Samhain

In two days, I will be able to celebrate Samhain, which in Celtic holidays, is a new year for us pagans. It is the most important holiday. That is when the gates between the world and the otherworld is weaker, and so we will have spirits, fey creatures and sprites coming out. This is when we put out dishes of food to respect the ancestors, to remember who had died and to find joy in honoring who we loved and will always love, hence trick-or-tricking originated from this practice.
"The pagan Samhain is not, and never was, associated with evil or negativity. It has always been a time to reaffirm our belief in the oneness of all spirits, and in our firm resolution that physical death is not the final act of existence. Though death is very much a part of Samhain's symbolism, this Sabbat also celebrates the triumph of life over death."
Jack o' lanterns came from when the ancient celts carved out turnips and so and put in lights, to put in 'new lights' to celebrate a new year and to keep 'evil' away.
Around this time, there would be pagans cooking wondrous feasts of pork, squashes, apples, pumpkins, nuts, all that of the late harvest.
Actually, Halloween is an American holiday developed around the time of Irish immigrants coming to the United States, fleeing the potato famine (the first wave in 1847.)
For people who are not sure or have misunderstanding about Halloween or Samhain:
FACTS:
1. There is no such as "Lord Samhain." That is from a movie. (gotta love Hollywood...not)
2. Male witches are called witches, not warlocks. Warlocks are traitors, betrayers, outcast out of covens.
3. Pagans do not kill black cats (or in other colors) or children. Heck, we have a lot of animals that we rescue or help raise to release back into wildlife.
4. We do not worship Satan; which is a Christian belief. For us to believe in that, we would have to be Christians. Think on that. We do love satin sheets, thro!
5. Whatever one may think of the movie, "Craft", nothing out of it is true except for that what one may cause, will experience it threefold back, according to the Wiccan way. (In other words, don't do evil or you'll have evil bite your ass off.) If one want to get hair color changed, get a hair dye. Different eye colors, get lenses.
6. Even thro that the Catholic Church tried to repress this Celtic holiday, it wasn't successful. They 'renamed' it Eve of All-Saints Day, to make the 'heathens' happy. It is one of the holiest days for Catholic Christians. 'Day of the Dead" as in Mexico is another example.

I hope you enjoyed learning something today. I am off to drum and drink some honey
mead!

(Artwork by Charles Vess)

New journey today and Homecoming at Gallaudet.

I was looking for something different to do but hadn't decided how different.I just needed a break from Gallaudet University and all the hours of studying. My new motto is "Take breaks or you will break." Many people offered ideas such as the Native American Museum at the Mall, Georgetown tattoo parlors (unique 'til you find you don't have sufficient money to get a new one), this small-known garden behind the capitol where one can peer in to see the waterfall, and other ideas. I just wanted to do something that hadn't been published. Some people know my passion for labyrinths and so one suggested one in the Dupont Circle. I went "what labyrinth in Dupont circle?" Before I go on, I am sure, readers, you are asking "what is this word labyrinth??" It is a one-way path puzzle. A classical labyrinth looks like this:
It is very much a spiritual tool, when one wants to look inward to find where they are in the path of life. It can be used as a meditation tool. Both pagans and christians use it. There is even a Greek myth about it; Theseus went into the labyrinth to kill the minotaur, with Ariadne's assistance. There are older labyrinths about 5000 years. Several churches recognize that labyrinths are useful as located at Grace Cathedral (San Franciso), Notre-dame de Chartres Cathedral (France), Christ Church Labyrinth in Alexandria, VA and so on. I will include some links at the end of this article if you are interested.
Well, I looked alllll over the internet for this labyrinth in Dupont Circle and found NOTHING. A friend gave me directions to it and la da I found it today! Here are photos:





http://www.historicchristchurch.org/spirituality/labyrinth.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labyrinth
http://labyrinth-enterprises.com/12reasons.pdf

For people who are asking me how I am hanging in there at Gallaudet, thanks for checking on me! I am doing okay. Just tired these days, studying, doing projects due here and there, studying for exams coming up soon. Yeah, Homecoming was fun, thro there was a bomb threat at the football field (from what I understand, I could be wrong) and then a fire alarm at Hall Memorial Building (HMB) that sent alumni to SAC (Student Academic Center). I noticed it because I was getting out of SAC while alumni were pouring in, and I asked what was going on. An elderly lady latched to me and poured her frustrations on me (I wondered if I had my "counselor-in-training" t-shirt on..J/K) about the fire alarm and bomb threat. I could see why she was upset and an elderly man spoke up, "with all this, we don't need Gallaudet to look more worse than it is right now, so those guys who pulled the fire alarm or bomb threats need to grow up and think of consquences that makes Gallaudet looks bad." AMEN to what he said! It wasn't all bad news, the Gallaudet football team won the homecoming game against Williamson Trade, 40-26! So did the Bison women soccer vs. Gettysburg College team. I did get to see some friends that I didn't expect to see, almost 20 years last time I saw them- how much OLDER I feel!!!! So it was a nice weekend in all, the labyrinth walk and homecoming catch-up with old friends.

Gallaudet practicing Deafhood?

The reason I ask this question is what I had seen since I came here in August and still see often if not daily is greatly disturbing me. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'd be happy to be told I'm wrong, trust me on this.. Deafhood values EVERYONE who are deaf, whether they wear cochlear implants, hearing aids, or none; speaks, signs, or uses both; being comfortable in both deaf and hearing worlds; being proud of being deaf yet NOT being hostile toward deaf people who are not involved in deaf community or aware of deaf culture; is all that correct? If not, clarify deafhood for me, please. There are some deaf students here that feel alienated even here on campus all because other deaf folks look down at them....all because those students grew up in mainstreamed programs (blame the parents, NOT the children), feel comfortable in the hearing world but willing to learn the deaf world, and they sign (believe it or not, I have met many deaf here that speak better than mainstreamed students here). Yet they are racked through the hot coals. You know that sign "hearing" to forehead, as in a negative perspective toward deaf people who are COMFORTABLE in the hearing world- how the hell can anyone want to join the Deaf community if the community itself REJECTS them? I had to hold a student while she was crying on my shoulder earlier today all because they were very cruel to her. I could expect it from undergraduate students, but from GRADUATE students? I would PRESUME that graduate students are more mature than this. I reminded her to remember that militant deaf are a few but they are louder than the quieter majority who accept everyone, from both deaf and hear families, who wear cochlear implants or hearing aids, who speaks or signs. She was encouraged to think- she might counsel future clients who may go through this very same experience, being rejected in the deaf community just because they LOOK hearing (and that's another issue I have with here, but I will not do it in this post). With this experience behind her, she can use this to strengthen her belief in herself and grow. I can't say the same for the ones who belittled her, or others who look down at ones who dare to speak, who wear cochlear implants, or are from hearing families. I have always have faith in the deaf community and the university but this incident had shaken my faith and I would LIKE to see that the faith be restored. I keep telling myself that there are MORE deaf folks out there that accept everyone as equal while seeing the student with tears running down her face. Convince me that there are folks out there that DO accept people like us equally.

**CLARIFICATION** Those are friends of mine. None of those are clients. I published this blog entry with friends' permission.

Just found out about A.G Bell in Colorado

Reading some blogs on Deafread.com, I was startled to find that there is an A.G Bell conference in Colorado right now. Too bad I'm over here in Washington D.C, or I'd be marching around at the hotel. Harumph... I looked up who are sponsors or would be there at the conference, and I wasn't surprised to find Carson Elementary as well as Marion Downs Hearing Center on the conference information.
I was a student at Carson Elementary. Two things I'll say about Carson Elementary is: 1) they kept us SO sheltered, SO ignorant that we didn't even know about sign language, or existence of deaf culture; which led me to freak out when I was put in a manual program later, thinking the deaf signing students WEIRDOs when it was really me who was the freak. Sad, eh? And 2) despite not experiencing any kind of physical punishment as discussed by other people who tried to sign in oral programs, I had a lot of anxiety attacks because I'd never know when I'd be put up in the front of class to repeat and repeat saying the word over and over until I get it right and that was very humilating. I had met too many people who grew up from Caron Elementary to find that they are more comfortable using ASL, and pissed that they didn't find the Deaf culture until WAY LATER. I DO understand that the school thinks it is best for deaf children to be involved in the hearing world, but on the other hand, to tell us, "it's your fault if you don't speak or hear. your parents don't do good work, you, you, you, yours, yours," not taking responsbility on THEMSELVES; the teachers, the speech therapists, the audiologist in the school. I had seen too many students disappear from school, and have the teachers tell us "see, if you don't do good, you're out of here." Wait a frigging minute! If that is how they imply it, I'd RATHER go somewhere where we can be a team, instead of a group vs one, ..Oh wait. I already left.

Slang, secret words

I know there is so many slangs and code words that one need to catch up on! While on facebook, there is this nifty "Superpoke" application where I can "checkmate," "slap," "trout slap"..waitaminute...WHAT the hell is "trout slap!?" So, after I bugged a friend in defining some of those 'code words', he found me this nifty site. So I thought you can all learn and know what people talk about (and even catch them if they try to call you something and you'd KNOW what it means, instead of going "huh?") Here is the site, urbandictionary.

Thanks, Adam!

Nice surprise at Starbucks!

