First writing

When I look at the monitor, I'm drawing a blank. It's like chaos in my mind, vying to be the first in the line to speak out. A part of me is afraid of speaking out, due to living with someone that cannot comprehend that I am not a clone of her, and that she fights to get me to follow what she wants me to go. Another part of me is eager to yell, "I'm free! I'm free to speak, I'm free to practice my beliefs!" A third part of me is sitting back, quietly, pondering if this will cause ripples to go through my life for what may happen, good or bad, and if I have the courage to continue. At least, this way of communication will be good for me to think, search for who I am supposed to be, knowing who I am at this time from the past to the present, and wondering who I will be in the future. Well, I have two years to go before I can see the end of this path of studying at the university, and see the finality of what may come up of completing the required classes and adding to my years of experience working with deaf people with disabilities and/or mental illnesses. One thing, I can tell you, of learning one thing from the jobs I had, whatever I may experience is nothing compared to what the deaf individuals with multi-disabilities or mental illnesses experience daily, and that keeps me humble and to appreciate what I can in my life (except for living with this....I'll give her a name, B.W. for now). I do look forward to when I earn enough money to move into my own apartment and get privacy I deserve to practice my beliefs, perform anything I wish to do without looking over my shoulder, and to enjoy friends without sheltering them from her hosility. One thing I promised myself, once I'm free of her presence, I will put up a candle and give thanks to Goddess for keeping me sane, that is if it's not too late.