Disney World. Why would I bring up Disney World, writing about my experiences with the labyrinth? Have you ever read Mark Twain’s book about Tom Sawyer, where he and his sweetheart got lost looking for an exit out of the caves that felt like a maze? Disney World had those types of caves on the Finn Huck Island beside the steamboat and the log roller coaster. I remember when I was twelve, I was darting through those caves with dimmed lights. At a dare by a friend, I entered the dark cave (with no lights), so I had to feel walls of the stony tunnel, hoping to find a way out. Out of the dark, someone grabbed and scratched at my ankle; in panic, I ran and bam! Slammed my face onto the cave wall. Someone used a cigarette lighter to see what was going on. In the distance I saw the exit and ran out. I remember looking down at my ankle and found it bleeding from scratches. A friend’s parent saw me, waving at me, smiling but the smile disappeared. She came quicker and took out a tissue to wipe at my nose; it turned out I had a nosebleed from slamming my face. I remember thinking that the ugly hands grabbed at me in the dark and because of that, I could not trust the darkness anymore after that experience. That included the darkness within me.
Now, it has been many years since when I was lost in the caves. I am a practicing shaman for almost twelve years. I have also been working and studying human services/mental health counseling. As a studying shaman, I feel more closer to two counseling theories, which is Existential (in which focuses on freedom of choice, responsibility, awareness of death, connection, finding meaning in life, and living experience) and Mind-body counseling (becoming aware of our own body’s messages, connecting our spirit/emotions/bodies), which can be applied to many aspects of shamanism in which is attunement of body, spirit and mind, which then is connected to nature. I found myself attracted to walking labyrinths for years without understanding my fascination. I remember my excitement when I would find several labyrinths in and out of London, as well as in Colorado, California, Maryland, New York, Hawaii, Pennsylvania and Utah. It helped that some wise elders encouraged me to look into using labyrinths as self-care and a de-stressor. Ironically, I found that walking the labyrinth is a walking meditation! When I would try to meditate in one place, I couldn’t do it. I discovered that when I walked labyrinths, I could go inside myself; and discover hidden aspects of me through exploring the fears and learn how to work with myself.
I went to Gallaudet University for an interview with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis for graduate school the week of homecoming 2005. The night after, I was a victim of a hit & run in Washington, DC. I had been left behind with two broken legs, torn leg tendons, a broken neck vertebra and a torn neck artery. While in the hospital for weeks, I had experienced a vivid dream while sleeping. In that dream, I was walking a labyrinth made of glowing bricks on the streets of Duport Circle, and more I walked, I was escorted by someone unseen with gentle touches upon my arms. Once I got to the center, I looked down and realized I was in space, looking down at Earth. The planet was beautiful. I got the feeling that it was time for me to return, and I did so- I woke up much re-energized. The doctors were surprised when I learned to walk again in March, when they felt I would walk again by summer (though with wheelchair, motorized scooter, the crutches and then cane.)
Despite doctors’ asking me to slow down, I returned to school full-time. I was more determined to finish the last year of undergraduate school and go on to graduate school. Now, if you don’t know what the Denver campus look like, let me explain- we have three campuses in one area- Community College of Denver, Metropolitan State College of Denver and the University of Colorado in Denver. It is quite a huge campus for an able person, even more for one relying on a wheelchair, crutches or cane! Being deaf was challenging, even with having interpreters and access to education. With leg injuries, I became invisible. It was like everyone went ‘blind’ pretending that they didn’t see me as I struggled in my wheelchair uphill to a class or fought to open a door while using the crutches. I was at eye-level with people relying on wheelchairs or crutches (CP, paralysis, or other physical disabilities) and it greatly humbled me; I was honored to learn their world, and I discovered they are more human than able people, with such compassion and understanding. With that knowledge, I was fervently determined to ensure that people, who have right to education, to communication, and to being treated as human beings, are HEARD. I learned from the school of tough knocks and from academics, and I did finish with a B.S degree in Human Services, concentrating in mental health.
I had gotten accepted into the mental health counseling graduate program at Gallaudet University in the fall of 2007, and I was excited! I felt a passion within my heart to continue my studies in mental health, but I still had questions: How can I include labyrinths in therapy? Is it possible to use labyrinths as a therapy technique? Can Deaf people consider labyrinths as a viable asset in helping themselves?
In the orientation to mental health course, Ms. Kendra Smith handed out several old American Counseling Association newspapers, encouraging us to take one for each of us. I saw one handout was on Hurricane Katrina and mental health (everyone who knows me, know I have a great interest in natural disasters and effects on mental health), so I chose that. That night, I opened it to read, and on the sixth page, I was astonished to find an article on using labyrinths as an alternative counseling technique. That finally answered my questions on whether labyrinths can be used in counseling! This discovery encouraged me to pursue the inspiration of using the labyrinth as an alternative technique. To add, my professors encouraged me profoundly to consider using the labyrinth as a tool in counseling once they found out about my interest.