Mind you, I hadn't even gotten a sip of my coffee (must have coffee in morning or I'd be a goblin, mind you, not nice like those ones in "Lords of the Ring" movies) when I thought I recognized someone. So after he got his coffee, (nice to know I'm not the only one in wee hours of morning, needing coffee to wake up) I waved to get his attention and asked, "Are you Gary Brooks"? Yup, it is him! After we chatted for a bit, I have to say that he's such a wonderful guy to talk with! In his part, I have to say that he is an excellent advocate when it comes to speaking up. If he isn't afraid to speak up, neither should anyone else! I agree with him that the students ought to stand up and speak up for themselves (and others) if they have issues with professors' opinions or views as well as issues in general (like gay-religious contervsary for one example.) I realize that it is very much an issue that is common in the Deaf community when one thinks about it. There are passive individuals and assertive individuals but passive people are common when you think about it(if you ADMIT it) Blame it on being raised mostly dependent on others and not having enough self-esteem and confidence in oneself. I still remember last night when there was a meeting and two students wouldn't speak up for themselves that they needed to sit closer to see (visual problems). I spoke up, "they need to sit closer" and encouraged other students to move back, so those students could sit front. I hope the students can learn if -I- can speak up, so can they! And so can anyone in the Deaf community. No one should be AFRAID to stand up and say "wait a minute. What's wrong with this picture? Let's talk about it!"

I am honest to acknowledge that I am somewhat hesistant to speak up because I hadn't yet learned how to intepret whether it is constructive criticism or something to take personally, basically. After talking with him, I am starting to have some thinking about how I approach issues and how I bring issues up for the public to discuss (or argue) about. Perhaps I should look into taking public speeching or acting, to confront my anxiety about speaking up in public (and on the blog as well) A good time to think about, especially with me being in graduate school here! Wonderful, thought-invoking talk, Gary!

Several things I learned so far at Gallaudet

It has been three weeks now (ALREADY??!!) since I came here to Gallaudet University as a graduate student for the mental health graduate program. *****Whew***** Before I came here, I thought I was well prepared. How little I know! Here are ten items I found out, or learned from other fellow graduates.

10. Even when the car was packed to the ceiling, I didn't get to fill every single drawer or the closet. That tells me either I have a SMALL car or they know how much stuff students bring to dorms so they have those LARGE drawers and closets.

9. 'TME' means "Too many eyes" especially when you don't want anyone else to see what you're talking about, in the cafeteria (gossiping in other words.)

8. One television in each lounge isn't EVEN enough. (Especially for students who hadn't brought a TV.)

7. Better find a roommate immediately if the other is watching television all the night and you need your beauty sleep. Don't expect that it'd stop after you ASK him/her to stop that!

6. When you think you have an handle on your studying (rolling on floor laughing), think again. As it is, I had lost count of what chapters I need to read in which books for which classes on which days due for which assignments.... and trying to catch up. (Thank gods for the schedulebook/planner!) *note for future students: GET a damned planner!*

5. If you don't know what you're talking about in class, you're in trouble and the professors know it. In other words, READ. READ what is required and know what to talk about. Copying other students' comments are NOT so cool.

4. It's pretty nifty to see everyone sign where you look; however it's distracting esp if you are seeing someone telling a FANTASTIC story and not watching where you walk. So far I had bumped into two students and one staff. More than that, one could give me the nickname "Bumper Fender."

3. Even with two microwave cookbooks, I'm already tired of microwave food. The cafeteria food isn't so bad but... ::waving hands as in "you-know-what-I-mean":::::

2. You DO pick up on ASL. In just two weeks (really, three), my signing had been changing from PSE to ASL (as I noticed as a friend and I reviewed the video she took of me.) Good to pick up on signs in a deaf environment!

1. STUDY. There's several graduate students going out partying or hanging out so I even wonder when they EVER get to study or read books for classes! Yup, I do go out but not EVERY NIGHT. Make time to put your nose in the books! It's GRADUATE SCHOOL, you know!

Sherrilyn Kenyon!!!!

I'm still rechecking the book "Devil May Cry" over and over to look at the writing/signing that Sherrilyn Kenyon did for me. It was wonderful to see her at the Borders the bookstore, and it was MUCH better with an interpreter. I cannot stress how much the staff helped ensure that I could have access at the reading and also at the signing. Stacy of Borders (at 104th and I-25 here in Northglenn) was very helpful. They reserved two chairs for me and the interpreter(Val in the white dress in one photo), and ensured that the interpreter would have a spot to sign while Sherrilyn Kenyon spoke and did a questions-and-answers section. At no point, did I feel left out. Sherrilyn Kenyon did look at me when she realized that I was deaf and so we talked a bit about sign language; that she couldn't sign much due to her hand being broken in the past. I did tell her that if she ever comes to DC, I'd be too happy to teach her sign language! I hope that bookstores can read this and realize how accessible (and simple)it can be for deaf readers/customers to participate in any signing/readings of amazing authors. Heck, even during the reading of tickets on who'd win stuff, the interpreter notified them of my number, and even when I went to the coffee section to get away from crowds (I confess, I feel uneasy in crowds), the wonderful assistant went down to give me a poster I won! They didn't HAVE to, but they did.

I cannot stress hard enough how I REALLY appreciated being an active participant in this event thatI will never forget! Here is the photos!

Shared Reading Project

As I said it in a comment at one blog tonight, there IS a program where hearing parents can interact with their deaf children and it will also help literacy. So I thought, why not write about it here on my blog? So... this program is provided by Laurent Clerc National Deaf Education Center at Gallaudet University- It's called Shared Reading Project. How it works is that mentors who are usually deaf and know ASL, will be sent to work with hearing families once a week or two. The goal for the mentors are to use children books, and teach parents how to sign from the books that would attract the deaf child, helping the deaf child developing the connection between printed word and sign..and ta da, we have LITERACY. It also will help the family develop a closer relationship with the deaf child(ren) as well. Here is the link:

http://clerccenter.gallaudet.edu/Literacy/srp/index.html

It's not limited to Washington DC. It is at many states from what I understand, including Colorado where I found out about this program.

Another idea for hearing parents on interacting with their deaf children.

"That They Shall speak"

A relative found this among junk in her attic and thought I'd want it back. I was puzzled since I never saw this before, a yellowed poster. So I unrolled it and went *gasp!* I tried to get more information about this, where this was developed and what organization this was to represent but the family relatives clammed up. Keep it in mind, no one in the family WANTS to talk about the "failure." The failure as they see is the years and years of speech therapy, hearing aids, intensive tests and experimental surgery, etc yet I chose to sign in the end. So... I can't really blame 'em for feeling bitter, you know? I took photos of this poster with my SK2 so it's not in great shape. I'll spell out what the words are presented:

"Communication..... The One Priceless Gift
Coordinated program to meet physical, social, and emotional needs

..... That they shall speak."





Yeah, you see right, that kid is ME...as four or five years old, more than 30 years ago. When I realized it was ME, I asked myself, "And I was a spokesperson (child) for THIS organization that tells everyone that I can speak?" :::palm slapping my forehead:::

Another flashback

Today, reading about the demonstration at AGB convention, the comments left in several blogs, I had another flashback. *again?* Not this time about deaf children. It was about two deaf adults I know personally. One friend and one relative. Both ‘hard of hearing’ (they said so) with hearing aids and CI. Names had been changed to protect their identities, so I respect their privacy.

I would LOVE to get to know my second cousin, Christine- I do. But sometimes I wonder if family relatives have manipulated her against me, in fear of any “potential bad influence from me due to being “DEAF.” You see, she fell ill as a very young child and became deaf. I didn’t even know about her until I met her at a family reunion. I was then seventeen and she was eleven. Even at that meeting, once we met in person, there were adults hovering around and once I would raise my hands to sign, they would either herd Christine away or tell me “TALK with your voice! Not your hands!” I did notice that she was very curious about my signing but we never got a chance to communicate together without anyone interfering.
Next time we got together, it was this May. I was invited to her bridal shower. I was even surprised that she would remember me. I think it was because I was in California at that time and I was visiting my aunt who was also her aunt, so to invite her without me would be a RUDE move. So….. I was invited. I went, and I then noticed that she had a CI. She speaks but how good, I don’t know. I did notice she didn’t speak much as her mother and fiancé. This time I didn’t sign because I didn’t want to make a scene. I was afraid that if I start to sign and anyone slaps or shoves on my hands, I WOULD make a scene, so I kept mute. When we finally hugged each other, I was surprised when she signed rusty, “Good to see you!” Her mother actually looked like she just ate something bad! Before the end of the bridal shower, Christine slipped a paper note into my hands. After I got into the car, I looked and it was an email address and note, “Please email me! I want to know you. I would like to know about what it is like to be deaf.”

At this time, I hadn’t yet emailed her. I honestly don’t know what to say. How can one describe being deaf in printed WORDS? How can one explain what it’s like to be deaf? There are so many different perceptions and my perception is only one. Sure I could refer her to vlogs but from that rusty signing, I would suspect she wouldn’t catch even 30% of what someone signs. There is very few blogs out that that *really* describes being deaf, if you get my meaning. I could suggest some books, but if her mother and fiancé had those looks, I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble as well. I DON’T want to be furthermore alienated from family as I am already because I refuse to speak or hear.

About 10-15 years ago, I was living in New Jersey. A friend of mine and I were invited to an annual award ceremony for another deaf friend and so we agreed to go. “Bobby” and I went to this old school, and everyone was speaking. I was experiencing unease because I thought I saw a poster welcoming visitors to NJ AGB meeting. I went “Alexander Graham Bell organization?” and I found myself curious. I had heard a lot about AGBAD but never had attended any kind of meetings or truly interacted with people that are involved in AGB. I found that most of the folks attending the award meeting that day were mostly parents and their children in ages of kindergarten to post-college.

