Three bean chili (recipe and photos)

I was just cleaning out my cupboard, and didnt want to get rid of those that I had just found, of pinto beans, black beans and kidney beans, as well as vegetable broth. I was like "Oh right, I did buy them when I thought I'd go vegetarian!" That didn't happen, thro. I like chicken and lamb too much....
Nevertheless, I thought maybe I can make chili with all that... vegetarian, that is. :)
1/4 cup virgin olive oil
2 green bell peppers, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tablespoon chili powder
1 can, pinto beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can, black beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed.
1 can (4 oz) green chiles, drained.
3 cans of stewed tomatoes
3/4 cup vegetable broth

Put in a large pot (soup size), the virgin oil in medium-high heat over the stove. Add peppers, onion and garlic- stir in. Heat for five minutes, or until softened.





Meanwhile while the peppers and onion are cooking, drain and rinse the beans. The colors are beautiful!

Add the chili powder, mix with the vegetables, for a minute. Lower the heat to medium. Add tomatoes, beans, chiles and broth. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes.

12 servings. You can freeze it, good up to six months.
I tend to add some shredded cheddar or colby jack to the chili in my bowl.

Enjoy!

Updated bucket list for 2011

So far, not so bad checking off the bucket list. I'll update furthermore, when some are completed, and which to be removed (if it's not feasible), and added.. After all, all this is not for 2011 alone. If you see anything that I should do, feel free to toss suggestions my way!

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center ( Completed in May 2011)
Writing/publishing a book. (In process- a nonfiction)
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (January 2011)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths. (So far, six so far, in IN, LA, KY, DC, MD)


Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself. (In process)
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple (March, 2011)
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day. (3 times so far this year)
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book (In process)
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique (April, 2011)
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk (Will do in September!)
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three. (Done!)

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again. (so far, 11 paintings!)


Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Exercise 2-3 times a week.
Go to the park with the dogs once-twice a week.
Make healthy dishes from scratch


Charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park (July 2011)
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor. (No luck!)
Drop off clothes at Goodwill (two times so far)
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center (May 2011)
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence (February 2011)
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11, almond milk 2/11, eel sushi 3/11, olives 4/11, cow's tongue 5/11, dill pickles 6/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11) Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August (August, 2011)
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos! (In process)
Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.)(January 2011)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 trips in 2011. (Wisconsin, 1/11 and 6/11, and Louisiana 3/11- so far)


Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)
Waverly Hills Sanatorium
Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center (February 2011)
Frazier International Historical Museum
Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)

2012- end is near!

After having a funny idea of a comic strip, on how it'd go:
1) there is a small group of folks waving signs, in slight distance away but you can see some signs saying "Endtimes" and "2012 is coming!", and there is a man upfront, pointing a thumb at 'em, smiling, "Look at those crazies!"

2) "Why they are crazy? Let me count- earthquakes increasing, in DC, no less, hurricanes, more floodings, dustbowls in the southwest, more nuclear missles in middle east, China becoming more powerful, more people ready to grab a gun and shoot the president than before, worsening economy, food and gas prices coming up, increased violence and less civil manners, and Palin and Bachmann running for the 2012 presidency--" while counting off his fingers

2) The man's eyes widen, a drop of sweat coming down on his forehead, while frozen with counting off his fingers, went "..........!!!"

4 and last panel) shows him walking toward the group and calling out, "anyone have an extra sign I can use?"

So folks liked that idea- and a close friend, Ashley, offered to draw the strip. Whoohoo!!!!! So- she just completed this strip, stretching it to 8 panels, instead of 4- it came out beautifully!!! Hope you'd enjoy this as I did!


2010




Drawn by A.N.R. Many thanks, a hundred times more! :)

Sweet, sweet Steampunk, Roar!

After talking with a wonderful friend who brought up liking a movie "Mutant Chronicles", about how she liked the styles and looks of the movie, I realized she was referring to steampunk. I encouraged her to look at costumes/styles- now and then you'd see someone wear a bit of steampunk, but people might misunderstand it for goth, Victorian or post-modern (40's). So, hey...I'll find steampunk movies so you can get an idea (and collect 'em if you want!). :)
Oh...before I go on....WHAT is

steampunk???



