I had thought long about writing on healthy marriage. Now with four friends who are getting married this year, I thought I’d write them and brides in general, advice that I hope, will be heeded especially in contributions to their marriage’s success. It’s for y’all, lil’ gals!
*Note: It is long so I’m going to break it up into three pieces.
The characteristics of a successful marriage
Now, I hadn’t been married, *gasp! How dare she to make presumptions on how marriages can be successful? * Now, before you go and switch to the WoW link, I dare you to read on and determine if you have the courage…. Or not to preserve your marriage and sanity.
First point:
You’re dating your boyfriend for three months then… *gasp*…you had run out of conversation! That’s when one quickly offers, “Let’s get married!” Now that’s a BAD idea… trust me on that. I can count off all of my fingers and toes and some, on how many weddings had started that way and…ended up in divorces, except for one- that’s the exception. they manage to keep the marriage going on by having the marriage open (If you don’t know what that means, I’m not going to volunteer that information.)
This idea goes the same for having children- now don’t presume I hate children- I do love them….but I find it disturbing when the couple are sitting there figuring out the table placements for the wedding guests, with the wedding coming up in a month (the bride, really, the groom wouldn’t care much in general- he’s fine with the deaf brother sitting next to a teenager who lives for guttural Goth music), and she then realizes, “what could we talk about after the wedding??!” and the groom picks up on the tension…. and the words come out, “We should have a baby right away.”
Now if the couple had been together for more than a year; their relationship secure and stable, high confidence in each other, valuing each other’s personal space when needed, and having the capability to make long-term plans, then they can go ahead and talk about babies!
It’s those couples who are planning a wedding because their older sister is getting wedded. Maybe it is that they don’t want to be left behind when everyone else are getting married. Suddenly, they are running out of conversation, and to include children…that’s a red flag.
I cannot tell you how often I work with children who are unhappy in the family because the parents didn’t get to know each other, and they started to loathe the other. In a hasty decision to “save” the marriage, children were born which, I guarantee, leaves the children to deal with life-long therapy! The point would be: get to know each other, learn flaws and quirks; adapt to each other’s routines and behavior (even his tendency to read Sundays newspaper from front page to sports on the toilet), and be willing to acknowledge if the relationship won’t work out.
There’s no shame in ending the relationship BEFORE considering marriage- only to get married to ‘save’ the relationship is not the solution, period. If you insist on wanting to get married because your mother wants you to get married before you hit the 30’s, then it is necessary to have couple therapy/martial therapy and learn how to ensure that the relationship will be maintained well through 30-50 years, instead of 6 months to 20 years (standard these days).
Second Point:
Don’t compare your wedding to others’ weddings. Your wedding is yours alone, and I don’t give a shit whether you spent 40,000 or 1,000 dollars on it…it’s still YOURS. The wedding is when you and your husband’s personality will be shining out there.
I’ll tell you what stands out the most in my mind. I remember the ceremony at the waterfall, monarch butterflies released at the end of the ceremony, the colorful sunflowers and wheat centerpieces, among the Native American museum antiques, and the bride’s crown of sunflowers and her simple dress that she made from a 1940’s pattern, than so many brides’ weddings that seem to be all alike-- fancy churches, stiff fancy flowers, bows behind chairs, silver/gray gifts, formal bridesmaid gowns, and whatever food they have. I had gone to about :::counting::::: 37 weddings. And I’ll tell you…I only remember two out of 37 weddings I’ve attended.
Why did I only remember 2 out of 37 weddings? The weddings were very simple; the bride and husband’s personalities STOOD OUT among the decorations, the food and the joy among themselves, the unique quirks in the wedding such as mead, the broom wrapped in flowers and feathers, the husband bending his knee and asking his bride for her permission to be her knight… How could one NOT forget all that?
Now, before you presume I’m criticizing your wedding, perhaps I AM….in a way, if your wedding is similar to other weddings. Oh- everyone have the same colors, the same gown, the same marching music, the same songs, the same food, the same dances--perhaps it WILL be forgotten, but all this will stand in your and your future husband’s memory. Maybe you’ll remember every single detail of your wedding... then more power to you. But your guests won’t remember.
That’s a fact. Unfortunately, I had talked to many friends who had gone to weddings AND the friends who had gotten wedded; either regretting or fondly recalling….and they’ll say… they can’t remember the cake’s flavor, what was so funny at the ceremony, what’s so cute about the flower girl.
So you have to dare yourself and FIND something unique! Don’t go for ice sculptures, don’t go for 6-tier cakes, and don’t go for pink-black bridesmaid gowns… (I can’t tell you how often I had seen that!) do something UNIQUE. Keep this in mind….when you scoff at another bride’s ideas for her bohemian wedding, her simple dress, her idea of having a 1940’s trolley bus for transportation, homemade cupcakes of red velvet and carrot cake with frosting in sunflower shape, or having belly-dancers at her wedding…all that will be a guarantee that the guests will remember her $1,000 wedding instead of your $35,000 wedding consisting of ice decorations, matching bridesmaid gowns, the ceiling-tall flower centerpieces, and the white glittery cake with the chocolate flavor. And to add, to expect the groom to remember the first dance song, don’t carry a grudge that he doesn’t! The wedding does not shape the marriage; it is the relationship that shapes the marriage. Yes, the wedding planning can be a challenge to the relationship, but that’s a good way to test whether the relationship can handle the roller coaster of the temporary obstacle of the wedding!
Monday, February 07, 2011
Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 2
Third Point:
I know a good friend- her marriage is ongoing for, oh 27 years… dang, how do they do that?! Easily done! They got to know each other for about three years before deciding on the chain-and-ball tradition. Then they decided to explore the world together. They tasted distinctive fare, they spent so much time with each other, re-learning each other and became a true couple; they talked and listened to each other, compromised on things, agreed to disagree on things, and went to bed not angry.
They did not see each other as a handicap…if she wanted to hang out with her girlfriends, she did. He wanted to attend a chess club every Monday, he did. They had an enduring Wednesday date, spending time together, going to the movies, eating out, caving, and making an ice igloo in their backyard. AND then they decided to have children, and they were all ready to have the children. They viewed having children was an enhancement to their family; they had reached all their goals/dreams and they were set for children. And so they did….they have two handsome and smart sons who were happy with the family. The sons have profited from the parents’ experiences and exposure to the enriching cultures around the world; the older son is an exchange student in Finland, and the younger son is speaking three languages at age of 11. The best part? The family is going on strong for 27 years.
Now what am I talking about?? I’m using this example to compare with many people either I know and/or observed, who had gotten wedded and then planned to have a child-- thinking they could still strive for their dreams of becoming an attorney or be rich by late 20’s or 30’s. Unfortunately, more than 75% had given up on their dreams/goals because they couldn’t-- the children demanded more than the parents expected, and the light in the eyes had gone out, and then resentment grew toward the children. “If not for you, I would have been a doctor!” “I could have been a model but no, having you had ruined my shape!” “You’re selfish, you should be thankful that I gave up school for you” I had heard it all from friends or children/adolescents of families that did not make long-term plans, determine resources available to them, and realize obstacles that may face them.