I knew how to use the labyrinth, since I have done labyrinth walks for years but I wasn’t sure how to use it FOR OTHERS. I decided to look into whether there are trainings or workshops. I found that Veriditas, the Worldwide Labyrinth Project, provides trainings, which are called Labyrinth Facilitating. You could not imagine my excitement! I contacted the staff at the project to find out that the trainings were very expensive, nothing to cough at! I was discouraged since I knew I couldn’t afford the training. I talked with Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, the director for the mental health counseling graduate program, and he persuaded me to take the training since there was a grant that can help finance the training. After all, it would enrich my learning and benefit the Deaf community in the long run. After dealing with several obstacles for almost a year and attending internship in KY, I finally got accepted for Labyrinth facilitating training in Boulder, Colorado back in March, 2009. Only one last obstacle was finding interpreters! Due to the organization being a non-profit, they could not afford ASL interpreters, especially with the training located at the church. My VR counselor removed that obstacle, knowing as well as Dr. Lewis, that it will be a valuable tool for me and the Deaf community; we got interpreters arranged for the three-days of intensive training! Nevertheless, it did make me wonder how hard it is for Deaf individuals to get interpreters for non-profit trainings.
The trainings were both reflective and stimulating. The teachers learned from me about the Deaf community, the norms and how to socialize with Deaf community, for either communication or providing labyrinth trainings/presentations. I learned how to use the labyrinth in its variety of textiles (visual and physical) and interacting with people, individually and in groups. I learned that it is very different walking the labyrinth singularly (much focusing on oneself and finding peace within) and in groups (being aware of other people, overlapping the path, and becoming aware of the world within ourselves.)
Interpreters and I taught the teachers and fellow students, indirectly as the students discovered even if I may “sign short”, ASL means more, and that takes interpreters longer to talk (imagine me signing, and then waiting for the interpreter to catch up and finish!) It was a challenge to include interpreters in the physical area of the labyrinth training- some interpreters walked the labyrinth in the beginning. In the end after efforts and errors, we all figured when I was walking the labyrinth- the interpreters were to stay silent and stay out of the labyrinth, so I can focus on the activity fully among the fellow students. I became closer with the teacher, Jo Ann Mast, and Lauren Artress, the founder of the Worldwide Labyrinth Project. We brainstormed on how the labyrinth could enhance Deaf people who may be interested, including deaf-blind. We also discussed about using other ways to enrich the experience with colors, candles, drumming and/or crystal toning bowls since I realized I couldn’t hear the harp that was used for one labyrinth walk, or the bells that were shaken at another walk.
I was saddened that I wouldn’t work with the Jo Ann Mast, the Labyrinth teacher anymore, but I also knew she will be there by email if I need- she has a big heart and she showed it all through the trainings! They told me that I was the first deaf person to take the training; I felt both thrilled and overwhelmed by that fact! I was thrilled to know that I have been given the opportunity to be a representative of the Deaf community to the organization. I was scared that I could screw it up for the Deaf community, and that I was biting off more than I could handle!
One thing I learned during the training stuck in my mind and I use it often for many other things; “There is no right or wrong way to use the labyrinth” and I interpreted it personally for myself, “I follow my gut; whatever decisions I make, it’s right for me, even if it leads to a disaster- I learn from it.” That can apply to everyone, using the labyrinth, and in their lives. After the trainings, we received a small gift, which was a coin-sized labyrinth in one could put in the pocket. I touch it often for inner strength and support.I needed to do three presentations so I can become certified as a Veriditas labyrinth facilitator. I returned to my internship, thinking “I need to introduce the labyrinth to the Deaf community, but where to start?” I swear Dr. Lewis read my mind because after discussing with him about my training, he asked me to give a presentation on using the labyrinth as an alternative technique and self-care to first year mental health graduate students at Gallaudet a few days before my graduation. I was bowled over by the opportunity, to do my first presentation at the Gallaudet where all my interest in labyrinths had grown in leaps during my graduate studies! Sure enough, I gave a PowerPoint on labyrinth walking and working with clients, as well as for students/professionals for self-care and de-stressing. I ended the presentation with the students walking the labyrinth at a church near Chinatown. The students reported enjoying the walk profoundly- finding it both peacefully and thought-provoking. Some were still “thinking” after the activity at lunch, which is not surprising, since labyrinth walks can cause catharsis and thinking for a long while on what is going on in their lives. I encouraged journaling and using the labyrinth for the second year students, especially with them attending graduate school. Some students report to me that they have walked some labyrinths several times after the presentation, and that is exactly what I wanted to hear; the deaf individuals finding the labyrinth a visual meditation and relaxation for themselves, enriching their lives and becoming better counselors for Deaf for when they graduate. Currently, I’m working on finding two more opportunities to provide labyrinth presentations for certification.
Now I’m a mental health therapist in KY, working with deaf and hard-of-hearing community from individual counseling to providing workshops. I keep on introducing the labyrinth to Deaf people much as I can, and my path that had been introduced to me in both trauma and growth, is continuing with passion and determination. I no longer fear the darkness within me, because I learned that for some people like me, labyrinths can lead to the dark and introduce me to hidden strengths and answers that I was not ready back then, but now I welcome. I learned how to use the darkness in me as a line to walk to a spiritual and mental balance within me. I believe that using the labyrinth is walking a line between sound and silence, in which one learn to quiet the noisy thinking and to heed the silence within oneself, to find the potential and the soul ‘s music that had been neglected for a long time.
To conclude , when one is determined to walk his path, even with obstacles, the reward in the long run will be enriching, not in monetary nor in number of friends, but in self-growth and teaching. I could not help but find the irony within us. There is a body piece within us all; there is a labyrinth within us all! It is the labyrinth, one part of our ears- the inner ear, made of hearing and balance components. We could walk the outside labyrinth in meditation with our feet, and we already have inner labyrinths within our ears. We learn how to balance ourselves, juggling the job, the family, the finances and social life, and our ears help keep us balanced. How fitting is the Deaf community walking a variety of paths, yet all comes together of a path of humanity, inside and outside?
