my hands to sign, they would either herd Christine away or tell me “TALK with your voice! Not your hands!” I did notice that she was very curious about my signing but we never got a chance to communicate together without anyone interfering.
Next time we got together, it was this May. I was invited to her bridal shower. I was even surprised that she would remember me. I think it was because I was in California at that time and I was visiting my aunt who was also her aunt, so to invite her without me would be a RUDE move. So….. I was invited. I went, and I then noticed that she had a CI. She speaks but how good, I don’t know. I did notice she didn’t speak much as her mother and fiancé. This time I didn’t sign because I didn’t want to make a scene. I was afraid that if I start to sign and anyone slaps or shoves on my hands, I WOULD make a scene, so I kept mute. When we finally hugged each other, I was surprised when she signed rusty, “Good to see you!” Her mother actually looked like she just ate something bad! Before the end of the bridal shower, Christine slipped a paper note into my hands. After I got into the car, I looked and it was an email address and note, “Please email me! I want to know you. I would like to know about what it is like to be deaf.”

At this time, I hadn’t yet emailed her. I honestly don’t know what to say. How can one describe being deaf in printed WORDS? How can one explain what it’s like to be deaf? There are so many different perceptions and my perception is only one. Sure I could refer her to vlogs but from that rusty signing, I would suspect she wouldn’t catch even 30% of what someone signs. There is very few blogs out that that *really* describes being deaf, if you get my meaning. I could suggest some books, but if her mother and fiancé had those looks, I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble as well. I DON’T want to be furthermore alienated from family as I am already because I refuse to speak or hear.

About 10-15 years ago, I was living in New Jersey. A friend of mine and I were invited to an annual award ceremony for another deaf friend and so we agreed to go. “Bobby” and I went to this old school, and everyone was speaking. I was experiencing unease because I thought I saw a poster welcoming visitors to NJ AGB meeting. I went “Alexander Graham Bell organization?” and I found myself curious. I had heard a lot about AGBAD but never had attended any kind of meetings or truly interacted with people that are involved in AGB. I found that most of the folks attending the award meeting that day were mostly parents and their children in ages of kindergarten to post-college.

My friend, Wayne was to receive an award for being successful, having a B.A degree and accomplishing a job as a manager in business. Bobby told me before we got into the building “don’t sign- they aren’t comfortable with anyone signing.” I shot back, “how then do I talk?’ How do I communicate?” with a disgusted look. Okay, I CAN speak and lip-read, but not that great. In other words, I could speak and lip-read great among my family but with the public, forget it. I can understand “How are you?” “Can I help you?” “Need gas?” common comments out there. Bobby gave me this pleading look and so I said “okay, I’ll just keep quiet. It’s Wayne’s day.”

After the award ceremony, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. Why? I felt it was all smoke and mirrors. It was very much “SEE! PROOF THAT DEAF ADULTS CAN SPEAK AND HEAR LIKE US!” Never mind that there was only ONE deaf adult at that award ceremony. There were many children there at the meeting, and I was thinking “when they get to his age, how many will be at the award ceremony to show that “deaf children can become hearing”? Maybe one or two. I looked at Wayne and I felt both pride and sympathy for him. Why pride? Despite all this obstacles thrown into his way (speech therapy, learning to identify sounds, fighting to be like hearing to please society, he managed to get a BA degree in business.) Sympathy because he was very alone. He didn’t have many friends. He was basically a loner, not knowing where he belongs. When he signs, he always has this uneasy look as if someone’s jump out of the closest and go “AH! YOU SIGN! NO! NO! THAT’S WRONG! BAD BOY” When he speaks, he looks uneasy as well, unsure if he was speaking clearly or not. So you can see.. I feel proud and sorry for him. I remember when he was invited to Six Flag for Deaf Awareness Day, he accepted with delight. You could see his face lighting up. However when we got there, he would feel awkward, not knowing what to do. He stayed close to me and Bobby while watching other deaf groups chatting. I could see envy in his eyes; couldn’t anyone see that he would LIKE to be treated equally for who he is, not someone that is expected to be someone else by society?

So, knowing those adults who had been influenced by John Tracy Clinic, AGBAD, speech therapists, “professionals” who claims they know what deaf children need, and the hostile environment around them, I am actually curious about the children with cochlear implants these days now. How many children would be curious about the deaf community but afraid to ask or learn because of the people around them? How many children would become adults being awarded for being “successful” but truly alone?

Positive Exposure

Reading several blogs about ASL vs AGB, I couldn't help remembering two unique encounters I had with children with CIs.