Now on the other hand, I do know some friends who are determined- both parents are in college, while juggling with two children, employment, bills and assignments. They go to bed exhausted, and they wonder “where could I find energy tomorrow morning?” It does help that they had considered the obstacles, they decided how to face the challenge of balance of school and children, by making compromises, finding resources (campus daycare or sister willing to watch children after school) and making time for the family itself- it’s not easy…they tend to wait until holidays to seize the chance to spend time together. It has been tough, very tough, that one might think the father or mother would have thrown in the towel- but they haven’t…. the couple made a promise to each other to support each other, take turns in giving each other well-deserved breaks and love each other despite the children’s messes on the floor and take-out food in the fridge. Yes, I’ll get to the point…. The couple needs to learn how to compromise, to support each other, and not practice “My way or the highway!”
Fourth Point:
There are lies; gray lies and white lies. No lies around that, serious. I have seen marriages end because of lies, and secrets. I have seen the spouse struggle with discovery of the lies that had been wrapped around the relationship. I have witnessed the other spouse feeling terrible for not coming out with the truth in the beginning. I knew a friend who had lied to her family and that she had graduated from school but hadn’t luck finding a job for the ‘major’ she had graduated in. She married a guy who loved her- he even offered to work two jobs so she can stay home and take care of their children. She didn’t want that- she insisted on doing a part-time job “to keep out of the house” and didn’t want the husband to come visit her at work due to the “company policy.” Only when he got a call that she was killed in a head-on car accident (her fault), did he find out that she was not working where she claimed working at, she was working at UPS, she had no life insurance, and she had piles of bills hidden in her own car, all unpaid for years, collectors chasing after her, and due to her putting down fake phone numbers, they could not call at the house. She could be at home to get the mail and hide them before the husband would come home. He ended up with $78,000 dollars of bills, on top of a lawsuit by the other driver who had been severely hurt. He told me something that I’d never forget, “If I had known all this, would I have married her? No. She lied, and that is a lie of our own family and marriage, it was all fake. I thought I knew her, and turned out she had been a stranger all along.”
So, I’ll tell you- Don’t lie. If you want to hide number of your lovers in the past, go ahead…. But if an ex-girlfriend shows up with a 7 years old child at the door, don’t expect the pregnant wife to turn the other cheek and welcome the fact that you had lied to her about not having any children before. If you have a warrant for your arrest, and you lie about never being in court, and then for the new bride to find out this at the airport, which you cannot go to Italy for the honeymoon, you’re SO in trouble…she’ll definitely tell EVERYONE on Twitter and everyone will wonder “I thought I knew him….” Keep things mysterious, sure, for fun, but to keep secrets that you know can bite you back, you’re just opening a door you thought, had been bricked up- It hadn’t…not with the weak mortar of the lies.
I know a good friend- her marriage is ongoing for, oh 27 years… dang, how do they do that?! Easily done! They got to know each other for about three years before deciding on the chain-and-ball tradition. Then they decided to explore the world together. They tasted distinctive fare, they spent so much time with each other, re-learning each other and became a true couple; they talked and listened to each other, compromised on things, agreed to disagree on things, and went to bed not angry.
They did not see each other as a handicap…if she wanted to hang out with her girlfriends, she did. He wanted to attend a chess club every Monday, he did. They had an enduring Wednesday date, spending time together, going to the movies, eating out, caving, and making an ice igloo in their backyard. AND then they decided to have children, and they were all ready to have the children. They viewed having children was an enhancement to their family; they had reached all their goals/dreams and they were set for children. And so they did….they have two handsome and smart sons who were happy with the family. The sons have profited from the parents’ experiences and exposure to the enriching cultures around the world; the older son is an exchange student in Finland, and the younger son is speaking three languages at age of 11. The best part? The family is going on strong for 27 years.
Now what am I talking about?? I’m using this example to compare with many people either I know and/or observed, who had gotten wedded and then planned to have a child-- thinking they could still strive for their dreams of becoming an attorney or be rich by late 20’s or 30’s. Unfortunately, more than 75% had given up on their dreams/goals because they couldn’t-- the children demanded more than the parents expected, and the light in the eyes had gone out, and then resentment grew toward the children. “If not for you, I would have been a doctor!” “I could have been a model but no, having you had ruined my shape!” “You’re selfish, you should be thankful that I gave up school for you” I had heard it all from friends or children/adolescents of families that did not make long-term plans, determine resources available to them, and realize obstacles that may face them.
Now on the other hand, I do know some friends who are determined- both parents are in college, while juggling with two children, employment, bills and assignments. They go to bed exhausted, and they wonder “where could I find energy tomorrow morning?” It does help that they had considered the obstacles, they decided how to face the challenge of balance of school and children, by making compromises, finding resources (campus daycare or sister willing to watch children after school) and making time for the family itself- it’s not easy…they tend to wait until holidays to seize the chance to spend time together. It has been tough, very tough, that one might think the father or mother would have thrown in the towel- but they haven’t…. the couple made a promise to each other to support each other, take turns in giving each other well-deserved breaks and love each other despite the children’s messes on the floor and take-out food in the fridge. Yes, I’ll get to the point…. The couple needs to learn how to compromise, to support each other, and not practice “My way or the highway!”
Fourth Point:
There are lies; gray lies and white lies. No lies around that, serious. I have seen marriages end because of lies, and secrets. I have seen the spouse struggle with discovery of the lies that had been wrapped around the relationship. I have witnessed the other spouse feeling terrible for not coming out with the truth in the beginning. I knew a friend who had lied to her family and that she had graduated from school but hadn’t luck finding a job for the ‘major’ she had graduated in. She married a guy who loved her- he even offered to work two jobs so she can stay home and take care of their children. She didn’t want that- she insisted on doing a part-time job “to keep out of the house” and didn’t want the husband to come visit her at work due to the “company policy.” Only when he got a call that she was killed in a head-on car accident (her fault), did he find out that she was not working where she claimed working at, she was working at UPS, she had no life insurance, and she had piles of bills hidden in her own car, all unpaid for years, collectors chasing after her, and due to her putting down fake phone numbers, they could not call at the house. She could be at home to get the mail and hide them before the husband would come home. He ended up with $78,000 dollars of bills, on top of a lawsuit by the other driver who had been severely hurt. He told me something that I’d never forget, “If I had known all this, would I have married her? No. She lied, and that is a lie of our own family and marriage, it was all fake. I thought I knew her, and turned out she had been a stranger all along.”
So, I’ll tell you- Don’t lie. If you want to hide number of your lovers in the past, go ahead…. But if an ex-girlfriend shows up with a 7 years old child at the door, don’t expect the pregnant wife to turn the other cheek and welcome the fact that you had lied to her about not having any children before. If you have a warrant for your arrest, and you lie about never being in court, and then for the new bride to find out this at the airport, which you cannot go to Italy for the honeymoon, you’re SO in trouble…she’ll definitely tell EVERYONE on Twitter and everyone will wonder “I thought I knew him….” Keep things mysterious, sure, for fun, but to keep secrets that you know can bite you back, you’re just opening a door you thought, had been bricked up- It hadn’t…not with the weak mortar of the lies.
Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 3
Fifth Point:
Last, I promise you, now you’re married... Congratulations! You think your relationship work is all done, now that you both are stuck with each other? Think again! That’s when the challenge comes in! You need to maintain the relationship, learn how to make compromises (yes, if that means he wants two or three framed pictures of the ship Queen Mary, you ought to let that be- better that two or three pictures than 300 framed pictures he has already in his collection!), practice communication skills, especially with “I-statements”, “I feel what I see” statements, and avoid presumptions and guilt statements (“I know you eyed the pretty woman!” and “If you do love me, you would have done this for me.”
Manipulation and taking charge of the relationship is a sure-shoot for failure. To control finances, to raise a fist, or to threaten is domestic violence, no matter how you may avoid saying it…and yes, even women are not the only victims here- I have a good guy friend, who married a woman he thought he was in love with. She was sweet and thoughtful ‘til after the wedding. And then, she went Mrs. Hyde. She controlled the money- she criticized and belittled him daily, she’d shove and hit him and dare him “Hit me and I’ll call cops on you, they won’t believe you, six-feet tall and muscular against me, sweet and little!” Many times I had seen her slap and throw things at him, enough to leave bruises and he won’t even lift a finger to harm her. I did ask him why not, I could understand if he wanted to tell her to stop it as in restraining her, he said “Who would believe me? They’d laugh at the idea of me a man stuck in domestic violence.” After some years, he finally left her, but with emotional scars within him, especially with the judge giving the full custody of their children to the mother.
Trust me, when you want it all your way; you’re being insecure, childish, and immature, and…that’s what I’m telling you…. The spouses have the right to be themselves; they have the right to their own money, their own friends, access to internet and information, and to be equal partners in the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable in an unhappy marriage, either thinking one day, he will change- (why for? He already has you, so why should he change?) or I deserve what happens to me- (That’s not true, it is not your fault that she manipulates or hurt you- that’s WHO she is, you do not deserve the treatment!)
The undisputable failures for marriage are: quick marriages without getting to know each other; presumption that an expensive wedding ensures a successful wedding more appropriately for the spotlight, no the relationship; unrealistic expectations for the marriage, especially with children and long-term goals; lies and secrets; and control of the relationship- just make sure that you have a number of a divorce lawyer in your wallet/purse.
Marriages that live long: be confident in your own relationship and determine if marriage is a gift for you, instead of a ‘lifesaver’; knowing that the wedding is only a temporary ‘bump’ in your relationship and you’re marrying each other and that’s the important part; compromise, compromise and compromise, and having a good communication trade of talking and listening won’t hurt; if you feel that there are lies that would backfire on you, be honest and talk it out; the other needs to hear and make a decision to take a risk on you and the relationship- the relationship will improve from there if s/he chooses to stay; respect and valuing the identity/personality separate from you is a must, it is the individual in each that makes the relationship bloom.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m still single- I hadn’t yet found someone who have met all that I’m hoping for, but I’m not worried. One day, he’ll be there and I’ll be saying ‘Oh, you have been here all along.’
Last, I promise you, now you’re married... Congratulations! You think your relationship work is all done, now that you both are stuck with each other? Think again! That’s when the challenge comes in! You need to maintain the relationship, learn how to make compromises (yes, if that means he wants two or three framed pictures of the ship Queen Mary, you ought to let that be- better that two or three pictures than 300 framed pictures he has already in his collection!), practice communication skills, especially with “I-statements”, “I feel what I see” statements, and avoid presumptions and guilt statements (“I know you eyed the pretty woman!” and “If you do love me, you would have done this for me.”
Manipulation and taking charge of the relationship is a sure-shoot for failure. To control finances, to raise a fist, or to threaten is domestic violence, no matter how you may avoid saying it…and yes, even women are not the only victims here- I have a good guy friend, who married a woman he thought he was in love with. She was sweet and thoughtful ‘til after the wedding. And then, she went Mrs. Hyde. She controlled the money- she criticized and belittled him daily, she’d shove and hit him and dare him “Hit me and I’ll call cops on you, they won’t believe you, six-feet tall and muscular against me, sweet and little!” Many times I had seen her slap and throw things at him, enough to leave bruises and he won’t even lift a finger to harm her. I did ask him why not, I could understand if he wanted to tell her to stop it as in restraining her, he said “Who would believe me? They’d laugh at the idea of me a man stuck in domestic violence.” After some years, he finally left her, but with emotional scars within him, especially with the judge giving the full custody of their children to the mother.
Trust me, when you want it all your way; you’re being insecure, childish, and immature, and…that’s what I’m telling you…. The spouses have the right to be themselves; they have the right to their own money, their own friends, access to internet and information, and to be equal partners in the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable in an unhappy marriage, either thinking one day, he will change- (why for? He already has you, so why should he change?) or I deserve what happens to me- (That’s not true, it is not your fault that she manipulates or hurt you- that’s WHO she is, you do not deserve the treatment!)
The undisputable failures for marriage are: quick marriages without getting to know each other; presumption that an expensive wedding ensures a successful wedding more appropriately for the spotlight, no the relationship; unrealistic expectations for the marriage, especially with children and long-term goals; lies and secrets; and control of the relationship- just make sure that you have a number of a divorce lawyer in your wallet/purse.
Marriages that live long: be confident in your own relationship and determine if marriage is a gift for you, instead of a ‘lifesaver’; knowing that the wedding is only a temporary ‘bump’ in your relationship and you’re marrying each other and that’s the important part; compromise, compromise and compromise, and having a good communication trade of talking and listening won’t hurt; if you feel that there are lies that would backfire on you, be honest and talk it out; the other needs to hear and make a decision to take a risk on you and the relationship- the relationship will improve from there if s/he chooses to stay; respect and valuing the identity/personality separate from you is a must, it is the individual in each that makes the relationship bloom.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m still single- I hadn’t yet found someone who have met all that I’m hoping for, but I’m not worried. One day, he’ll be there and I’ll be saying ‘Oh, you have been here all along.’
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
End of January Days
One month down, since I had set up the bucket list (for first-time readers, be reassured, I'm NOT dying..I just like the sound of the name, instead of "do things").... The month mostly had been good except for one or two sick days and a snowstorm, which I think was more fun than an hassle, especially with the dogs sticking their heads into the snow and folicking around.
All right, we need to figure out what I had completed or started in process...
Learning:
I had registered for the ghost-hunting 101 at the Delphi center, which will start on April 20th- I do look forward to attending the class- that is if the class won't be cancelled. It had been cancelled last year due to not sufficent individuals registering for it. :::fingers crossed::: I do hear that one trip with ghost-hunting will include Waverly Hill Sanatorium- I do HOPE so!
All right, we need to figure out what I had completed or started in process...
Learning:
I had registered for the ghost-hunting 101 at the Delphi center, which will start on April 20th- I do look forward to attending the class- that is if the class won't be cancelled. It had been cancelled last year due to not sufficent individuals registering for it. :::fingers crossed::: I do hear that one trip with ghost-hunting will include Waverly Hill Sanatorium- I do HOPE so!
