Positive Exposure

Reading several blogs about ASL vs AGB, I couldn't help remembering two unique encounters I had with children with CIs.

There was a cute little girl, a friend and I met at a candy store last year as well as a toddler boy 6 at an airport six years ago. I need to point out the differenes of those encounters. There were children with CIs, true and they are raised by parents who hope for the best for their children. Who can really blame them? It is the parents how the child is rasied, and frankly, we cannot force them "because we say so!" One suggestion is: be present in public, be accessible, and be willing to meet them in the middle way. I will expand on that.

Six years ago, I was at an airport during a stopover, taking it easy in the waiting area. I was watching an haggled mother with two very young boys coming up and sitting across from me. The children obviously looked cranky. Who'd really blame the mother for being befrazzled herself, especially in a busy airport (O'Hara) AND two 3-4 years old boys by herself. Anyway, I suddenly spotted that part of CI on one boy's side of his head, at the same time I noticed the mother trying to tell the very same boy to sit down repeatedly with her voice. The other boy was already sitting down and playing with his car toy. The deaf boy was looking around,I'd say, relying on his visual reception. I winced then when the mother grabbed the boy by the arm and shoved him onto a row chair. The boy was starting to wiggle out of the chair while the mother was looking into her bag. I discreetly signed "sit, stay" with a smile. The boy saw that and sat back in the chair, and started at me
with a mesmerized look. "Airplane there. Look" I signed more then stopped. I couldn't sign more because I didn't know how the mother could react, esp with that befrazzled mood she was in. I had always wondered about that boy now and then. I wondered if he would remember a woman who signed, among the distracting noises and sounds that might be very unrecognizeable. (especially in the airport.)

Very unlike the other encounter with a little girl with a CI last year. I took a friend visiting from out of state, to Boulder. We walked the 16th Street area; such a beautiful area to visit and shops to see. We stopped by Rocky Mountains Chocolates, to see what fudge and candies they have. We were chatting when we noticed a little girl (about 6-7 years old) watching us. We paid no attention until her father actually came up to us and attempted to sign. I was pleasantly surprised, more so when he said "my daughter has a CI. We are teaching her how to speak AND sign" I looked at the girl and sure enuff, she has a CI under the long hair. She looked as if it was the first time for her to see deaf adults signing. I introduced myself and my friend by signing and speaking at same time and the father looked delighted and for some reasons unknown to me, relieved. My friend asked him how he is signing. I think he was thinking why the parent was signing when children with CIs tend to be taught how to speak and hear. The father said that the family wants the girl to know BOTH the worlds, the best offered from each world. What he said next, stunned me. I hope, readers, you'd remember this:

"You are the first deaf adults we have seen in public."

And that made me realize he probably is right. I haven't seen much deaf folks out in public either myself. How CAN we expect the world to know about the deaf community if we stay home, go to deaf events only and not go out much in public? Maybe there have been deaf people out shopping, eating, enjoying events or activities but I haven't SEEN them sign. It made me wonder a while, as the friend and I talked more with the father and the girl; we spoke about having jobs as a teacher and a counselor, attending universities, the love of books. The father told the girl, "see, they love to read like you!" How can the girl learn about the deaf world if there isn't much deaf folks to socialize? Hell, *I* hadn't seen my first
deaf adult until I was seventeen!

The friend and I went home and talked about that over coffee- yeah, coffee at 2am, very smart, yeah right! We both agree that it would be nice for deaf people to be seen in public. It helped that he and I love to go out and have fun, sightseeing, eating at resturants, checking museums out, etc. I have seen children and adults both watching me and friends signing in public. So what? That's positive EXPOSURE, let the public know about us. I emailed some friends and asked them if they go out and if not, why not? Main reason, I was told, is because they dislike to be watched or treated as freaks. I can SEE their point of view, but on the other hand, HOW CAN THE PUBLIC LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH US IF THEY DON'T GET PRACTICE OR EXPOSURE?

I could then understand the reactions of the father of the daughter with CI; to him, WE were the mysterious myth; one would never know when to catch sight of us in person. How can the children know about us if WE aren't out in public much? Sure, the parents "could take them to deaf events" but if parents are uncomfortable in numbers of deaf people (think this way, how many of you would feel awkward showing up at a convention for Little People for one example?), who'd really blame them? One or two deaf adults and children would be more approachable at a time. Keep it in mind, I applaud the father for being willing to teach his daughter both the worlds and trusting that she will still love her hearing family in 15-20 years.

On the other hand, the restless toddler. However I CANNOT presume that the mother is cruel to her son all the time. It may be that she was by herself, having TWO toddlers AND at a busy airport; who'd really blame her for being a bit testy? CAN you say the same if you had two kindergaten-aged kids at a busy airport by yourself? Perhaps being a very young child AND being in a noisy airport, how could he pay attention to the speaking mother? I don't know if the child was having speech therapy, or if his device was even turned on. Who knows? So, I'd rather refrain from making a judgemental call.

The bottom line, from my view, is we need to go out much in public as possible. Let us BE visual to the public daily, not at deaf events only. Don't be afraid to sign in public. If some folks gawk, let them. They gawk at the Amish too! In response, the Amish community ignore them with dignity and interact with the public when asked about their practices, food, activities. That's POSTIVE exposure. It caused the public to pay more attention to them and to respect them much better because they weren't "private" (considering to the public.) So we need to be public without shoving it down people's throats. Anyone have a public relations guy who can speak up for Deafhood and the deaf community? That's not even easier especially with folks arguing so many issues (CIs, AVT, ASL, schools for deaf vs mainstreamed programs, hearing parents vs deaf parents, etc.) So just being public and accessible would be MORE helpful, in my opinion, for hearing parents to approach us without us shouting and waving signs "Audism kills" or "Speech Therapy is Abuse." You know? Use positive exposure.