And yes.

I'm back online.    


Doing four blogs right now, so I'm busy.  I will do an article here when I feel like it.      Don't wait upon me.

Update

I'm alive.  No worries on that.    Just that I don't have much time for this blog; I'm focusing on myself, with using  tools for self care (emotional, physically and mentally).   Funny, I find it very therapeutic to blog, just not with this one, but on one other blog.

I have learned a lot through this new struggle, including finding new vulnerabilities (hence recognizing triggers and developing boundaries), realizing how it is easily for some folks to judge without knowing the full truth (or not wanting to know, because, who knows...who'd really want to find out that they're wrong, after all?), and finding new strengths especially with real friends believing in her.  I'm still learning the new reality.

With that in mind, I'm taking a 'mini-vacation' from this blog.  When I feel more myself, I'll be returning.

Lagging behind, who cares?

Things have been a lot of stressful for me since September to the point that I'm starting to wonder when it'd really HIT me big time.  Probably that minute I realize what would be missing after I wake up from surgery this month and for months and months, according to people who had experienced this, and psychologists (including my own). 

And I have to admit, it is harder for me to talk about anything without thinking, "I tried to be positive, and I'm frankly tired of being strong."  People tell me, "you'll feel better!" "You'll be happy when you don't have to deal with your periods anymore!"  "It's not the end of the world! Smile!"  or worse of all, "You can adopt!"

I did think about addressing this on this blog, and then decided against it.  Why?   Just my decision.    when I can, I will write about whateverso in this blog, and when I feel flunky or sad, pissed or confused, determined or 'you-screw-me, I-screw-you", I'll do that on the other blog that I'm working. So far I had written a surprising numbers of posts, which are still in draft, since I decided I will not publish them all right away- one post per week is sufficent, especially with me writing and then determining how/what to put in the post then.  Beside I'd need one post up when I'm gone away in the hospital for a week, anyway. 

That reminds me, I need to change my password for this blog(s) since it's old.  I don't want tweaking while I'm not around.

Three bean chili (recipe and photos)

I was just cleaning out my cupboard, and didnt want to get rid of those that I had just found, of pinto beans, black beans and kidney beans, as well as vegetable broth. I was like "Oh right, I did buy them when I thought I'd go vegetarian!" That didn't happen, thro. I like chicken and lamb too much....
Nevertheless, I thought maybe I can make chili with all that... vegetarian, that is. :)
1/4 cup virgin olive oil
2 green bell peppers, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoon chili powder
1 can, pinto beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can, black beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can (4 oz) green chiles, drained.
3 cans of stewed tomatoes
3/4 cup vegetable broth

Put in a large pot (soup size), the virgin oil in medium-high heat over the stove. Add peppers, onion and garlic- stir in. Heat for five minutes, or until softened.





Meanwhile while the peppers and onion are cooking, drain and rinse the beans. The colors are beautiful!

Add the chili powder, mix with the vegetables, for a minute. Lower the heat to medium. Add tomatoes, beans, chiles and broth. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes.

12 servings. You can freeze it, good up to six months.
I tend to add some shredded cheddar or colby jack to the chili in my bowl.

Enjoy!

Updated bucket list for 2011

So far, not so bad checking off the bucket list. I'll update furthermore, when some are completed, and which to be removed (if it's not feasible), and added.. After all, all this is not for 2011 alone. If you see anything that I should do, feel free to toss suggestions my way!

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center ( Completed in May 2011)
Writing/publishing a book. (In process- a nonfiction)
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (January 2011)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths. (So far, six so far, in IN, LA, KY, DC, MD)


Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself. (In process)
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple (March, 2011)
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day. (3 times so far this year)
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book (In process)
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique (April, 2011)
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk (Will do in September!)
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three. (Done!)

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again. (so far, 11 paintings!)


Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Exercise 2-3 times a week.
Go to the park with the dogs once-twice a week.
Make healthy dishes from scratch


Charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park (July 2011)
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor. (No luck!)
Drop off clothes at Goodwill (two times so far)
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center (May 2011)
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence (February 2011)
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11, almond milk 2/11, eel sushi 3/11, olives 4/11, cow's tongue 5/11, dill pickles 6/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11) Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August (August, 2011)
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos! (In process)
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.)(January 2011)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 trips in 2011. (Wisconsin, 1/11 and 6/11, and Louisiana 3/11- so far)


Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center (February 2011)
Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

Life and death of a human and a dog.

Driving up the one-way 22nd street on way to the highway that’d lead me home, it was beautiful outside despite the heat. There were a few cars ahead of me, following the speed limit. Suddenly, a gray blur came out into the road from between parked cars, ahead of a red truck. My breath caught in my throat. The gray blur was hit and then swung into the air onto the other lane, at the same time I experienced an electronic jolt throughout my body as I had a physical flashback of being hit by a car in the dark. My heart seized, breath stolen, muscles tense in remembered pain, as I slowed the car down. I begged that it is a ball, a shopping bag, or a raggedy piece of shirt. Please let it be anything but life.

It was a miniature Schnauzer, pepper and salt.

I looked quickly ahead to see if the red truck was going to stop…it wasn’t. It continued going its way, as I pulled to the opposite side of the road. Tears were already spilling on my face as I came out of the car, remembering the confusion, the pain, the fear I don’t want to die. The car behind me had slow down, and then passed me. I pulled up a hand to stop the traffic, unthinking, I need to get to the dog. The dog needs help. Cars stopped.

