Being stronger than bullies

It has been more than 25 years ago when I had been bullied, throughout elementary to high school. Just to think that it had been that long ago, yet we still have bullies skulking in hallways of schools even in 2008, looking for prey which would be children/adolescents who could not protect themselves, or be protected by friendships or authority.

Just to think about what I had gone through as a victim of bullying, I still could see scars from within myself as well as on my skin. It took me a long while and a therapist in high school to realize that it was not my fault, or that I did not deserve to be hurt this way. I still remember when I was shoved through a bathroom, my face pushed into a mirror, while they took my books out of my bag. I still remember when I was shoved into mud during recess, in my dress on the photograph day. I still remember how a group of girls would threaten to hate/hurt me, unless I exposed myself, in the back of the bus. I still remember how I brought my hamster for show-and-tell, and to find that someone had smothered the hamster while I was away for lunch. I still remember how I woke up from a nap during a school field trip to find that someone had put gum in my hair, and that a teacher had to cut my hair to remove the gum. I still remember no matter how much the teachers would favor me (teacher's pet), the attention of teachers would never protect me from the bullies. It was a tough time for me when at 11-12, I was moved to a sign language program from an oral program, in which students would do me harm, just because I could not sign well as they could. Boys may be mean when hurting me, but it were the girls who could be the most cruel. Whatever I was, of being skinny, being clumsy, not knowing sign language, being deaf, being a girl, being the teacher's pet, being the 'model student', you name it, I might had been bullied just for that 'excuse.' In high school, it did not matter to a bully that I could not understand what she was saying, (hearing bully); she tried to push me down stairs that could end three floors down, if not that I grabbed her arm and the rail on the wall. It cost me a black eye, but better that than broken bones. It did not matter to a bully that I was poor, that the jacket that my grandmother made for me, could keep me warm; she had to take it after school off my back and claim that she did not take it when the teachers confronted her the next day. It did not matter if I loved books more than to hurt other weaker students, the bullies would not give up on hurting me; even if I started to cry, they would call me "crybaby". There was never a win-win situation in any of those times. Even when I became proficient in sign language, I could find myself hurt by hearing bullies. So it did not matter if the bullies were white or African-American, deaf or hearing, girl or boy, using sign language or not, they were ALL bullies alike in that they used violence to harm someone intentionally, knowing that they could get away with it. That is the very wrong we need to address when it comes to bully prevention programs in schools.

I had learned when I finished school, and then went into college, that no matter how one may try to protect oneself, it would have to be from the inner strength from oneself, as well as the awareness and motivation of society to say 'Bullying is NOT okay. We will not STAND for it." There are so many bully awareness and prevention programs in numerous schools. I had observed how often students would stand up for themselves in extreme situations, in the point that they would shoot bullies, as I see in countless articles throughout years. I had been told so many from other victims of bullies, that sometimes they can be protected by the prevention programs especially when bullies are counseled, as well as the victims. Bullies, you see, could be from dysfunctional families, in which they may lash out in school, or that they may not have gotten appropriate discipline or support from families. Recently, I found out that one of my middle school bullies had been sexually abused by her father, and so she had projected her anger and frustrations upon other students, since it was very much easier to do that to peers, than to an adult that could overcome a child repeatedly with his strength. With that awareness of what had happened to her, I confess that I had trouble figuring out whether I wanted to forgive her actions toward me when we were kids, or to understand her history. I could say that due to being Scottish, I could carry a grudge long as I want, but I don't see any point in that. There is no sense in being angry at what had happened to me when I was a child. What I am angry about is that so many children are victims themselves, and that in protecting themselves, or to release anger from within, they harm each other. This vicious cycle could continue as long as children experience trauma and violence from within their own families, and then bring it to school to harm other children.

From my own experiences of being bullied, I learned that it is harder for me to make friends, in fear that I could be betrayed or harmed, even in adulthood. Thankfully so many friends proved me wrong; I have so many friends that love me and support me. In that realization, I learned that I did not have to be a victim anymore. I can be an advocate and push for prevention programs of many unhealthy situations, such as bullying, substance abuse, family violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, neglect of children and vulnerable adults alike. We need to push for bully prevention programs in all schools, including residental schools, private, public, and mainstreamed schools, especially for children who are deaf, or have disabilities such as blindness, mental retardation, CP, or from other countries (immigrants, transit families, and of other cultures). Everyone need to realize that this CAN be prevented. No one deserves to be bullied, be they children or vulnerable adults.