To put it short and simple, it means retro-futuristic class of fiction/fantasy/sci-fic all mixed together, with bizarre inventions and anachronistic technology.
For example, a robot in steampunk theme would look like this:

http://gadgetsin.com/steampunk-robot-dog-with-an-old-camera-eye.htm








Steampunk movies

Golden Compass
Hellboy
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Prestige
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The City Of Lost Children
Wild Wild West
Rocketeer
Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow
9
Tin Man (Syfy)
Alice (Syfy)
Metropolis
Van Helsing
Mutant Chronicles
Sherlock Holmes
The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
Sanctuary
20,000 leagues under the sea
Around the world in 80 days
From Hell
Jonah Hex
The Brothers Grimm
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Sleepy Hollow
The Time Machine
The Illusionist
Mirror Mask
Young Einstein
Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events
Vidocq
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Perfect Creature
Time After Time

Now I'm not going to add year of publication. I will put in sources, so if you're curious about those movies, you can look 'em up yourself. :) I only gave the list that I'm familiar with...there's more steampunk movies out there that I hadn't seen, thro I intend to!



http://www.squidoo.com/steampunk-movies#module12743205

http://brassgoggles.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=13126.0

http://etheremporium.pbworks.com/w/page/10454249/Steampunk%20Essentials

http://www.ranker.com/list/steampunk-movies-and-films/reference?page=2&format=GRID&sortby=&sortdir=

Steampunk lady: http://www.robotvsbadger.com/images/steampunk-girls-2-fashion-photography/

The Story of Beautiful Girl

The Story of Beautiful Girl by Rachel Simon

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


The teaser in the cover had attracted my eyes, especially with a deaf charater, a character with a developmental disability, an old woman content in her life; all became chaotics with a newborn baby. The reading would keep you hanging in there, wanting to know what happens next; it's not easy to put aside to sleep or work. Heartfelt, thought-provoking, and despite the despair, you find glimpses of hope and determination to live for the baby and love. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT- if you have ten books to read for the year, I beg you to include this book on the list!



View all my reviews

Life and death of a human and a dog.

Driving up the one-way 22nd street on way to the highway that’d lead me home, it was beautiful outside despite the heat. There were a few cars ahead of me, following the speed limit. Suddenly, a gray blur came out into the road from between parked cars, ahead of a red truck. My breath caught in my throat. The gray blur was hit and then swung into the air onto the other lane, at the same time I experienced an electronic jolt throughout my body as I had a physical flashback of being hit by a car in the dark. My heart seized, breath stolen, muscles tense in remembered pain, as I slowed the car down. I begged that it is a ball, a shopping bag, or a raggedy piece of shirt. Please let it be anything but life.

It was a miniature Schnauzer, pepper and salt.

I looked quickly ahead to see if the red truck was going to stop…it wasn’t. It continued going its way, as I pulled to the opposite side of the road. Tears were already spilling on my face as I came out of the car, remembering the confusion, the pain, the fear I don’t want to die. The car behind me had slow down, and then passed me. I pulled up a hand to stop the traffic, unthinking, I need to get to the dog. The dog needs help. Cars stopped.

It was laying there still on the hot pavement. Closer I came; I saw the eyes were blinking in its old man face. I didn’t want to move him in fear of causing harm furthermore, but it was in more danger lying in the other lane, risk of being hit by more cars. I looked around quickly in hopes of seeing anyone coming to claim the dog. Two children had curious looks, as an adult sat there on the porch two houses away, but no one stood or ran in distress. Nothing. The dog looked well-groomed, very healthy, yet still in its body. Slight breathing, blinking in confusion, but no movement. I gently picked the dog up, knowing the dog could bite in pain. The dog made a whimper as I put it in a one-arm cradle, as I opened the back passenger door. The dog stared at me with trust, licking my hand when I checked the muzzle to check for blood. There was a blue collar, turquoise. Everything became sharp clear, the stillness of the air, the cars cautious slowing by, the children inching closer to stare over the opposite door, as I reached for the tags of the collar. No name or location for the dog, but a rabies vaccination tag and a veterinarian tag with number. Grabbed the blackberry pager to look up the address of the vet, hoping feverishly that the vet is nearby- it was. I looked at the dog, no movement but for eyes slowly blinking, gray fur against the black passenger seat.