There was a cute little girl, a friend and I met at a candy store last year as well as a toddler boy 6 at an airport six years ago. I need to point out the differenes of those encounters. There were children with CIs, true and they are raised by parents who hope for the best for their children. Who can really blame them? It is the parents how the child is rasied, and frankly, we cannot force them "because we say so!" One suggestion is: be present in public, be accessible, and be willing to meet them in the middle way. I will expand on that.

Six years ago, I was at an airport during a stopover, taking it easy in the waiting area. I was watching an haggled mother with two very young boys coming up and sitting across from me. The children obviously looked cranky. Who'd really blame the mother for being befrazzled herself, especially in a busy airport (O'Hara) AND two 3-4 years old boys by herself. Anyway, I suddenly spotted that part of CI on one boy's side of his head, at the same time I noticed the mother trying to tell the very same boy to sit down repeatedly with her voice. The other boy was already sitting down and playing with his car toy. The deaf boy was looking around,I'd say, relying on his visual reception. I winced then when the mother grabbed the boy by the arm and shoved him onto a row chair. The boy was starting to wiggle out of the chair while the mother was looking into her bag. I discreetly signed "sit, stay" with a smile. The boy saw that and sat back in the chair, and started at me
with a mesmerized look. "Airplane there. Look" I signed more then stopped. I couldn't sign more because I didn't know how the mother could react, esp with that befrazzled mood she was in. I had always wondered about that boy now and then. I wondered if he would remember a woman who signed, among the distracting noises and sounds that might be very unrecognizeable. (especially in the airport.)

Very unlike the other encounter with a little girl with a CI last year. I took a friend visiting from out of state, to Boulder. We walked the 16th Street area; such a beautiful area to visit and shops to see. We stopped by Rocky Mountains Chocolates, to see what fudge and candies they have. We were chatting when we noticed a little girl (about 6-7 years old) watching us. We paid no attention until her father actually came up to us and attempted to sign. I was pleasantly surprised, more so when he said "my daughter has a CI. We are teaching her how to speak AND sign" I looked at the girl and sure enuff, she has a CI under the long hair. She looked as if it was the first time for her to see deaf adults signing. I introduced myself and my friend by signing and speaking at same time and the father looked delighted and for some reasons unknown to me, relieved. My friend asked him how he is signing. I think he was thinking why the parent was signing when children with CIs tend to be taught how to speak and hear. The father said that the family wants the girl to know BOTH the worlds, the best offered from each world. What he said next, stunned me. I hope, readers, you'd remember this:

"You are the first deaf adults we have seen in public."

And that made me realize he probably is right. I haven't seen much deaf folks out in public either myself. How CAN we expect the world to know about the deaf community if we stay home, go to deaf events only and not go out much in public? Maybe there have been deaf people out shopping, eating, enjoying events or activities but I haven't SEEN them sign. It made me wonder a while, as the friend and I talked more with the father and the girl; we spoke about having jobs as a teacher and a counselor, attending universities, the love of books. The father told the girl, "see, they love to read like you!" How can the girl learn about the deaf world if there isn't much deaf folks to socialize? Hell, *I* hadn't seen my first
deaf adult until I was seventeen!

The friend and I went home and talked about that over coffee- yeah, coffee at 2am, very smart, yeah right! We both agree that it would be nice for deaf people to be seen in public. It helped that he and I love to go out and have fun, sightseeing, eating at resturants, checking museums out, etc. I have seen children and adults both watching me and friends signing in public. So what? That's positive EXPOSURE, let the public know about us. I emailed some friends and asked them if they go out and if not, why not? Main reason, I was told, is because they dislike to be watched or treated as freaks. I can SEE their point of view, but on the other hand, HOW CAN THE PUBLIC LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH US IF THEY DON'T GET PRACTICE OR EXPOSURE?

I could then understand the reactions of the father of the daughter with CI; to him, WE were the mysterious myth; one would never know when to catch sight of us in person. How can the children know about us if WE aren't out in public much? Sure, the parents "could take them to deaf events" but if parents are uncomfortable in numbers of deaf people (think this way, how many of you would feel awkward showing up at a convention for Little People for one example?), who'd really blame them? One or two deaf adults and children would be more approachable at a time. Keep it in mind, I applaud the father for being willing to teach his daughter both the worlds and trusting that she will still love her hearing family in 15-20 years.

On the other hand, the restless toddler. However I CANNOT presume that the mother is cruel to her son all the time. It may be that she was by herself, having TWO toddlers AND at a busy airport; who'd really blame her for being a bit testy? CAN you say the same if you had two kindergaten-aged kids at a busy airport by yourself? Perhaps being a very young child AND being in a noisy airport, how could he pay attention to the speaking mother? I don't know if the child was having speech therapy, or if his device was even turned on. Who knows? So, I'd rather refrain from making a judgemental call.