Another learning goal- tube drums! Oh yes.... I had gotten the instructions off the internet, and with a friend's help, worked on making a tube drum last week
end. Here I was, cutting the tube (4 feet long, 12 circle tube) in half, so we'd have two 2" tubes- two drums in total.
With the friend, we had to stretch the moleskin (and I'm telling you, it's NOT easy to find pack cloth or skin for the drum here in Louisville!)
And here is the completed tube drum! I have to say, it came out much better than I expected, and I do plan to make two-three more drums, with different fabrics, including Mexican Day of the Dead skulls. :D
Now, I hadn't done anything for the self-care list, and that's what I need to work on this month, which I think, more fitting, since I do need to learn to love those aspects of myself, that I'm not comfortable with, and to appreciate myself, as people do, and believe them.
Books:
I am currently working on the Happy Book by Rachel Kempster and Meg Leder. I love a lot of stuff in that book; finding my favorite stickers and stick 'em in the book, or to list favorite movies, or get ideas like the postcrossing (where I could send a postcard to someone on the other side of the world, and receive postcards from strangers- I just think that nifty!).
I'm also reading the Feminine Mystique. It doesn't help that the book is a bit dry, so easier for me to get distracted ..... Bad Lola, bad Lola, drop that doll! Sorry.. Lola is my dog, and she does get herself in trouble these days...anyway, back to this book- I am reading much books as I can on feminism..why? I feel that I need to learn more about the cultural aspects of womenhood and how it applies to me, especially with practices and norms around here, and how I can adapt feminism to myself, and not apologize for it.
Community:
I was planning to go to New Orleans in March, but due to the finances, I'm starting to think I won't make it, and that means I might not be able to do the volunteering Habitats for Humanity. That isnt the end of the world, although, since I can also volunteer at the same organization here in Louisville or another state this summer. I'm working on finding more information about Vaginia Monologues and how to bring it here to Louisville, especially for the Deaf Community.
Art:
I have gotten four canvas frames, and paints- I look at the canvas frames and I feel somewhat anxious yet excited. I somewhat can see what I am going to create, yet I'm afraid that my perfection tendency might interfere with the attempt, especially that I had stopped painting some years ago. I'm picturing doing labyrinths on those canvas, and I'm thinking...am I overachieving...? There is this canvas frame, with a labyrinth already pencilled in, awaiting for the painting, and that is what terrifies me.
Health:
I try to attend the gym 2-3 times every week, although there had been a week that I skipped- and I could make excuses, but why bother lying? I do know that that it IS easier to go, if I have a gym friend to hang out- however we have different schedules which contributes to the complications. :P
I had attended the January month healthy seminiar about appropriate eating, and I had determined to meet with a dietician to set up a healthy food routine. I have religiously followed the routine, although it is tough- protein every time I eat, with smaller portions six times a day?! I do know that I had lost some weight, and that's a plus. :)
Charity:
I had donated clothes and stuff to the Good will, and I'm starting to think that I need to get rid of more stuff, while I'm doing this. Being 40 years old here, and I'm thinkng, "do I truly need all this?" Not the 60% of stuff, I suspect. I'm also looking into freecycling so people can get stuff what they need, and I'd not have to worry about transportation especially with furniture!
Just for the fun of it....
Oh! :D I had sent out a postcard to a random stranger on the other side of the world, Postcrossing, in which you can check out for yourself- would be keen to get postcards from everywhere in the world. I can't wait to see my first postcard. :D
I played with playdoh! I know it can be childish, but I found it relaxing and enjoyable; a fun de-stressor that helps relax muscles and become mindful about yourself...
Take my "gnome" Erif, the fire horse and take photos of Erif in strange places as we travel... I had done that with Erif on our trip to Wisconsin visiting a dear close friend, Ash! One photo is already added to the Bucket list post- you can check it out. :D
Trips:
I had gone to Wisconsin to visit Ash, for a weekend, and it was worth the 16 hours round way road trip! I had seen amazing things, including a drowned hydrant deep in snow, snowman cheese, the IceBox, and a weirdo comic shop that could pass for a frat for geeks if there was one.
I do plan to go up to Wisconsin in June, this time for Ash's wedding, and to explore the Doors county, the Evensong spa (http://www.evensongspa.com/evensong_spa_facilities.htm )with its labyrinth (after all, it's one of Bucket List goal for me to walk 25 labyrinths this year), and Circle Sanctuary cemetery (http://www.circlesanctuary.org/cemetery/), the first Pagan green Burial Ground in the United States.
I have to add one thing, with having the bucket list, I do notice that I have more motivation to do things and to seize the opportunity to experience things. I suspect if not for this, I would have gotten deeper into depression- aye, I have been experiencing depression lately, and to have the list had helped providing me the motivation and aspiration to complete what I can.
and..it's FUN!
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Bucket list... Goals....."Things to do"..... for 2011
First of all, I'm reassuring you..I'm not dying, nor with any intention to end myself by end of this year...I just like the sound of the "Bucket List"! :D
After skimming through the book "The Happy Book" (Here is the link to the book), I was thinking..and noticed a friend doing her list- I was like 'Doh! that's what I had been thinking for a long while, but needed someone to smack me in the head first!" That's what I had been wanting to do, a list- since I had been noticing that my list grows, grows and grows as older I get, and I don't get to do much of 'em..perhaps that's why I'm very much "down' these days... this would help with keeping me busy, and motivated for this year...I'll worry about 2012..heck, they say that's when everything ends.. the perfect quote.."I have goosebumps, people."
So here is the list...I will add if I desire..and if in process, the goal will be showed this way, and when the goal is accomplished, the goal will be marked.
Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center
Writing/publishing a book.
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (1/11)
Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths.
Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself.
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day.
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.
Books
The Happy Book
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.
Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three.
Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again.
Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards
Health
Go to the gym 3 times a week.
Attend monthly health seminars at the gym
Do Wii Fit at home 1-2 times a week.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're getting there" and smile at yourself.
Lose 25 pounds.
charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor.
Drop off clothes at Goodwill
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.
Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos!
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.) (1/11)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!
As promised.
Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin
3 Road trips in 2011 (Wisconsin, 1/11)
Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center
The Good, The Bad, the Cuddly- toys at Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)
After skimming through the book "The Happy Book" (Here is the link to the book), I was thinking..and noticed a friend doing her list- I was like 'Doh! that's what I had been thinking for a long while, but needed someone to smack me in the head first!" That's what I had been wanting to do, a list- since I had been noticing that my list grows, grows and grows as older I get, and I don't get to do much of 'em..perhaps that's why I'm very much "down' these days... this would help with keeping me busy, and motivated for this year...I'll worry about 2012..heck, they say that's when everything ends.. the perfect quote.."I have goosebumps, people."
So here is the list...I will add if I desire..and if in process, the goal will be showed this way, and when the goal is accomplished, the goal will be marked.
Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center
Writing/publishing a book.
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (1/11)
Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths.
Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself.
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day.
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.
Books
The Happy Book
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.
Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three.
Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again.
Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards
Health
Go to the gym 3 times a week.
Attend monthly health seminars at the gym
Do Wii Fit at home 1-2 times a week.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're getting there" and smile at yourself.
