I don't know if this would apply to the deaf community but I would hope that it will give some of you some enlightment how to work with disabled people who may be deaf or hearing.
Now at some requests due to legal issues, I am not going to tell about what happened to me and what caused my permanent/temporary disabilities. When I get the ok, I will write it in a future article but not now. What I would like to talk about what I experienced AFTER I got out of the Spalding rehabitilational hospital.
I had two casts on broken legs (yeah, both), a neck collar and a neck artery clot. Spalding was wonderful. They provided interpreters for physical therapy or meetings with doctors or advocates.
What I WANT to talk about is what I have experienced as a dual disabled person, being deaf AND temporarily disabled in other words, I wasn't able to walk for a long long time. Even now I am using a cane. The injuries left too much damage that one cannot heal "just in a year or less." I found that I had to rely on people to help me go to bathroom, just for a piss or for a sponge bath, to help me get dressed and/or to help me get things I needed (such as food, books, DVDs, stuff to keep me busy.) Now if you think that sounds "relaxing and wonderfully lazy," I am telling you now, it WASN'T. By just a month, I was going nuts. I was bored out of my mind. I don't know but maybe it was because I don't LIKE watching television, I don't LIKE sitting around and doing nothing. Before the accident, I was very active in the community and in my personal life. I went back to college earlier than what folks expected. Yes, it meant that I had to go around in a wheelchair on the campus. I didn't mind that. Little I knew what was waiting for me!
Going around in a wheelchair was more challenging physically, mentally AND emotionally. I discovered personally that folks in wheelchairs are MORE invisible than I imagined. It's like the folks out there are saying to themselves, "don't see that woman in the wheelchair, let me get out of that way, I don't want her to brush by me." "If I don't meet her eyes, she'd not ask me for help." "Oh, how awful for her! She is miserable, I know!" I could go on but you get the idea.... There were a lot of folks that'd not even look at me even when I wheeled by; there were a lot of folks who'd LOOK at me as if I was a freak. Sometimes there were folks who thought to help me WITHOUT asking me if I needed help. I got furious with a man who tried to push me (in my wheelchair); it startled me so bad because I was pushing myself, and suddenly the wheelchair picked up speed than I was used to so I immediately knew someone was behind me, pushing me. I slammed down the brakes and he almost flipped over my chair/body. I had to twist my upper body to tell him "thanks, but no thanks!" Mind you, I wouldn't MIND getting help but I feel that one SHOULD ask "do you need help?"
I spoke with many folks in wheelchairs on campus (since now I were at "their eye levels") and they expressed that same thought; to ASK them, instead of pushing help upon them! I also found out that being in a wheelchair can be also hazardous. Twice I had fallen out of the wheelchair because I was too close to the curb (because some students wouldn't make space for me.) One basement classroom was moved to the main floor right away once the professor found out that I was in a wheelchair. Seems that if there was a fire, there'd be no chance for me to get out of the building timely!
Then I got a motorized scooter. The interpeters started to joke that the cops should ticket me for speeding! (20mph isn't so bad but hey, better that than going slow!) Once or twice, I did almost run over someone at the corner because we didn't see each other coming up the corner! But the motorized scooter was much BIGGER than the wheelchair and it caused obstacles, such as not fitting even in HANDICAPPED restrooms or classroom doors! I had to ask for an interpreter or a student to help me hobble into a toilet section or the classroom, leaving the scooter out in the hall (thankfully it was a scooter that can be locked up, like a car.) But it also made me realize two things:
1) Me being deaf AND using a scooter/wheelchair, if there's no interpreter, how could I go down stairs in fire emergencies?
2) Same thing, what if I got stuck somewhere if the handicap van doesn't show up? How do I call someone for help? (that time I didn't have a pager.)
I had encountered both situations and it was very scary. In the fire situation, two guys were nice enough to help carry me down but I had to leave the scooter up there in the third floor. Twice, the handicap van didn't show up at 9pm as it were supposed to come. The first one, the buildings were all closed. The last evening class professor noticed I was stuck, he was nice enough to call the handicap van for me and stayed with me 'til the van showed up. The second time, I didn't have that luck! I had to wait in anxiety and had tears in my eyes 'til a janitor showed up at 945pm and spotted me. He called cops and called the handicap van. Finally a van showed up at 1030pm.