My friend, Wayne was to receive an award for being successful, having a B.A degree and accomplishing a job as a manager in business. Bobby told me before we got into the building “don’t sign- they aren’t comfortable with anyone signing.” I shot back, “how then do I talk?’ How do I communicate?” with a disgusted look. Okay, I CAN speak and lip-read, but not that great. In other words, I could speak and lip-read great among my family but with the public, forget it. I can understand “How are you?” “Can I help you?” “Need gas?” common comments out there. Bobby gave me this pleading look and so I said “okay, I’ll just keep quiet. It’s Wayne’s day.”

After the award ceremony, I had a bitter taste in my mouth. Why? I felt it was all smoke and mirrors. It was very much “SEE! PROOF THAT DEAF ADULTS CAN SPEAK AND HEAR LIKE US!” Never mind that there was only ONE deaf adult at that award ceremony. There were many children there at the meeting, and I was thinking “when they get to his age, how many will be at the award ceremony to show that “deaf children can become hearing”? Maybe one or two. I looked at Wayne and I felt both pride and sympathy for him. Why pride? Despite all this obstacles thrown into his way (speech therapy, learning to identify sounds, fighting to be like hearing to please society, he managed to get a BA degree in business.) Sympathy because he was very alone. He didn’t have many friends. He was basically a loner, not knowing where he belongs. When he signs, he always has this uneasy look as if someone’s jump out of the closest and go “AH! YOU SIGN! NO! NO! THAT’S WRONG! BAD BOY” When he speaks, he looks uneasy as well, unsure if he was speaking clearly or not. So you can see.. I feel proud and sorry for him. I remember when he was invited to Six Flag for Deaf Awareness Day, he accepted with delight. You could see his face lighting up. However when we got there, he would feel awkward, not knowing what to do. He stayed close to me and Bobby while watching other deaf groups chatting. I could see envy in his eyes; couldn’t anyone see that he would LIKE to be treated equally for who he is, not someone that is expected to be someone else by society?

So, knowing those adults who had been influenced by John Tracy Clinic, AGBAD, speech therapists, “professionals” who claims they know what deaf children need, and the hostile environment around them, I am actually curious about the children with cochlear implants these days now. How many children would be curious about the deaf community but afraid to ask or learn because of the people around them? How many children would become adults being awarded for being “successful” but truly alone?

Positive Exposure

Reading several blogs about ASL vs AGB, I couldn't help remembering two unique encounters I had with children with CIs.

There was a cute little girl, a friend and I met at a candy store last year as well as a toddler boy 6 at an airport six years ago. I need to point out the differenes of those encounters. There were children with CIs, true and they are raised by parents who hope for the best for their children. Who can really blame them? It is the parents how the child is rasied, and frankly, we cannot force them "because we say so!" One suggestion is: be present in public, be accessible, and be willing to meet them in the middle way. I will expand on that.

Six years ago, I was at an airport during a stopover, taking it easy in the waiting area. I was watching an haggled mother with two very young boys coming up and sitting across from me. The children obviously looked cranky. Who'd really blame the mother for being befrazzled herself, especially in a busy airport (O'Hara) AND two 3-4 years old boys by herself. Anyway, I suddenly spotted that part of CI on one boy's side of his head, at the same time I noticed the mother trying to tell the very same boy to sit down repeatedly with her voice. The other boy was already sitting down and playing with his car toy. The deaf boy was looking around,I'd say, relying on his visual reception. I winced then when the mother grabbed the boy by the arm and shoved him onto a row chair. The boy was starting to wiggle out of the chair while the mother was looking into her bag. I discreetly signed "sit, stay" with a smile. The boy saw that and sat back in the chair, and started at me
with a mesmerized look. "Airplane there. Look" I signed more then stopped. I couldn't sign more because I didn't know how the mother could react, esp with that befrazzled mood she was in. I had always wondered about that boy now and then. I wondered if he would remember a woman who signed, among the distracting noises and sounds that might be very unrecognizeable. (especially in the airport.)

Very unlike the other encounter with a little girl with a CI last year. I took a friend visiting from out of state, to Boulder. We walked the 16th Street area; such a beautiful area to visit and shops to see. We stopped by Rocky Mountains Chocolates, to see what fudge and candies they have. We were chatting when we noticed a little girl (about 6-7 years old) watching us. We paid no attention until her father actually came up to us and attempted to sign. I was pleasantly surprised, more so when he said "my daughter has a CI. We are teaching her how to speak AND sign" I looked at the girl and sure enuff, she has a CI under the long hair. She looked as if it was the first time for her to see deaf adults signing. I introduced myself and my friend by signing and speaking at same time and the father looked delighted and for some reasons unknown to me, relieved. My friend asked him how he is signing. I think he was thinking why the parent was signing when children with CIs tend to be taught how to speak and hear. The father said that the family wants the girl to know BOTH the worlds, the best offered from each world. What he said next, stunned me. I hope, readers, you'd remember this:

"You are the first deaf adults we have seen in public."

And that made me realize he probably is right. I haven't seen much deaf folks out in public either myself. How CAN we expect the world to know about the deaf community if we stay home, go to deaf events only and not go out much in public? Maybe there have been deaf people out shopping, eating, enjoying events or activities but I haven't SEEN them sign. It made me wonder a while, as the friend and I talked more with the father and the girl; we spoke about having jobs as a teacher and a counselor, attending universities, the love of books. The father told the girl, "see, they love to read like you!" How can the girl learn about the deaf world if there isn't much deaf folks to socialize? Hell, *I* hadn't seen my first
deaf adult until I was seventeen!

The friend and I went home and talked about that over coffee- yeah, coffee at 2am, very smart, yeah right! We both agree that it would be nice for deaf people to be seen in public. It helped that he and I love to go out and have fun, sightseeing, eating at resturants, checking museums out, etc. I have seen children and adults both watching me and friends signing in public. So what? That's positive EXPOSURE, let the public know about us. I emailed some friends and asked them if they go out and if not, why not? Main reason, I was told, is because they dislike to be watched or treated as freaks. I can SEE their point of view, but on the other hand, HOW CAN THE PUBLIC LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH US IF THEY DON'T GET PRACTICE OR EXPOSURE?

I could then understand the reactions of the father of the daughter with CI; to him, WE were the mysterious myth; one would never know when to catch sight of us in person. How can the children know about us if WE aren't out in public much? Sure, the parents "could take them to deaf events" but if parents are uncomfortable in numbers of deaf people (think this way, how many of you would feel awkward showing up at a convention for Little People for one example?), who'd really blame them? One or two deaf adults and children would be more approachable at a time. Keep it in mind, I applaud the father for being willing to teach his daughter both the worlds and trusting that she will still love her hearing family in 15-20 years.

On the other hand, the restless toddler. However I CANNOT presume that the mother is cruel to her son all the time. It may be that she was by herself, having TWO toddlers AND at a busy airport; who'd really blame her for being a bit testy? CAN you say the same if you had two kindergaten-aged kids at a busy airport by yourself? Perhaps being a very young child AND being in a noisy airport, how could he pay attention to the speaking mother? I don't know if the child was having speech therapy, or if his device was even turned on. Who knows? So, I'd rather refrain from making a judgemental call.

The bottom line, from my view, is we need to go out much in public as possible. Let us BE visual to the public daily, not at deaf events only. Don't be afraid to sign in public. If some folks gawk, let them. They gawk at the Amish too! In response, the Amish community ignore them with dignity and interact with the public when asked about their practices, food, activities. That's POSTIVE exposure. It caused the public to pay more attention to them and to respect them much better because they weren't "private" (considering to the public.) So we need to be public without shoving it down people's throats. Anyone have a public relations guy who can speak up for Deafhood and the deaf community? That's not even easier especially with folks arguing so many issues (CIs, AVT, ASL, schools for deaf vs mainstreamed programs, hearing parents vs deaf parents, etc.) So just being public and accessible would be MORE helpful, in my opinion, for hearing parents to approach us without us shouting and waving signs "Audism kills" or "Speech Therapy is Abuse." You know? Use positive exposure.

Perils of interpreters through family!

I want to talk about two incidents I went through. They may be considered hilarious, sad or frustrating, depending on your interpretation! Take your pick!

It was more than fifteen years ago when my grandpa died of heart complications. I was relieved when the family said, "don't worry. We got an interpreter for the memorial\funeral." Whewww! At the church, I was waiting for the memorial's start. Mother rushed up to me with a stranger in which she introduced, "This is Lisa, who will interpret." (It isn't her real name, I don't remember anymore.) The memorial was to start in a few minutes. Lisa and I sized each other up and I signed, "hello. How are you?" She went "slow-slow!" Uh oh..... Red flag!

I then voiced as I signed, "Do-you-know-how-to-sign?" She brightened up and said, "yes, I am learning how to sign! I interpret at a church!" Another red flag. I grimaced mentally while smiling at her politely. I knew if I made a scene, the family'd NEVER let me live it down, especially on the day of the family pateriach's funeral! Oh joy...... During the memorial, the 'interpreter' signed much as she can, with a LOT of fingerspelling that caused exhaustion for me, trying to figure what she was saying! Another red flag....