The bottom line, from my view, is we need to go out much in public as possible. Let us BE visual to the public daily, not at deaf events only. Don't be afraid to sign in public. If some folks gawk, let them. They gawk at the Amish too! In response, the Amish community ignore them with dignity and interact with the public when asked about their practices, food, activities. That's POSTIVE exposure. It caused the public to pay more attention to them and to respect them much better because they weren't "private" (considering to the public.) So we need to be public without shoving it down people's throats. Anyone have a public relations guy who can speak up for Deafhood and the deaf community? That's not even easier especially with folks arguing so many issues (CIs, AVT, ASL, schools for deaf vs mainstreamed programs, hearing parents vs deaf parents, etc.) So just being public and accessible would be MORE helpful, in my opinion, for hearing parents to approach us without us shouting and waving signs "Audism kills" or "Speech Therapy is Abuse." You know? Use positive exposure.

Perils of interpreters through family!

I want to talk about two incidents I went through. They may be considered hilarious, sad or frustrating, depending on your interpretation! Take your pick!

It was more than fifteen years ago when my grandpa died of heart complications. I was relieved when the family said, "don't worry. We got an interpreter for the memorial\funeral." Whewww! At the church, I was waiting for the memorial's start. Mother rushed up to me with a stranger in which she introduced, "This is Lisa, who will interpret." (It isn't her real name, I don't remember anymore.) The memorial was to start in a few minutes. Lisa and I sized each other up and I signed, "hello. How are you?" She went "slow-slow!" Uh oh..... Red flag!

I then voiced as I signed, "Do-you-know-how-to-sign?" She brightened up and said, "yes, I am learning how to sign! I interpret at a church!" Another red flag. I grimaced mentally while smiling at her politely. I knew if I made a scene, the family'd NEVER let me live it down, especially on the day of the family pateriach's funeral! Oh joy...... During the memorial, the 'interpreter' signed much as she can, with a LOT of fingerspelling that caused exhaustion for me, trying to figure what she was saying! Another red flag....

It was a cousin behind me who felt sorry that he gave me a written transcript, oh THANK YOU!!! I remember when the minister was leading in prayers when the interpreter signed something I NEVER had ever SEEN in my life and I'd hope I'd never see again! Thankfully I am somewhat a good lipreader so I know what she was saying with that sign. This sign goes this way (sorry, I don't even have high-speed so I can't do a vlog): a stabbing on one hand, then stabbing on another hand forcefully! She said "Jesus Christ" and I was wincing at the visual, violent stabbing of hands......OUCH. I decided not to go for the burial memorial because I didn't want more "scenes" by this interpreter. I managed to convince the interpreter that I am fine by myself so she'd go away. After cousins came back from the burial memorial, most said, "did you even understand her? I didn't!" I said, "neither did I except for that sign...." And someone said "that I understand right, she meant crufication of Jesus Christ? We didn't talk about it at the memorial!" Some older relatives overheard and told mother. Naturally she said to me, "you should have told me!" I said, "oh yeah, right as the memorial started?" with a sarcastic expression.

Three years ago, my other grandpa was killed by a truck. So I went for the memorial\funeral. Before I went, I said to family, "I want a certificated interpreter. Not someone who is just learning to sign!" So I was reassured that it won't happen again. Harumph.... I'll believe that when I see it!

We went to the church. A young woman was already waving at me. (Guess someone told her it was me before I got through the door.) She introduced herself, and I thought, "hmmmm, not so bad."
I signed and then she said, "can you use your voice too? I don't know those signs." I was like "........ Not again" mentally. I voiced as I signed bluntly, "where do you sign? Do you interpret? Do you work with deaf? How did you know about this memorial?" What she signed, I then immediately knew..... SEE! Signed Exact English. I hadn't seen SEE for two decades! She explained she works with deaf children, for an oral program with SEE if absolutely necessary. She is the next door neighbor's son's girlfriend's cousin..... Figures. Of course, I only caught 20% of what she signed and I was pissed.

After the memorial, I was asked if I wanted to go to the burial, and I said no thanks. I convinced this 'interpreter' to go (didn't I do this before?) A few minutes later, before mother and family left, she wanted to introduce me to a nurse that worked with an ill uncle. The nurse signed! BEAUTIFUL ASL, very native-signing! I was like "WTF! I could have had her for interpreting!" The nurse said that she did offer, but they felt the young woman needed the pay and to be close to her boyfriend, the next door neighbor's son who came to the funeral.... I couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh hysterically.

I learned three things from those:
1) find certificated interpreting services and have family stick to that for funerals (and weddings);
2) be firm with family, don't go for "next door neighbor\third cousin\friend's friend's friend\grandniece's daughter's" interpreters, no matter how cheap they are!
And
3) SEE and ASL aren't the same, ladies and gentlemen!