I jumped into my seat, putting the address on my GPS- not familiar with the area despite that I have been going here for two years for my therapy job. It was closer than I hoped for. I looked back at the dog, and touched the nose to check for breathing, and got my finger licked again as the eyes deep in black looked at me. I wiped the tears away, firmly taking a deep breath and told myself, “You can do it.” I drove with one hand, as I kept the other hand on the dog’s face, feeling the need to make sure that the dog knows somehow that I’m there. Silly, I know, but that’s what was needed when I woke up in the hospital after the hit and run; I was not alone.

I had to use both hands to make a turn onto the veterinary office’s parking lot, withdrawing my hand away from the dog to do so. I parked and dashed into the office, tears building up in my eyes again. I saw a woman behind the front desk, and I said, “Car hit dog- he’s in my car.’ The woman stood up quickly and called for someone else, as she followed me to the parking lot. I opened the passenger car. The eyes were staring blankly at me. The woman softly pushed me aside, as she checked the dog. I could feel my heart straining in pain, as tears falling on my cheeks. The woman stood up out of the car, and looked at me, “I’m sorry.” I knew already before she said that.

A tech removed the dog gently out of the car. The woman gestured at me to come with her- she asked, “Yours?” I shook my head- I said, “Saw car hit him, and car left.” She nodded, as she spoke to the tech carrying the dog to the back. She gave me a tissue box, as I gave my information on paper. The tech came back and spoke something to the woman. She wrote “His name was Yuppie- his owner is on her way. Do you want to tell her something?” I shook my head, eyes nearly dry, tears drying on my face, and I paused. I wrote “please tell her that someone was with him- he didn’t die alone. I kept my hand on him all the way here, so he was not alone.” She read it and nodded, tears filling in her eyes.

I’m home, I had just returned from walking Lola and Hairy. I stared at Hairy as he did his number two dance, in numbness. Lola jumped around, running in lively joy, as I held on to the leash, thinking, “Life goes on” with a lump of grief in my heart. Yuppie did not die alone- but that’s cold comfort for me. I lived but he did not. That’s not fair.

Rip Van Winkle moment

Goggling through news, it drew upon me that I had not written in my blog for AGES. I could identify a lot of reasons, including work, facebook and exhaustion- but that'd be excuses. I have found a lot of stories that I had thought readers would be interested, but I placed 'em on Facebook. I had remarkable experiences, and I determined no one would want to hear them. The truly fear here is that I compare myself to other bloggers and detrmine myself less than them; they write often, if not daily and still have something to tell the next day. I am afraid to hear that I'm "boring" and "you talk too much," never you mind that I have experienced more things more than the majority could experience..and I'm not bragging. Who else could experience a intellectual disabled client that could drive you up a wall, yet state, "I love you" a few months later? Who could state their experience of being in a hospital with two broken legs, and you GOTTA go..but no nurse would come because you can't hear their question of what is needed. Who'd get to brag about walking so many labyrinths yet, even less walking a dog on one? Raise your hand if you have read the 'Divine Comedy' by Dante and got it?
I had promised myself that I would write more often in my blog in a previous post,and I'm saying that, I need to catch up. I just would like to know HOW one can write all that and not sound boring? That's my fear....
You know what? Screw it. I'm not here to entertain y'all. I'm here to write down what I had memorized, after all, who knows in ten years or twenty-five years later, I might look back and say, "damn, did I do that?" with a grin.
It may be that I find myself preferring to paint my labyrinths, or that I like to read paranormal romances, or to take off my sandals and walk around barefoot, than to write the blog- but you know what? That's okay. I'm human. I'm not perfect, and I never had claimed I am. It's fine that I can sleep and wake up twenty years later and realize I had missed moments, but does that mean I should look back and say "damn I missed those!"..nope...it means I look forward to time I have now, new experiences, and new friends.

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 1

I had thought long about writing on healthy marriage. Now with four friends who are getting married this year, I thought I’d write them and brides in general, advice that I hope, will be heeded especially in contributions to their marriage’s success. It’s for y’all, lil’ gals!

*Note: It is long so I’m going to break it up into three pieces.


The characteristics of a successful marriage

Now, I hadn’t been married, *gasp! How dare she to make presumptions on how marriages can be successful? * Now, before you go and switch to the WoW link, I dare you to read on and determine if you have the courage…. Or not to preserve your marriage and sanity.


First point:
You’re dating your boyfriend for three months then… *gasp*…you had run out of conversation! That’s when one quickly offers, “Let’s get married!” Now that’s a BAD idea… trust me on that. I can count off all of my fingers and toes and some, on how many weddings had started that way and…ended up in divorces, except for one- that’s the exception. they manage to keep the marriage going on by having the marriage open (If you don’t know what that means, I’m not going to volunteer that information.)