It was a cousin behind me who felt sorry that he gave me a written transcript, oh THANK YOU!!! I remember when the minister was leading in prayers when the interpreter signed something I NEVER had ever SEEN in my life and I'd hope I'd never see again! Thankfully I am somewhat a good lipreader so I know what she was saying with that sign. This sign goes this way (sorry, I don't even have high-speed so I can't do a vlog): a stabbing on one hand, then stabbing on another hand forcefully! She said "Jesus Christ" and I was wincing at the visual, violent stabbing of hands......OUCH. I decided not to go for the burial memorial because I didn't want more "scenes" by this interpreter. I managed to convince the interpreter that I am fine by myself so she'd go away. After cousins came back from the burial memorial, most said, "did you even understand her? I didn't!" I said, "neither did I except for that sign...." And someone said "that I understand right, she meant crufication of Jesus Christ? We didn't talk about it at the memorial!" Some older relatives overheard and told mother. Naturally she said to me, "you should have told me!" I said, "oh yeah, right as the memorial started?" with a sarcastic expression.

Three years ago, my other grandpa was killed by a truck. So I went for the memorial\funeral. Before I went, I said to family, "I want a certificated interpreter. Not someone who is just learning to sign!" So I was reassured that it won't happen again. Harumph.... I'll believe that when I see it!

We went to the church. A young woman was already waving at me. (Guess someone told her it was me before I got through the door.) She introduced herself, and I thought, "hmmmm, not so bad."
I signed and then she said, "can you use your voice too? I don't know those signs." I was like "........ Not again" mentally. I voiced as I signed bluntly, "where do you sign? Do you interpret? Do you work with deaf? How did you know about this memorial?" What she signed, I then immediately knew..... SEE! Signed Exact English. I hadn't seen SEE for two decades! She explained she works with deaf children, for an oral program with SEE if absolutely necessary. She is the next door neighbor's son's girlfriend's cousin..... Figures. Of course, I only caught 20% of what she signed and I was pissed.

After the memorial, I was asked if I wanted to go to the burial, and I said no thanks. I convinced this 'interpreter' to go (didn't I do this before?) A few minutes later, before mother and family left, she wanted to introduce me to a nurse that worked with an ill uncle. The nurse signed! BEAUTIFUL ASL, very native-signing! I was like "WTF! I could have had her for interpreting!" The nurse said that she did offer, but they felt the young woman needed the pay and to be close to her boyfriend, the next door neighbor's son who came to the funeral.... I couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh hysterically.

I learned three things from those:
1) find certificated interpreting services and have family stick to that for funerals (and weddings);
2) be firm with family, don't go for "next door neighbor\third cousin\friend's friend's friend\grandniece's daughter's" interpreters, no matter how cheap they are!
And
3) SEE and ASL aren't the same, ladies and gentlemen!

What do Victim Advocates do?

What do Victim Advocates (VAs) do, especially for agencies working with deaf victims of domestic violence and sexual assault? I thought to give you an unique perception into what one can experience. I had been a VA in the past and I thought, "why not let people know what it's like, and maybe there'd be more volunteers for the agencies?" That'd be wonderful!

Mind you, I will not tell you where I volunteered, where the agency was located at, nor giving you identificating characteristics of who I worked with (both staff and victims.) This is for the purpose of protecting the agency's staff and volunteers as well as the victims they work with. Also, keep it in mind that each volunteer advocate will encounter a variety of experiences, none alike. For one VA, it may be a quiet week with some calls asking for information about services for deaf children living in a shelter. Another VA may encounter a challenging time of working with a victim who escaped from an abusive husband, and may remind the cops to get an interpreter for the interview. One other VA could go with another VA to a hospital to give support for a college student who experienced a date rape. At the office, a VA may be busy talking with a victim about making a safe plan. You see?

Now I would like to give you some of some VA's as well as my experiences; both devasting and rewarding.
Usually there are two-three VAs on call every week or other week. Yes there is agency staff and supervisor but hey, they need their sleep and a break. Do you truly expect them to be available 24/7/365? If so, they'd be dead on their feet! Hence, that's why there are volunteer advocates! It could be busy sometimes and quiet other times.

One time there was a call into requesting information about activities for deaf children living with a mother in a shelter, since they were isolated and want to play with other deaf children as well as getting an intpreter for the parent at group support. The shelter was provided information such as after-school programs, weekend camping and children workshops. There were good feelings, knowing that that shelter really cared for the children and the mother enough to ask for help and be willing to go out of their way to give extra support!

Another time, a self-esteem workshop for survivors of domestic violence was provided. That workshop's goals were to give the survivors tools to build up their self-esteem that had been serevely damaged by the abusive spouse. Learning to look inward, to recognize symptoms of degrading behaviors that can harm self-esteem, practicing how to say "no" without feeling guilty, and also learning to laugh and enjoy themeselves are very valuable tools! Seeing the survivors with hope and a spark growing in their eyes, as they leave the workshop can leave the instructor feel she did her job!

One night, there was a call from an hospital for a sexual assult. I came to find that there was a deaf female who experienced a sexual assault. I was surprised to find that there was no interpreter at the police interview. I reminded the hospital staff that the victim had the right to an interpreter and so they got one right away. I talked with the victim and it helped her profoundly knowing that there was a deaf victim advocate, able to talk with her in HER language (ASL) and to give empathy with her as she wasn't able to get from police and hospital. With that interpreter there, the victim was more able to participate in what was necessary in gathering evidence from that sexual assault, so they can prove in court that the person who sexually abused her, was indeed the predator! I empowered her by telling her often it's HER decision on what's going to happen to her body, HER decision on who can stay in the room with her or not, HER decision on if she wants to press charges, no one else cannot tell her otherwise! More she got to understand what happened, I encouraged the victim to consider a second interview with the police with an interpreter if she felt comfortable. She went home, feeling much better knowing she have support from this agency and can expect furthermore support about legal and medical advocacy as well as counseling if necessary.

One other day, research was done on local services available to the agency; setting up networking with other agencies and services, such as food stamps, shelters, food banks, clothes banks; Each organization was checked upon whether they had access to a TDD and if they are willing to work with this non-profit organization working with deaf women and children.

Another time, training was provided to the local sheriff and staff on how to work with deaf individuals,such as learning how to use a TDD and how to accept VRS or HOVRS calls; learning basic signs such as "help you?" "need interpreter?" or "calm down"; and how to interact with deaf victims such as eye contact and asking them how they prefer to communicate.

So as you can see, there are a variety of experiences and encounters. Never the same for each victim advocate. Like I said, it can be quiet for some victim advocates... Hell, I'd have to be honest with you and say that not many VAs would get the call to a location where police called for help working with deaf victim who just got beaten up by an abusive spouse! It's rare that one would get a call to a hospital for a deaf victim! It's very much quiet most of the time, but it's also good to be prepared! I enjoyed working as a volunteer victim advocate. What lessons I learned from volunteer will help me profoundly when I become a mental health counselor. Oh! Before I go on, there are a variety of people who volunteer! Some can be teachers, some can be self-employed, some can be mechanics, some can be college students. So volunteer advocates are not required to be in mental health or social work professions. As long as they are able to empathize with the victim, be willing to help out and be available. Knowledge in deaf culture and ASL is very important, however we do work with hard-of-hearing and deaf/blind victims as well.

Before I finish this article, I would stress that working as a victim advocate can be rewarding; we give the victims HOPE and MOTIVATION.

Child Abuse? Part 2

Part 2:

I have encountered a deaf woman that I will never forget; she used her SSI to buy cigarettes, drugs and comic books, while neglecting her 4 children. I had seen her house and what it’s like inside. It’s very much a dump, with dirty clothes here and there in piles, cats using them as litter boxes. Cigarette butts all over the coffee table, floor and everything that could hold an ashtray or a dirty plate. I had to take away a cig butt from the 4-year old boy who was puffing on it. I caught the 9 year old boy going through my purse and was pocketing a twenty when I busted him. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was hungry. I took the children out and got them something to eat. They ate so quickly as if they were afraid that the food would be taken from them. What was I supposed to do? I called human services and they sent a social worker. But guess what? The parent managed to keep her children. The social worker DID NOT BRING AN ASL INTERPRETER and hence the judge said due to THAT, they cannot take the children from the mother. OY VEY!!! I told human service to BRING an interpreter and they didn’t heed me! It took the next-door neighbor to report the mother and the children, AND THEN the social worker brought an interpreter. At this time, the children are taken care of by a relative. The mother can only see her children under supervision of the social worker. From what I understand, she will never get them back because she made no effort to attend parenting and drug recovery classes. She does not show up for the supervised visits much.

I am sorry but this issue is important for everyone, not just you or me. EVERYONE. Too often there are fuck-ups with human services and social work when it comes to deaf children experiencing abuse or deaf parents abusing their children. (Mind you, I’m NOT saying that *all* deaf parents are abusive or that *all* deaf children experience abuse.) According to the report I found, “Facts on Trauma and Deaf Children” from NCTSN (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network), there are statistical information about what deaf children may encounter: (more facts in report but I chose three for the entry.)

1) Deaf children are more vulnerable to neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse than children in the general population.

2) 50% of deaf girls have been sexually abused as compared to 25% of hearing girls.

3) 54% of deaf boys have been sexually abused as compared to 10% of hearing boys.

Why is that? The barriers concurring to the report: (there are more barriers in the report but I chose three most likely.)

1) Difficulty in teaching deaf children about safety.

2) Assumptions by perpetrators that deaf children are less able to report abuse.

3) Less understanding of the limitations of healthy/safe touching.