It was laying there still on the hot pavement. Closer I came; I saw the eyes were blinking in its old man face. I didn’t want to move him in fear of causing harm furthermore, but it was in more danger lying in the other lane, risk of being hit by more cars. I looked around quickly in hopes of seeing anyone coming to claim the dog. Two children had curious looks, as an adult sat there on the porch two houses away, but no one stood or ran in distress. Nothing. The dog looked well-groomed, very healthy, yet still in its body. Slight breathing, blinking in confusion, but no movement. I gently picked the dog up, knowing the dog could bite in pain. The dog made a whimper as I put it in a one-arm cradle, as I opened the back passenger door. The dog stared at me with trust, licking my hand when I checked the muzzle to check for blood. There was a blue collar, turquoise. Everything became sharp clear, the stillness of the air, the cars cautious slowing by, the children inching closer to stare over the opposite door, as I reached for the tags of the collar. No name or location for the dog, but a rabies vaccination tag and a veterinarian tag with number. Grabbed the blackberry pager to look up the address of the vet, hoping feverishly that the vet is nearby- it was. I looked at the dog, no movement but for eyes slowly blinking, gray fur against the black passenger seat.

I jumped into my seat, putting the address on my GPS- not familiar with the area despite that I have been going here for two years for my therapy job. It was closer than I hoped for. I looked back at the dog, and touched the nose to check for breathing, and got my finger licked again as the eyes deep in black looked at me. I wiped the tears away, firmly taking a deep breath and told myself, “You can do it.” I drove with one hand, as I kept the other hand on the dog’s face, feeling the need to make sure that the dog knows somehow that I’m there. Silly, I know, but that’s what was needed when I woke up in the hospital after the hit and run; I was not alone.

I had to use both hands to make a turn onto the veterinary office’s parking lot, withdrawing my hand away from the dog to do so. I parked and dashed into the office, tears building up in my eyes again. I saw a woman behind the front desk, and I said, “Car hit dog- he’s in my car.’ The woman stood up quickly and called for someone else, as she followed me to the parking lot. I opened the passenger car. The eyes were staring blankly at me. The woman softly pushed me aside, as she checked the dog. I could feel my heart straining in pain, as tears falling on my cheeks. The woman stood up out of the car, and looked at me, “I’m sorry.” I knew already before she said that.

A tech removed the dog gently out of the car. The woman gestured at me to come with her- she asked, “Yours?” I shook my head- I said, “Saw car hit him, and car left.” She nodded, as she spoke to the tech carrying the dog to the back. She gave me a tissue box, as I gave my information on paper. The tech came back and spoke something to the woman. She wrote “His name was Yuppie- his owner is on her way. Do you want to tell her something?” I shook my head, eyes nearly dry, tears drying on my face, and I paused. I wrote “please tell her that someone was with him- he didn’t die alone. I kept my hand on him all the way here, so he was not alone.” She read it and nodded, tears filling in her eyes.

I’m home, I had just returned from walking Lola and Hairy. I stared at Hairy as he did his number two dance, in numbness. Lola jumped around, running in lively joy, as I held on to the leash, thinking, “Life goes on” with a lump of grief in my heart. Yuppie did not die alone- but that’s cold comfort for me. I lived but he did not. That’s not fair.

Rip Van Winkle moment

Goggling through news, it drew upon me that I had not written in my blog for AGES. I could identify a lot of reasons, including work, facebook and exhaustion- but that'd be excuses. I have found a lot of stories that I had thought readers would be interested, but I placed 'em on Facebook. I had remarkable experiences, and I determined no one would want to hear them. The truly fear here is that I compare myself to other bloggers and detrmine myself less than them; they write often, if not daily and still have something to tell the next day. I am afraid to hear that I'm "boring" and "you talk too much," never you mind that I have experienced more things more than the majority could experience..and I'm not bragging. Who else could experience a intellectual disabled client that could drive you up a wall, yet state, "I love you" a few months later? Who could state their experience of being in a hospital with two broken legs, and you GOTTA go..but no nurse would come because you can't hear their question of what is needed. Who'd get to brag about walking so many labyrinths yet, even less walking a dog on one? Raise your hand if you have read the 'Divine Comedy' by Dante and got it?
I had promised myself that I would write more often in my blog in a previous post,and I'm saying that, I need to catch up. I just would like to know HOW one can write all that and not sound boring? That's my fear....
You know what? Screw it. I'm not here to entertain y'all. I'm here to write down what I had memorized, after all, who knows in ten years or twenty-five years later, I might look back and say, "damn, did I do that?" with a grin.
It may be that I find myself preferring to paint my labyrinths, or that I like to read paranormal romances, or to take off my sandals and walk around barefoot, than to write the blog- but you know what? That's okay. I'm human. I'm not perfect, and I never had claimed I am. It's fine that I can sleep and wake up twenty years later and realize I had missed moments, but does that mean I should look back and say "damn I missed those!"..nope...it means I look forward to time I have now, new experiences, and new friends.

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 2

Third Point:
I know a good friend- her marriage is ongoing for, oh 27 years… dang, how do they do that?! Easily done! They got to know each other for about three years before deciding on the chain-and-ball tradition. Then they decided to explore the world together. They tasted distinctive fare, they spent so much time with each other, re-learning each other and became a true couple; they talked and listened to each other, compromised on things, agreed to disagree on things, and went to bed not angry.

They did not see each other as a handicap…if she wanted to hang out with her girlfriends, she did. He wanted to attend a chess club every Monday, he did. They had an enduring Wednesday date, spending time together, going to the movies, eating out, caving, and making an ice igloo in their backyard. AND then they decided to have children, and they were all ready to have the children. They viewed having children was an enhancement to their family; they had reached all their goals/dreams and they were set for children. And so they did….they have two handsome and smart sons who were happy with the family. The sons have profited from the parents’ experiences and exposure to the enriching cultures around the world; the older son is an exchange student in Finland, and the younger son is speaking three languages at age of 11. The best part? The family is going on strong for 27 years.

Now what am I talking about?? I’m using this example to compare with many people either I know and/or observed, who had gotten wedded and then planned to have a child-- thinking they could still strive for their dreams of becoming an attorney or be rich by late 20’s or 30’s. Unfortunately, more than 75% had given up on their dreams/goals because they couldn’t-- the children demanded more than the parents expected, and the light in the eyes had gone out, and then resentment grew toward the children. “If not for you, I would have been a doctor!” “I could have been a model but no, having you had ruined my shape!” “You’re selfish, you should be thankful that I gave up school for you” I had heard it all from friends or children/adolescents of families that did not make long-term plans, determine resources available to them, and realize obstacles that may face them.

