Power of attention and boundaries

I notice several posts with either attacking or repeated comments/images popping up here and there, as in the person(s) demanding attention, or making comments that do not make sense, derailing the conversation in many forums, groups, and comments under articles. 

Two things to keep in mind, when talking with people-

1)  There will be a lot of different opinions- you can't herd all people to go one way.

2) If the person is not familiar to you (not a friend or relative to you), s/he does not have much power over you- so why obsess about him/her?

This is for folks who look to push your buttons- when you get angry or upset, you're telling them that they exist in your life- like flies going around your head, pestering you.  You need to figure- are they that important to you, or to swat them away??

This is something one really needs to think about-  what other folks think of you, it is NOT your business.  They can think what they want to think, however is it truth? NOPE.. Only you know the truth about who you are, and so what other folks think of you, it is all opinion, not fact.

"In order for you..."-  For one to LET you insult him, he'd have to take that your opinion is important to him.  Think on that.

"Try not to take things..." is referring to folks judging about you, what they say about you- really what they say is really defining them, not you.   What they describe about you, is truly describing THEMSELVES.  It's pretty much projection (defense mechanism, putting their own unacceptable feelings, their own undesired thoughts on someone else.)

When you argue with someone, stay to the argument.  When you start to insult, you're losing the argument already-  it shows that you're running out of points backing up your view.  At least, agree to disagree.    Respect that each person has their own opinions, even if it is opposite of what you think.

And another one for arguments-

You do not have to participate in every argument you see-  if it is not related to you, stay out of it.    If you're doing it "just for fun", that's drama-seeking behavior.

and last one,

For things out of your control... LET GO.  It does not mean you are giving up on things.  It means you're NOT giving power to the things that try to control you.  More you fight to control things, you think you're in power?  NOPE- that means you're being controlled and negative folks know that- and you're letting them get under your skin.

So, the bottom line is- As long as the folks are still seeking to continue the argument, insulting, stalking, harassing, they are attention-seekers, thinking they are powerful in your life- AS LONG AS YOU ALLOW THEM.   So, take a deep breath and let go of things.

And by the by, boundaries?  That's what I just described up there.

And yes.

I'm back online.    


Doing four blogs right now, so I'm busy.  I will do an article here when I feel like it.      Don't wait upon me.

Mindfulness

This is one of my favorite techniques to practice in the field I work in, so I'd like to share with y'all.

Mindfulness:  connection between body (physical), feelings (mental) and thoughts (spiritual).  A theory in which it is believed if connections are developed between the body, feelings and thoughts (finding balance among all), awareness and balance is restored.  That can include improving health of body, increasing self confidence, learning to love oneself, and letting go of negative energy (including self sabotage, self-defeating thinking and hanging out with negative people).

Benefits can include reducing stress, improve heart health, reduce blood pressure, peace within self, healthy relationships, improve sleep, reduce anxiety and depression, and improve assertiveness and clear thinking.

What can one do to become mindful?

Learn to sit quiet and listen to your body, focusing on your breathing, in and out.

Think that easy? Nope, it isn't.   One'd end up thinking "what do I have to do tomorrow?" "Do I need to write a note for my son's class?" "Do I have milk in my fridge?" or other thoughts that keep popping up while sitting quietly!

First of all when sitting quiet-  1) find a time where there will be no interruptions, it is important that the place is YOURS, a safe place, your space.  Make sure you put a time aside for this ONLY (including telling yourself not to think of anything but staying in the present).  2) focus on your breathing.    Notice how you take in air, and how you release your breath.  Focus on the breathing itself.    If that is hard to do, get a lit candle-  and put it front of you.  Focus on the flame of the candle, seeing how your breath affects the movement of flame.    In and out.  In and out.

It don't happen in the first time-  it takes PRACTICE...  practice, practice, and practice.   You'll start noticing focusing on breathing is to staying in the now,  not thinking of past or future.    That's the mindfulness' goal.   Living in the present.  Not being haunted by the past, nor worried about the future.

Second:  While sitting and breathing,  notice your body's sensations.   Itches.   The movement of your chest as you breath in and out.   Tingles in your legs.    Just notice them.  Don't judge them.  Acknowledge your body's messages, and pass them on.  Start from your head to your toes.  Explore what your body is telling you, even when your stomach growls of hunger-  acknowledge it, then move on.    This is the body part in developing mindfulness.

Third:  Look around, and see what you see.  Smell what you smell.  Taste what you taste.  Hear what you hear (that can include vibrations).  Touch what you touch.   See the colors. Name them 'sight', 'touch', 'smell', 'taste', or 'sound' without judgment.  No interpreting what you experience.  Explore your sensations and move on.   This is the part where the body is transferring to feelings.

Fourth:   Let emotions (feelings) be here now.   Do not judge them.  Allow yourself to feel without feeling the need to defend, criticize or censure yourself.    Relax, while you name the emotions:   "joy", "frustration", "anger", "sorrow" etc.   This can be a challenge too, if you are under stress or anxiety.  Keep making sure that you are in a safe place.   Weep if you want.  Laugh if you feel.  Smile.  Experience the feelings, and do not judge yourself.

With body now connected to feelings, it is time to focus on thoughts.    Guess what?  You have already started working on thoughts - how?  Learning to explore your body's sensations without judging.  Learning to explore your feelings without judging.   Judging is a PART of thinking!   Now, it is time to pay attention to your thoughts.  The challenge is to NOT latch to something, applying your judgment on it.  You can explore your reaction to the item, but not to apply it UPON you.  Feel without chaining it to you.  Think without taking it personally.    Instead you watch what comes and goes in your mind, and discover which mental habits produce a feeling of well-being or suffering.   Even in sorrow or anger, stay with it.  Don't taste it and then toss it; do not pretend it doesn't happen.  IT DID happen-  stay with the feelings, and see it as part of you, and make peace with it. Growing is embracing the good and bad parts of you.  This is how you develop self-awareness.

A key of mindfulness is acceptance.  That involves learning to accept whatever appears in your awareness (body, feelings and thoughts), in each moment.  Stay in the present.   Do not let the past knock at your door.  Do not put out the welcome mat for the future.  STAY in the now.  That also includes being kind and forgiving toward yourself.

And that is mindfulness, simple as it is.    As Yoda said,  'You must unlearn what you have learned', which is the best advice ever, to reconnect with your body, thoughts and feelings as Luke discovered.  And no, I can't guarantee that you'd learn how to lift a stone with your mind after practices!  Nevertheless, you'll find yourself peaceful with yourself, even when folks are angry or trying to pull you down to their level.    You can be a warrior, that is... a peaceful warrior.

Something I will do in a future post, about being a peaceful warrior.