Lose 25 pounds.
charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor.
Drop off clothes at Goodwill
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.
Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos!
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.) (1/11)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!
As promised.
Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin
3 Road trips in 2011 (Wisconsin, 1/11)
Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center
The Good, The Bad, the Cuddly- toys at Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)
Monday, December 06, 2010
Ah, Midsummer Night's Dream....Jules' spirit enmeshed.
That Shakespeare play has always been my favorite of all his plays....
Bottom: "Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar,
that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
let him roar again.'
Fairy: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he
That frights the maidens of the villagery;
Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
Are not you he?
Helena: Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,
That I did never, no, nor never can,
Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,
But you must flout my insufficiency?
Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
In such disdainful manner me to woo.
But fare you well: perforce I must confess
I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
O, that a lady, of one man refused.
Should of another therefore be abused!
Puck: I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,
Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:
Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.
Titania: My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.
Theseus: More strange than true: I never may believe
These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!
Pyramus: "O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot!
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stand'st between her father's ground and mine!
Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!
and my favorite quotes from the play itself...
Puck: If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Bless his heart, that Shakespeare had seen into the Otherworld and attempted to show us the world...and methinks..he did it well. Bravo, the poet of comedy and love, the writer of drama and sorrow, the sorcerer of grace and magick, Shakespeare!
Bottom: "Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will
do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar,
that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again,
let him roar again.'
Fairy: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he
That frights the maidens of the villagery;
Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
Are not you he?
Helena: Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?
When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?
Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man,
That I did never, no, nor never can,
Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,
But you must flout my insufficiency?
Good troth, you do me wrong, good sooth, you do,
In such disdainful manner me to woo.
But fare you well: perforce I must confess
I thought you lord of more true gentleness.
O, that a lady, of one man refused.
Should of another therefore be abused!
Puck: I'll follow you, I'll lead you about a round,
Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:
Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.
Titania: My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.
Theseus: More strange than true: I never may believe
These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.
Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.
The lunatic, the lover and the poet
Are of imagination all compact:
One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,
That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,
Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:
The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.
Such tricks hath strong imagination,
That if it would but apprehend some joy,
It comprehends some bringer of that joy;
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy is a bush supposed a bear!
Pyramus: "O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,
I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot!
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stand'st between her father's ground and mine!
Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!
and my favorite quotes from the play itself...
Puck: If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Bless his heart, that Shakespeare had seen into the Otherworld and attempted to show us the world...and methinks..he did it well. Bravo, the poet of comedy and love, the writer of drama and sorrow, the sorcerer of grace and magick, Shakespeare!
Beef and pork recipes tried and loved!
Sloppy Joe Nachos
1 pound ground beef
1 can (15 ½ oz) sloppy joe sauce
1 package (12 oz) tortilla chips
¾ cup shredded cheddar cheese
In a large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add sloppy joe sauce; cook, uncovered for 5 minutes or until heated through.
Arrange tortilla chips on a serving plate. Top with meat mixture and cheese. 6 servings.
Beef-Stuffed Zucchini
4 medium zucchini
1 pound ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 egg
¾ cup marinara or spaghetti sauce
¼ cup seasoned bread crumbs
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 cup (4 oz) shredded Monterey jack cheese, divided
Additional marinara or spaghetti sauce
Cut zucchini in half lengthwise; cut a thin slice from the bottom of each with the sharp knife to allow zucchini to sit flat. Scoop out pulp, leaving ¼ inch shell
Place shells in an ungreased 13x9x2 microwave-safe dish. Turn off microwave turntable setting. Cover and microwave on high for 3 minutes or until crisp-tender; drain and set aside.
Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook beef and onion over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain. Remove from the heat; stir in the egg, marinara sauce, bread crumbs, salt, pepper and ½ cup cheese.
Spoon about ¼ cup into each shell. Microwave, uncovered, on high for 4 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Microwave 3-4 minutes longer or zucchinis are tender. Serve with additional marinara sauce. 4 servings.
Apple Juice Pork with Squash and Golden Raisins
4 1-inch-thick boneless pork loin chops
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 cup apple juice
½ butternut squash –peeled, seeded and cut into 1-inch pieces
½ cup golden raisins
3 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees. Season the pork chops with salt and pepper. In a large, heavy skillet, heat 1 tablespoon olive oil over medium-high heat. Working in 2 batches, add the pork chops and 1 more tablespoon oil between batches. Cook until browned, about 5 minutes on each side. Transfer to an overproof dish and tent with foil; place in the oven.
Add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook for 2 minutes, scraping up any browned bits. Stir in the apple juice, squash, raisins and sage; season with salt and pepper. Cover and cook until the squash is tender, about 10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the squash mixture to a bowl. Cook the remaining liquid until syrupy, about 5 minutes. Serve the pork with the squash and pan sauce.
Pumpkin and Sausage Penne
¾ cup uncooked penne pasta
2 Italian sausage links, casings removed
½ cup chopped sweet onion
1 garlic clove, minced
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/3 cup white wine or chicken broth
1 bay leaf
¾ cup chicken broth
1/3 cup canned pumpkin
3 teaspoons minced fresh sage, divided
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Dash ground nutmeg
3 tablespoons half-and-half cream
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons shredded Romano cheese
Cook pasta according to package instructions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook sausage over medium heat until no longer pink. Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels; drain, reserving 1 teaspoon drippings.
In same skillet, sauté onion and garlic in oil and reserved drippings until tender. Add wine and bay leaf. Bring to a boil; cook until liquid is reduced by half. Stir in the broth, pumpkin, 1 ½ teaspoon sage, cinnamon and nutmeg; cook 1 minute longer.
Add the sausage, cream, salt and pepper; heat thoroughly. Drain pasta; place in a serving bowl. Add the mixture; toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese and remaining sage.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Fluctuating Days of October
How much I love the month of October; the beauty of red, orange and yellow coloring the world, the crispy taste of cold mornings, the leaf-dancing breezes, the chilling joy of Samhain (Halloween to y'all non pagans) and the mystery of night ever alive in this Hunter's Moon. Opportunties to taste pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, pork and squash; to gut a pumpkin and see the face light up in night; and to walk among the leaves and music of the trees preparing to sleep.
Yet..I hate October. Of all months, October is tough to me. A discovery of a murdered woman among the fallen leaves; most forgotten by everyone except for her family and I, although the name is starting to fade from memory. A relative's death by suicide; common in my family, it seems, just like leaves falling one by one. A car hitting me, leaving me with my own struggle, one foot in the summerlands and one foot in the world here, and not knowing if I would survive, but to survive paralyzed or whole. Masks discharged, revealing true or false friendships in the true environment of the hospital. Power struggles during the vulnerable moment of the hour.
I'm reminded gently by the Goddess, that October is of balance. Dark and Light. Whispers in the silent darkness, foretelling new beginnings. Mystery of Life and Death. Samhain is a time of introspection, of emptying the false from the mind, heart, and soul. Dawn and Twilight. Two sides of the coin. Cannot have one without the other. The only choice I have is how I live walking the path of the labyrinth, among the fallen fire-colored leaves.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Yoga and Christianity, they don't mix?