Now on the other hand, I do know some friends who are determined- both parents are in college, while juggling with two children, employment, bills and assignments. They go to bed exhausted, and they wonder “where could I find energy tomorrow morning?” It does help that they had considered the obstacles, they decided how to face the challenge of balance of school and children, by making compromises, finding resources (campus daycare or sister willing to watch children after school) and making time for the family itself- it’s not easy…they tend to wait until holidays to seize the chance to spend time together. It has been tough, very tough, that one might think the father or mother would have thrown in the towel- but they haven’t…. the couple made a promise to each other to support each other, take turns in giving each other well-deserved breaks and love each other despite the children’s messes on the floor and take-out food in the fridge. Yes, I’ll get to the point…. The couple needs to learn how to compromise, to support each other, and not practice “My way or the highway!”


Fourth Point:
There are lies; gray lies and white lies. No lies around that, serious. I have seen marriages end because of lies, and secrets. I have seen the spouse struggle with discovery of the lies that had been wrapped around the relationship. I have witnessed the other spouse feeling terrible for not coming out with the truth in the beginning. I knew a friend who had lied to her family and that she had graduated from school but hadn’t luck finding a job for the ‘major’ she had graduated in. She married a guy who loved her- he even offered to work two jobs so she can stay home and take care of their children. She didn’t want that- she insisted on doing a part-time job “to keep out of the house” and didn’t want the husband to come visit her at work due to the “company policy.” Only when he got a call that she was killed in a head-on car accident (her fault), did he find out that she was not working where she claimed working at, she was working at UPS, she had no life insurance, and she had piles of bills hidden in her own car, all unpaid for years, collectors chasing after her, and due to her putting down fake phone numbers, they could not call at the house. She could be at home to get the mail and hide them before the husband would come home. He ended up with $78,000 dollars of bills, on top of a lawsuit by the other driver who had been severely hurt. He told me something that I’d never forget, “If I had known all this, would I have married her? No. She lied, and that is a lie of our own family and marriage, it was all fake. I thought I knew her, and turned out she had been a stranger all along.”

So, I’ll tell you- Don’t lie. If you want to hide number of your lovers in the past, go ahead…. But if an ex-girlfriend shows up with a 7 years old child at the door, don’t expect the pregnant wife to turn the other cheek and welcome the fact that you had lied to her about not having any children before. If you have a warrant for your arrest, and you lie about never being in court, and then for the new bride to find out this at the airport, which you cannot go to Italy for the honeymoon, you’re SO in trouble…she’ll definitely tell EVERYONE on Twitter and everyone will wonder “I thought I knew him….” Keep things mysterious, sure, for fun, but to keep secrets that you know can bite you back, you’re just opening a door you thought, had been bricked up- It hadn’t…not with the weak mortar of the lies.

End of January Days

One month down, since I had set up the bucket list (for first-time readers, be reassured, I'm NOT dying..I just like the sound of the name, instead of "do things").... The month mostly had been good except for one or two sick days and a snowstorm, which I think was more fun than an hassle, especially with the dogs sticking their heads into the snow and folicking around.

All right, we need to figure out what I had completed or started in process...

Learning:
I had registered for the ghost-hunting 101 at the Delphi center, which will start on April 20th- I do look forward to attending the class- that is if the class won't be cancelled. It had been cancelled last year due to not sufficent individuals registering for it. :::fingers crossed::: I do hear that one trip with ghost-hunting will include Waverly Hill Sanatorium- I do HOPE so!

Another learning goal- tube drums! Oh yes.... I had gotten the instructions off the internet, and with a friend's help, worked on making a tube drum last weekend. Here I was, cutting the tube (4 feet long, 12 circle tube) in half, so we'd have two 2" tubes- two drums in total.










With the friend, we had to stretch the moleskin (and I'm telling you, it's NOT easy to find pack cloth or skin for the drum here in Louisville!)

And here is the completed tube drum! I have to say, it came out much better than I expected, and I do plan to make two-three more drums, with different fabrics, including Mexican Day of the Dead skulls. :D














Now, I hadn't done anything for the self-care list, and that's what I need to work on this month, which I think, more fitting, since I do need to learn to love those aspects of myself, that I'm not comfortable with, and to appreciate myself, as people do, and believe them.

Books:
I am currently working on the Happy Book by Rachel Kempster and Meg Leder. I love a lot of stuff in that book; finding my favorite stickers and stick 'em in the book, or to list favorite movies, or get ideas like the postcrossing (where I could send a postcard to someone on the other side of the world, and receive postcards from strangers- I just think that nifty!).













I'm also reading the Feminine Mystique. It doesn't help that the book is a bit dry, so easier for me to get distracted ..... Bad Lola, bad Lola, drop that doll! Sorry.. Lola is my dog, and she does get herself in trouble these days...anyway, back to this book- I am reading much books as I can on feminism..why? I feel that I need to learn more about the cultural aspects of womenhood and how it applies to me, especially with practices and norms around here, and how I can adapt feminism to myself, and not apologize for it.


Community:
I was planning to go to New Orleans in March, but due to the finances, I'm starting to think I won't make it, and that means I might not be able to do the volunteering Habitats for Humanity. That isnt the end of the world, although, since I can also volunteer at the same organization here in Louisville or another state this summer. I'm working on finding more information about Vaginia Monologues and how to bring it here to Louisville, especially for the Deaf Community.


Art:
I have gotten four canvas frames, and paints- I look at the canvas frames and I feel somewhat anxious yet excited. I somewhat can see what I am going to create, yet I'm afraid that my perfection tendency might interfere with the attempt, especially that I had stopped painting some years ago. I'm picturing doing labyrinths on those canvas, and I'm thinking...am I overachieving...? There is this canvas frame, with a labyrinth already pencilled in, awaiting for the painting, and that is what terrifies me.