This idea goes the same for having children- now don’t presume I hate children- I do love them….but I find it disturbing when the couple are sitting there figuring out the table placements for the wedding guests, with the wedding coming up in a month (the bride, really, the groom wouldn’t care much in general- he’s fine with the deaf brother sitting next to a teenager who lives for guttural Goth music), and she then realizes, “what could we talk about after the wedding??!” and the groom picks up on the tension…. and the words come out, “We should have a baby right away.”

Now if the couple had been together for more than a year; their relationship secure and stable, high confidence in each other, valuing each other’s personal space when needed, and having the capability to make long-term plans, then they can go ahead and talk about babies!

It’s those couples who are planning a wedding because their older sister is getting wedded. Maybe it is that they don’t want to be left behind when everyone else are getting married. Suddenly, they are running out of conversation, and to include children…that’s a red flag.

I cannot tell you how often I work with children who are unhappy in the family because the parents didn’t get to know each other, and they started to loathe the other. In a hasty decision to “save” the marriage, children were born which, I guarantee, leaves the children to deal with life-long therapy! The point would be: get to know each other, learn flaws and quirks; adapt to each other’s routines and behavior (even his tendency to read Sundays newspaper from front page to sports on the toilet), and be willing to acknowledge if the relationship won’t work out.

There’s no shame in ending the relationship BEFORE considering marriage- only to get married to ‘save’ the relationship is not the solution, period. If you insist on wanting to get married because your mother wants you to get married before you hit the 30’s, then it is necessary to have couple therapy/martial therapy and learn how to ensure that the relationship will be maintained well through 30-50 years, instead of 6 months to 20 years (standard these days).

Second Point:
Don’t compare your wedding to others’ weddings. Your wedding is yours alone, and I don’t give a shit whether you spent 40,000 or 1,000 dollars on it…it’s still YOURS. The wedding is when you and your husband’s personality will be shining out there.

I’ll tell you what stands out the most in my mind. I remember the ceremony at the waterfall, monarch butterflies released at the end of the ceremony, the colorful sunflowers and wheat centerpieces, among the Native American museum antiques, and the bride’s crown of sunflowers and her simple dress that she made from a 1940’s pattern, than so many brides’ weddings that seem to be all alike-- fancy churches, stiff fancy flowers, bows behind chairs, silver/gray gifts, formal bridesmaid gowns, and whatever food they have. I had gone to about :::counting::::: 37 weddings. And I’ll tell you…I only remember two out of 37 weddings I’ve attended.
Why did I only remember 2 out of 37 weddings? The weddings were very simple; the bride and husband’s personalities STOOD OUT among the decorations, the food and the joy among themselves, the unique quirks in the wedding such as mead, the broom wrapped in flowers and feathers, the husband bending his knee and asking his bride for her permission to be her knight… How could one NOT forget all that?

Now, before you presume I’m criticizing your wedding, perhaps I AM….in a way, if your wedding is similar to other weddings. Oh- everyone have the same colors, the same gown, the same marching music, the same songs, the same food, the same dances--perhaps it WILL be forgotten, but all this will stand in your and your future husband’s memory. Maybe you’ll remember every single detail of your wedding... then more power to you. But your guests won’t remember.

That’s a fact. Unfortunately, I had talked to many friends who had gone to weddings AND the friends who had gotten wedded; either regretting or fondly recalling….and they’ll say… they can’t remember the cake’s flavor, what was so funny at the ceremony, what’s so cute about the flower girl.

So you have to dare yourself and FIND something unique! Don’t go for ice sculptures, don’t go for 6-tier cakes, and don’t go for pink-black bridesmaid gowns… (I can’t tell you how often I had seen that!) do something UNIQUE. Keep this in mind….when you scoff at another bride’s ideas for her bohemian wedding, her simple dress, her idea of having a 1940’s trolley bus for transportation, homemade cupcakes of red velvet and carrot cake with frosting in sunflower shape, or having belly-dancers at her wedding…all that will be a guarantee that the guests will remember her $1,000 wedding instead of your $35,000 wedding consisting of ice decorations, matching bridesmaid gowns, the ceiling-tall flower centerpieces, and the white glittery cake with the chocolate flavor. And to add, to expect the groom to remember the first dance song, don’t carry a grudge that he doesn’t! The wedding does not shape the marriage; it is the relationship that shapes the marriage. Yes, the wedding planning can be a challenge to the relationship, but that’s a good way to test whether the relationship can handle the roller coaster of the temporary obstacle of the wedding!