I was quite flabbergasted after I read the article “Yoga can be dangerous to Christians’ faith” says Louisville’s Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler, on his blog, http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/09/20/the-subtle-body-should-christians-practice-yoga/ I want to respectfully discuss his concern about Yoga and its ‘effects’ on Christianity.
“ Syman describes yoga as a varied practice, but she makes clear that yoga cannot be fully extricated from its spiritual roots in Hinduism and Buddhism. She is also straightforward in explaining the role of sexual energy in virtually all forms of yoga and of ritualized sex in some yoga traditions” Mohler was quoted in his blog. He then stressed on how he was concerned about how yoga practices include physical and spiritual exercises, in the goal to connect with the Divine as well as wellness. He responded, “Believers are called to meditate upon the Word of God — an external Word that comes to us by divine revelation — not to meditate by means of incomprehensible syllables.”
Now I have to wonder about that….. After all… praying, meditation and connecting with the Divine can be richly varied in Christianity as well as Buddhism, Islam, Hindu, Paganism, and other religions that could fill up more pages than I could, but you get my meaning. Shall we see what I mean by that?
In process of praying-meditation…. Candles are used in yoga to help focus and become aware of the divine, and so do many religions.
Woman lighting candles at a church in Tbilis, Georgia
Jewish woman says the blessing upon lighting the sabbath candles (2)
A Muslim woman lights a candle at a shrine dedicated to the prophet Elijah (3)
Praying to get closer to the Divine, as Yoga encourages becoming aware of Divine in both physical and spiritual.
Kenyans praying (4)
Christian woman praying (5)
Muslim man praying (6)
A Kneeling Hindu Balinese Woman Prays and Gives Offerings at Sunset (7)
Pagan praying (8)
Meditating on problems/concerns. Yoga does that, to help clear the mind and process the problem… and we seek answers from the Divine, as well, don't we?
Christian meditating (9)
Woman of Sikh (10)
Tools that contribute to meditation/praying…..
Walking the Labyrinth in Chartres Cathedral (11)
Woman meditating- origins of labyrinths come out with 4000 years, from lands such as Egyptian, Indian, Native American, Greek and Northern Europe. (12)
Rosary beads in a Catholic Christian‘s hands- in which types of beads are used by Christians and Muslims (13)
A monk holds prayer beads in McLeod Ganj, India. (14)
Prayers Stones (15)
Scents to help us think of the Divine, as well as at yoga- after all, didn’t Jesus receive frankincense as a gift for one example?
Incense- which can be found in churches, as well as in temples and locations of prayers and residences. (16)
Praying to the Buddha (17)
We can’t go without music in prayer…and yoga
Harp music in church (18)
Signing with Deaf and Deaf/Blind in both preaching and singing in silence (19)
Drumming with shamans (20)
Choir of Southern Baptist Church Praise and Worship Center (21)
Now…. With all that we had seen, how can yoga NOT be a tool for Christians to get closer to the Divine? Meditation can be so different for each of us, but we share the common goal- to get intimate with the Divine in many names that we follow. We also can use meditation for mindfulness, wellness, holistic health and exercise.
After all, I confess to meditating while vaccuming and I do consider feeling closer to Her after the house is clean.
Resources
(1) http://kevinkoski.com/Hobbies%20and%20Interests/Bicycle%20Touring/rtw/photos.html
(2) http://religion.info/english/articles/article_470.shtml
(3) http://www.daylife.com/photo/0eoWf779ETeJg
(4) http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/2008/01/steps-to-end-the-suffering-and-violence-in-kenya/
(5) www.joyfullyliving.blogspot.com
(6) http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/islam-prayer/
(7) http://www.digitalhit.com/posters/p/4901480
(8) http://witchywonderland.blogspot.com/2010/05/pagan-prayer.html
(9) http://www.spiritrax.com/subcategory.php?id=13
(10) http://www.sikhnet.com/news/naam-japo-meditation-prayer-and-its-purpose
(11) http://yourworldreligions.blogspot.com/2007/06/prayer-of-heart-christian-meditation.html
(12) http://naradashaktisolutions.wordpress.com/2010/05/19/labyrinths-the-upside-of-walking-around-in-circles/
(13) http://www.freshmeditation.com/blog/easy-step-meditation/rosary-meditation/
(14) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/asia/india/739176/India-holy-cows-and-fine-shrines.html
(15) http://prayerfullife.com/2010/05/principle4/
(16) http://stjev.org/prayer-and-a-pint
(17) http://www.thaiworldview.com/bouddha/ceremo15.htm
(18) http://transfigurations.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html
(19) http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/chronicle/6406132.html
(20) http://www.dreamingshaman.com/ongoing_events.htm
(21) http://www.1800gospel.com/2008/10/gospel-music-news-how-sweet-the-sound/
“ Syman describes yoga as a varied practice, but she makes clear that yoga cannot be fully extricated from its spiritual roots in Hinduism and Buddhism. She is also straightforward in explaining the role of sexual energy in virtually all forms of yoga and of ritualized sex in some yoga traditions” Mohler was quoted in his blog. He then stressed on how he was concerned about how yoga practices include physical and spiritual exercises, in the goal to connect with the Divine as well as wellness. He responded, “Believers are called to meditate upon the Word of God — an external Word that comes to us by divine revelation — not to meditate by means of incomprehensible syllables.”
Now I have to wonder about that….. After all… praying, meditation and connecting with the Divine can be richly varied in Christianity as well as Buddhism, Islam, Hindu, Paganism, and other religions that could fill up more pages than I could, but you get my meaning. Shall we see what I mean by that?
In process of praying-meditation…. Candles are used in yoga to help focus and become aware of the divine, and so do many religions.
Woman lighting candles at a church in Tbilis, Georgia
Jewish woman says the blessing upon lighting the sabbath candles (2)
A Muslim woman lights a candle at a shrine dedicated to the prophet Elijah (3)
Praying to get closer to the Divine, as Yoga encourages becoming aware of Divine in both physical and spiritual.
Kenyans praying (4)
Christian woman praying (5)
Muslim man praying (6)
A Kneeling Hindu Balinese Woman Prays and Gives Offerings at Sunset (7)
Pagan praying (8)
Meditating on problems/concerns. Yoga does that, to help clear the mind and process the problem… and we seek answers from the Divine, as well, don't we?
Christian meditating (9)
Woman of Sikh (10)
Tools that contribute to meditation/praying…..
Walking the Labyrinth in Chartres Cathedral (11)
Woman meditating- origins of labyrinths come out with 4000 years, from lands such as Egyptian, Indian, Native American, Greek and Northern Europe. (12)
Rosary beads in a Catholic Christian‘s hands- in which types of beads are used by Christians and Muslims (13)
A monk holds prayer beads in McLeod Ganj, India. (14)
Prayers Stones (15)
Scents to help us think of the Divine, as well as at yoga- after all, didn’t Jesus receive frankincense as a gift for one example?