Health:
I try to attend the gym 2-3 times every week, although there had been a week that I skipped- and I could make excuses, but why bother lying? I do know that that it IS easier to go, if I have a gym friend to hang out- however we have different schedules which contributes to the complications. :P
I had attended the January month healthy seminiar about appropriate eating, and I had determined to meet with a dietician to set up a healthy food routine. I have religiously followed the routine, although it is tough- protein every time I eat, with smaller portions six times a day?! I do know that I had lost some weight, and that's a plus. :)

Charity:
I had donated clothes and stuff to the Good will, and I'm starting to think that I need to get rid of more stuff, while I'm doing this. Being 40 years old here, and I'm thinkng, "do I truly need all this?" Not the 60% of stuff, I suspect. I'm also looking into freecycling so people can get stuff what they need, and I'd not have to worry about transportation especially with furniture!

Just for the fun of it....
Oh! :D I had sent out a postcard to a random stranger on the other side of the world, Postcrossing, in which you can check out for yourself- would be keen to get postcards from everywhere in the world. I can't wait to see my first postcard. :D

I played with playdoh! I know it can be childish, but I found it relaxing and enjoyable; a fun de-stressor that helps relax muscles and become mindful about yourself...










Take my "gnome" Erif, the fire horse and take photos of Erif in strange places as we travel... I had done that with Erif on our trip to Wisconsin visiting a dear close friend, Ash! One photo is already added to the Bucket list post- you can check it out. :D



Trips:

I had gone to Wisconsin to visit Ash, for a weekend, and it was worth the 16 hours round way road trip! I had seen amazing things, including a drowned hydrant deep in snow, snowman cheese, the IceBox, and a weirdo comic shop that could pass for a frat for geeks if there was one.

I do plan to go up to Wisconsin in June, this time for Ash's wedding, and to explore the Doors county, the Evensong spa (http://www.evensongspa.com/evensong_spa_facilities.htm )with its labyrinth (after all, it's one of Bucket List goal for me to walk 25 labyrinths this year), and Circle Sanctuary cemetery (http://www.circlesanctuary.org/cemetery/), the first Pagan green Burial Ground in the United States.



I have to add one thing, with having the bucket list, I do notice that I have more motivation to do things and to seize the opportunity to experience things. I suspect if not for this, I would have gotten deeper into depression- aye, I have been experiencing depression lately, and to have the list had helped providing me the motivation and aspiration to complete what I can.

and..it's FUN!

Bucket list... Goals....."Things to do"..... for 2011

First of all, I'm reassuring you..I'm not dying, nor with any intention to end myself by end of this year...I just like the sound of the "Bucket List"! :D

After skimming through the book "The Happy Book" (Here is the link to the book), I was thinking..and noticed a friend doing her list- I was like 'Doh! that's what I had been thinking for a long while, but needed someone to smack me in the head first!" That's what I had been wanting to do, a list- since I had been noticing that my list grows, grows and grows as older I get, and I don't get to do much of 'em..perhaps that's why I'm very much "down' these days... this would help with keeping me busy, and motivated for this year...I'll worry about 2012..heck, they say that's when everything ends.. the perfect quote.."I have goosebumps, people."

So here is the list...I will add if I desire..and if in process, the goal will be showed this way, and when the goal is accomplished, the goal will be marked.

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center
Writing/publishing a book.
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (1/11)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths.
Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself.
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day.
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three.

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again.
Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Go to the gym 3 times a week.
Attend monthly health seminars at the gym
Do Wii Fit at home 1-2 times a week.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're getting there" and smile at yourself.
Lose 25 pounds.


charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor.
Drop off clothes at Goodwill
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos!


Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.) (1/11)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 Road trips in 2011 (Wisconsin, 1/11)

Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)

Waverly Hills Sanatorium

Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center

The Good, The Bad, the Cuddly- toys at Frazier International Historical Museum

Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

Ah, Midsummer Night's Dream....Jules' spirit enmeshed.

That Shakespeare play has always been my favorite of all his plays....

Bottom: "Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar,
that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
let him roar again.'



Fairy: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he
That frights the maidens of the villagery;
Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
Are not you he?

Helena: Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,
That I did never, no, nor never can,
Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,
But you must flout my insufficiency?
Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
In such disdainful manner me to woo.
But fare you well: perforce I must confess
I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
O, that a lady, of one man refused.
Should of another therefore be abused!




Puck: I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,
Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:
Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

Titania: My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.






Theseus: More strange than true: I never may believe
These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!



Pyramus: "O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot!
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stand'st between her father's ground and mine!
Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!


and my favorite quotes from the play itself...



Puck: If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.






Bless his heart, that Shakespeare had seen into the Otherworld and attempted to show us the world...and methinks..he did it well. Bravo, the poet of comedy and love, the writer of drama and sorrow, the sorcerer of grace and magick, Shakespeare!

Beef and pork recipes tried and loved!

Sloppy Joe Nachos
1 pound ground beef
1 can (15 ½ oz) sloppy joe sauce
1 package (12 oz) tortilla chips
¾ cup shredded cheddar cheese
In a large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add sloppy joe sauce; cook, uncovered for 5 minutes or until heated through.
Arrange tortilla chips on a serving plate. Top with meat mixture and cheese. 6 servings.



Beef-Stuffed Zucchini
4 medium zucchini
1 pound ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 egg
¾ cup marinara or spaghetti sauce
¼ cup seasoned bread crumbs
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 cup (4 oz) shredded Monterey jack cheese, divided
Additional marinara or spaghetti sauce
Cut zucchini in half lengthwise; cut a thin slice from the bottom of each with the sharp knife to allow zucchini to sit flat. Scoop out pulp, leaving ¼ inch shell
Place shells in an ungreased 13x9x2 microwave-safe dish. Turn off microwave turntable setting. Cover and microwave on high for 3 minutes or until crisp-tender; drain and set aside.
Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook beef and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Remove from the heat; stir in the egg, marinara sauce, bread crumbs, salt, pepper and ½ cup cheese.
Spoon about ¼ cup into each shell. Microwave, uncovered, on high for 4 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Microwave 3-4 minutes longer or zucchinis are tender. Serve with additional marinara sauce. 4 servings.