You see? I cannot identify the agency or deaf clients that I worked with but I can tell you that 80% of the clients experienced sexual or physical abuse as children. One client told me that he was forced by fellow students to perform certain sexual activities in a residental school and the house counselor knew about it but took no action. That house counselor JOINED sometimes. Another client said that as a child, she learned to show how she loves people; she’d sit on their laps and play with herself. (I changed behaviors to protect her identify.) As an adult, she had to learn from counselors that that she was abused sexually. I can speak from personal experience, when I was sexually abused, I didn’t know it was WRONG. No one told me about saying no and that touching in private areas was not permitted and that I could report to a trusted adult. It was later on when I was a teenager when I learned about sexual abuse brought up in a social studies class. I broke down and cried. I felt horrible but at the same time, relieved knowing that it wasn’t MY FAULT. Now I could tell someone and I did but not at that time of my life. It took 20 years later for me to open up and tell someone. At that point, I found then that there is NO status of limitation on when child abusers/molesters can be arrested in the state I reside in. I gave the information of who the person was and fortunately for me, her past address. After the agency did research, I was told that she was killed in an automobile accident long ago. All I can hope is that she is suffering in hell. ‘Nuff to say.

What solutions, one may ask, could be offered to protect children AND ensure that it is child abuse truly? Good question… The report by NCTSN have some suggestions for counselors as in providing certified interpreters, reviewing background (educational background and school setting), supports as well as having consultants who know deaf culture and deaf norms. The writers acknowledge “although the ideal best practice for serving the Deaf community involves specialized service interventions that are staffed by sign-fluent and/or Deaf clinicians, the current reality in many communities is that these types of programs are often unavailable.” For schools, I would suggest, as according to some clients who experienced sexual abuse in school; have teachers learn about sexual abuse AND teach the students about boundaries and reporting any kind of abuse to trusted adults, as well as having teachers, staff and drivers be checked for criminal records in the state they reside as well as in other states. Gods know there are a number of teachers (as reported in news) that would move to other states to teach even after they get reported as a child molester in the original state. I got some silver strands in my hair after I read that. Parents would need to be responsible as well, teaching their children. Just don’t be overprotective! An anxiety-ridden friend of mine stressed over, OVER and OVER that if anyone touches or talk to her daughter, that girl was to tell her. Many times the friend complains to me that the girl cries every time someone just pats her head, or she’d scream bloodletting if an old lady bends down to say “you’re cute!”

Why I’m bringing child abuse up? It is because I see those articles about CI and I was thinking “okay, CI could be considered child abuse, granted but sexual and physical abuse is MORE common.” There’s not enough articles about sexual and physical abuse among deaf children. There is one report online as I said, from NCTSN (www.NCTSNet.org) and some articles written in journals such as Journal of Sexuality and Disability, Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education, and American Annals of the Deaf . Not much for resources, why is that? “Speak no evil, see no evil and hear no evil” and “Don’t ask, don’t tell” comes to my mind. When it comes to CI implants for children, I’m not crazy about that idea. I’m honest about that, but honestly….. To call it child abuse? You have ABSOLUTELY no idea. That’s damn overuse of the term “child abuse.” To MY interpretation, it is not child abuse. It is IGNORANCE. The parents of deaf children are IGNORANT about the Deaf community and what it can offer to the deaf child The medical administration and education division ENCOURAGE the parents to depend on their “truths.” Who do the parents see when they find out the child is deaf? The doctors are right there here and now to give all options to the parents. Where is the deaf representative to speak up for the deaf community? Nowhere. How would the hearing parents KNOW about the deaf community? You tell me that. Very few have access to the community if any, and so it’s ignorance, not child abuse. It’d be NICE if the hearing parents would have access to resources like internet and deaf organizations- but sadly, that’s not enough. NOT enough.

So, to end this, please stop using the term “child abuse” when it comes to cochlear implants for children. Ignorance is more appropiate in my opinion. If you really want to help pervent child abuse, support human services and deaf organizations that need to have better access and resources to protect deaf children from REAL child abuse.

Child Abuse? Part 1

I realize that I may have stepped on a fireant hill by writing this article but I HAD TO. I wrote it a "tad too long" so I'm going to break it into two pieces. It is about child abuse in the deaf community. I wrote about it because of the issue of considering CIs for children as "child abuse." You're welcome to disagree with me; you have that right. Here we go.

Reading articles in newspapers and magazines and watching news on television yesterday, I was thinking, ‘Damn, is it me or are there an increase in child abuse (physical and/or sexual)?” There was a teacher sentenced to jail for molesting an 11 year old student. Also there was news about parents taken to trial for starving their 9-year old daughter. Foster parents putting their developmentally disabled children in cages. You get the idea. AND then reading entries by bloggers on Deafread about the hot topic of CI for children. I talked with two friends about the topic of child abuse today at lunch. We brought up three theories. Mind you, they are NOT facts, just theories we created.

A) Media pay more attention to reports of child abuse hence news. “MOM JAILED FOR HOMICIDE OF 4 CHILDREN” would get the reporter’s name noticed as well as the issue, than an article about pollution of a local river, methinks.

B) Child abuse is easier to recognize now. In other words, teachers, police, social workers, neighbors and relatives have sharper eyes than before, due to media that reports on child abuse and working with organizations that protect children.

C) Family issues weren’t much talked about in the past generations. Too many adults tell me that they didn’t talk to anyone else about the physical or sexual abuse they received from parents, siblings, relatives or caretakers not related to them. Why not? If no one talked about it, what were the children in 50’s to 80’s supposed to think? “We don’t talk about it, so you cannot bring it up.” is the main interpretation. Hence- now we have television commercials about child abuse as well as teachers and social workers talking with children “if anyone touch you without your permission, tell him NO. Inform us right away.” So there are more children willing to tell although not many. Many children feel that if they inform someone else, the family will be torn apart and the child will potentially feel it’s his fault then. (I know and you know that it wouldn’t be his fault, but that’s HOW the average child thinks.)

Now, looking at those three theories, I realized there are a connection between the theories A, B and C. Due to media reporting on child abuse, there is more attention to child abuse and the need to protect the children, THEN that’s when social workers, teachers and parents come in, especially if there are survivors among social workers, teachers and parents. Due to what children experienced in past generations, those adult survivors are being loud and putting the spotlight on child abuse, hence the media comes in…

However, there is a concern about overabuse (no pun on that word) of using the term “Child abuse.” A bruise on a child’s arm would be a red flag for child abuse; never mind that the child had gotten that bruise from playing football- and isn’t football tough? Often than not, due to certain health conditions, bones can be easily broken, there would be bruises from just a light touch and there can be also mental disorders such as a child banging her head on the wall for stimulation, or a teenager cutting herself to FEEL. Understandably there is SIB (Self injurious behavior), in which the child/adolescent/adult (more likely a female teenager) will hurt themselves on purpose to experience feelings or a release from feelings they encounter. SIB can be also a red flag because often than not, SIB occurs due to sexual abuse.

Sorry for going off the topic, the point is that there is a concern about overreacting to ‘possibility of child abuse.” One child of a friend I know had told her substitute teacher that her dad hit her. The school called for a social worker and cops! Guess what? There was no father in the picture. (Her dad died before she was born.) The child admitted to lying because she was angry that her mother won’t get her a pony for her birthday. You see? On the other hand, there was a child coming to school with bruises all over. The teachers paid no attention after he said that he got them all from falling down the stairs. He’d come to school with bruises now and then and no one took action. It was a new teacher coming in winter that asked him explicit questions such as “How did you get this bruise? When? Do you have stairs at home? How many steps?” and she stressed over and over that he is NOT in trouble and that she has his safety in mind. That’s when he opened up and admitted that it was his mother using a belt. So, to me, the quote “damned if you don’t, damned if you do” applies to the topic of child abuse.

Too many children out there are returned to parents that promise they won’t lay a hand on the child and then the child end up dead or furthermore injured either mentally or physically. There are also too many children taken away from parents who TRULY love them and wouldn’t dream of hurting them; the social workers don’t do their homework fully or the judge overreacts.
Thus ends the first part.

My favorite blogs

Hello! I am back from California. Just finished the scapebook about the trip to California. A lot of sights were exhausting for me to deal with! In other words, that tour at Castle Hearst exhausted me to the point that I even elected to stay in for one day! 300 steps, not counting the long walk through the gardens (hilly), guesthouse and the main house...and me with a cane. So for now, I will write about blogs that I enjoy reading and will always check daily to see if there is a new entry.

I like a variety of blogs; political, sarcastic, blunt-but-true, funny, heartwretching, informative and resourceful. There are some blogs that can be two at same time; informative and sarcastic, could be funny and heartwretching; horrific and political. So I thought, "why not let other people learn about those blogs?" After all, it is the readers who inform OTHER readers and hence the blog gets more readers.