Incense- which can be found in churches, as well as in temples and locations of prayers and residences. (16)
Praying to the Buddha (17)
We can’t go without music in prayer…and yoga
Harp music in church (18)
Signing with Deaf and Deaf/Blind in both preaching and singing in silence (19)
Drumming with shamans (20)
Choir of Southern Baptist Church Praise and Worship Center (21)
Now…. With all that we had seen, how can yoga NOT be a tool for Christians to get closer to the Divine? Meditation can be so different for each of us, but we share the common goal- to get intimate with the Divine in many names that we follow. We also can use meditation for mindfulness, wellness, holistic health and exercise.
After all, I confess to meditating while vaccuming and I do consider feeling closer to Her after the house is clean.
Resources
(1) http://kevinkoski.com/Hobbies%20and%20Interests/Bicycle%20Touring/rtw/photos.html
(2) http://religion.info/english/articles/article_470.shtml
(3) http://www.daylife.com/photo/0eoWf779ETeJg
(4) http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/2008/01/steps-to-end-the-suffering-and-violence-in-kenya/
(5) www.joyfullyliving.blogspot.com
(6) http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/islam-prayer/
(7) http://www.digitalhit.com/posters/p/4901480
(8) http://witchywonderland.blogspot.com/2010/05/pagan-prayer.html
(9) http://www.spiritrax.com/subcategory.php?id=13
(10) http://www.sikhnet.com/news/naam-japo-meditation-prayer-and-its-purpose
(11) http://yourworldreligions.blogspot.com/2007/06/prayer-of-heart-christian-meditation.html
(12) http://naradashaktisolutions.wordpress.com/2010/05/19/labyrinths-the-upside-of-walking-around-in-circles/
(13) http://www.freshmeditation.com/blog/easy-step-meditation/rosary-meditation/
(14) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/asia/india/739176/India-holy-cows-and-fine-shrines.html
(15) http://prayerfullife.com/2010/05/principle4/
(16) http://stjev.org/prayer-and-a-pint
(17) http://www.thaiworldview.com/bouddha/ceremo15.htm
(18) http://transfigurations.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html
(19) http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/chronicle/6406132.html
(20) http://www.dreamingshaman.com/ongoing_events.htm
(21) http://www.1800gospel.com/2008/10/gospel-music-news-how-sweet-the-sound/
Monday, September 20, 2010
Mirror, Mirror, who are you?
Throughout childhood to young adulthood, I had to struggle with self blame and self loathe. Any success I experienced, I doubt that it was really me; it was because the teacher, the judge, the group felt sorry for me. I tended to stay to the wall, to stay invisible and to avoid eye contact- why? To survive.
No matter how many A's I could get through schools, no matter how much recognition through fund-raisers and awareness of causes I raised, no matter how often I could meet the expectations, even beyond the unrealistic expectations, I was always considered a failure. I BELIEVED I was a failure.
It was through the fourth therapist, I was asked, "WHO are you, really?" No one had really asked me that before. I couldn't answer that. No, I was TERRIFIED to find out the truth.
I looked at the face in the mirror and wondered, "who is she?" I didn't want to say "me" because after all if I dared to say "me" or "I", I'd end up skinned raw by the scalding venom of her. It was always her, ALWAYS her, it's her clothes, her style, her opinions, her perspectives, her personality, HER. No such as Julie- it was just a clone of HER. To dare thinking different, I felt I was betraying her.
It took me a long time, almost twenty years before I realized- I didn't know who I was, if anyone asked me, I mimicked HER views, never mine since I didn't have any opinions. I then knew that to save any part of myself, I had to escape. I did so, putting a thousand and more miles between us. I felt like a newborn baby- scared witless in the new world; I wanted so badly to return back to her.
I forced myself to stay where I was. I explored with baby steps, such as going to a department store by myself and picking out a pair of sneakers was a tremendous step for me at age of 26! I had to sample a variety of food before I would realize that I like BBQ ribs so much and I dislike busset sprouts- at age of 27. How little people could imagine on how personality can develop from tasting food and trying on clothes in the beginning!
With more learning I gathered, more I realized how much I had missed; I didn't get to jump on the bed, I didn't play dress-up; I didn't have the chance to climb a tree. I never had a healthy childhood. I had to take care of her; to make her happy, I had to predict her moods and take care of her needs even before she thought of them. I ignored my own needs to take care of her need for attention and demands. Due to trying to please her, I was a people pleaser. I could not say no to anything, even to unreasonable queries. I would offer to do errands for people out of my way, just to get them to like me. I experienced a burn out, and I realized as I recovered.. No one was there for me It was a cruel awakening! At encouragement, I read "How to say no without feeling guilty" and walk the walk. I practiced saying "no" and not to experience "did I just SCREW myself up? They are angry at me! Have to do it to keep everything fine!" The world didn't end as I thought it would.
I started to be very angry, I felt she OWES me for so many things I had missed out, about thinking about herself, not me, even at age of six, ten and sixteen. I became bitter. I started to tear into people, pouring venom on people, and manipulating them; finding their weaknesses and using to get them to do what I wanted them to. A friend went, "Why are you becoming like her??!" That rattled my soul! I didn't want to be her, I wanted to be ME.
It took another ten years before I discovered myself, ironically after the hit and run where I had to learn to feed myself, to dress myself, to sit down on the toilet and to write again. I started to see the child within me, and I realized I did not want to lose her again.
After years of re-discovery, challenges, pushing beyond my own limits and dangers, I know who I am, and you know what....I like who I am, and I am not like her at all. I find joy in seeing simple things, giving of love without expecting something back, laughing and crying without worrying about being caught, and being myself. I like wolves. I love to walk labyrinths. I enjoy reading comic books. I prefer baggy jeans and sandals, barefoot if I can! I find joy in radical feminism and being outspoken about HIV/AIDS education for Deaf. I let tears fall due to natural disasters and New Orleans without being ashamed. I am me.
And her? She is my mother, I love her, but I do not have to be like her, I do not owe her anything. I AM WHO I AM.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Canvas Labyrinth
I had applied for a mini-grant in a goal to get a canvas labyrinth. Why a canvas labyrinth? It is mobile. I can take it out and unwrap it to have it available for clients or staff. I can bring it to workshops and presentations at conferences to show the benefits of using labyrinths for both therapeutic usage and de-stressing. When it is not needed, I can fold it and put it in a bin to put away 'til it's needed. I don't have to worry about finances in building a permanent labyrinth, or of figuring where to set up a temporary labyrinth. Don't get me wrong- I enjoyed doing that chalk labyrinth! It is just that they can't expect me to up and make one when someone needs it! The cement'd need to be cleaned, ropes and measurement tapes'd be needed to set up, and hour of back-bending labor- it can be exhausting!
Now I had found out that I had been approved to get a canvas labyrinth- so I'm SO thrilled, beyond imagination!!! It is like it is destiny of mine to introduce the labyrinth's poetic beauty and serene environment. I'm so excited to order the labyrinth! This is what I plan to order from The Labyrinth Company.
I'll do a labyrinth presentation at SERID this fall, as well as at the Deafestival in Kentucky. ::dancing around:::
Now I had found out that I had been approved to get a canvas labyrinth- so I'm SO thrilled, beyond imagination!!! It is like it is destiny of mine to introduce the labyrinth's poetic beauty and serene environment. I'm so excited to order the labyrinth! This is what I plan to order from The Labyrinth Company.