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 2

Third Point:
I know a good friend- her marriage is ongoing for, oh 27 years… dang, how do they do that?! Easily done! They got to know each other for about three years before deciding on the chain-and-ball tradition. Then they decided to explore the world together. They tasted distinctive fare, they spent so much time with each other, re-learning each other and became a true couple; they talked and listened to each other, compromised on things, agreed to disagree on things, and went to bed not angry.

They did not see each other as a handicap…if she wanted to hang out with her girlfriends, she did. He wanted to attend a chess club every Monday, he did. They had an enduring Wednesday date, spending time together, going to the movies, eating out, caving, and making an ice igloo in their backyard. AND then they decided to have children, and they were all ready to have the children. They viewed having children was an enhancement to their family; they had reached all their goals/dreams and they were set for children. And so they did….they have two handsome and smart sons who were happy with the family. The sons have profited from the parents’ experiences and exposure to the enriching cultures around the world; the older son is an exchange student in Finland, and the younger son is speaking three languages at age of 11. The best part? The family is going on strong for 27 years.

Now what am I talking about?? I’m using this example to compare with many people either I know and/or observed, who had gotten wedded and then planned to have a child-- thinking they could still strive for their dreams of becoming an attorney or be rich by late 20’s or 30’s. Unfortunately, more than 75% had given up on their dreams/goals because they couldn’t-- the children demanded more than the parents expected, and the light in the eyes had gone out, and then resentment grew toward the children. “If not for you, I would have been a doctor!” “I could have been a model but no, having you had ruined my shape!” “You’re selfish, you should be thankful that I gave up school for you” I had heard it all from friends or children/adolescents of families that did not make long-term plans, determine resources available to them, and realize obstacles that may face them.

Now on the other hand, I do know some friends who are determined- both parents are in college, while juggling with two children, employment, bills and assignments. They go to bed exhausted, and they wonder “where could I find energy tomorrow morning?” It does help that they had considered the obstacles, they decided how to face the challenge of balance of school and children, by making compromises, finding resources (campus daycare or sister willing to watch children after school) and making time for the family itself- it’s not easy…they tend to wait until holidays to seize the chance to spend time together. It has been tough, very tough, that one might think the father or mother would have thrown in the towel- but they haven’t…. the couple made a promise to each other to support each other, take turns in giving each other well-deserved breaks and love each other despite the children’s messes on the floor and take-out food in the fridge. Yes, I’ll get to the point…. The couple needs to learn how to compromise, to support each other, and not practice “My way or the highway!”


Fourth Point:
There are lies; gray lies and white lies. No lies around that, serious. I have seen marriages end because of lies, and secrets. I have seen the spouse struggle with discovery of the lies that had been wrapped around the relationship. I have witnessed the other spouse feeling terrible for not coming out with the truth in the beginning. I knew a friend who had lied to her family and that she had graduated from school but hadn’t luck finding a job for the ‘major’ she had graduated in. She married a guy who loved her- he even offered to work two jobs so she can stay home and take care of their children. She didn’t want that- she insisted on doing a part-time job “to keep out of the house” and didn’t want the husband to come visit her at work due to the “company policy.” Only when he got a call that she was killed in a head-on car accident (her fault), did he find out that she was not working where she claimed working at, she was working at UPS, she had no life insurance, and she had piles of bills hidden in her own car, all unpaid for years, collectors chasing after her, and due to her putting down fake phone numbers, they could not call at the house. She could be at home to get the mail and hide them before the husband would come home. He ended up with $78,000 dollars of bills, on top of a lawsuit by the other driver who had been severely hurt. He told me something that I’d never forget, “If I had known all this, would I have married her? No. She lied, and that is a lie of our own family and marriage, it was all fake. I thought I knew her, and turned out she had been a stranger all along.”