By the time I got to use the crutches, I had gotten used to the "invisibility" of being a disabled person. Now I found out that one using crutches are more dangerous than I expected! There are a lot of things out there that can easily trip someone with crutches! An excited dog, some students playing frisbee, someone pushing a chair out and not seeing me coming, the "rush hour" of students between classes as well as puddles in restrooms, ice on sidewalks and mud in the parking lots. Dangers! It was only when I get to sit, I'd release a long and exhausted sigh in relief that I'm safe until it's time to encounter the obstacles again an hour or so later!
Now I am using a cane and it's not so bad, thro I do have to deal with an excited dog, ice on sidewalks or extreme winds now and then. I am even thankful that I graduated last semester so I'd not have to deal with extra obstacles!
Nevertheless, all that experiences had taught me many things. I have better respect for people in wheelchairs- they have to deal with obstacles, even in areas that are NOT handicapped-accessed. They prefer that we see them as people, not "things". I have even got LOOKS from parents with kids as "don't come close, I don't want my kid to get what you get!"
I learned that disabled people don't WANT pity or even sympathy. We deserve dignity and respect. If I could have a dime for everytime I heard "I'm so sorry!" "Must be awful for you!" "You have the right to be sad!" "I know exactly how you feel," trust me, I'd be a multibillionaire by now! DON'T PRESUME to KNOW how we feel, think or experience!!! If you want to know how to interact with disabled folks, ASK them, talk with them NORMALLY and don't treat them "differently."
So, the bottom line is.... it doesn't matter if you're deaf or hearing- just please...Treat the folks in wheelchairs, crutches, canes or having physical or mental disabilities as if you'd WANT to be treated. Respect them as you'd WANT to be respected. ASK them, instead of presuming they need help!
okay..now I'd need help getting off the soapbox here, please?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
"An Ordinary Man"
I finished reading this book, "An Ordinary Man" written by Paul Rusesabagina last night. It left me with a lot of things whirring through my mind. Disgust and hope, shock and determination, despair and survival were just words as Rusesabagina said and I saw what he meant by that. Words can be nothing and everything. Words can be weapons and safety. He used words to save more than a thousand Rwanda victims in his hotel (in which he inspired the movie "Hotel Rwanda" which is mostly true as event occured.) He described how words can cause massacres (on radios and newspapers in Rwanda) and how words can help save people. He said it very well,
"All of these comes down to a failure of words. And this is what I want to tell you: Words are the most affective weapons of death in man's arsenal. But they can also be powerful tools of life. They may be the only ones."
He tried to describe that he wasn't the only hero. Many other folks tried to save people in the madness during the 100 days. April 6 to July 4, 1994, 800,000 folks were killed. 8000 lives a day. More than 5 lives every minute. Imagine that. Yet a priest fought to keep his children (2000) alive in the church and he managed. A man kept two dozen folks hidden in his farm, covering them with dirt and growing plants. There were more than just Paul, yet his story was the most noticed because the location was well known to the diplomats, politicans, UN staff and it was next to the airport. He tried to explain why people tried to save people, not because of money (He didn't accept any money to protect them, figuring they'd NEED that money for themselves trying to get out of the country.) This paragraph says it precisely.
"This is why I say that the individual's most potent weapon is a stubborn belief in the triumph of common decency. It is a simple belief, but it is not at all naive. It is, in fact, the shrewdest attitude possible. It is the best way to sabotage evil."
I highly recommend that you read it. The movie and the book are similiar but that the movie gave more details than the book. But they both can touch you and leave you with a feeling that even in face of evil, hope survives.
"All of these comes down to a failure of words. And this is what I want to tell you: Words are the most affective weapons of death in man's arsenal. But they can also be powerful tools of life. They may be the only ones."
He tried to describe that he wasn't the only hero. Many other folks tried to save people in the madness during the 100 days. April 6 to July 4, 1994, 800,000 folks were killed. 8000 lives a day. More than 5 lives every minute. Imagine that. Yet a priest fought to keep his children (2000) alive in the church and he managed. A man kept two dozen folks hidden in his farm, covering them with dirt and growing plants. There were more than just Paul, yet his story was the most noticed because the location was well known to the diplomats, politicans, UN staff and it was next to the airport. He tried to explain why people tried to save people, not because of money (He didn't accept any money to protect them, figuring they'd NEED that money for themselves trying to get out of the country.) This paragraph says it precisely.