I like Violent Arces because the woman here is very blunt- love her for that, yet she is not cruel. She will say what is off her chest.
http://www.violentacres.com/

I enjoy reading Mishka Zena's blog. I can depend on the fact that she will do all her best to get facts and provide them to the readers. If she makes a mistake, she will admit it. You can tell how much she loves the Deaf community and see her passion to ensure that the deaf people have better treatment and best resources one could find. While other bloggers may be more passionate, she keeps her mind and tell from her perceptive neutrally as possible, letting the readers decide for themselves. That's how much I appreciate it.
http://blog.deafread.com/mishkazena

I rode in the Tube when I was in London. What is the Tube? It's their word for the subways. The articles there are quirky; sometimes can be serious, sometimes with tongue in the cheek.
http://london-underground.blogspot.com/

Due to having a parent with NPD (Narcisstic personality disorder), I found this blog recently and I check it daily. From one perception, she may look bitter and blunt; but who could blame her with the upraising she had as a child and a teenager? On the other hand, I feel she is very strong and not afraid to show her vulnerability. That is her strength.
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

I love to read Postsecret. You could never know what postcards would come in for the writer to post on his blog. Folks expose themselves to reveal their secrets yet stay anonymous. I beleive one deafread article was about this blog, especially with one postcard showing CI pamphets, hearing aids information, etc and a human baby. You can somewhat feel the angst from the parent from that postcard. Emotions are varied for each postcard and it depends on HOW the reader interprets it and if that emotions are exactly what the writers/artists desire.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

I read this blog "The Gods are Bored" like one would stare at a car accident. You couldn't predict WHAT the writer would write and I believe that's the attraction. For me, I can't help but think "........." at a loss for words when I read articles yet I come off that blog with a grin on my face. Hands up in the air!
http://godsrbored.blogspot.com/

As y'all know that I am interested in mental health counseling. By the way, I'm off to Gallaudet University this fall for graduate school. WHEE! Anyway- one of my interests is DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, which in past was called "Multiple Personality Disorder.) I have always hoped one day I'd work with deaf people with DID. So far there is one deaf individual that I now and then trade emails with (hope she'd get in hold with me soon- hint, hint!) This is a blog, however the writer converses with her commenters now and then that I read with interest. I find this blog an excellent resource from someone who EXPERIENCES the disorder herself.
http://www.aspenleafhosting.com/cat/?page_id=13

All right, that's it for now. I have more blogs on my blogroll but enough! I hope you, readers will find the blogs either entertaining or challenging your own views.

ASL and Deaf training for Police in Denver

I was pleased to read the article presented in an internet newsletter today that I had to ask permission from Lorrie Kosinski, who is a certified sign language interpreter for Denver Commision for People with Disabilities to reprint her article here. I feel this is an excellent example why police CAN be trained to work with the Deaf community! We only need to have motivated deaf instructors (in this article, Bonita Adair and Tammy Rydstrom) and agencies (the Denver Commission, the Denver Police Academy, ASL Essence and DOVE) determined to educate the law enforcement about the Deaf community and how to communicate with them. Other states CAN do that as well, if they have eager deaf teachers and agencies willing to work with each other! Here is Lorrie's article:

Denver City Employees & Police are Learning Sign Language
Denver City employees are excited about learning sign language and being able to interact directly with Deaf people who may come into their office. The Denver Commission for People with Disabilities has once again been offering American Sign Language (ASL) I-III classes which will run through May 23. Participants are learning basic signs, the ABC’s, and a little bit about the Deaf person’s world.

The Denver Commission, in conjunction with the Denver Police Academy, is also offering ASL I, II, and III classes for police officers, April-June, 2007. These classes focus on terminology and protocol for communicating with people who are Deaf within the law enforcement setting, and offer CEUs to officers taking the classes.

Big thanks to Bonita Adaire, a certified sign language instructor who is Deaf, for teaching all of the classes for City employees and Denver Police officers. Bonita runs her own business, ASL Essence, and has been teaching sign language classes for the City of Denver for the past four years. Prior to Bonita, several other dedicated members of the Deaf community have given of their time to teach the sign language classes.

Thank you also to Tammy Rydstrom of Dove for presenting to the officers during our ASL II class, and to the many Deaf people who have taken the time to meet the ASL participants through the City classes. Your involvement is so valuable to the City of Denver in helping it to become more accessible to people who are Deaf or hard of hearing.

Now this is not a one-time occurance! This is on-going for 3 years (from my knowledge but could be more than 3 years.) You see, it proves that if agencies and individuals are VERY determined, the law enforcement CAN learn to work with Deaf community!

Missions, Bays and graduate school, oh my!

Have been busy so far in California! Had gone to Morro Bay, Cambria, Elephant Seal Vista. I cannot describe what I have seen of the seals. So many seals! A lot of seals starting to molt, so it's very much seeing st. bernard dogs having chunks of fur missing, crumps of overgrown matted hair here and there! I saw a couple of male elephant seals fighting so it was very much a boxing fight! I could see far into the ocean but not the ocean horizon due to fog. Morro Bay was quite nifty. I am going kayaking there next week, so it should be interesting. Yes I had kayaked in a river before but in a bay, never had done! At this time, I'm trying to figure how to put pictures here- I forgot again. I'm using my laptop so I don't have the program in which I could transfer pictures to internet to edit into the article. Sorry! One of you'd have to feel sorry and send me the program again. *crackle*
I also saw two missions today. No, no, not "Mission Impossible" things! It's Spanish 'churches' from when Spain owned California and other states before they were even named or even owned by United States! They were very impressive to the point that I could see how important they were for the Spanish community back then, a day's journey between each mission. They represented "civilization" as well as a stable routine where one could have expected assistance with birth baptisms, weddings, funerals, last rites, politics, history, education and even teaching how to raise crops. The missions I went, had raised olives, grapes (one mission still have the original grape tree from 1779), avocades, etc. I may not be a christian but I can see how the missions were very important back then.

Oh yeah, before I complete this entry- I wish to announce- I got accepted for graduate school (Mental Health Counseling)!!! I will start this fall semester. So I'm looking forward to it! As one of my professors said after I informed her, "Now the hard work begins but you will be successful." You know what? I can't wait!

California

Starting tomorrow, I won't be around. I'm off to California. That national park where redwoods grow tall almost to touch the sky. The beaches where seals sunbath and gulls snatch food up. Winchester Mystery House, oh my! San Luis Obiga, San Francisco, Los Angeles. I hadn't been back in California since I was ohhh.....maybe ten years old. Oh gods, that was more than 20 years ago! Oh wait... As one friend reader would remind me..I was there recently but when was that, Dave? ten years ago? So, I don't know if I'd have time to check my email, even less my blog. I will try, but I cannot promise. My aunt has this OLD computer that I don't even know if it can even hook up on internet since it still is all green words on black background..yeah THAT old!!! If there is a internet cafe around, I'll grab the opportunity to do so. Have fun without me around!

Cops- no difference!

According to some bloggers, cops are very nasty to deaf individuals. I take that with a grain of salt because we don't know the other side of the stories. One deaf guy could be on drugs and show attitude to a cop that comes to check on a call that someone is being hostile at a club, hence that deaf guy may say that the cop targeted him; never mind that he SHOWED an hostile and uncooperative attitude. That's one example. On the other hand, there may be a cooperative deaf driver but he was stopped for speeding; the cop may flash his flashlight into the guy's face, preventing him from lipreading. (Happened to one of my friends.) There are articles that there are deaf folks cooperating with cops and there have been no problems, as well as articles that deaf folks not cooperating or that cops didn't work with them (communicative-wise.) I like to play the devil's advocate (wearing someone else's shoes, not mine- as in an idiom.) Now, before anyone think that cops "target" deaf people- look up statistics that cops focus on African-american, hispanic, etc. African-Americans even developed a term for it: "BWD" (Black While driving.) A good article: "It's Not Just In New Jersey" by Tammerlin Drummond.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,26426,00.html?iid=chix-sphere

Now I see there is an article about a cop using excessive force on a white woman who sped to be with her dad who was in process of having a heart attack. Guess what? She is NOT deaf. So... it is not only Deaf, African-American, Hispanic, white men, etc... even white women can get mistreated.
http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/florida-deputy-suspended-over-rough/20070504085809990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

I rest my case here.

Miracle Ear commerical

I happened to walk into the den, when I saw someone gesturing on television. I looked up and saw it was a child- she signed, "Hello, My name is Alana. I was born deaf." I was pleasantly surprised but then what she said then, sunk my stomach. She said that she asked her mother why deaf people don't wear hearing aids. "They don't like how a hearing aid looks on them." She ended it by "I would do anything to hear better." (If I'm wrong in parts of those, please let me know, but I got the whole message.) I may sound I'm "touchy" about this issue, but to say that deaf folks don't wear hearing aids because they are embarrassed to wear hearing aids??!! I was so speechless when I worked it out in my mind and then I got furious. If they had an elderly woman/man saying that, okay, I can handle that because a majority of eldery lose hearing as they get older. A lot of eldery do tell me that they don't like to wear hearing aids because it make them look different. BUT a child that SIGNS ASL says this??!!! I know there are deaf people out there that wear hearing aids and not, but this commerical is very very misleading. It is giving an impression that we are EMBARRASSED to be deaf, hence EMBARRASSED to wear hearing aids.
I grew up in mainstreamed schools, I am very comfortable in both hearing and deaf worlds and I help both communities. I can write and type very well with hearing people as well as sign excellently with deaf people. Before you ask, I stopped wearing hearing aids because I kept getting ear infections frequently and I realized that even with hearing aids, I wasn't able to identify sounds at all. NOTHING about embarrassment. NOTHING about being 'vain.' NOTHING about fear of being identified as a deaf individual!
Or maybe I'm overreacting to the commerical. What do you think?

Favorable results for Deaf?