Apple Juice Pork with Squash and Golden Raisins
4 1-inch-thick boneless pork loin chops
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 cup apple juice
½ butternut squash –peeled, seeded and cut into 1-inch pieces
½ cup golden raisins
3 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees. Season the pork chops with salt and pepper. In a large, heavy skillet, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil over medium-high heat. Working in 2 batches, add the pork chops and 1 more tablespoon oil between batches. Cook until browned, about 5 minutes on each side. Transfer to an overproof dish and tent with foil; place in the oven.
Add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook for 2 minutes, scraping up any browned bits. Stir in the apple juice, squash, raisins and sage; season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook until the squash is tender, about 10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the squash mixture to a bowl. Cook the remaining liquid until syrupy, about 5 minutes. Serve the pork with the squash and pan sauce.



Pumpkin and Sausage Penne
¾ cup uncooked penne pasta
2 Italian sausage links, casings removed
½ cup chopped sweet onion
1 garlic clove, minced
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/3 cup white wine or chicken broth
1 bay leaf
¾ cup chicken broth
1/3 cup canned pumpkin
3 teaspoons minced fresh sage, divided
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Dash ground nutmeg
3 tablespoons half-and-half cream
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons shredded Romano cheese
Cook pasta according to package instructions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook sausage over medium heat until no longer pink. Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels; drain, reserving 1 teaspoon drippings.
In same skillet, sauté onion and garlic in oil and reserved drippings until tender. Add wine and bay leaf. Bring to a boil; cook until liquid is reduced by half. Stir in the broth, pumpkin, 1 ½ teaspoon sage, cinnamon and nutmeg; cook 1 minute longer.
Add the sausage, cream, salt and pepper; heat thoroughly. Drain pasta; place in a serving bowl. Add the mixture; toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese and remaining sage.

Fluctuating Days of October

How much I love the month of October; the beauty of red, orange and yellow coloring the world, the crispy taste of cold mornings, the leaf-dancing breezes, the chilling joy of Samhain (Halloween to y'all non pagans) and the mystery of night ever alive in this Hunter's Moon. Opportunties to taste pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, pork and squash; to gut a pumpkin and see the face light up in night; and to walk among the leaves and music of the trees preparing to sleep.



Yet..I hate October. Of all months, October is tough to me. A discovery of a murdered woman among the fallen leaves; most forgotten by everyone except for her family and I, although the name is starting to fade from memory. A relative's death by suicide; common in my family, it seems, just like leaves falling one by one. A car hitting me, leaving me with my own struggle, one foot in the summerlands and one foot in the world here, and not knowing if I would survive, but to survive paralyzed or whole. Masks discharged, revealing true or false friendships in the true environment of the hospital. Power struggles during the vulnerable moment of the hour.

I'm reminded gently by the Goddess, that October is of balance. Dark and Light. Whispers in the silent darkness, foretelling new beginnings. Mystery of Life and Death. Samhain is a time of introspection, of emptying the false from the mind, heart, and soul. Dawn and Twilight. Two sides of the coin. Cannot have one without the other. The only choice I have is how I live walking the path of the labyrinth, among the fallen fire-colored leaves.

Mirror, Mirror, who are you?

Throughout childhood to young adulthood, I had to struggle with self blame and self loathe. Any success I experienced, I doubt that it was really me; it was because the teacher, the judge, the group felt sorry for me. I tended to stay to the wall, to stay invisible and to avoid eye contact- why? To survive.
No matter how many A's I could get through schools, no matter how much recognition through fund-raisers and awareness of causes I raised, no matter how often I could meet the expectations, even beyond the unrealistic expectations, I was always considered a failure. I BELIEVED I was a failure.
It was through the fourth therapist, I was asked, "WHO are you, really?" No one had really asked me that before. I couldn't answer that. No, I was TERRIFIED to find out the truth.
I looked at the face in the mirror and wondered, "who is she?" I didn't want to say "me" because after all if I dared to say "me" or "I", I'd end up skinned raw by the scalding venom of her. It was always her, ALWAYS her, it's her clothes, her style, her opinions, her perspectives, her personality, HER. No such as Julie- it was just a clone of HER. To dare thinking different, I felt I was betraying her.
It took me a long time, almost twenty years before I realized- I didn't know who I was, if anyone asked me, I mimicked HER views, never mine since I didn't have any opinions. I then knew that to save any part of myself, I had to escape. I did so, putting a thousand and more miles between us. I felt like a newborn baby- scared witless in the new world; I wanted so badly to return back to her.
I forced myself to stay where I was. I explored with baby steps, such as going to a department store by myself and picking out a pair of sneakers was a tremendous step for me at age of 26! I had to sample a variety of food before I would realize that I like BBQ ribs so much and I dislike busset sprouts- at age of 27. How little people could imagine on how personality can develop from tasting food and trying on clothes in the beginning!
With more learning I gathered, more I realized how much I had missed; I didn't get to jump on the bed, I didn't play dress-up; I didn't have the chance to climb a tree. I never had a healthy childhood. I had to take care of her; to make her happy, I had to predict her moods and take care of her needs even before she thought of them. I ignored my own needs to take care of her need for attention and demands. Due to trying to please her, I was a people pleaser. I could not say no to anything, even to unreasonable queries. I would offer to do errands for people out of my way, just to get them to like me. I experienced a burn out, and I realized as I recovered.. No one was there for me It was a cruel awakening! At encouragement, I read "How to say no without feeling guilty" and walk the walk. I practiced saying "no" and not to experience "did I just SCREW myself up? They are angry at me! Have to do it to keep everything fine!" The world didn't end as I thought it would.
I started to be very angry, I felt she OWES me for so many things I had missed out, about thinking about herself, not me, even at age of six, ten and sixteen. I became bitter. I started to tear into people, pouring venom on people, and manipulating them; finding their weaknesses and using to get them to do what I wanted them to. A friend went, "Why are you becoming like her??!" That rattled my soul! I didn't want to be her, I wanted to be ME.
It took another ten years before I discovered myself, ironically after the hit and run where I had to learn to feed myself, to dress myself, to sit down on the toilet and to write again. I started to see the child within me, and I realized I did not want to lose her again.
After years of re-discovery, challenges, pushing beyond my own limits and dangers, I know who I am, and you know what....I like who I am, and I am not like her at all. I find joy in seeing simple things, giving of love without expecting something back, laughing and crying without worrying about being caught, and being myself. I like wolves. I love to walk labyrinths. I enjoy reading comic books. I prefer baggy jeans and sandals, barefoot if I can! I find joy in radical feminism and being outspoken about HIV/AIDS education for Deaf. I let tears fall due to natural disasters and New Orleans without being ashamed. I am me.
And her? She is my mother, I love her, but I do not have to be like her, I do not owe her anything. I AM WHO I AM.