So, I’ll tell you- Don’t lie. If you want to hide number of your lovers in the past, go ahead…. But if an ex-girlfriend shows up with a 7 years old child at the door, don’t expect the pregnant wife to turn the other cheek and welcome the fact that you had lied to her about not having any children before. If you have a warrant for your arrest, and you lie about never being in court, and then for the new bride to find out this at the airport, which you cannot go to Italy for the honeymoon, you’re SO in trouble…she’ll definitely tell EVERYONE on Twitter and everyone will wonder “I thought I knew him….” Keep things mysterious, sure, for fun, but to keep secrets that you know can bite you back, you’re just opening a door you thought, had been bricked up- It hadn’t…not with the weak mortar of the lies.

Characteristics of a Successful marriage from an Hippie Deaf Woman. Part 3

Fifth Point:
Last, I promise you, now you’re married... Congratulations! You think your relationship work is all done, now that you both are stuck with each other? Think again! That’s when the challenge comes in! You need to maintain the relationship, learn how to make compromises (yes, if that means he wants two or three framed pictures of the ship Queen Mary, you ought to let that be- better that two or three pictures than 300 framed pictures he has already in his collection!), practice communication skills, especially with “I-statements”, “I feel what I see” statements, and avoid presumptions and guilt statements (“I know you eyed the pretty woman!” and “If you do love me, you would have done this for me.”
Manipulation and taking charge of the relationship is a sure-shoot for failure. To control finances, to raise a fist, or to threaten is domestic violence, no matter how you may avoid saying it…and yes, even women are not the only victims here- I have a good guy friend, who married a woman he thought he was in love with. She was sweet and thoughtful ‘til after the wedding. And then, she went Mrs. Hyde. She controlled the money- she criticized and belittled him daily, she’d shove and hit him and dare him “Hit me and I’ll call cops on you, they won’t believe you, six-feet tall and muscular against me, sweet and little!” Many times I had seen her slap and throw things at him, enough to leave bruises and he won’t even lift a finger to harm her. I did ask him why not, I could understand if he wanted to tell her to stop it as in restraining her, he said “Who would believe me? They’d laugh at the idea of me a man stuck in domestic violence.” After some years, he finally left her, but with emotional scars within him, especially with the judge giving the full custody of their children to the mother.
Trust me, when you want it all your way; you’re being insecure, childish, and immature, and…that’s what I’m telling you…. The spouses have the right to be themselves; they have the right to their own money, their own friends, access to internet and information, and to be equal partners in the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable in an unhappy marriage, either thinking one day, he will change- (why for? He already has you, so why should he change?) or I deserve what happens to me- (That’s not true, it is not your fault that she manipulates or hurt you- that’s WHO she is, you do not deserve the treatment!)

The undisputable failures for marriage are: quick marriages without getting to know each other; presumption that an expensive wedding ensures a successful wedding more appropriately for the spotlight, no the relationship; unrealistic expectations for the marriage, especially with children and long-term goals; lies and secrets; and control of the relationship- just make sure that you have a number of a divorce lawyer in your wallet/purse.



Marriages that live long: be confident in your own relationship and determine if marriage is a gift for you, instead of a ‘lifesaver’; knowing that the wedding is only a temporary ‘bump’ in your relationship and you’re marrying each other and that’s the important part; compromise, compromise and compromise, and having a good communication trade of talking and listening won’t hurt; if you feel that there are lies that would backfire on you, be honest and talk it out; the other needs to hear and make a decision to take a risk on you and the relationship- the relationship will improve from there if s/he chooses to stay; respect and valuing the identity/personality separate from you is a must, it is the individual in each that makes the relationship bloom.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m still single- I hadn’t yet found someone who have met all that I’m hoping for, but I’m not worried. One day, he’ll be there and I’ll be saying ‘Oh, you have been here all along.’

End of January Days

One month down, since I had set up the bucket list (for first-time readers, be reassured, I'm NOT dying..I just like the sound of the name, instead of "do things").... The month mostly had been good except for one or two sick days and a snowstorm, which I think was more fun than an hassle, especially with the dogs sticking their heads into the snow and folicking around.

All right, we need to figure out what I had completed or started in process...

Learning:
I had registered for the ghost-hunting 101 at the Delphi center, which will start on April 20th- I do look forward to attending the class- that is if the class won't be cancelled. It had been cancelled last year due to not sufficent individuals registering for it. :::fingers crossed::: I do hear that one trip with ghost-hunting will include Waverly Hill Sanatorium- I do HOPE so!