"This is why I say that the individual's most potent weapon is a stubborn belief in the triumph of common decency. It is a simple belief, but it is not at all naive. It is, in fact, the shrewdest attitude possible. It is the best way to sabotage evil."
I highly recommend that you read it. The movie and the book are similiar but that the movie gave more details than the book. But they both can touch you and leave you with a feeling that even in face of evil, hope survives.
Friday, March 16, 2007
What else? Deafness and domestic violence.
Reading Mishka Zena and Berke Outspoken's blogs about Tallie's death (and domestic violence)I had to say something. I am a volunteer for an agency in which I will not name to protect my identity. (Sure you know my picture but you don't know my real name and that's the main goal.) Anyway, back to the point. I think Berke has it close on why the media jumped on Wright case but not Lambert case; however I think it is because of two things...
1) Lambert is a guy (white) and Tallie was a woman. According to this site, http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html, four women are killed everyday related to domestic violence. The sentence lasts at "the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends." Nothing about same-sex relationships or lesbian relationships. I know there are DV murders of African-american and American-asian women. However, Daphne Wright is a lesbian, an African-american AND deaf hence, the media jumps on the boat.
2) It is in South Dakota. Come on, that's where they tried to ban abortion (all types) and the people had to come to the voting polls last November to say NO. South Dakota isn't like New York, California, Colorado, Illinois or Florida. I am not saying it is backwater, but many people would think that!
Now, I want to talk about domestic violence in the deaf community. I hate to say it but it DOES exist. Not many folks realize it or even WANT to keep their heads in the ground.
I have seen some verbal abuse "You're stupid," "You don't know how to be responsible" "You always run to your mommy," etc. Heck, I had EVEN seen one guy telling his girlfriend front of EVERYONE at Six Flags Elitches two years ago, "Your butt is SO big! How do you fit it through the door." To my shame, no one stood up for that poor woman(I didn't because I think I was too nervous about the guy, he was 6 feet tall and somewhat muscular.) I have always wondered how she is now and if she is all right. (Hey, if you know who I am talking about, leave a comment! The comments don't show up right away, they are private until I review them for moderation. So I don't have to publish your comment if that is your concern.) Many folks say "the deaf community is very outspoken and very blunt, so how would I know if they are just being blunt or practicing verbal abuse??" True... then you need to ASK yourself, would you ACCEPT that verbal abuse? Do you feel hurt by the comments? Do you find yourself afraid to speak back? Do you look away? That are your answers then; it IS verbal and emotional abuse. You know what physical abuse look like so I don't have to expand on that.
I have seen some DVDs and videos sent from other agencies what domestic violence could look like and what deaf individuals may encounter (as obstacles as in agencies not knowing how to use TDDS or how to work with deaf victims.) Recently I saw a new DVD sent by Deafhope and I HIGHLY recommend everyone to see it! My memory is "off" at this time, but I think the title says "Til Death do (Domestic violence) we part." It gives ideas what domestic violence LOOKS like (physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse.) What really touched me was the ending where they had photos of deaf women who died at hands of boyfriends or husbands. It made me realize something, while recognizing some individuals in photos, that the Deaf world IS smaller and that we all need to work together on learning how to identify domestic violence and how to prevent it. Miskena already gave info on agencies that DO work with deaf victims. I want to add that there ARE more agencies out there that can work with deaf victims but we need to work with those agencies to teach them HOW to interact and assist deaf victims!
1) Lambert is a guy (white) and Tallie was a woman. According to this site, http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html, four women are killed everyday related to domestic violence. The sentence lasts at "the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends." Nothing about same-sex relationships or lesbian relationships. I know there are DV murders of African-american and American-asian women. However, Daphne Wright is a lesbian, an African-american AND deaf hence, the media jumps on the boat.
2) It is in South Dakota. Come on, that's where they tried to ban abortion (all types) and the people had to come to the voting polls last November to say NO. South Dakota isn't like New York, California, Colorado, Illinois or Florida. I am not saying it is backwater, but many people would think that!
Now, I want to talk about domestic violence in the deaf community. I hate to say it but it DOES exist. Not many folks realize it or even WANT to keep their heads in the ground.