When I read C's comment on Mishka Zena's blog about his challenge about court cases involving deaf people and whether or not they got favorable results, I can think of one. I wrote a paper about him- Donald Lang. It's difficult to get information, but I was fortunate to find an out-of-print copy of "Dummy"(non-fiction) by Ernest Tidyman who did research about Donald Lang and the trial. Donald Lang is African-American, deaf, and mental retarded. He was taken out of school at 2 1/2 years old,and never returned to school. He was kept at home 'til his mom died. The book also provided much background, court appointments/trials and what happened to him in the aftermath. From what I remember, Donald Lang was a suspect in a murder of a woman (due to finding blood on some of his clothes left in his closet) However, due to him not knowing how to speak or even sign or write/read, they couldn't really "talk" with him. He DID gesture about stabbing someone, but the question begged, ...did he SEE someone stabbing the woman or did he stab the woman himself? The lawyer was even deaf, Lowell Myers. He managed to convince the judge to send Donald Lang to a mental hospital in hopes that he would learn sign language. That would help them then try him in trial. He didn't learn much sign language- they felt that his age (20 years old) was too late to learn any type of communication. After six years, they let him go. In a year or so, I believe, there was a murdered woman near where Donald Lang worked. At one time when detectives tried to "interview" Donald Lang- he did his best as I'll read you the paragraph (page 182-183)

"Again, Bertucci(detective) read Donald his rights and again, Donald stared blankly at him. Bertucci then took out his pen and wrote several questions on a piece of paper in large, block letters:
DO YOU READ AND WRITE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?

Donald grabbed the pen from Bertucci's hand, picked up a blank piece of paper from a table and drew a picture with quick strokes of the pen. It was a curious drawing- crude yet somehow terribly expressive. He drew a jagged line in a shape of a stick and a stick figure. After finishing the stick figure, he pointed to himself, indiciating that he was that figure. at the opposite end of the first jagged line, he drew another stick figure with a curly mass of lines at the top to indicate hair. He made a gesture with his cupped hands to pantomime breasts. The drawing was clear to the policemen. A man and a woman- Donald Lang and "Jane Doe." Donald then drew a jagged, steplike line toward the top of the page, perpendicular to the first line. At the top of these "stairs", he drew a big X. He paused for a moment, looked at the men around him, held up three figures, pointed at the figure of the woman and then crossed the woman out with another large X.
It was an eerie experience. The officers stared at the drawing, not quite knowing what to make of it. They had the feeling that they were looking at the story of a crime, but how to interpret it? Was it a confession? What was the significance of the three fingers Donald had held up? Ther was no answer. The men placed their initials on the drawing..."

A detective took the drawing in for inventoried, as another detective noticed there was some brown strains on one of Donald's socks. When they came back to look, the strain wasn't visible.

I'd like to read you this part in the book that made me nod in agreement. After Donald Lang was found guilty, they had a sentencing then.

"State's Attorney Kavanaugh rose and turned to the Bench. "Your Honor, the defendant, Donald Lang, stands here before this court, tried by twelve jurors. He has been found guilty of the crime of murder, the most serious crime known to man.

There has been much comment and conversation in this case concerning Donald Lang's condition, and that Donald Lang is to be looked upon with pity and mercy because of his affliction. Indeed, any rational human being thinks about his affliction with a sense of pity. However, we often neglect to think about the suffering of the victims of crime, in this case; Earline Brown. No comment is usually made about the murdered dead, since they are not around to tell us of the anguish and suffering which occurred to the at the time their life was being taken from them. Earline Brown had a right to live, as much as anybody in this courtroom. And, for that death, which the defendant has been found guilty of beyond a reasonable doubt, the State would recommend to this court a period of incarceration in the Illinois State Penitentiary for no less than 40 nor more than 80 years."

Donald's lawyer said, "We are not asking for pity or mercy from this court because of Donald's condition. The State attempted to show motive for this alleged murder, that Donald Lang hired the services of a prostitute, that he went to the Viceroy Hotel with her and that she attempted to "rip him off" either to take his money without the service, to perhaps demand more money, or to steal any money Donald might have had on him. This is the motive the State presented to the jury. Now, they are asking this court to send him away for forty to eighty years because perhaps he was defending himself.

"Now, here is a man that has been diagnosed all of his life- he has never been really treated, he has just been diagnosed. If he had as much treatment as he had diagnosis, perhaps he wouldn't be here today, perhaps he could have gotten up on the stand and explained what did occur in that room, perhaps it would have amounted to justifiable homicide, or perhaps manslaughter. We don't know. We are asking the court to take his inability to defend himself into consideration. Not for mercy, not for pity; he has had too much pity. We are asking the court to give him the benefit of the doubt... that he went up there...that he was about to be ripped off...and that he was defending himself. He could not yell for help. Perhaps it was self-defense and he had to defend himself. He had nowhere to yell to, no one to yell to, no way to yell.

"This man may be trainable. We have met in chambers with officials of the Illinois Department of Corrections, and we know that they will set up a program where Donald may be trained. It may well be that he will never be trained. Everyone who has diagnosed his condition has said that he is untrainable; yet we know that he can hold a job, we know that this man is so "untrainable" has learned to live in society, in the ghetto, for twenty-five years and hold a year, even though he is totally illiterate. We are dealing with a capable man, we are dealing with a man who must return to society before he is an old man. We are dealing with a man that must be given a chance to live and die in society, not in prison. I humbly urge this court to impose a minimum sentence of 14 years and a maximum sentence of 16 years. Thank you."

In the end, they figured that it would be cruel to him to put him in jail. They had him taken to Joilet Reception Diagnostic and Special Center to stay for between 14-25 years. At this time, he is released from that mental institution and now lives in a mental institution where he is allowed to work (seems he LOVES to work and be useful) as well as have some freedoms. In this case, I believe he had gotten favorable results due to his deafness, mental retardation and limited communications if any. AND this happened in 1972. Yes there were interpreters in court, there was several psychologists and mental health counselors speaking up about his diagnosis and what they found about Donald's mental, physical and emotional abilities. I don't know about you, but to me, wow... 1972 and they tried to be fair with the guy, because of his inability to speak up for himself (while Daphne Wright was ABLE to speak up for herself if she desired), they tried to help him by giving him opportunities to learn how to learn sign language or at least give him access (while Daphne was able to communicate with interpreters.)

In my perception, they didn't use the "deaf card" or "pity card"..they UNDERSTOOD his inability to understand right and wrong, his incapability to communicate either by speaking, signing or writing and his limitations in what he can do and what he can't, especially with growing up in an hostile neighborhood (ghetto), he survived by having a full-time job (and very helpful and useful as his employers reported at court) and not having ANY method of communication, being the only deaf and mental retarded African-American man at that time and in that neighborhood (that had been popular with rapes, drug abuse, robbery, mugging and murders.)

In some ways, I have to admire that he managed to survive all through that before the murder of the women, and for me to be amazed that Chicago courts actually went out of their way to ensure that the trial was "fair as possible." Did I say that it happened in 1972?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Yeah, that's what Morgan Pozgar, 13, typed in fifteen seconds to win $25,000 dollars on her sidekick (from the photo I could tell.) I have to wonder if there were any deaf participants in that contest! She said that she send out more than 8000 text messages to her family and friends- in which when I read that, I was thinking, "what is the average numbers of messages a deaf person would send out in a month? Do anyone in the deaf community use sidekick or blackberry pagers THAT much? I know I get and send about 500 messages a month, myself.

Check the link for yourself. :)

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/ptech/04/22/top.texter.ap/index.html

Black Mood

Warning: It's not a political rant..it's one of the days I talk what I want off my chest and if you don't like it, you don't have to read this blog. I have been in a black mood for weeks. Nothing related to what had happened this week or last week. And ah, don't run to cops thinking I was going to grab guns and shoot someone. I don't EVEN have guns in the first place, not even a weapon unless you mean this cute keyboard where I could use words as weapons to hurt someone. Frankly I am not in mood to hurt ANYONE but to lash out in general. I can sympathize with the families of students and faculty who were killed in Virginia Tech, however I have to remind people- those are not the only ones who died. There are thousands of people in United States who die from any type of cancers daily, ones who die in auto accidents, women who die in domestic violence, children killed in neglect and abuse..the list goes on. School and business shootings are actually rare. It's the damn media who makes the hype of all this- making the people hysterical thinking that EVERY college have somene trigger-happy to shoot their precious children. The students are MORE likely to die from achohol overdoses, auto accidents, drug abuse, depression(suicide)and domestic violence more than they'd experience a shooting on capmus. GET REAL! Campuses ARE still safe compared to many cities out there. It is the damned media who are overblowing all this, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
I get some emails from friends who say they are going to VT to sign on that VT poster to show their sympathies, and I had to bite my lips before I'd ask "Would you go to the hospital here and help reading a book to children sickened by lukemnia? Would you go to a church and work with an elderly woman who had lost her daughter to domestic violence? Will you go to a rehab hospital to work with a father who has to relearn how to walk and he lost his wife and daughter to a drunk driver?" Those are tragedies. Guess what? Media ignore what are very common and pretend that rare events (like VT massacre, Oklahoma bombing, etc) are the MAJOR DISASTERS, to PANIC and PREVENT incidents like that from happening again. Now, why can't we do that with drunk drivers? Regulating drug trafficking? Educating high school students about drug abuse and taking them to a house about to fall around their ears, mice and roaches everywhere, seeing addicts lying in their own filth, begging for another hit- to show that it's not ALL "fine". I could go on and on..but hey, it's my blog and I'm not up for oversensitive people who may think that I'm belittling the VT disaster. I'm not. I'm just TIRED of the damn media who makes all this hype, setting it up that EVERY school and EVERY campus has an insane guy with a hundred rifles ready to shoot.. GET REAL.
You know what? When they said, "be careful, you could be hit by a car someday if you don't pay attention" Guess what? I paid attention and I got hit by a car anyway and ended up with severe injuries.. What are the odds of that, hmm? I'd say less than domestic violence numbers but much much HIGHER than campus shootings. Do your damned math!
Blah... have been in a bad mood for a long while especially with someone doing remodeling in the house. Being told "you're doing nothing, lazy bum" despite I had even washed the floors on my hands and knees, washing the kitchen sink and counters with bleach and special brush for 3-4 hours and to be told that I am a "lazy brat"??!! Helping painting the walls and being told "you don't help around the house." I'm tired of coming to help people and being told "I forgot that you come in today.."(finding the door locked and no one in the office to let me in, never mind that I had driven 30 miles to go in for work) I'm tired of the damned dramas in the deaf community here- "did you hear what she did last week??! yes way!" "You'd not believe what I heard!" I'm tired of the community trying to pull each other down to high school-level. Tired of people whining to me about not being able to find jobs, never mind that THEY hadn't done anything- no resumes, not willing to develop experience, not willing to get off their asses to get a job. TIRED of all this! And to have some friends telling me "We will pray for those students who died." was the last straw for me. Why would they pray for the students when they'd not pray for the children who have seen their dads beat up their moms? Why wouldn't they pray for people who are dying of cancer, AIDS, diseases and other conditions that will lead to death? Why aren't they demanding for more protection from drunk drivers? Why is it that people act they are immortal, thinking nothing will happen and act as if they are betrayed when they get slammed with a cream pie that reads "Get REAL!"
I'm going off. I have an headache.