Golly Gee! Time to catch up.

It had been almost an half year since I last wrote on this blog. Graduate school had kept me busy for the semester before the last. Now I'm here in another state during my internship (last semester) before I could graduate this upcoming May. I'm pretty excited about the internship in somewhere I never had been before. You know me, I like to try different states that I had not been in the past. 17 states left to explore!

I have found some labyrinths around here, and I hope to continue studying the labyrinths to be used as therapy for the deaf community, since I feel the walking meditation can be a visual tool. Many deaf people use ASL, which is a visual language, and so I was thinking, "why not labyrinths?" So I am hoping to pursue this, by taking the facilitator training which is in March. I am also looking into taking Red Cross Mental Health Crisis Intervention training, (whew, what a mouthful/handful to say!)

I couldn't say much more than that since I'm starting to gather much privacy as I can for myself, more I become a therapist. There is a clear need to keep personal boundaries for deaf therapists; being visual advocates for the Deaf community, they also need to keep their private lives separate. It is quite confusing for friends to look at me and go "are you talking as a friend or a therapist?" or looking to me to see if I could help them and I wonder if they are seeing me as a friend or therapist? That's where dangers of boundaries show up, and that's when we need to become more aware. Drawing boundaries are not easy as I had experienced in previous jobs, but it is very possible to be clear where the lines are and expect respect for privacy.

Being stronger than bullies

It has been more than 25 years ago when I had been bullied, throughout elementary to high school. Just to think that it had been that long ago, yet we still have bullies skulking in hallways of schools even in 2008, looking for prey which would be children/adolescents who could not protect themselves, or be protected by friendships or authority.

Just to think about what I had gone through as a victim of bullying, I still could see scars from within myself as well as on my skin. It took me a long while and a therapist in high school to realize that it was not my fault, or that I did not deserve to be hurt this way. I still remember when I was shoved through a bathroom, my face pushed into a mirror, while they took my books out of my bag. I still remember when I was shoved into mud during recess, in my dress on the photograph day. I still remember how a group of girls would threaten to hate/hurt me, unless I exposed myself, in the back of the bus. I still remember how I brought my hamster for show-and-tell, and to find that someone had smothered the hamster while I was away for lunch. I still remember how I woke up from a nap during a school field trip to find that someone had put gum in my hair, and that a teacher had to cut my hair to remove the gum. I still remember no matter how much the teachers would favor me (teacher's pet), the attention of teachers would never protect me from the bullies. It was a tough time for me when at 11-12, I was moved to a sign language program from an oral program, in which students would do me harm, just because I could not sign well as they could. Boys may be mean when hurting me, but it were the girls who could be the most cruel. Whatever I was, of being skinny, being clumsy, not knowing sign language, being deaf, being a girl, being the teacher's pet, being the 'model student', you name it, I might had been bullied just for that 'excuse.' In high school, it did not matter to a bully that I could not understand what she was saying, (hearing bully); she tried to push me down stairs that could end three floors down, if not that I grabbed her arm and the rail on the wall. It cost me a black eye, but better that than broken bones. It did not matter to a bully that I was poor, that the jacket that my grandmother made for me, could keep me warm; she had to take it after school off my back and claim that she did not take it when the teachers confronted her the next day. It did not matter if I loved books more than to hurt other weaker students, the bullies would not give up on hurting me; even if I started to cry, they would call me "crybaby". There was never a win-win situation in any of those times. Even when I became proficient in sign language, I could find myself hurt by hearing bullies. So it did not matter if the bullies were white or African-American, deaf or hearing, girl or boy, using sign language or not, they were ALL bullies alike in that they used violence to harm someone intentionally, knowing that they could get away with it. That is the very wrong we need to address when it comes to bully prevention programs in schools.

I had learned when I finished school, and then went into college, that no matter how one may try to protect oneself, it would have to be from the inner strength from oneself, as well as the awareness and motivation of society to say 'Bullying is NOT okay. We will not STAND for it." There are so many bully awareness and prevention programs in numerous schools. I had observed how often students would stand up for themselves in extreme situations, in the point that they would shoot bullies, as I see in countless articles throughout years. I had been told so many from other victims of bullies, that sometimes they can be protected by the prevention programs especially when bullies are counseled, as well as the victims. Bullies, you see, could be from dysfunctional families, in which they may lash out in school, or that they may not have gotten appropriate discipline or support from families. Recently, I found out that one of my middle school bullies had been sexually abused by her father, and so she had projected her anger and frustrations upon other students, since it was very much easier to do that to peers, than to an adult that could overcome a child repeatedly with his strength. With that awareness of what had happened to her, I confess that I had trouble figuring out whether I wanted to forgive her actions toward me when we were kids, or to understand her history. I could say that due to being Scottish, I could carry a grudge long as I want, but I don't see any point in that. There is no sense in being angry at what had happened to me when I was a child. What I am angry about is that so many children are victims themselves, and that in protecting themselves, or to release anger from within, they harm each other. This vicious cycle could continue as long as children experience trauma and violence from within their own families, and then bring it to school to harm other children.