Another learning goal- tube drums! Oh yes.... I had gotten the instructions off the internet, and with a friend's help, worked on making a tube drum last weekend. Here I was, cutting the tube (4 feet long, 12 circle tube) in half, so we'd have two 2" tubes- two drums in total.










With the friend, we had to stretch the moleskin (and I'm telling you, it's NOT easy to find pack cloth or skin for the drum here in Louisville!)

And here is the completed tube drum! I have to say, it came out much better than I expected, and I do plan to make two-three more drums, with different fabrics, including Mexican Day of the Dead skulls. :D














Now, I hadn't done anything for the self-care list, and that's what I need to work on this month, which I think, more fitting, since I do need to learn to love those aspects of myself, that I'm not comfortable with, and to appreciate myself, as people do, and believe them.

Books:
I am currently working on the Happy Book by Rachel Kempster and Meg Leder. I love a lot of stuff in that book; finding my favorite stickers and stick 'em in the book, or to list favorite movies, or get ideas like the postcrossing (where I could send a postcard to someone on the other side of the world, and receive postcards from strangers- I just think that nifty!).













I'm also reading the Feminine Mystique. It doesn't help that the book is a bit dry, so easier for me to get distracted ..... Bad Lola, bad Lola, drop that doll! Sorry.. Lola is my dog, and she does get herself in trouble these days...anyway, back to this book- I am reading much books as I can on feminism..why? I feel that I need to learn more about the cultural aspects of womenhood and how it applies to me, especially with practices and norms around here, and how I can adapt feminism to myself, and not apologize for it.


Community:
I was planning to go to New Orleans in March, but due to the finances, I'm starting to think I won't make it, and that means I might not be able to do the volunteering Habitats for Humanity. That isnt the end of the world, although, since I can also volunteer at the same organization here in Louisville or another state this summer. I'm working on finding more information about Vaginia Monologues and how to bring it here to Louisville, especially for the Deaf Community.


Art:
I have gotten four canvas frames, and paints- I look at the canvas frames and I feel somewhat anxious yet excited. I somewhat can see what I am going to create, yet I'm afraid that my perfection tendency might interfere with the attempt, especially that I had stopped painting some years ago. I'm picturing doing labyrinths on those canvas, and I'm thinking...am I overachieving...? There is this canvas frame, with a labyrinth already pencilled in, awaiting for the painting, and that is what terrifies me.


Health:
I try to attend the gym 2-3 times every week, although there had been a week that I skipped- and I could make excuses, but why bother lying? I do know that that it IS easier to go, if I have a gym friend to hang out- however we have different schedules which contributes to the complications. :P
I had attended the January month healthy seminiar about appropriate eating, and I had determined to meet with a dietician to set up a healthy food routine. I have religiously followed the routine, although it is tough- protein every time I eat, with smaller portions six times a day?! I do know that I had lost some weight, and that's a plus. :)

Charity:
I had donated clothes and stuff to the Good will, and I'm starting to think that I need to get rid of more stuff, while I'm doing this. Being 40 years old here, and I'm thinkng, "do I truly need all this?" Not the 60% of stuff, I suspect. I'm also looking into freecycling so people can get stuff what they need, and I'd not have to worry about transportation especially with furniture!

Just for the fun of it....
Oh! :D I had sent out a postcard to a random stranger on the other side of the world, Postcrossing, in which you can check out for yourself- would be keen to get postcards from everywhere in the world. I can't wait to see my first postcard. :D

I played with playdoh! I know it can be childish, but I found it relaxing and enjoyable; a fun de-stressor that helps relax muscles and become mindful about yourself...










Take my "gnome" Erif, the fire horse and take photos of Erif in strange places as we travel... I had done that with Erif on our trip to Wisconsin visiting a dear close friend, Ash! One photo is already added to the Bucket list post- you can check it out. :D



Trips:

I had gone to Wisconsin to visit Ash, for a weekend, and it was worth the 16 hours round way road trip! I had seen amazing things, including a drowned hydrant deep in snow, snowman cheese, the IceBox, and a weirdo comic shop that could pass for a frat for geeks if there was one.

I do plan to go up to Wisconsin in June, this time for Ash's wedding, and to explore the Doors county, the Evensong spa (http://www.evensongspa.com/evensong_spa_facilities.htm )with its labyrinth (after all, it's one of Bucket List goal for me to walk 25 labyrinths this year), and Circle Sanctuary cemetery (http://www.circlesanctuary.org/cemetery/), the first Pagan green Burial Ground in the United States.