I'll do a labyrinth presentation at SERID this fall, as well as at the Deafestival in Kentucky. ::dancing around:::
Friday, June 04, 2010
Chalk labyrinth at where I work!
It had rained last night and the cement was damp at the Behavioral Health playground. That did not stop Jeremy K. and me from creating the chalk labyrinth we had planned for 3 weeks. The goal of making the labyrinth was to provide a therapeutic tool for the clients to explore to see whether it would benefit them. Staff and co-workers weren’t forgotten- they can use the labyrinth as well, for relaxation/de-stressing.
What is the word, “labyrinth?” According to the dictionary, labyrinths are places constructed with intricate passageways. The obvious difference between labyrinths and mazes is that mazes have dead ends and confusing passages, while one enters the labyrinth in one entrance and leave in the very same doorway. By walking the maze, one might experience confusion, frustration and anxiety, trouble trusting the surroundings, and the ultimate goal is to “Get out of this environment.” With the labyrinth, it is a safe environment, awakening the right side of the brain which leads to self exploration, finding the quiet in the mind, problem-solving and at least but important, meditation and relaxation skills.
Labyrinths had been used for children with ADHD, grief/loss groups, survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, corporate teams for brainstorming, college students before final exams, recovering addicts from substance abuse, families with someone in the hospice/nursing homes, and individuals struggling with terminal diseases.
Labyrinths can be created with anything. Ropes, painting, grass, wildflowers, bricks, stones and spotlights have been used. Labyrinths can be permanent (stones or grass), or can be temporary (spotlights and chalk). One can even have a mobile labyrinth by using a canvas and bring it to workshops, clients at other locations when it is not possible for the clients to come to a permanent location. With all this knowledge I have, I decided that we will create a labyrinth at work. Using chalk to create the labyrinth is decided due to reasons: a) temporary on the basketball court, b) can be washed away by rain and c) cheaper to do than using other kind of materials.
We started with measuring the starting points, then starting with a rope in making circles for the labyrinth with the chalk. Upon completion of lines, we filled in with thicker chalk marks, to make it easier for people to walk the path. Having the variety of chalk makes it more fun for us as well! The creation of the labyrinth was bigger than we expected. I first estimated it to take 3-4 hours to complete, but with Jeremy working with me, we completed it in an hour and half!
I introduced some clients to the labyrinth during the week. One client who was struggling with domestic violence walked the labyrinth, and held a rock saying “love”. She hoped for an answer to whether her husband can learn to love her. After the walk, she said, “when walking, I was thinking about the abuse; I got to the center (of the labyrinth), I realized something: I need to learn to love myself; without that, how can I learn to love healthily?” A client with impulsive/anger issues had thought walking the labyrinth “silly” when he saw it, but chose to walk it to “see how it’d work.” While he was walking, I observed he was walking fast toward the center, and then he started to slow down. When he started to walk back- he walked much slower, very much like an older man. He was not ready to talk about the walk. He agreed to think about what he had experienced and see me next week. I saw him yesterday; he displayed a clear-eyed calmness and he was ready to talk. He said he could not help but recalls obstacles he experienced through his hard life, and turning corners on the labyrinth reminded him of those. When thinking he was about to get close to the center, he found himself on the longer path instead. He then realized, “When I look for short-cuts, I fall into holes. I have to take the long way, to learn and help myself.”
I’m not saying that the labyrinths are a cure-all, or that it is good for everyone. It won’t work with people with severe psychosis or major depression. What is the purpose of a labyrinth, then? A meditative tool. A safe place to pray and to ‘slow down.’ A physical walk to slow the over-thinking and increase listening mindfully. A client-therapist connection; the therapist to be the guardian at the gate where the client walks in and explore herself. A path that leads you to where you subconsciously need to be at that time, peace within yourself and perhaps something that you are ready to hear or not.
What is the word, “labyrinth?” According to the dictionary, labyrinths are places constructed with intricate passageways. The obvious difference between labyrinths and mazes is that mazes have dead ends and confusing passages, while one enters the labyrinth in one entrance and leave in the very same doorway. By walking the maze, one might experience confusion, frustration and anxiety, trouble trusting the surroundings, and the ultimate goal is to “Get out of this environment.” With the labyrinth, it is a safe environment, awakening the right side of the brain which leads to self exploration, finding the quiet in the mind, problem-solving and at least but important, meditation and relaxation skills.
Labyrinths had been used for children with ADHD, grief/loss groups, survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, corporate teams for brainstorming, college students before final exams, recovering addicts from substance abuse, families with someone in the hospice/nursing homes, and individuals struggling with terminal diseases.
Labyrinths can be created with anything. Ropes, painting, grass, wildflowers, bricks, stones and spotlights have been used. Labyrinths can be permanent (stones or grass), or can be temporary (spotlights and chalk). One can even have a mobile labyrinth by using a canvas and bring it to workshops, clients at other locations when it is not possible for the clients to come to a permanent location. With all this knowledge I have, I decided that we will create a labyrinth at work. Using chalk to create the labyrinth is decided due to reasons: a) temporary on the basketball court, b) can be washed away by rain and c) cheaper to do than using other kind of materials.
We started with measuring the starting points, then starting with a rope in making circles for the labyrinth with the chalk. Upon completion of lines, we filled in with thicker chalk marks, to make it easier for people to walk the path. Having the variety of chalk makes it more fun for us as well! The creation of the labyrinth was bigger than we expected. I first estimated it to take 3-4 hours to complete, but with Jeremy working with me, we completed it in an hour and half!
I introduced some clients to the labyrinth during the week. One client who was struggling with domestic violence walked the labyrinth, and held a rock saying “love”. She hoped for an answer to whether her husband can learn to love her. After the walk, she said, “when walking, I was thinking about the abuse; I got to the center (of the labyrinth), I realized something: I need to learn to love myself; without that, how can I learn to love healthily?” A client with impulsive/anger issues had thought walking the labyrinth “silly” when he saw it, but chose to walk it to “see how it’d work.” While he was walking, I observed he was walking fast toward the center, and then he started to slow down. When he started to walk back- he walked much slower, very much like an older man. He was not ready to talk about the walk. He agreed to think about what he had experienced and see me next week. I saw him yesterday; he displayed a clear-eyed calmness and he was ready to talk. He said he could not help but recalls obstacles he experienced through his hard life, and turning corners on the labyrinth reminded him of those. When thinking he was about to get close to the center, he found himself on the longer path instead. He then realized, “When I look for short-cuts, I fall into holes. I have to take the long way, to learn and help myself.”
I’m not saying that the labyrinths are a cure-all, or that it is good for everyone. It won’t work with people with severe psychosis or major depression. What is the purpose of a labyrinth, then? A meditative tool. A safe place to pray and to ‘slow down.’ A physical walk to slow the over-thinking and increase listening mindfully. A client-therapist connection; the therapist to be the guardian at the gate where the client walks in and explore herself. A path that leads you to where you subconsciously need to be at that time, peace within yourself and perhaps something that you are ready to hear or not.
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