From my own experiences of being bullied, I learned that it is harder for me to make friends, in fear that I could be betrayed or harmed, even in adulthood. Thankfully so many friends proved me wrong; I have so many friends that love me and support me. In that realization, I learned that I did not have to be a victim anymore. I can be an advocate and push for prevention programs of many unhealthy situations, such as bullying, substance abuse, family violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, neglect of children and vulnerable adults alike. We need to push for bully prevention programs in all schools, including residental schools, private, public, and mainstreamed schools, especially for children who are deaf, or have disabilities such as blindness, mental retardation, CP, or from other countries (immigrants, transit families, and of other cultures). Everyone need to realize that this CAN be prevented. No one deserves to be bullied, be they children or vulnerable adults.

Gratification, gotta get it now or later.

I have so much things to do this coming fall! And all for the good.
I go see Sherrilyn Kenyon when she's in DC in August- that reminds me, I need to call the book store to ensure that there is an interpreter for when she do the reading and autograph signing. Waiting for the book, Archeron to come out (24 days left), and knowing that the author will stop in DC/VA on the book tour is a reward in itself, in which I am doing for passing my comps in mental health graduate program..and the comps was tough!

Then there is the Dragon-Con in Atlanta, GA, which is during the Labor Day weekend, in which I hope to see Laurell K. Hamilton, Anne McCaffrey, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Susan Sizemore, Margaret Weis, Joseph Michael Linsner, Robert Englund, Linda Blair (yeah, of Exorcist), and so on. Just let us hope that there'd be no assignments for me to do during THAT weekend or I'll do it on the road! Planning all the travelling, stays, activities/events to see (including checking out the Atlanta aquarium and the Dawn look-like contest at the Dragon con) is rewarding in itself, abetting the joy of seeing it all happening in the end.

Then there is the exercising. I had put it up on the shelves due to the track repairs, so I couldn't do fast walking. Soon the track will be complete and so I'll exercise again. I look forward to lose some more pounds. In weeks if not months, I'd get to lose some more weight that will end up making it easier for me to walk without stressing my legs out, and reducing asthma attacks.

I hit my toe on the doorway today and I hit the doorway in retribution. I knew the doorway didn't get in my way, but in anger and pain, I didn't think. It was gratifying to 'hit back' anyway, right away, now.

There are some classes I look forward for the fall semester, such as grief and loss, advanced therapy skills and assessment. Then I'll be off for internship in the spring semester. One thing I'll say about attending classes during summer, it means getting to the degree sooner than later! I have been working so hard, busting my ass (pardon my French), doing assignments, doing research (loved it), helping each other, knowing that in the long run, we all will be rewarded with degrees presented to us at the graduation of May 2009.

I had eaten some chocolate with chili in it today, to get the bite that I was in mood. I wanted to eat chocolate right away because I felt like chocolate would save my sanity right away.

Now that's the difference between instant gratification and reaping what had been planned for weeks if not months. I have issues with people wanting things now and they mean it..NOW, right away, immediately, at this minute if not earlier, yesterday, you get the idea. I observe how people would get frustrated when they are told that "the loveseat will not come in until next week", "it will take three-five months before you can see obvious changes in your body", or "It will take some days before we can get this part for your car so we can't do repairs now." I have seen people going ugly when they are told that there are things they HAVE to wait on. I feel that the society is over-depending on instant gratification. Fast food, you have it. Instant customer service, you have it. Kids wanting this or that, parents get those for them immediately. It is not the younger generation alone, I had seen people my age fretting if they don't get their Starbucks coffee right away!

It seems to me that some people have trouble understanding that setting up long goals, planning in the long run, it is very rewarding in itself. You can see how plans grow, domino-like, affecting oneself mentally, physically and emotionally. Putting money in a saving account for a goal of having a vacation in Ireland can be enriching in itself, knowing, that the money is growing and closer the vacation comes to reality. Seeing a child building a tree house by himself, without parents helping out, can help the child learn that if he does things himself, will increase his self-esteem and confidence in completing things. I had seen a friend putting pennies, dimes, quarters, and nickels in a huge bottle, saying that he wants to visit Germany. I thought "wow- a long way to go, it's impossible!" But she proved me wrong, after three years of saving all pennies, dimes, nickels and quarters, she had gone to Germany and had a wonderous trip there for three weeks. It is taking me two years to go through the mental health graduate program, with sweat, frustrations, tears, laughter and flares of temper, I am seeing how much I had gone through, and I am so much closer to my degree that I could actually 'feel' it in my hands. So, I would say that the longer the gratification is, more rewarding it is, compard to instant gratification. Don't you agree?


P.S.

Some friends say that they write a lot for their blogs and wonder why I don't write much. I have to admit that I don't write much because I had been told that some people are uncomfortable with what I write, exposing what "should be" hidden, and that there are people concerned that if I continue writing, it may endanger my chances as a future mental health therapist, on basis of confidentality and ethics. As it is, there are a lot of things I would like to write about, but I have to decide if I'm willing to take the risk of damaging the potential reputation that I would as a counselor later on, even if information is not related to therapy or counseling at all.
I hadn't yet decided if I will continue writing or stay on 'the surface' because I am still testing the water with my toe, trying to decide if I want to do a 'bomb-dive' or go into the murky water of risk, slowly a bit by bit. So we'll see.

So far, so good

I'm doing well in graduate school, although a bit amused with teenagers here for 'summer camps' running around on campus (and pulling fire alarms- no difference between hearing and deaf kids when it comes to pulling fire alarms!) I'm officially a second-year graduate student, since I passed the quals (or if one prefers, comps), as I found out this week. I'm staying on campus due to attending practicum (full summer) and a class (A&O- and I have to admit- I LOVE it!) It just feels odd to me that the campus is almost empty, and so I get the sensation of being in the eye of a hurricane, waiting for things to slap me in the face sooner or later.

For the articles going on about cochlear implants and sign language, I'm staying out of it because I have to admit, I am not in mood for bashing for giving my personal opinion. I'd rather deal with that in person, so we can discuss it, putting all our cards out on the table, instead of arguing one piece by another piece.