I have seen some verbal abuse "You're stupid," "You don't know how to be responsible" "You always run to your mommy," etc. Heck, I had EVEN seen one guy telling his girlfriend front of EVERYONE at Six Flags Elitches two years ago, "Your butt is SO big! How do you fit it through the door." To my shame, no one stood up for that poor woman(I didn't because I think I was too nervous about the guy, he was 6 feet tall and somewhat muscular.) I have always wondered how she is now and if she is all right. (Hey, if you know who I am talking about, leave a comment! The comments don't show up right away, they are private until I review them for moderation. So I don't have to publish your comment if that is your concern.) Many folks say "the deaf community is very outspoken and very blunt, so how would I know if they are just being blunt or practicing verbal abuse??" True... then you need to ASK yourself, would you ACCEPT that verbal abuse? Do you feel hurt by the comments? Do you find yourself afraid to speak back? Do you look away? That are your answers then; it IS verbal and emotional abuse. You know what physical abuse look like so I don't have to expand on that.
I have seen some DVDs and videos sent from other agencies what domestic violence could look like and what deaf individuals may encounter (as obstacles as in agencies not knowing how to use TDDS or how to work with deaf victims.) Recently I saw a new DVD sent by Deafhope and I HIGHLY recommend everyone to see it! My memory is "off" at this time, but I think the title says "Til Death do (Domestic violence) we part." It gives ideas what domestic violence LOOKS like (physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse.) What really touched me was the ending where they had photos of deaf women who died at hands of boyfriends or husbands. It made me realize something, while recognizing some individuals in photos, that the Deaf world IS smaller and that we all need to work together on learning how to identify domestic violence and how to prevent it. Miskena already gave info on agencies that DO work with deaf victims. I want to add that there ARE more agencies out there that can work with deaf victims but we need to work with those agencies to teach them HOW to interact and assist deaf victims!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Interpreters and Tattoos
Earlier today I was asked *again* by mother if I'd think about laser removal of my tattoos, and I said "NO" *again*. That reminded me of the day she found out about my tattoo and I had a quirky smile. So I thought to tell you all what happened.
It was planned for mother to stay with me while after gallbladder removal for a few days. So we all enjoyed London, England for two weeks and then she stayed here, instead of flying on to Colorado. Next day we came early to the hospital for pre-surgery preparations, and to my delight, there was an interpreter (I forgot to request one.) Me dressed in a back-open hospital gown, I was getting nervous. The doctor came in with some other staff. With the interpreter there, he was explaining how the surgery will go. Mother was in the back, so she'd not block my view of the interview.
Then the doctor said, "Don't worry,I will not touch your tattoo."
The interpreter pointed over heads, "Your mom asked, "WHAT tattoo?"
I was like "oh shit" mentally. I was preparing to say something when the doctor turned to tell mother, "she has this lovely tiny fox footprint on her stomach. Nothing for you to be upset about."
Interpreter included facial expression and "attitude" of mother, "I don't CARE.. Remove that tattoo in the surgery!"
I thought it hilarious for the doctor and mother to "argue" while the interpreter tried to keep up with them. In the end, mother backed off when I shot, "it's MY body and MY skin. Get over it!" And the interpreter even stressed how I said it!
In the end, the doctor kept his promise, he didn't touch my tattoo while giving me five nice cuts above my stomach!
It was planned for mother to stay with me while after gallbladder removal for a few days. So we all enjoyed London, England for two weeks and then she stayed here, instead of flying on to Colorado. Next day we came early to the hospital for pre-surgery preparations, and to my delight, there was an interpreter (I forgot to request one.) Me dressed in a back-open hospital gown, I was getting nervous. The doctor came in with some other staff. With the interpreter there, he was explaining how the surgery will go. Mother was in the back, so she'd not block my view of the interview.
Then the doctor said, "Don't worry,I will not touch your tattoo."
The interpreter pointed over heads, "Your mom asked, "WHAT tattoo?"
I was like "oh shit" mentally. I was preparing to say something when the doctor turned to tell mother, "she has this lovely tiny fox footprint on her stomach. Nothing for you to be upset about."
Interpreter included facial expression and "attitude" of mother, "I don't CARE.. Remove that tattoo in the surgery!"
I thought it hilarious for the doctor and mother to "argue" while the interpreter tried to keep up with them. In the end, mother backed off when I shot, "it's MY body and MY skin. Get over it!" And the interpreter even stressed how I said it!
In the end, the doctor kept his promise, he didn't touch my tattoo while giving me five nice cuts above my stomach!
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