I have to add one thing, with having the bucket list, I do notice that I have more motivation to do things and to seize the opportunity to experience things. I suspect if not for this, I would have gotten deeper into depression- aye, I have been experiencing depression lately, and to have the list had helped providing me the motivation and aspiration to complete what I can.

and..it's FUN!

Bucket list... Goals....."Things to do"..... for 2011

First of all, I'm reassuring you..I'm not dying, nor with any intention to end myself by end of this year...I just like the sound of the "Bucket List"! :D

After skimming through the book "The Happy Book" (Here is the link to the book), I was thinking..and noticed a friend doing her list- I was like 'Doh! that's what I had been thinking for a long while, but needed someone to smack me in the head first!" That's what I had been wanting to do, a list- since I had been noticing that my list grows, grows and grows as older I get, and I don't get to do much of 'em..perhaps that's why I'm very much "down' these days... this would help with keeping me busy, and motivated for this year...I'll worry about 2012..heck, they say that's when everything ends.. the perfect quote.."I have goosebumps, people."

So here is the list...I will add if I desire..and if in process, the goal will be showed this way, and when the goal is accomplished, the goal will be marked.

Learning
Ghost Hunting 101 at University of Louisville/Delphi Center
Writing/publishing a book.
Sand Tray techniques
Learn how to make a tube drum (1/11)

Self-Care
Write a letter about bad memories to a relative and do a burning/cleansing ritual.
Walk 25 labyrinths.
Stop being the peacekeeper and stand up for myself.
Make a list of things that make me happy- small, big, profound, simple
List about what you really like about yourself.
Do an unplugged day.
Ask friends to do compliments about me, (words, artwork, whatever!) and make a poster.


Books
The Happy Book
Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings
He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Women Should Know
The Feminine Mystique
Sexual Politics
(the list is long..I'll keep 'em on Goodreads- you can look 'em up.)
Make a list of your favorite childhood books and explain why you love them.

Community
See The Vagina Monologues
Play in Vagina Monologues (If you know V-Day w/ deaf themes in 2011, ring me up!)
AIDS Walk
Habitat for Home in New Orleans
Set up a community activity of creating a labyrinth of shoes
Do a cheer-up package for a friend or three.

Art
Create a mosaic of a labyrinth.
Paint again.
Start and finish a quilt.
After going to an event of your favorite activity (comic, science fiction, romance convention) and get freebies, do a bulletin board with the collection.
Scrapbook on collection of postcards


Health
Go to the gym 3 times a week.
Attend monthly health seminars at the gym
Do Wii Fit at home 1-2 times a week.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're getting there" and smile at yourself.
Lose 25 pounds.


charity
Volunteer for clean-up at a national park
Donate hair for Locks of Love and in honor of my aunt, cancer suvivor.
Drop off clothes at Goodwill
Freecycle listing of the television and entertainment center
Donate money to a non-profit organization fighting domestic violence
Donate money to Green Project- New Orleans
Make cookies and donate to a soup kitchen.

Just for fun of it
Get a tattoo of triple labyrinth on your shoulder
Get the frog tattoo refreshed/re-colored.
Try something that you had never tried before.
Try a new food each month. (Greek yogurt 1/11)
Send beanie dolls to American soldiers (anysoldier.com) (1/11)
Take pictures around the town, with quirky things and create artwork from photos.
Write 20 posts for my blog for 2011.
Go naked, fingerpaint/paint the walls (in the shower) and self.
Watch a meteor shower at the wee hours of August
Attend a Comic book convention.
Go to a Science-fiction con.
Have your 'gnome'(my stuffed Erif Horse) at weird places taken with photos!


Blow bubbles at your porch and observe visuals through the bubbles.
Play with playdoh- do the 10 things with them (your name, an image of yourself, cupcakes, animals, landscape, and so on.) (1/11)
Make the perfect kid's day menu and eat the food on the menu- you ARE a kid that day!

As promised.

Vacations/Trips
Wisconsin

3 Road trips in 2011 (Wisconsin, 1/11)

Nashville, TN (country music sightseeing)

Waverly Hills Sanatorium

Star Trek Exhibition/Louisville Science Center

The Good, The Bad, the Cuddly- toys at Frazier International Historical Museum

Ventriloquist museum- Fort Mitchell, KY (only museum about ventriloquists in the world)