I had gone to DC Pride two weekends ago, and I had a blast of fun there, meeting some nifty people, and getting two good leads on potential internships! I was thinking about how far we had gone in many years, in getting awareness of gay/lesbian community, available resources and supportive organizations. I did not even know that there is this organization "Out in the work" as in being openly gay/lesbian/bisexual/straight at work; Out in work, from what I understand, is a good resource for people having trouble at work, providing information about internships (I asked mostly about that.) I would have more information, but alas, I lost everything I gathered from that organization as well as other organizations (including stickers, buttons, magnets) at the subway on way home! *sigh* So I need to remind myself to check that organization online soon when I'm not distracted by class and practicum.

Soon, that class A&O will end, and so some of us are planning to go to Assateague Island, and Blue Mountains, a weekend each for camping. Boston, New York City and Philadelphia are on the list of sightseeing for historical stops and I gotta go back to Brooklyn for another taste of that deliciousmarvelous fudge cake at The Chocolate Room!

written by Jules

Samhain

In two days, I will be able to celebrate Samhain, which in Celtic holidays, is a new year for us pagans. It is the most important holiday. That is when the gates between the world and the otherworld is weaker, and so we will have spirits, fey creatures and sprites coming out. This is when we put out dishes of food to respect the ancestors, to remember who had died and to find joy in honoring who we loved and will always love, hence trick-or-tricking originated from this practice.
"The pagan Samhain is not, and never was, associated with evil or negativity. It has always been a time to reaffirm our belief in the oneness of all spirits, and in our firm resolution that physical death is not the final act of existence. Though death is very much a part of Samhain's symbolism, this Sabbat also celebrates the triumph of life over death."
Jack o' lanterns came from when the ancient celts carved out turnips and so and put in lights, to put in 'new lights' to celebrate a new year and to keep 'evil' away.
Around this time, there would be pagans cooking wondrous feasts of pork, squashes, apples, pumpkins, nuts, all that of the late harvest.
Actually, Halloween is an American holiday developed around the time of Irish immigrants coming to the United States, fleeing the potato famine (the first wave in 1847.)
For people who are not sure or have misunderstanding about Halloween or Samhain:
FACTS:
1. There is no such as "Lord Samhain." That is from a movie. (gotta love Hollywood...not)
2. Male witches are called witches, not warlocks. Warlocks are traitors, betrayers, outcast out of covens.
3. Pagans do not kill black cats (or in other colors) or children. Heck, we have a lot of animals that we rescue or help raise to release back into wildlife.
4. We do not worship Satan; which is a Christian belief. For us to believe in that, we would have to be Christians. Think on that. We do love satin sheets, thro!
5. Whatever one may think of the movie, "Craft", nothing out of it is true except for that what one may cause, will experience it threefold back, according to the Wiccan way. (In other words, don't do evil or you'll have evil bite your ass off.) If one want to get hair color changed, get a hair dye. Different eye colors, get lenses.
6. Even thro that the Catholic Church tried to repress this Celtic holiday, it wasn't successful. They 'renamed' it Eve of All-Saints Day, to make the 'heathens' happy. It is one of the holiest days for Catholic Christians. 'Day of the Dead" as in Mexico is another example.

I hope you enjoyed learning something today. I am off to drum and drink some honey
mead!

(Artwork by Charles Vess)

New journey today and Homecoming at Gallaudet.

I was looking for something different to do but hadn't decided how different.I just needed a break from Gallaudet University and all the hours of studying. My new motto is "Take breaks or you will break." Many people offered ideas such as the Native American Museum at the Mall, Georgetown tattoo parlors (unique 'til you find you don't have sufficient money to get a new one), this small-known garden behind the capitol where one can peer in to see the waterfall, and other ideas. I just wanted to do something that hadn't been published. Some people know my passion for labyrinths and so one suggested one in the Dupont Circle. I went "what labyrinth in Dupont circle?" Before I go on, I am sure, readers, you are asking "what is this word labyrinth??" It is a one-way path puzzle. A classical labyrinth looks like this:
It is very much a spiritual tool, when one wants to look inward to find where they are in the path of life. It can be used as a meditation tool. Both pagans and christians use it. There is even a Greek myth about it; Theseus went into the labyrinth to kill the minotaur, with Ariadne's assistance. There are older labyrinths about 5000 years. Several churches recognize that labyrinths are useful as located at Grace Cathedral (San Franciso), Notre-dame de Chartres Cathedral (France), Christ Church Labyrinth in Alexandria, VA and so on. I will include some links at the end of this article if you are interested.
Well, I looked alllll over the internet for this labyrinth in Dupont Circle and found NOTHING. A friend gave me directions to it and la da I found it today! Here are photos:





http://www.historicchristchurch.org/spirituality/labyrinth.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth
http://labyrinth-enterprises.com/12reasons.pdf

For people who are asking me how I am hanging in there at Gallaudet, thanks for checking on me! I am doing okay. Just tired these days, studying, doing projects due here and there, studying for exams coming up soon. Yeah, Homecoming was fun, thro there was a bomb threat at the football field (from what I understand, I could be wrong) and then a fire alarm at Hall Memorial Building (HMB) that sent alumni to SAC (Student Academic Center). I noticed it because I was getting out of SAC while alumni were pouring in, and I asked what was going on. An elderly lady latched to me and poured her frustrations on me (I wondered if I had my "counselor-in-training" t-shirt on..J/K) about the fire alarm and bomb threat. I could see why she was upset and an elderly man spoke up, "with all this, we don't need Gallaudet to look more worse than it is right now, so those guys who pulled the fire alarm or bomb threats need to grow up and think of consquences that makes Gallaudet looks bad." AMEN to what he said! It wasn't all bad news, the Gallaudet football team won the homecoming game against Williamson Trade, 40-26! So did the Bison women soccer vs. Gettysburg College team. I did get to see some friends that I didn't expect to see, almost 20 years last time I saw them- how much OLDER I feel!!!! So it was a nice weekend in all, the labyrinth walk and homecoming catch-up with old friends.