Disability Soapbox

I don't know if this would apply to the deaf community but I would hope that it will give some of you some enlightment how to work with disabled people who may be deaf or hearing.
Now at some requests due to legal issues, I am not going to tell about what happened to me and what caused my permanent/temporary disabilities. When I get the ok, I will write it in a future article but not now. What I would like to talk about what I experienced AFTER I got out of the Spalding rehabitilational hospital.
I had two casts on broken legs (yeah, both), a neck collar and a neck artery clot. Spalding was wonderful. They provided interpreters for physical therapy or meetings with doctors or advocates.

What I WANT to talk about is what I have experienced as a dual disabled person, being deaf AND temporarily disabled in other words, I wasn't able to walk for a long long time. Even now I am using a cane. The injuries left too much damage that one cannot heal "just in a year or less." I found that I had to rely on people to help me go to bathroom, just for a piss or for a sponge bath, to help me get dressed and/or to help me get things I needed (such as food, books, DVDs, stuff to keep me busy.) Now if you think that sounds "relaxing and wonderfully lazy," I am telling you now, it WASN'T. By just a month, I was going nuts. I was bored out of my mind. I don't know but maybe it was because I don't LIKE watching television, I don't LIKE sitting around and doing nothing. Before the accident, I was very active in the community and in my personal life. I went back to college earlier than what folks expected. Yes, it meant that I had to go around in a wheelchair on the campus. I didn't mind that. Little I knew what was waiting for me!

Going around in a wheelchair was more challenging physically, mentally AND emotionally. I discovered personally that folks in wheelchairs are MORE invisible than I imagined. It's like the folks out there are saying to themselves, "don't see that woman in the wheelchair, let me get out of that way, I don't want her to brush by me." "If I don't meet her eyes, she'd not ask me for help." "Oh, how awful for her! She is miserable, I know!" I could go on but you get the idea.... There were a lot of folks that'd not even look at me even when I wheeled by; there were a lot of folks who'd LOOK at me as if I was a freak. Sometimes there were folks who thought to help me WITHOUT asking me if I needed help. I got furious with a man who tried to push me (in my wheelchair); it startled me so bad because I was pushing myself, and suddenly the wheelchair picked up speed than I was used to so I immediately knew someone was behind me, pushing me. I slammed down the brakes and he almost flipped over my chair/body. I had to twist my upper body to tell him "thanks, but no thanks!" Mind you, I wouldn't MIND getting help but I feel that one SHOULD ask "do you need help?"

I spoke with many folks in wheelchairs on campus (since now I were at "their eye levels") and they expressed that same thought; to ASK them, instead of pushing help upon them! I also found out that being in a wheelchair can be also hazardous. Twice I had fallen out of the wheelchair because I was too close to the curb (because some students wouldn't make space for me.) One basement classroom was moved to the main floor right away once the professor found out that I was in a wheelchair. Seems that if there was a fire, there'd be no chance for me to get out of the building timely!

Then I got a motorized scooter. The interpeters started to joke that the cops should ticket me for speeding! (20mph isn't so bad but hey, better that than going slow!) Once or twice, I did almost run over someone at the corner because we didn't see each other coming up the corner! But the motorized scooter was much BIGGER than the wheelchair and it caused obstacles, such as not fitting even in HANDICAPPED restrooms or classroom doors! I had to ask for an interpreter or a student to help me hobble into a toilet section or the classroom, leaving the scooter out in the hall (thankfully it was a scooter that can be locked up, like a car.) But it also made me realize two things:

1) Me being deaf AND using a scooter/wheelchair, if there's no interpreter, how could I go down stairs in fire emergencies?

2) Same thing, what if I got stuck somewhere if the handicap van doesn't show up? How do I call someone for help? (that time I didn't have a pager.)

I had encountered both situations and it was very scary. In the fire situation, two guys were nice enough to help carry me down but I had to leave the scooter up there in the third floor. Twice, the handicap van didn't show up at 9pm as it were supposed to come. The first one, the buildings were all closed. The last evening class professor noticed I was stuck, he was nice enough to call the handicap van for me and stayed with me 'til the van showed up. The second time, I didn't have that luck! I had to wait in anxiety and had tears in my eyes 'til a janitor showed up at 945pm and spotted me. He called cops and called the handicap van. Finally a van showed up at 1030pm.

By the time I got to use the crutches, I had gotten used to the "invisibility" of being a disabled person. Now I found out that one using crutches are more dangerous than I expected! There are a lot of things out there that can easily trip someone with crutches! An excited dog, some students playing frisbee, someone pushing a chair out and not seeing me coming, the "rush hour" of students between classes as well as puddles in restrooms, ice on sidewalks and mud in the parking lots. Dangers! It was only when I get to sit, I'd release a long and exhausted sigh in relief that I'm safe until it's time to encounter the obstacles again an hour or so later!
Now I am using a cane and it's not so bad, thro I do have to deal with an excited dog, ice on sidewalks or extreme winds now and then. I am even thankful that I graduated last semester so I'd not have to deal with extra obstacles!

Nevertheless, all that experiences had taught me many things. I have better respect for people in wheelchairs- they have to deal with obstacles, even in areas that are NOT handicapped-accessed. They prefer that we see them as people, not "things". I have even got LOOKS from parents with kids as "don't come close, I don't want my kid to get what you get!"
I learned that disabled people don't WANT pity or even sympathy. We deserve dignity and respect. If I could have a dime for everytime I heard "I'm so sorry!" "Must be awful for you!" "You have the right to be sad!" "I know exactly how you feel," trust me, I'd be a multibillionaire by now! DON'T PRESUME to KNOW how we feel, think or experience!!! If you want to know how to interact with disabled folks, ASK them, talk with them NORMALLY and don't treat them "differently."

So, the bottom line is.... it doesn't matter if you're deaf or hearing- just please...Treat the folks in wheelchairs, crutches, canes or having physical or mental disabilities as if you'd WANT to be treated. Respect them as you'd WANT to be respected. ASK them, instead of presuming they need help!
okay..now I'd need help getting off the soapbox here, please?

"An Ordinary Man"

I finished reading this book, "An Ordinary Man" written by Paul Rusesabagina last night. It left me with a lot of things whirring through my mind. Disgust and hope, shock and determination, despair and survival were just words as Rusesabagina said and I saw what he meant by that. Words can be nothing and everything. Words can be weapons and safety. He used words to save more than a thousand Rwanda victims in his hotel (in which he inspired the movie "Hotel Rwanda" which is mostly true as event occured.) He described how words can cause massacres (on radios and newspapers in Rwanda) and how words can help save people. He said it very well,

"All of these comes down to a failure of words. And this is what I want to tell you: Words are the most affective weapons of death in man's arsenal. But they can also be powerful tools of life. They may be the only ones."

He tried to describe that he wasn't the only hero. Many other folks tried to save people in the madness during the 100 days. April 6 to July 4, 1994, 800,000 folks were killed. 8000 lives a day. More than 5 lives every minute. Imagine that. Yet a priest fought to keep his children (2000) alive in the church and he managed. A man kept two dozen folks hidden in his farm, covering them with dirt and growing plants. There were more than just Paul, yet his story was the most noticed because the location was well known to the diplomats, politicans, UN staff and it was next to the airport. He tried to explain why people tried to save people, not because of money (He didn't accept any money to protect them, figuring they'd NEED that money for themselves trying to get out of the country.) This paragraph says it precisely.

"This is why I say that the individual's most potent weapon is a stubborn belief in the triumph of common decency. It is a simple belief, but it is not at all naive. It is, in fact, the shrewdest attitude possible. It is the best way to sabotage evil."

I highly recommend that you read it. The movie and the book are similiar but that the movie gave more details than the book. But they both can touch you and leave you with a feeling that even in face of evil, hope survives.